With all the ideas presented in this chapter fresh in your mind, examine your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about love, lust, sex, and romance and the use of magick to get them. What do you believe is “right” or “wrong,” keeping in mind that such ideas could be subjective and just for you? What is the line you wouldn’t cross, if any? Do you subscribe to the Wiccan Rede, and if so, what does that mean to you? How do you interpret it in terms of love and lust magick?
Before you begin your journey in the ways of love magick for yourself or for others, it’s good to have a clear, sober conversation with yourself through journaling. In this way, you put down exactly what you believe in black and white, somewhere you can refer to it again. It doesn’t mean that your views won’t change over time, but it’s very important to have a place to start and refer back to. When you are in the midst of perceived love or lust, it is easy to throw away any code you have and just do what your ego wants to satisfy your needs. When you think about it in a clear space, and write it down (or type it) in black and white, it’s slightly harder to ignore your own code even when you want someone really strongly.
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The Quest for Love
Though life is not a fairy tale, there are some important magickal lessons and mythic truths that can be found in fairy tales, fables, and mythology concerning love. Fairy tales can contain the remnants of old Pagan folk wisdom. As the trials of our popular fairy-tale characters have shown us, no one said love would be easy. Life presents us with challenges to overcome, problems to solve, and quests to fulfill. Though some get lost in the romantic notion of the quest for love and lose track of exactly what they are questing for and why, the quest both for romance and spirituality provides an important model for us to understand.
Though many create personal drama in their own lives, believing they are fulfilling the required drama in the quest for love, they miss a key element. When reading the fairy tales and mythos of lore, try looking at all the characters as parts of yourself. You are Prince Charming. You are the Princess. You are the King. You are the Queen. You are the Fairy Godmothers and the Evil Witch. Regardless of gender or age, they are all within you.
The concept is much like the study of astrology. In astrology, you learn that you contain all of the planets in your astrological chart, each acting as a player in your personal inner drama. Just as you contain all the planets, you contain all the characters of the fairy tale. An astrologer might even align each character with one of the planets.
The resolution of the tale to “happily ever after” isn’t the end of the tale but the harmonizing of all the different aspects of our self. We all have a part of us that is questing. We all have a part of us that wants to receive our love. We all have aspects of wisdom, intelligence, power, and magick. Only when we are able to find those powers—to give and receive ourself to ourself—can we then be in a place of true self-love and self-knowledge to have a healthy and appropriate relationship with another person. The fairy tale is much like an inner-world spiritual initiation.
When we fail to realize this and hold the ideal of the Princess or Prince—the ideal of any one character to our self or to a prospective partner—we create a lot of unnecessary drama. I once heard a wise woman say that those who do not enact sacred drama will be forced to live out drama in their daily lives, and I completely agree. By using meditation and visionary pathworking or rituals and ceremonial methods, we must do the inner-world work of sacred drama in order to move these archetypal forces through us, lest they move through us in our daily life and move us to create a lot of unnecessary and unwanted heartache.
When you hold yourself up to the ideal of the fairy tale, book, or movie, which many of us do because it’s our role model for what love and relationships are supposed to be in this culture, we try to emulate them. None of us are living in a novel, movie script, or television show, even though it might feel that way. Life does not wrap up neatly in under two hours or three hundred pages. The stories always end happily ever after, and nobody shows the rest. After the meeting, the courting, the problem separating the couple, their triumph and reunion, none of these stories model for us how to deal with the romance once you’ve had kids, been together for ten years, or you suddenly find yourself seriously attracted to someone else or bored sexually. Classic fairy-tale media is telling a bigger archetypal story of our inner landscape, the story of the soul. It gives us idealized representations of each character, which is, in essence, a part of ourselves. When we erroneously try to apply these idealized roles onto people in our outer daily lives, ourselves included, we fall short of the idealization and think somehow we, or the people around us, have failed.
Learning Love Through the Tarot
While there are some standard parts in the quest for love through fairy tales and stereotypical modern movies and television, I like to look at the highly organized and patterned wisdom of the tarot cards. Each of the four suits represents a quest, and the suit of the cups embodies the quest for love and the highest ideal of love: compassion. As we look at the suit of cups, or chalices, from ace to ten and the court cards, we have a better understanding of the powers of love on all levels, not just romantic.
Ace of Cups—Like all aces, the Ace of Cups is the card of new beginnings, of initiation on the quest for love. The divine cup of compassion, the Holy Grail of healing and regeneration, is divinely granted from the clouded veils of the otherworld. This card represents a renewal and rebirth on the path to love, wiping away the pains of the past without removing their lessons and wisdom, and opening the heart to new love and relationship.
