by Erin Noelle
The girl next to me piped up again, “Now this is what I’m talking about. That’s Rat,” she explained to her friend. “His brother owns this place, and he’s like the rock god around here. He’s the lead singer for Jobu’s Rum, but he always sings solo on Fridays.”
Both girls openly gawked at the figure on the stage, and it reminded me of Mina telling me about Mason the first time I was there. “He’s… wow,” the friend finally responded.
“I know, and wait until you hear his voice. You’re going to need a new pair of panties when you leave here,” the first girl said matter-of-factly.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He hadn’t changed a bit since that morning I left him sleeping in his bed. He had on a black T-shirt with a pair of jeans and his black boots. My heart had stopped when I first saw Ash, but the sight of Mason made it beat double-time. I wondered what he was going to sing as he adjusted the microphone. He always stood when he performed, which reminded me of just another way he was so different from Ash. I held on to the bar to physically brace myself to hear his voice.
“Good evening, Houston! Are y’all having a good time?” he yelled, and the entire bar went crazy. I thought the girls next to me were going to strip and rush him on the stage at any moment. “The place is packed tonight, and I know most of you guys are getting ready to head back to school, so let’s make this a night to remember. What do ya say?” Again, frenzied screaming and clapping ensued. “That’s what I like to hear. All right, tonight, I’m going to start off with Jobu’s Rum latest single.” He looked over in the direction I was sitting, and I swore he stared straight into my eyes for a brief moment. He turned his attention back toward a girl who had screamed “I love you, Rat!” and he laughed. “I love all of y’all too.”
During his first song, I had to do more breathing exercises and continue to think about the last eight months. I could do this. I could do this. I had to give myself a pep talk several times during that three-minute period. When he finished, everyone in the bar went wild. “Thank you, guys,” he interrupted the applause. “Thank you. Okay, this next one I’ve never performed in public. It’s a song that’s a few years old. I actually ran across it again a couple months ago, and it couldn’t have been at a more perfect time in my life. I was saving it for…” His voice trailed off for a moment, and he looked toward Ash’s table. “Well, I guess it really doesn’t matter what I was saving it for. That day will never come. My angel flew away. So tonight, it’s for all of you!”
Where I felt Ash’s words were going to break me, Mason’s healed me. His voice and the love and longing in his words filled every one of my remaining holes and made me feel complete. I suddenly felt more determined than ever to do what I had come to do. I slipped off my barstool and headed around the perimeter of the warehouse. I wanted to remain unseen by Mason. He finished the song and allowed the crowd to reward him with cheers and whistles. He leaned his acoustic on an amp setting on the side of the stage and jumped down to head toward his friends.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself of everything I had discovered about love and respect and dignity over the last several months. Unrequited love was basically just infatuation, and that was exactly what I had with Ash for so long. Love was about sacrifice and putting the wants and needs of the other person in front of your own. Ash was never willing to do that for me. Other than the times Ash and I had spent locked away from the real world, our relationship was tumultuous and filled with drama. He was always upsetting me by openly being with other girls in front of me or doing things to purposely keep me from being happy. It was like he kept me on a string and if he thought I was getting too far away from him, too close to someone else, he would reel me back in.
I knew Ash cared about me, but he didn’t love me. He loved himself too much to love anyone else. Mason, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. He went out of his way to make me happy and comfortable. He loved making me laugh and wasn’t afraid to put himself out there for me. I never got upset with Mason, not once. And despite all that, I had allowed my infatuation and fascination with Ash, someone who could never give me what I deserved, to get in the way of that. It was time for me to apologize.
I climbed onto the back of the stage and walked toward the front, grabbing Mason’s acoustic on the way. “Excuse me, everyone.” My voice was shaky and unsure. A few people took notice of me as I waited to get the attention of the person I wanted it from the most. It only took a minute or so as the collective voice lowered and dropped to a hushed whisper. Then I heard Sebastian say, “Oh shit, Rat, it’s your angel,” and instantly the place got silent.
