I toss the paper and pencil back and he scrambles to pick them up. Just as he clutches them in his hand, I see Liam come around from behind the house. Kevan doesn’t need to be told to get his small feet moving. He takes off at a run, darting around the rose bushes and shrubs.
As soon as Liam sees me, he’s coming after me. His eyes are fierce and focused on me with malicious intent. His body seems to lift and fly down the drive. His hands are raised and I see his mouth moving. I don’t wait to see what he’ll do next. I let go of my physical body and will myself back to Colorado.
Only, I’m slightly too slow. The air seems to grip me by my core as it whips me around like I’ve been sucked into a tornado. I lose my sense of up or down or right or left. I concentrate harder, fighting this unseen attack as if my life depends on it. I picture Vivi’s house and force my entire being to break free and move, but the pressure around me increases and I can’t get out of the whirlwind.
“What are you about, Nathaniel?” Liam’s voice is condescending and patronizing.
I’m unable to answer even if I wanted to. The air swirls and pushes, alternating between sucking me in and spitting me out. In the periphery I think I see the farmhouse and the surrounding green fields. A swell of nausea rises from my gullet and makes me want to wretch. This shouldn’t happen. I don’t have a gorge from which anything can rise, but none-the-less, I feel it like a punch to my guts.
I change tactics from trying to escape to fighting back. Liam is using the air to capture me. I don’t understand how he’s doing it or even where he is located, but I’ve had enough. I use what comes naturally to me — my sheer willpower and my ability to draw universal energy. I bring energy to myself, holding nothing back. The force of it fills me up like I’m bursting with the pure light of the sun. I spin like a crazy top and shoot skyward. The disconnection from Liam is a crisp snap. In the next breath I’m staring at pine trees and a blue sky overhead. I close my eyes and drag a hand over my scalp pushing my hair back. Birds cheep and twitter in the branches overhead, and Vivi’s house rests quietly before me.
Chapter Twenty-one: Twist in Fate
Juliana
Two days in the hospital and a couple more days stuck at home is Jared’s limit of endurance for staying away from his band and putting his life on hold. He’s antsy and will not stop talking about all of his plans. He’s decided his destiny includes recording one full-length album with his band and leaving behind at least one more album’s worth of songs, written down if not also recorded. I love that he has basically told fate, and Marcus, to go stick it up the universe’s backside. He’s doing what he wants with the end of his life and I have to admit, with his pertinacity he’ll probably succeed with flying colors.
“Here,” I say as I hand over Jared’s mid-day dose of herbal concoction.
Jared swallows everything in two gulps. “Bleh,” he says and sticks his tongue out. He rinses his meds down with some water from the sink. “The sooner I take the last drink of that, the better.”
“It’s not so bad,” I say as I’m about swallow some of the same mixture while he’s looking the other way.
“I’m going to shower, then I’m going to convince Mom to let me out of the house today.”
Jared strolls out of the kitchen looking like his old self, full of life and mischief. I wait until I hear him head up the stairs and grab a small blue bottle from the cabinet. I squeeze the eyedropper and squirt the liquid into my mouth.
“What are you taking, Julie?”
I swallow the bitter concentration of echinacea and goldenseal and wince. I attempt to wipe my face free of any guilt. I’ve been taking the herbal remedies secretly so I don’t have to explain anything to my family. I make a terrible liar, so I’m sort of busted. I try diversion tactics instead of answering. “Grandma, what are you doing up? I thought you were taking a nap. Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine. Stop fussing over me,” she says as she walks into the kitchen. “Now tell me which tincture you’re taking.”
“Umm,” I start. There’s no point in lying to Grandma, but I’ve noticed I can tell the truth in a way that doesn’t give away all of my secret motivations. “I’ve been feeling kind of stressed and run down lately. You know with everything going on. So I’ve been taking echinacea and goldenseal to boost my immunity.” Apparently it’s working, too. I haven’t gotten deathly ill from Jared’s virus yet.
