Once you are ready to release a relationship, you should do some form of separation ritual. Separation rituals can be divided into two forms. Simple separation rituals are to signal both the universe and your own psyche that you and your lover are no longer a unit, working together, but have separated. If both parties are magickally inclined, it’s great to have both involved in such separation rituals, though this is not always possible. Just because someone is understanding doesn’t mean they want to spend any more time with you.
The second type of ritual is known as a banishment and can be used both in love and in other relationships. It is used both to end a particularly difficult or toxic relationship and to prevent it from reestablishing. Usually this is done when you want to end the relationship but your partner does not or feels malice or great anger toward you. Banishments are a form of psychic protection. Sometimes with particularly strong relationships, we begin to take on the traits or even illnesses of our partners, and that psychic connection needs to be broken.
spell} Breaking Your Own Relationship
1 teaspoon rue
1 teaspoon basil
1 teaspoon nettles
Self-igniting charcoal disc
Incense burner
This spell is for those who want to end their relationship, particularly when they live together but for some reason don’t want to initiate a direct confrontation. Mix the rue and basil together and burn on a charcoal disc in a flameproof incense burner or other vessel. Another option is to omit the charcoal and simply set a match to the herbs and let them smolder. In either case, fill the house with its smoke. It can be very smoky, so you might need to disengage your smoke alarms. Once you have fumigated the house with this blend, open all the windows. Meditate or pray that the relationship will end immediately. Imagine the energy and vital life force of the relationship going out through the windows. When your lover returns, there will be an incident that will spark the end of the relationship. If you do choose to initiate the end, it will be easier after you’ve done this spell.
ritual} Separation
For those who have a magickally oriented ex-partner who understands the value of ritual and is willing to do the separation ritual with you, this is ideal. You both entered into a relationship, and if you did any ritual together, it’s best to do a ritual to signal to the gods, powers, and universe that the union is now over.
The ritual can be as simple or as complicated as you desire. If you were handfasted together, it might be a bit more complicated, for you want to undo the parts of the handfasting. In this case, the particulars of the ritual might be based on your handfasting ritual.
Gather these supplies:
3 candles
Cord
Scissors
For a simple ritual, start by casting a circle. Light a single candle at first, and light it in the name of the relationship. Hold a cord or string taut between you and your ex (if you were handfasted, use that cord; otherwise, a string is fine). Then cut the string, signifying that the ties that bind you together are cut freely and of your own will. Each of you take a candle and light it from the central candle, symbolizing how you are taking back your light from the relationship. Together, snuff the central candle. Release the circle. Walk away with your own candle lit, in opposite directions.
If you are doing a “hand unfastening” ritual, you would cut your ritual cord, or at the very least unbraid it. You would also give back each other’s rings and recite words to release each other from any vows or promises. If you jumped a broom, that broom should be ritually destroyed.
poppet} Banishment of an Ex
Sometimes we have a former partner, or even someone with romantic interest that we never consummate with so much as a date, who simply won’t take the message that the relationship is not happening and move on. I believe most of these situations can be handled with direct, clear, and forceful communication, but every so often, we have a situation that requires some form of banishment.
Make a poppet of the ex or would-be partner as you would for the lust poppet spell, but rather than fill it with love and lust herbs, fill it with Saturn and Mars herbs. While many Saturn herbs are toxic, the intention is not to kill the ex but to kill their love toward you. Saturn and Mars herbs are also protective. You want to be safe, and, despite the problems caused, you don’t want any harm to come to your ex. You can also use calming and tranquilizing herbs. You can fill the poppet with tobacco (Mars), monkshood (Saturn), Solomon’s seal (Saturn), nettles (Mars), thistle (Mars), passionflower (Mercury/tranquilizing), valerian root (Mercury/tranquilizing), angelica root (Sun/protective), chamomile (Sun/Mercury/tranquilizing), and myrrh (Saturn). You can also fill it with salt, to kill the love that is growing in his or her heart.
Empower the poppet, baptizing it in the name of the person, and then get rid of it. Say:
In the name of the gods, I release and banish this person, (name them), from my life, in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust. May no harm befall you or me from this spell, but may we both find joy, blessings, health, wealth, and happiness completely away from each other. I ask this to be for the highest good, harming none. So mote it be.
Leave it in a crossroads and bless the person away and out of your life, to move on to other places and people. Bury it far away from your home. Bring it to the ocean. Get rid of it somehow, never to return. If you put it in a swamp, make sure it’s a true swamp where things rot, rather than a bog that will preserve it. The doll must rot away. You can speed the rotting process by anointing it in a solution of what author M. R. Sellars describes as swamp water, outlined in Dorothy Morrison’s book Utterly Wicked. Make a solution of aspirin and water, and the acid will help break things down faster. Soaking the doll in swamp water will speed the decomposition process along. Don’t throw it in a river, as “sweet” water (unsalted water that is flowing) generally brings things back to us and is not the best place for banishment.
