by Christina OW
Sandra walked to the kitchen and put the shopping bags on the counter. “Hi bro, miss me?”
Morris walked past me and collapsed on the sofa, taking over my solo party. I went to the kitchen relieved to see her. I was definitely not ready to be left completely alone.
I sat on a stool at the counter, “Oddly enough, yes I missed you.”
She smiled her hands busy unpacking, “So much so you want to help me put all this away?”
“No. Not that much.” I laughed and walked back to the living room and joined Morris. He had switched the channel from European football to a basketball game. Since I didn’t like basketball that much I went back to the kitchen, “Maybe I will help you.” I smiled at her when she gave me a raised eye brow.
She looked at me worriedly a few times. I got the feeling she was taking a survey. “I didn’t do anything to myself.” I said opening the fridge and putting the meat away.
“Huh? No I wasn’t... I trust you enough no to do something as stupid as that again,” she said. I looked at her; she still looked jittery like she was standing on pins.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m just not sure you should trust me enough not to do something stupid.” Her face was creased with worry and she was biting her lip looking very guilty.
“And what would that be?” I stood closer to her but she moved and stood at the centre of the living room and the kitchen, the guilty look stuck on her face.
“It’s not a stupid thing per say... just something you might hate me for.”
“I couldn’t hate you even if you set my ass on fire.”
Morris turned the TV off and turned to us, a mischievous smile on his face, “I have a feeling this confession is going to be juicy.”
“Morris you are not helping!” Sandra whined.
“Just spit it out,” I encouraged gently. Whatever it was she was really scared to tell me, “You didn’t call my mother, did you?”
“No. That’s unforgiveable compared to what I did.” She went quiet for a moment, “Actually I think what I did is worse than Gloria,” she whispered.
“Tell us already!” Morris yelled.
He startled Sandra enough to get her lips flapping. “I fertilized Kristy’s eggs,” she spat out. I stood there and looked at her, confused.
“What?” I said unconsciously. My mind was still jumbled up to construct a comprehensive sentence.
“Who gave you the swimmers?” Morris asked the question I should have asked.
“Will did.” she whispered.
“Excuse me?” Again, I was dumbfounded.
“At the hospital, when you were out,” she began to explain slowly, “I got my intern friend to get your sperm.”
“What?” I
“How did you do that?” Morris asked, “Can they do that, without you...you know...”
“Morris stay on point here!” Sandra yelled at him before she turned to me, “Will, say something?” the fear back in her voice.
I didn’t know what to say. This was getting more confusing and shocking with every word she said, “Can they do that, I mean without my consent because I would hate to have Gloria proven right.”
“No. It was completely off the books and yes very illegal. I’m so sorry just please don’t complain to the hospital because he’ll get fired.”
“Did you sleep with him for this because that’s the only way I could have done it?” Morris was focused on the wrong part of the conversation, again.
“Morris, really? Out of all I said that’s all you are focusing on?”
“Sandra, I told you I didn’t want a baby!” I tried to control my temper.
“That was before you ended up in hospital, then after you said I don’t know, which could be understood as a maybe... but I had already done it.”
“Is she pregnant?” Morris asked sober, finally on the topic.
She nodded close to tears, “Yes, the surrogate called me a few minutes ago.”
I felt my anger mount. I kicked the refrigerator and it rocked. Morris moved to stand next to his startled sister. I didn’t want a child I never wanted a child without Kristy. Now I was going to be stuck with another reminder of her and how I could never have her again. “Why do you always have to stick your nose where it’s not wanted?” I yelled at her.
“You tried to off yourself so excuse me if I was trying to give you some incentive to live!” She yelled back, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
“An incentive to live? I’m stuck with a child I don’t want and a constant reminder of a person I will never have in this life time!”
I pushed the counter content on to the floor, frustrated.
Morris spoke stepped in front of his sister, “Hey, calm down. It’s a baby not the end of the world!”
“That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have one being forced on you!”
“If you don’t want it we’ll take care of it!” Morris yelled at me tempered.
“Good. Sandra made the problem now she has to fix it.” Those were the last angry words that were uttered before the room fell silent. The magnitude of what I had just said finally dawned on me as it did them. I wracked my fingers through my hair and pulled at it.
Sandra walked to the counter and picked up her handbag. Morris was already waiting for her at the door. I wanted to apologise but it would sound so lame after what I had just suggested, so I just stood there and watched my closest family leave me.
Sandra stopped at the open door and turned to me, “I didn’t think having a baby with my sister would be such a nightmare,” then she was gone, the sound of the door closing echoed in the studio. I was all alone, the one thing I was afraid of.
I sat on the sofa with my head in my hands repeating Sandra’s words in my head. They were the exact same word Kristy said before she left me, now Sandra and Morris had done the same.
I thought Sandra would come back out of worry that I would try to kill myself again but no one came. I sat in the same spot for over four and a half hours waiting for her to walk through the door, pissed at me but still concerned.