Two of Cups—The Two of Cups is the classic love card, and when drawn it usually indicates a new or continuing romantic relationship. From the solitary but renewed nature of the ace, when a second figure is added, as in this card, a relationship can form. Traditionally, in the standard Rider-Waite–style cards, two figures are seen exchanging cups with a divine caduceus figure topped with a winged lion’s head overseeing the exchange. Some tarot readers see this as indicating an exchange of vows, or marriage, but most usually read it as the start or continuation of a healthy romantic relationship. The cups exchanged indicate the exchange of energy between the couple as they develop their relationship. The caduceus is the interweaving of their lives together, and the lion is indicative of the sign of Leo, the sign associated with lovers, strength, and beauty. The Two of Cups card is similar, albeit in a lower spiritual octave, to the major arcana card known as the Lovers (see later in this chapter).
figures } Clockwise from top left: Ace of Cups, Two of Cups, Three of Cups, and Four of Cups
Three of Cups—The Three of Cups is known as the abundance card, which might make you think it belongs in the quest for security symbolized by the disc/pentacle cards, but it refers to the abundance of love and friendship. Typically, three women are depicted drinking, cheering, and toasting, showing the relationships of platonic friends, or those who are like sisters to us. This card reminds us of the quest for relationship and love, and to remember and cherish the relationships we already have with friends and family. Without their support, we lose our foundation on the quest for love. Everything, including the drinking depicted on this card, must be done in moderation.
Four of Cups—The Four of Cups is our first semi-difficult cup card. Entitled Mixed Happiness by traditional tarot teachers, it depicts a young man under a tree, with three cups before him and being offered a fourth by a mysterious disembodied hand, much like the descending hand and cup of the ace. The card could be summed up by the question, “Are the cups half empty or half full?” Things aren’t bad—the skies are blue and clear—but there is neither satisfaction nor happiness. Things are changing in life and the quest must go deeper, beyond the surface happiness of new relationships or the comfort of friends and family. The realization has begun that the quest for love is also an internal quest.
figures }
Clockwise from top: Five of Cups, Six of Cups, and Seven of Cups
Five of Cups—The Five of Cups continues the quest as our main figure is now surrounded by five cups, three overturned and spilled and two upright behind him. Fives in the tarot are generally considered destructive, as the power of Mars, their ruling planet, is turned inward to destroy what no longer serves the initiate on the magickal path. It’s called the Disappointment card because what you thought you would get is no longer before you—it has “spilled” and been lost. This can occur in love and romance, or just generally in life. It is when we expect things to stay the same, but to evolve we must let go and let things change. When we try to hold on, we simply lose our grip all the quicker. All is not lost, for part of what you wanted is still behind you—if you only look at where you’ve been to figure out where you are going.
Six of Cups—The Six of Cups is one of the oddest cards in the series in terms of depiction. Titled the Nostalgia card, it signifies a longing for the past, to simpler times. The figures depicted are usually strangely disproportional but usually described as children, with one giving a cup with flowers in it to the other. There is a desire to go back to the innocence and naivety of childhood rather than face adulthood problems of love and serious relationships. Some decks describe this as the pleasure card, depicting fun and frivolity, even sexual pleasure, but still having a fear of going deeper into full intimacy.
Seven of Cups—In this card, the hero of our quest is faced with seven cups, each filled with something strange or mysterious. Which cup will be chosen? Will the contents be a fulfillment of his dreams or a deadly poison taking him off the path? Will it be anything worthwhile at all? Which should be chosen? Can only one be chosen? This card is known as the Debauchery card, and although it can mean the escapism of drugs, alcohol, or any other addiction—even television or meditation, since any escape that helps us avoid decisions is indicated by this card—it is really the card of muddled thinking, of not being able to choose “correctly” or clearly. When drawn, it indicates that your emotions in the situation, your water element, are muddying your decision-making progress, making it nearly impossible to make a clear, logical, and grounded decision. You are too emotionally close to the situation and fear making a wrong choice, so you often make no choice at all.
figures } Top, Eight of Cups; bottom, Nine of Cups
Eight of Cups—With the Eight of Cups, a decision is reached and a quest has begun. Everything leading up to this point has just prepared the seeker for the quest. Eight cups are left behind, and he journeys into the night with a walking stick in hand, not looking back. Traditionally, this has been called the Indolence card, using the more archaic definition meaning “one who is free from pain.” Perhaps one is not impervious, but with this card’s message you begin to understand the true reasons for emotional pain and to seek the inner cure through a relationship with yourself rather than outward selves, numbing your pain through other people. You are the source of your own healing and fulfillment. This card can also be read with a more traditional meaning of indolence, particularly when it’s inverted: it would mean “laziness or sloth” and shows someone not dedicated to self-development or personal exploration.
Nine of Cups—The Nine and Ten of Cups have mixed images, depending on the deck you are using. In the traditional Rider-Waite, this card depicts a powerful man sitting before a table of nine cups, as if he is the patriarch, yet his disposition is welcoming, offering you a place at the table. Many call this the wish card, for it indicates wish fulfillment or satisfaction. It is also known as the card of satiety. In the decks based on the popular work of Aleister Crowley and his Thoth deck, it is called the Happiness card and represents good family relationships.
figures } Top, Ten of Cups; bottom, Page (Knave) of Cups
Ten of Cups—The Ten of Cups in traditional imagery is the happiness card, depicting a family, two parents and two children, with a home, playing under a rainbow of ten cups. While it is a card indicating the happiness of a literal family, like our fairy tales, it is important to realize that each of the four figures, like the king, queen, knight, and page, are aspects of the one person who started the quest. Only when your “inner family” finds happiness will you know the true love and happiness represented in the grail quest. Only then will you find healing and compassion for yourself and for others. Then you will be emotionally fulfilled. In the Crowley deck, this card is named Satiety and indicates the satisfaction of fulfilling the quest for compassion and love.