Despite Grandma Charlotte’s insistence she didn’t need any help after leaving the hospital, she’s been staying with us during her recovery. It only makes sense since she lives alone and my mom or I would be checking on her every day anyway. Secretly, I think we all feel at ease being able to see one another in the flesh at any given second after everything that happened with the house and the hantavirus.
“What’s going on, Julie dear? I know you’re not telling me the whole story.”
“What are you talking about?” I say with as much innocence as I can. Hoping to appear casual and not meeting her eyes, I tuck the tincture bottle into the cabinet. I’m not pulling off my ruse very well. I feel as transparent as the kitchen window in front of me.
“Would you like some tea? I made a new blend with herbs from my garden,” I say as I look at the riot of flowers and weeds taking over my corner of the backyard. Weeding the garden this summer has dropped perilously low on my priority list and it’s showing.
“I’d love some,” she says as she takes a seat on the stool by the counter.
She’s waiting for my answer, but I stall for another minute as I fill the kettle with water. I’m not the only one holding back here. Grandma doesn’t want to admit she’s suffering, but I can tell there’s more going on with her than she’s admitting. She lets me help her with the bandages and is letting Mom and I take care of all the cooking. She’s also letting me take care of the herbal remedies for her, J, and myself. This is completely unlike her. Her eyesight was affected by the lightning strike and it’s something I can’t quite feel okay with. I swear every day her eyes seem to keep getting lighter in color. Her rich brown eyes are now golden. She’s mentioned her focus is off kilter at times and I think this is the real reason I’m in charge of the teas, tinctures, and salves. I’ve also caught her looking at me in a way I’ve never seen her do before. She’s not talking about her eyes much, so we end up focusing on Jared.
He’s become the lone recipient of multiple females who have the unrepressed desire to care for and doctor someone. No wonder Jared is so anxious to get out of the house.
“Tell me who is outside all day and all night, Juliana. I hear them talking at times. I know it isn’t the neighbors.”
“I’m not sure what you’re…,” I start to say and can’t quite get the words to come out.
“Don’t tell me I’m hearing voices. My ears are still buzzing, but they’re healing, and my vision is different. I know all this. But who is outside? I saw you watching out the window last night.”
We’ve been housebound for the last few days, but that doesn’t mean life has slowed the influx of strange occurrences. Mom and Grandma still don’t know about Marcus or Harmony. After Chris’s ceremony, the Angels of Death can’t enter the house. They can’t even be on our property. Chris says the protective shield will be there as long as I need it and nothing unwanted — ghosts, demons, or angels — can cross it unless they’re invited. When I look outside I see the four fires burning on the corners of our property. They’re ghost fires. I walked up to one and I could feel the heat radiating from the flames, but it didn’t burn me. I walked out into the street and back into the yard without any problem, but Marcus and Harmony can’t cross.
Marcus says this little force field will not have any effect on Jared’s situation, but I haven’t ruled out the possibility. Jared hasn’t had one accident since we left the hospital.
As the water simmers, I scoop in some of my new herbal blend to steep. It’s a mix of raspberry leaves, clover, nettles, dandelion, and a native mint that like
s to grow in my yard. It tastes okay. I’ve been drinking it for health more than taste. On impulse, I throw in a chunk of candied ginger for flavor and also for the sudden unsettled feeling in my stomach. It needs to steep for at least five minutes. Grandma knows it and so do I. Five minutes to explain why two Angels of Death are having casual conversations at the end of the driveway, or chatting beneath a tree by the back fence.
“Grandma?” I say as my hands begin to shake.
“I’m still waiting for you to confirm the lightning bolt didn’t make scrambled eggs of my brains.”
“Err… I hear them outside. I can see them, too.”
“I suspected as much. You’re clairvoyant and clairaudient. It means clear-seeing and clear-hearing. Claircognizance is knowing things without being told.” She gives me a knowing look and continues. “That is a strong trait on my side of the family. Don’t fret, dear. Your gifts were given to you for a great purpose.”