I lifted the microphone back to my mouth. “I’m sorry I’m late, but I really need to perform a song tonight. I’ve wasted so much time; it just can’t wait any longer.” Mason’s face stayed stoic, not giving me an inch, but his gray eyes turned into a shimmery silver that shined back at me. He gave me a slight nod, indicating I should go on. The eyes of everyone in the warehouse were jumping back and forth from Mason to me and then back to Mason.
I began to strum his guitar and sing about apologies from a guy who had hurt me, a guy who would purposely make me too warm only to leave me out in the cold, a guy who didn’t take the time to appreciate the beauty he had until it was too late… and all that was left for him to do was apologize, because it had become clear I had fallen in love with another man.
After I sang the words of the last verse, “It's way too late for dignity. It's time for apologies,” I assumed both Ash and Mason understood my intentions. However, I didn’t want to leave something that important up to assumptions.
I looked directly into Mason’s eyes and pleaded, “Mason, I know what I did was wrong in so many ways, but I just want you to know I am truly sorry.” I paused a brief moment to let my apology be heard. “I had someone treat me similar to the way I treated you, and if he were to apologize, I’m not sure I would accept it, because I know I deserved better than that, and so did you. But I’m also here to let you know people can change. I know for a fact, because I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. The tragic events and loss of life I had to endure to get to this point, I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I’m thankful I was able to make something positive out of it by gaining control of my life.”
I took a deep breath before I finished what I came to say. “I used to be a girl who believed in fairy tales. You know, the whole knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse that would lead me to my happily-ever-after. About eight months ago, I lost hope and faith that I would ever find my prince, or to be more exact, that my prince would ever realize I was the one for him as he tried out all the other princesses. But what I discovered was that I was in the wrong damn fairy tale the whole time, chasing the wrong damn prince. There’s a Psyche for every Eros, an Elizabeth for every Darcy, an Abby for every Travis.” I heard several females scream out “I love Travis!” and I couldn’t help but smile. That reference was for Evie’s all-time favorite book boyfriend. “And I only hope you still want me to be the Angel to your Rat.” I turned up my nose just slightly when I said his nickname. “All along, I was wearing the wrong wings.”
Mason slowly made his way toward me and stepped up onto the stage. I didn’t move. He looked down at me and seared me with his intense stare. “Don’t you ever fly away again, angel. I swear I’ll have your wings clipped.” Then he picked me up into his arms and crushed me against his body.
“I’ve missed you so much, angel. I love you.”
“I love you too, Rat boy. I love you too.”
Epilogue
Ash
Eight months. It had been eight goddamned months since I had seen her. It took everything inside me not to walk up on that stage, drag her off, and claim her as mine once and for all. But I didn’t. I could see the look of determination in her eyes, and the last thing I wanted to do was piss her off. I had a lot of making up to do, and acting like a psychotic caveman in front of all of those people most definitely wasn’t the best way to st
art.
I couldn’t believe she was actually standing there. Finally. Scarlett had finally come back. I honestly wasn’t sure if she ever would. I thought that maybe, just maybe, losing her best friend and me shattering her heart within a matter of a two-day period would have been too much for her to ever return, but once again, she proved to be the incredible person I knew she was. My butterfly.
She looked even more beautiful than I remembered. I loved seeing my design permanently inked on her leg; I loved knowing that every day when she looked at it, she had to think of me, if only for a brief moment. I looked down at my forearm and smiled. My daily thoughts of her lasted way longer than brief moments. Scarlett MacGregor consumed me. Every hour of every day.
Hearing her smooth, silky voice as she began to sing sent a warm, tingly feeling throughout my entire body, and my cock instinctively hardened. God, how I had missed hearing that sweet sound. As she sang about apologies and love and hurt, I thought back to the last time I saw her. If there was ever a day in my life I could redo, that would be the one. Death is a bitch, especially when someone who is way too young to die does. The day Evie died, my world came crashing down around me. Not only was it painful and heartbreaking, because Evie was my friend, but her death hurt the person I loved more than anything so badly, and I didn’t know what to do. I had never in my life felt so helpless, so useless.