Page of Cups—The Page of Cups, usually depicted as a female or androgynous figure, is considered a messenger who gives insight to relationships. Sometimes that message is from a person in our lives outside of our relationship, giving us perspective. Other times, it’s the inner nagging voice telling us the reality of the situation. In a reading, one of the hallmarks of the Page of Cups appearing is that it is usually good advice, something we need to hear but don’t necessarily want to hear. In qabalistic tarot traditions, this page is described as the earth of water, meaning it is the grounded, practical aspect of emotions, family, and relationship.
figures } Clockwise from top: Knight of Cups, Queen of Cups, and King of Cups
Knight of Cups—The Knight of Cups is the adventurer, the seeker, and sometimes described as the grail knight of the Arthurian mythos, or the failed grail knight, for he is not yet mature enough to find what he seeks in terms of the Holy Grail or cauldron of the Goddess. Qabalistically, he is the air of water, the intellectual aspect of love. While we can write about love, we never quite capture it in words, and if that is your sole method of experiencing love, the true experience of love, of the cup, will be just out of your grasp. You will understand it but not necessarily feel it. The Knight of Cups is the romantic seeker or the idealist who has a very strong idea of what love should be but has no idea how to cope when love turns out to be different from the expectations.
Queen of Cups—The Queen of Cups is the water of water, the epitome of the water element. On her highest level, she is the loving goddess, the creatrix. In a reading, she appears as a human form of both the Great and Terrible Mother, light and dark. This is the power of true unconditional love, which on the personal level can be a blessing, a healing, and a great boon. But unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional relationships, and sometimes the best thing someone who loves you unconditionally can do is tell you or show you something you don’t want to experience, particularly about yourself. Sometimes we expect to be continually nurtured, but a good mother must push us out of the nest. The “negative” expression of the card is the Dark Mother archetype played out in our personal life. I often call it the Mother-in-Law card, conjuring the stereotypical bad relationship we have with mothers-in-law, but it could manifest as a difficult relationship with our own mother or a mother figure.
King of Cups—The King of Cups relates to the fire of water, the passion and intensity of emotion. When that intensity is raised to a spiritual level, it is the successful Grail Knight, the one who seeks the grail, rises above simple intellect, and finds the grail. He finds the Fisher King of Arthurian legend, the wounded guardian of the Grail, and he then becomes the Fisher King. This is the seeker of love who finds and ultimately enters a relationship of service to the Goddess, to the divine feminine, as embodied by the cup.
The Lovers
Beyond the traditional suit, we have two major arcana cards of the tarot that are most often associated with these concepts in a more celestial manner. The first is the most obvious: the sixth trump, the Lovers. In mundane fortunetelling readings, the Lovers is exactly what it appears to be. It is about romantic love, of finding a partner or even marriage or a serious romantic commitment. In a more mystical sense, it is the inner alchemical marriage, the union that occurs between the inner king and inner queen of our soul. Only when these two parts are united in a healthy relationship do we become a balanced and healthy individual.
> The concepts of polarity were introduced with the previous trumps of the tarot—the male Magician, the female Priestess, the female Empress, and the male Emperor. Although typically male in artistic rendition, the Hierophant as the inner teacher or guru represents the androgynous component. The traditional pope image is not necessarily sexless but is celibate in the Christian and post-Christian era.
The tradition of the inner marriage is found in many different systems. Most of us first come across the ideas of the inner male self and the inner female self through psychology. In the teachings of pioneering psychologist Carl Jung is the concept of the anima, the inner female part of those who are physically male, and the animus, the inner male part of those who are physically female. Often such selves are personified as inner teachers, wise ones, or angels. Some would equate this other self with the higher self, or the ceremonial magician’s concept of the Holy Guardian Angel, though the true higher self, or HGA, is the entity that oversees the sacred marriage. Jung’s work has been extrapolated by both psychologists and metaphysicians to the idea that everybody, regardless of gender, has an inner anima and animus, a hidden or idealized inner male and idealized inner female.
This teaching echoes those found in Hermetic alchemy, which influenced both the modern renditions of the tarot cards and the work of Carl Jung. The teachings of alchemy were encoded in graphic plates and engravings. Such engravings were symbolic of the alchemical processes both in the laboratory and their spiritual equivalents in the alchemist’s consciousness. They were written in code, with certain symbols, animals, and characters representing the various processes. Many of these teachings contained royal figures such as kings and queens. Each plate furthered the process, depicting kings and queens undergoing some union or merger into a new being with the qualities of both the king and queen, yet something more. The alchemists taught that the two polarities must find union, coagulating into the Philosopher’s Stone, the secret inner substance that has the best qualities of all things. Many believe the alchemists were trying to make a Philosopher’s Stone in the lab, and perhaps they were, but one teaching says that the alchemist becomes the Philosopher’s Stone when the work is done.
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