“What purpose?” I say, feeling dumbstruck by Grandma’s casualness toward my life-altering gifts.
“I believe our gifts are for helping others. I use what I was given to help heal people. If you follow your heart, Julie, Great Spirit will lead you to your calling.”
“I think I just want to finish school,” I say.
I’m so not ready for this conversation. Sure, I think about my future. I’m not going to live under my mom’s roof forever. And I don’t see myself running the herb store for my entire life like Grandma wants. Surviving through the end of the summer seems like my only priority right now.
“That’s a very worthwhile pursuit. I just ask you to keep an open mind and do what makes you happy.”
“I promise I will,” I say and swallow hard. After I pour the tea into two mugs and set Grandma’s down in front of her, I hug her around the shoulders, careful not to bump any of the bandages covering her burns.
I hear someone coming down the stairs and turn to see Star walking into the kitchen.
Star Quillin has become a fixture around here. She showed up at the hospital and hasn’t left my brother’s side since. Jared is totally goofy about her and she’s the same about him. It’s nice to see Jared happy without the influence of drugs. It’s almost like Star has become his new drug — sans the moodiness and other awful side effects which come with narcotic use.
“Morning,” she says as she walks over to the pot of tea and looks hopefully into the dregs. “Does everyone in your family have something against coffee?”
She looks sleepy but cheerful. I glance at Jared’s black iron clock. It’s working again and it’s actually past lunch time, which is why I thought Grandma was taking her afternoon nap.
“Tea is better. Want some?” I offer.
“No offense, but your tea tastes like weeds.”
Grandma and I share a look and just smile. Weeds don’t taste bad really.
“Good morning, Star. Do you and Jared need refueling after using so much creative energy?”
“Definitely. Jared wants a hamburger or pizza, or something suitably fattening and I have some errands to do today. We’re going to head into town in a bit. Diane already gave Jared permission.”
Jared and Star have been working on new music together since he came home from the hospital. And from what I’ve heard, it has a stellar vibe that rocks and chills, and puts me in an effervescent zone which is so right in every possible way. I can’t wait to hear Derrick add his drums to the new songs. Star plays keyboards and sound machines, but she’s not bad on the guitar or bass either. Mom’s main concern is about Jared getting enough sleep and food, so she hasn’t kicked Star out of the house yet.
“Hey, Jules?”
“Hmm?”
“Jared wants you to come with us. Want to hang out today?”
∞
What has happened to me? The sinking feeling deep in my chest isn’t unfamiliar. I just thought this feeling of being ruined and pitiful was related to losing my dad. Now I know misery can sneak up and rain a fecal shower whenever it wants.
I stare at the boxes of pregnancy tests on the shelf unconvinced I actually have to pee on one of these sticks. If I would just start my period I could skip this test of mental and emotional fortitude. Jared swears nothing happened between me and his nameless friend, but Jared doesn’t know what it’s like to be possessed by a succubus.
How long have I been standing here? Jared and Star were picking up a prescription for Star, and I told them I needed to grab something. I really don’t want them to see what I’m buying. I grab the box that says “early results” and go over to the cashier.
Jared struts up next to me just as I lay the box on the counter. I look up at him willing him not to look down at the box.
“Star’s pills aren’t ready. They want us to come back later.”
“That sucks,” I say.
“She’s waiting outside for us. You know, she’s kind of like you.”
I hear the cashier say, “Eleven seventy-seven.”
I hand over some money and try to keep Jared talking. “Why is that?”
“She knows Marcus is tailing us and she thinks there’s someone else with him.”
“That could be.”
“Is there or isn’t there? I’m conducting a blind study. I’m getting your take on the situation separate from hers. Then I’ll determine who is the most psychic.”
“Nice, J,” I say, then roll my eyes.
I grab my change from the poor guy who has been holding it and staring at me like I should be paying better attention.
He says, “Do you want a bag?”