I had tried to be there for Scarlett. I had tried holding her, talking to her, and just being with her, but she had completely frozen up. Her usually cheerful, sparkling brown eyes were dull and empty and her spirit was broken. After the funeral, she insisted on being by herself. I knew that wasn’t a good idea, especially back at the apartment, where she had so many memories with Evie, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
So by the time Jess, Meg, and I returned to our house, I was pissed beyond belief at everyone and everything. I immediately closed myself off in my room, because I knew better than to be around anyone else. I would most likely be a dick and say something I didn’t mean. I heard Jess say she was leaving for Jacob’s a few minutes later, and that was followed by the closing of Meg’s bedroom door.
I ended up falling asleep; I was physically and mentally exhausted and drained. I wasn’t sure how long it had been, but I was woken up by a knock on the front door. At first, I thought it might be Scarlett, that she had changed her mind about going back to her place, but when I opened the door, I was disappointed to see some girl I had been stupid enough to bring home with me a week or so before. I usually didn’t like these girls to know where I lived to avoid such situations.
The girl—I can’t even remember her name—immediately latched onto me and started kissing my neck and telling me how much she missed and needed me. I tried pushing her off and telling her to go away, but damn if she wasn’t persistent. I just didn’t have the will in me to tell her no a third time as her kissing continued and her hand stroked me outside my jeans. In what ended up being the worst decision of my life, I yanked her by the arm back to my room and tried to fuck my anger out.
The look on Scarlett’s face when she opened my bedroom door that night would be forever etched into my brain. It is what haunted me every night and pushed me to keep living every day since then. I didn’t know what to do or what to say to her standing there; the scene spoke for itself. I was the asshole of all assholes, the scum of all scum, and whatever else you could think of to describe the worst human on the planet. I deserved every single thing she said to me and more.
It was at that moment, however, that I knew for sure she was indeed my soulmate, that I needed her in my life forever. I had never known I could feel pain and agony so intense until I saw the horrific look of abandonment and disgust in her eyes. I tried to stop her, but that was impossible. She flew out of my house and out of my life as I sat naked on my bed with some meaningless fuck huddled on the floor next to my bed. And that was the moment everything changed.
I knew I needed to get my life together so that if I ever had the chance again to get her back in my life. I could be the man she deserved. The very next day, I went to the tattoo parlor and had my butterfly put on my forearm. The new addition to her calf had not gone unnoticed during her short-lived visit, and despite everything else, it had thrilled me to know she’d gotten my design permanently inked onto her body. From the tattoo parlor, I went directly to the jewelry store. I wanted to be completely prepared to show her the degree of my love and dedication if I ever got another chance. I looked at the ring every night before going to bed and prayed to any and every god out there to bring her back.
After her song, she said her speech about how she didn’t think she could accept my apology after everything I had done but was asking Rat for forgiveness for whatever she did to him. If she slept with him, I was going to kill him with my bare hands. I knew she was purposely digging the knife in when she compared hers and his relationship to that of Psyche and Eros, but I also knew I deserved every ounce of pain she inflicted on me.
It made me sick to my stomach to watch their reuniting embrace as they professed their love for each other, but I sat back, biding my time. Rat looked up and stared directly into my eyes as he held her body up against his, claiming his victory. The look I gave him in return was full of warning and promise. I hoped he was ready for a fight, because if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that Scarlett MacGregor belonged with me. I knew it. He knew it. And she knew it. I just needed to remind her. She was forever my Psyche, my butterfly.
Bonus Scene ~ Ash POV
The night he met Scarlett…
“Ash! Get your ass up! We are leaving in half an hour!” Jess screamed for the third time in as many minutes.