“She’s not coming back,” Kristy’s voice floated in behind me.
I jumped up and turned to face her. She was back. I wasn’t sure if I was to celebrate or get angry at her for leaving me, or kick her out and ask her to let me grieve in peace like a normal widower.
“You hurt her feeling that’s why she’s never coming back.”
I dropped back on the couch. I wasn’t going to try and understand why she was back this time. I had fences to mend with people who were actually alive.
She appeared next me. “Are you still mad at me because I didn’t come back when you gutted yourself?”
I turned and looked at her blankly. I wasn’t going to have an argument with a ghost, but yet I found myself starting one, “You were going to let me die just because I didn’t do what you wanted?”
“Will, how did you end up in the hospital?”
My mouth opened to answer but closed soon after. I didn’t have an answer because I had no idea how I did end up in hospital.
“Sandra had one of her feelings. She called your neighbour who found you bleeding out on the floor and called an ambulance.”
“When you say one of her feelings, you mean you told her?” She winked in response and smiled. “So it’s also one of those feelings that told her to have someone assault my nuts and get my sperm?”
“It wasn’t as crude as you suggest. Men have wet dreams, conscious or not. All...”
I placed my fingers over her lips to quieten her. That information was going to get very disturbing if she tried to explain.
“I get the picture,” I lowered my hand from her lips, “why did you do it, and please don’t give me the incentive to live bull shit.”
“Language William, what would your mother say?” She mimicked an English accent. She kept quiet and stared at me with her dazzling smile that got me to do a number of things that I wouldn’t have
if not charmed by it.
“Well, I’m waiting for an explanation?”
“You told me not to tell you.” She gave me an innocent look- her big brown eyes wide and her eyebrows raised.
“Kristy!” I exclaimed frustrated. I walked to the kitchen and got a beer from the fridge. She appeared next to me. I had already gotten used to her flashing around, it didn’t freak me out as much as it used to.
“You proved to me that you needed someone to take care of you or someone to take care of. With Sandra gone I can’t trust you to be alone.”
I looked at her, for the first time since we first met, I felt genuine anger towards her, “So the only reason you are here, now, is because you think I’m going to kill myself?” I walked past her to the living room, “You can leave. I don’t plan on dying any time soon.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I sat down on the couch, “I don’t think I minced my words,” and then switched on the TV and turned the volume high.
“No, you didn’t, and I’m sorry I bother you so much.”
I felt guilty when I heard the hurt in her voice. The last thing I wanted was to cause her pain but I wasn’t going to be bullied into doing what she wanted.
“Kristy...” I started turning to face her but there was no one behind me, she was gone. I shot off the couch and took a look around the apartment but this time I paced my breathing, letting my head take command over my emotions. I didn’t want a repeat of last time, considering it wasn’t at all fruitful.
I slowly walked back to the couch and tried to focus all my attention on the TV fighting the urge to go searching for her again, “She’ll be back,” I whispered convincing myself, “She has something to nag me about so she’ll be back.”
Chapter Nine
I hang up, tempted to pull the phone’s cord out. After a dozen calls from Sandra, Morris had a go, trying to change my mind. I was glad the egg didn’t take, and even more glad that I was fully aware of my faculties to avoid getting assaulted by Sandra again. I couldn’t stand the pressure anymore it was getting ridiculous. Ron was staying neutral, but I could tell he was on Sandra’s side when he referred to Kristy as my better and wiser half. The only one who seemed to support me was my mother. She too thought it was a ridiculous idea but she had her own agenda, not wanting to be the topic of amusement in her social circle.
Well, she was Gloria what else could I expect from her.
But as much as I appreciated her support, there was one thing I definitely without a shadow of a doubt didn’t want to happen- to have my mother move in with me.
“You are never going to change your mind are you?”
I turned around to face the voice feeling shaky, scared and excited. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I spoke, “That depends.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to torture myself by keeping her around any longer. I was over this. This isn’t an episode in a ghost series, it was real life and it wasn’t exactly supposed to be possible. I knew that now, but I still loved looking at her, dead or alive, I always have.
“On what?” she demanded with a stern voice.
“On how long you plan on haunting me until you disappear again.”
“Why? Will you slit her throat like you did your arm just to try and get my attention?” She said tearfully.
No one was going to let me forget what I did but her accusation on what I would do to my child was insulting. She knew me better than that, “I would never hurt anyone, and you know that!”
“I also thought you weren’t the suicidal type.” She pointed at my arm, “You proved me wrong.”
I looked at my arm and remembered that night. It was still a little hazy and part of it blank. I too was shocked by what I had done. But I felt so desperate then, if the windows were big enough I would have jumped out if it meant I would get her attention immediately. “Well, shit happens.”
She gave me a puzzled look then chuckled, peeved by my attitude, “Shit happens? You know, when you said no to the baby you didn’t have to gut yourself to shove that point further down my throat.”
“I wasn’t trying to prove a point.”