“Yes, please,” I say and turn toward Jared attempting to block the pregnancy test from view with my body. I swear the cashier moves with deliberate slowness as he picks up the pink and white box, lifts it extra high in the air, and slips it into a plastic bag. I grab it from him and hurry toward the door, feigning extra attention at putting my change inside my wallet. I can’t look at Jared.
He stays by my side saying nothing. That is until we’re outside.
“Seriously, Jules?” Jared waves his arms with exasperation. “You went on one date with that Nathaniel guy! Can he even…? No. Don’t tell me.”
Jared walks over to Star’s car, gets in on the passenger side, and slams the door. I blink a couple of times, look behind me at the pharmacy, thinking I should have just waited until I was alone to buy the stupid test. I see Marcus and Harmony standing in the shade of the building watching us. Turning back around, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. For better or worse, I have to know if I’m pregnant. Jared is just going to have to get over it.
My brother ignores me completely when we go out for pizza and follow it up with ice cream. I don’t take it too personally. If he were suddenly an unplanned father, I might need some time to deal with it in silence. As we eat, I notice how cute he and Star are together. Star is just as beautiful as my brother and I notice everywhere we go people can’t stop looking at them. I swear they don’t even notice the stares. They’re playful and considerate of one another, and the way they look at each other makes me happy for them. I’m really not sure why Jared wanted me to come along as their third wheel. Being around them is seriously making me miss Nathaniel even more than I already do.
Nathaniel still hasn’t come to see me. Not one visit. Not one word. My mind likes to conjure explicit and miserable visions of him in Ireland. Being tortured and tormented and unable to escape. I’m trying not to tumble down the razor sharp edge of grief and hopelessness, but its grasp on my senses seems tighter every day I don’t see him.
“Can you tell Star to go pick up her pills now? They’re ready.”
“Jolly effing Roger! Don’t do that,” I say as I nearly jump out of my skin.
Brinna, Star’s sister, is sitting next to me at our table outside the ice cream parlor. I grip the medicine bag hanging around my neck. It’s humming ever so slightly. I stuff it down the front of my shirt where it should have been to begin with. Where I would have felt
it warn me before Brinna popped out of the ether.
Jared and Star stop their laughing and flirting to stare at me.
“Is it them?” Star asks.
“No,” I say, automatically assuming she’s referring to Marcus and Harmony.
Said angels are sitting behind me at their own table talking about my decision to eat raspberry vanilla swirl ice cream over their choice, chocolate dreamy wonder-balls or something.
“I guess we have to go pick up your pills after this,” I say.
I see calculations going on behind Star’s amber eyes and it makes me feel suddenly distrustful of her.
“Who spooked you just now?” she asks.
I debate whether or not I should answer or just walk away.
“Does it really hurt to tell her I’m here?” Brinna says. “Star needs her pills.”
“Your sister thinks you should get your pills now.”
“And take them,” Brinna adds.
A cloud seems to cross Star’s lovely heart-shaped face. The change is so strong I actually look up. It’s still bright and sunny overhead.
“I’m going to,” she says, and stands, grabs her ice cream cup, walks over to the trash, and dumps it. “Let’s get out of here.”
Star is uncharacteristically quiet as we drive across town and hit the drive-thru pharmacy. She takes her bag with her prescription and stuffs it in the door pocket and out of sight.
Brinna says to me, “If Star doesn’t start taking them again, she’ll have a breakdown. It happens every time.”
I raise my eyebrows and don’t reply. Star hasn’t asked me to translate for Brinna, or even asked if her sister was riding along with us. I’m not volunteering anything concerning dead people unless I have to.
Jared says, “Gorgeous pills, right? That would explain a lot about you.”
Star turns her wide eyes on Jared and her mouth softens into almost a smile. She shifts the car into drive and we pull out of the drive-up lane.
“Can you drop me off at my house?” I ask. I’m done. Two Angels of Death and now a dead girl hanging around is enough for me to go hide in my room for awhile, or maybe forever. Besides, I have a stick to pee on. If I ever see Nathaniel again, I want to know for certain if I’m pregnant or not.
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