Ugh. Thoughts of not joining them crossed my mind as I remained buried under the cool gray sheets. I could just stay home and enjoy the peaceful silence. Seconds later, the door flew open and my feisty, five-foot-nothing roommate stood in the doorway with a scowl on her face and her hands on her hips.
“Come on, Ash, we haven’t seen you in almost a month. Come hang out with us. You’ve got all weekend to sleep before classes start,” Jess pleaded as she stalked toward my bed. Plopping down next to me, she pulled the pillow out from under my head and tugged on my ear.
God, she could be so annoying.
“Surely one or five of your bimbos are not-so-patiently waiting to show you how much they missed you. I’ll even be decent to them tonight.”
I smiled sincerely at her, knowing she considered her offer to be quite a sacrifice. “I’m tired, Jess. I’ve been waking up at the ass-crack of dawn for the past three weeks. Plus, you know flying drains me. I’m just going to chill and work on some sketches. Go to bed early and get caught up,” I grumbled, moving my head to another pillow.
She hastily snatched that one out from under me too, throwing it on the ground.
Really fucking annoying.
“I’m not taking no for an answer. Take a shower, get dressed, and let’s go. We don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to; you know Meg will probably want to come home early. Plus, Jacob and Nicholas want to see you too, and my cousin Evie and her roommate who just moved here are coming with us. I want you to meet them.” Sliding off the bed, Jess began to walk away, but stopped to grab ahold of the sheet before taking off running down the hall, giggling like a little kid.
I rolled off the bed, growling irritably, and made my way to the bathroom Meg and I shared. Knowing Jess wasn’t going to let me stay, I figured I might as well get ready and make the best of it. The quicker we got there, the quicker we could come home. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to bother with one of my “bimbos,” as Jess called them.
Okay, who was I kidding? I was actually deciding if I should text a sure thing to meet me there or take my chances that the talent selection would be worthy. I needed someone to take good care of me tonight. Staying with my sister for the summer had put a damper on my usually very active sex life.
Don’t get me wrong—I still got my share o
f ass while I was in California, but I had to be a bit more inventive logistically. I’d become well acquainted with one particular bathroom stall at Duke’s, a popular restaurant on the Pacific Coast Highway. Typically, I had a little more class than that, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
After going without any the first two days of my visit, I thought I might very well die. Jacking off in the shower wasn’t helping anything. I needed wet, hot female flesh wrapped around my cock in a hurry. I was a guy who customarily had exceptionally high standards in his conquests, and I enjoyed the hunt as much as the kill, but in that state of frustration, I was ready to fuck the first willing participant I could find.
I lucked out that night when I went to the bar to a grab a couple drinks and escape the craziness of my two young nephews. There were a few cute girls already there when I arrived, and it took no less than twenty minutes before I had one of them bent over in that oversized stall, ramming myself into her and finding my much-needed sweet release shortly after. A few nights later, I had her friend in the same position, and for the rest of my trip, I visited that bar at least every other day, never leaving disappointed.
The hot water abruptly disappeared, and the icy water pelting my skin brought me back from my happy memory. A major drawback of living with two females. Speedily rinsing the remaining soap off my body, I hurried out to get dressed, suddenly forgetting my frustration when I heard the unfamiliar voices drifting in from the living room.
Hopefully, the roommate girl would be hot and make my search tonight quick. I already knew what Evie looked like from pictures in Jess’s room—basically just like Jess, and that was just too weird for me. I could never hook up with her, because it would be like looking at my best friend, and I just couldn’t go there… not after everything the two of us had gone through.
Shaking my head to clear the repulsive thought, I wasn’t going to ruin my improving mood thinking about family drama. I was just happy Jess and I remained best friends throughout all these years. It was kind of funny that with my well-deserved reputation of being a manwhore, I lived with two very attractive females, neither of which found me sexually appealing. My father would be so disappointed if he knew.