“Then what, were you looking for the easiest way out of the fix I put you in?” I looked up at her annoyed. “I can see how bleeding to death would be more preferable than raising my child.”
I rubbed my eyes frustrated. I was getting sick and tired of the baby subject, there wasn’t going to be one so why was she still riding me about it? “So how long are you here for before you disappear and only come back to nag me again?” I said trying to steer the subject away from the annoying baby talk.
She skipped two feet towards me, her eyes smiling and her lips bit between her teeth like a little girl. Seeing her like that, made my heart skip and my body warm up.
She released her lips into sunny smile- my smile, “For the next seven months.”
My glower turned into a soft puppy look staring at her excited smiling face, “What are you so excited about?”
“My baby.”
My smile faded as I stared at her confused, “What baby?”
“Ask Sandra, she’ll tell you because right now I have to go watch over her. See you soon.” Then she disappeared.
“Wait, what?” I yelled in the empty room. I picked up the phone and frantically dialled Sandra’s number. What the hell was going on, and what baby was she talking about. I knew Kristy wanted to have a child but having it with another man was unacceptable. She wouldn’t do that to me... why the hell not? I did say no to her and she doesn’t like the word no without a good reason.
My wife was going to have a baby with another man.... why the hell would she do that to me?
“Hallo, hallo. William are you there?” Sandra’s voice echoed in my ear.
“What the hell is Kristy talking about? Is she having another man’s baby?” I spat out angrily.
“That’s a little impossible, don’t you think?” She said flatly.
“Then what baby does she keep talking about? You told me the egg didn’t take,” I yelled into the receiver, “tell me the truth Sandra!”
“Kristy... that girl could never keep a secret,” she scolded, then after a long pause, “What exactly did she tell you?”
“That’s she’s watching over a child for the next seven months.”
“Was she such a big mouth while she was alive because...”
“Sandra!”
“Okay, okay. The thing is...” She stopped then she began to mumble words I couldn’t understand.
“I’m sure you are more eloquent and fluent in speech than that!” I was letting my anger get the best of me and I didn’t care. I wanted answers.
“”Well, I kind of lied to you....” she hesitated, “please don’t be mad!”
I picked up the beer bottle and drunk deeply. Sandra was beginning to really piss me off. “My patience is building up to that,” my voice was low and lethal.
“The egg did take and the surrogate is two months pregnant,” she rapped out. I threw the bottle across the room and it hit the wall breaking above the mounted TV screen. I felt my blood heat up beyond boiling point as my anger took control of every part of me.
“Getting mad won’t change anything. The baby is coming, a reality you will just have to deal with,” she sounded brave, “You can start by coming to the ultra sound,” her voice had toned down to soothing. “We are hoping to see it today.”
I didn’t care, she could berate me or sweet talk me if she wanted to but nothing was going to change my mind.
“No! I didn’t want anything to do with it and just because you and your annoying, stubborn sister intrusively went behind my back and did it doesn’t mean I’m going to cave and hop on board and join the band wagon.”
“Kristy might be here,” her voice was lowered to begging again, “You can give her a piece of your mind too.”
I was getting used to the patronizing remarks but they still annoyed the hell out of me and anyway yelli
ng at a ghost in a hospital will only get me admitted in the psych ward.
“I’m not interested, this is your project,” I hang up and threw the phone across the room. I walked to the bar and gulped down the scotch straight from the bottle hoping it would quench the rage inside me.
I didn’t want a baby and no one was going to force one on me, not even Kristy.
*
“What, bleeding to death didn’t work out quite well so now you are going to give yourself alcohol poisoning?”
I turned to face Kristy’s voice. My side ached and my head felt like an elephant had been sitting on it the entire night. I pulled myself up and looked around through the cracks of my eye lids. I was on the kitchen floor with a number of empty bottles around me Kristy was angrily picking up.
I laid back down exhausted, “I’m incapacitated, so whatever argument you want to start I’ll be at a huge disadvantage,” I whispered coarsely.
I covered my eyes with my hand when a bright light stung my eyes, “Be gentle.”
She threw a pillow at me, “Will you get your drunken ass up?”
I caught the pillow then stared at it surprised. Was I still asleep or had the alcohol finally fried all my brain cells? I got up from the floor slowly trying to limit my movement so as not to worsen the pounding in my head, “Isn’t that supposed to pass through your hand or something?” I took the glass of water she handed me, “you are a ghost or a spiritual being of some sort,” and drank slowly and struggled to swallow as quietly as I possibly could.
“You know I can touch stuff,” she picked up another bottle and put it on the counter, “For example,” she moved closer to me, a sweet smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye. I thought she was going to kiss me until she slapped me hard across the face.
I placed one hand on my stinging cheek and the cold glass on my harder pounding head, “What in the blazes did you do that for!”
“I’m going to beat some sense into that hard head of yours if I have to! This is why I want you to have a baby, to force you to go back to the way you used to be!”