As the doll breaks down, so will the unhealthy attachment to you, and you will be free.
wash} Banish an Unrequited Love
While orchids are known for their love and lust properties and Venusian rulership, they also have a baneful quality granted by the planet Saturn. If you wish to get rid of someone who is very attracted to you or claims to love you, and you do not feel the same, either because you never did or because the relationship is over and you want to move on, arrange to meet with this person.
Before you meet, pick dried and withered orchid flowers, ideally on the waning Moon. Grind them in a mortar and pestle with a little water until you have a paste. Smear the paste on your hands and think of severing the connection of attraction between the two of you. Let it dry, and gently rub your hands to just remove the dried paste but not scrub away the virtue of the spell. Touch the person, flesh to flesh, with whom you wish to disconnect. After you touch, the attraction will be no more, and the person will seek out others, losing any obsession or fixation. Then you can wash your hands.
This spell seems to work best for unrequited, one-way love, rather than ending a past mutual relationship.
spell} Dispelling a Love Spell Placed On You
If you believe that someone has put a love spell on you, and you intellectually don’t want to respond but you feel as if you are being erotically enticed, compelled, or commanded, first sit down and really evaluate the situation. Who do you think put the spell on you? Is it an intentional ritual or simply that they have a strong, untrained psychic will? Do they know how to do this or know others who would teach them? How likely is it, or are you experiencing paranoia? Sometimes we want to blame our feelings on another, or on another’s magick, or we want to give in to feelings but not take responsibility for them. If possible, seek out another magickal practitioner who is not personally involved and have a divination done to determine the true root of the issue and if you should break any spell.
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If you determine you need to break a love spell cast on you, you need what is called an uncrossing or unhexing spell. They come in the forms of oils, baths, floor washes, and incense. I prefer this bath, for it immerses you in protection, no matter where the spell has “hit” you, and powerfully releases it. Whether you practice magick or not, this spell is effective for anyone. While doing the spell in ritual and with clear intent is powerful, the inherent virtue of the substance does much of the work, so I’ve been able to give similar formulas to clients who are not magickal practitioners, and they have still performed it successfully.
Mix the following together and either make a tea of it and strain it to add to your bath water or put the herbs in a cheesecloth or muslin bag and make the “tea” right in the bathtub. White lilies are usually available at florists, but if you can’t get them, you can substitute a rose.
1 white lily flower
1 tablespoon hyssop leaf
1 tablespoon cinquefoil
1 tablespoon vervain
Fill the bathtub with the tea and warm water and to it add five tablespoons of sea salt and the contents of one can or bottle of beer. The beer helps break all forms of curses and hexes. Bathe in the mixture for at least ten minutes—even immerse your head. Ideally, get out of the tub and towel dry without washing it off for at least a few hours, if not overnight. Then shower and clean yourself, and all ill magicks cast against you should be gone. For persistent spells, you might need to repeat it for three baths total.
When the spell breaks, the caster might consciously or unconsciously recognize it and come calling on you, so be prepared for a final confrontation. Once you are aware and have broken the spell once, it’s hard for the caster to successfully recast it, as your resistance will be stronger.
Breaking Up the Heart of Stone
Sometimes love lost can leave us feeling hurt, confused, betrayed, and more alone than ever before. While each relationship can teach us something, if we are not in the place to learn, we not only miss those valuable lessons but cannot truly move on and be trusting and open enough to let ourselves fully love another again. We don’t like to feel vulnerable or at risk, and sometimes it’s easier to shut our heart down from love than truly heal. Some actually believe the heart becomes hard spiritually, like stone. To curse someone with a heart of stone is a curse to make the heart impenetrable by love.
Part of embodying the Witch’s heart is to live from a place of love—love for self, love for others, love for all—our Perfect Love. If we cannot love ourselves or another truly, we cannot foster our connection to Perfect Love. It is our moral duty to heal ourselves from difficult and disastrous relationships so we can continue to walk the path of the Witch.
Healing magick for the emotional self is a very powerful form of love magick. It is self-love magick. Only when we heal—when we crack the casing of the heart of stone and let love in, when we love ourselves—can we truly love another. The following spells help us heal our hearts after a relationship has ended and prepare us to love again.
tincture} Release from the Pangs of Love
Even though we can intellectually know that a relationship is over, we don’t always emotionally accept the reality. We feel harmed by the pangs of love, even when the love is gone. A spell to help you be released from these pangs of love involves basil, both a purifying and a love herb. The basil can be used two ways. Either put a few drops of basil tincture on the nape of your neck whenever you feel heartache about your lost love, or, for more extreme cases, take a basil bath for seven days in a row, starting on a Friday, ideally on the waning Moon.
To make a basil tincture, take a glass canning jar and fill it one-third full with dried basil or completely full with fresh basil. Then fill the container with 80-proof or higher alcohol. Place plastic wrap on the mouth of the jar to prevent any metal from the lid coming in contact with the tincture. Let it sit for at least two weeks, but optimally for six weeks. This is a preparation that is best to have on hand for future use. For a preparation that is only for this purpose, make it on the waning Moon.
To take a basil bath, heat two cups of water to boiling, and place two tablespoons of dried basil or four tablespoons of fresh chopped basil in the water. Let it steep for fifteen to thirty minutes, strain, and then add this infusion of basil to your bath water. Sit in the bath for at least seven minutes. Do not wash it off, but pat yourself dry. You will feel the pain of love slipping way further and further with each bath and be in a much better place emotionally by day seven.
Flower Essence Remedies
Several flower essences are excellent in helping release the past and heal the heart. Those that I’ve used successfully with clients include:
Basil—Basil is one of the preeminent love magick herbs, and as an essence it helps us integrate our sexuality with our romantic and spiritual love.
Bleeding Heart—A powerful cleanser of the heart and of heart trauma from previous relationships and past abuse. Use to bring one to a more unconditional state of love and dissolve unhealthy relationships, attachments, obsessions, and addictions.
Borage—Borage is a great essence when we are suffering from depression and discouragement about relationships, or grief from a relationship that we cannot move on from. It helps to give us confidence to move through these feelings.
Evening Primrose—Evening primrose helps us open our heart chakra and trust again. It is particularly powerful if the root of our difficulties comes from a lack of connection to mother figures or early childhood guardians. This essence helps us form deeper relationships, romantic and otherwise.
Foxglove—Traditionally, foxglove is a strong heart healer. It is used to express what is in your heart and heal miscommunications of the heart. Foxglove is for those who feel choked up and use that as an excuse not to express feelings.
Heartsease—An essence for those who are broken-hearted, feeling lonely and rejected. It helps instill feelings of comfort and gently eases the user back into having relationships.
Hibiscus—This essence opens the heart wide to access unconditional love but also shields the heart from harm. It unites spiritual/emotional love with the physical expression of that love.
Holly—The essence of holly helps us overcome “negative” emotions of jealousy, envy, suspicion, anger, and even hatred. It helps us process these emotional blocks and be able to love again.
Rose—Rose opens and protects the heart in potentially vulnerable relationships to help you grow and trust. Use to bring the fire of cleansing to the heart and to release and heal old relationship wounds.
Staghorn Sumac—This essence grants the strength to bend and adapt, yet remain strong and true to your convictions. Brings swiftness and clarity of thought to matters of the heart, particularly regarding continuing or ending relationships.
Most of these essences are available from a variety of commercial flower essence suppliers. Choose one to three that seem to suit your particular healing process. If you choose to make your own, on a sunny day, pick the fresh flowers and float several of them in a clear glass bowl of spring water, and expose it to the sun for a minimum of three hours. Keep the bowl as close to the original plant as possible, and ask the spirit of the plant to transfer the flower’s healing essence to the water. You can even make an offering to the plant, such as leaving a strand of hair or libation of wine or beer, or burying a coin or stone near it. Then, using an unbleached coffee filter, strain out the flower, and add the water to a dark glass bottle that has already been filled one-fourth full of a preservative such as brandy, vodka, or apple cider vinegar. Label and date the bottle; this is your mother essence. To make the potency that is sold commercially, take a ¼-ounce colored glass dropper bottle and fill it one-fourth full of a preservative and three-fourths full of spring water. Add 3–7 drops of the mother essence to the new bottle, creating a stock bottle.
To most effectively use flower essences in combination for emotional healing, take a ¼-ounce colored glass dropper bottle and fill it one-fourth full of apple cider vinegar. Apple cider vinegar is a preservative used in flower essences, particularly in short-term dosage bottles, and the apples have an association with Venus and love, as well as other health benefits. Brandy can also be used in the same proportions. Fill the remaining three-fourths of the dropper bottle with spring water. Add three drops of each of the flower essences you have chosen. Take three drops of this new solution, known as a dosage bottle, on or under the tongue or in a glass of water three times a day. Keep a journal and notice the change in your emotions and attitude. The bottle should last about a month. When you are done, you can stop or continue with the same mixture, or try a new combination. Follow your intuition when working with flower essences.
Vibrational essences can also be made of stones and are known as gem elixirs. Rose quartz gem elixir can be added to any combination bottle to enhance the effects of healing the heart. Gem elixirs made of gold are also quite effective in healing and stabilizing the changes that you are going through. Gold is said to magickally enhance any preparation. Gem elixirs are made the same way flower essences are, except the stone is soaked in water rather than the flower. Some stones are toxic or dissolve easily in water, so research your stone before making your own essences.
A very good friend of mine was able to overcome the pain of a past relationship using flower essences for a period of almost a year. For the year previously, other modalities of healing, such as talk therapy, were not helping her much. Combining talk therapy and essences with a qualified practitioner, she grew tremendously in her own self-awareness and spirituality, and finally released the old relationship, making space for a wonderful new marriage several years later.
If you feel your healing process involves more than simply getting over the last relationship but taps into larger emotional issues, I urge you to find a qualified healing facilitator in your area, such as a flower essence practitioner, that you can do deeper healing work with.
The Witch's Heart Page 24