by SE Jakes
“Nothing.”
“You didn’t book ahead of time?”
“I did,” he said quietly and Glen realized that Derek had given up his airline seat to stay with him and nurse him back to health.
“I’m going to drive. If I leave now, I’ll make it by morning,” he said, like it was completely reasonable. And maybe it would’ve been, if a storm hadn’t been ravaging the Eastern Seaboard and promised to continue doing so for at least twenty-four more hours.
“Where is home?”
“Vermont.”
“Jesus, Derek…”
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “But the offer to come home with me still stands. It’s beautiful there. Quiet. Simple.”
“But your parents—”
“My mom and sister. They already know about you.”
“What do they know?”
“That I’m more than halfway to loving you.”
Derek said it so easily, but there was a guardedness in his eyes that Glen recognized. The man didn’t trust him, not fully, not to break his heart.
It was the last thing Glen wanted to do. “I’m sorry—it’s just not my thing.”
“So you’d rather be alone on Christmas?”
“It’s been that way for long enough that I stopped noticing.”
“Maybe I want you to notice.”
Glen paused and then asked, “What did your mother and sister say, when you told them that about me?”
“That they hadn’t heard me sound that happy in a long time.”
He didn’t look happy now. Glen hated to think he was responsible for that. Not when this man had brought him back from the dead in the space of mere months when no one had been able to do it in years. Or maybe ever. “Not going to be an easy drive.”
“I’ll be fine. I like being at home. My mom’s been fighting breast cancer for years. I don’t get to see her enough as it is. She doesn’t complain, but having me home for Christmas…” He trailed off. “It’s all right, Glen. I’m not upset. We’ll talk as soon as I get back, all right?”
“Call when you get there.”
“I can do that.” He packed up his stuff and gave Glen a fierce kiss. “I get it—you’ve had too much parenting for a lifetime. Don’t worry—I’ll be fine.”
Glen watched as Derek cleared snow off his truck—he’d refused to let Glen out to help him. “Not letting you get sick when you’ve just recovered,” he’d said. And finally, the truck was free and clear and Derek backed out of the driveway. Glen remained staring at the empty space where it had remained for days.
Was he really ready to let things end like this? Derek said he’d call when he returned—Glen didn’t doubt that, didn’t think this was some kind of test…but if he couldn’t do this small thing for Derek, what else couldn’t he do?
Maybe he wouldn’t return the call after Christmas. Give Derek the easy way out.
Easy way out for you too. And you’ll be alone again.
That wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t know that Derek was so right for him. More than anyone, more than John, even, and the fact that he could admit it—mean it—hit him hard enough to make him sink to the floor for a few minutes. He had to force himself to breathe at the enormity of what he’d just realized.
He wrapped his arms around his knees as he curled into a ball. Smelled Derek all over him.
All Derek wanted was, well, something most people could do without a problem. A family visit. But family…
He could fly death-defying things, but the thought of moving forward paralyzed him. And how the hell long could he allow fear to fuck with him?
He closed his eyes and pictured Derek—the night they’d met. The night the Dom had intervened with Mark.
The way he’d taken care of Glen the past few days.
He gave you everything back…why can’t you believe you gave him something back as well?
When he found himself getting up and packing, he realized he just had.
After ten minutes, he had the phone out, called in a favor. While he waited for his friend to drop off his truck with the plow, he showered, then packed rapidly. The last thing he packed was the present he’d bought for Derek on his last mission, and headed over to Derek’s house in his borrowed truck.
He’d caught him just in time, because Derek’s front door was open, a large duffel waiting, the truck on and warming. Sometimes, leaving it in fate’s hands was the best thing, Glen decided. And tonight, fate won.
He beeped twice and got out of the car. Derek met him on the porch as the soft snow fell around them.
“What are you doing here?”
Glen nodded back toward the truck. “I can get you through.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“You stayed behind for me and missed your flight.”
“I did that because I wanted to,” Derek said.
“And I’m doing this for the same reason. Don’t make me put you over my shoulder and drag you out of here.”
“You and what army?”
“Fuck the Army. Navy does just fine on its own.” Before Derek could react, Glen had him over his shoulder and was walking to the truck.
Derek was strong but he’d always known Glen was stronger, in so many ways.
When Glen put him down on the ground by the passenger’s side, Derek pulled Glen to him in a hard kiss. Glen responded instantly.
“I’ll let you drive me if you spend the holiday with me.” Glen didn’t answer so Derek continued. “What—you’ll drive me there and turn right around?”
“I’m not good with family.”
“You’re not good with your family. Give mine a try,” Derek implored, his hand still on the back of Glen’s neck, same as it was that first night they’d met. Except this time, Glen was so much farther along. “Please, baby—I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“Please let me drive you. Not because it’s tit for tat. But because I want to do it for you. You’re exhausted from taking care of me. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you,” Glen said, and Derek conceded, because that step was already huge.
“Let me grab my bag and lock up.”
The weather was terrible—even with the truck and chains and plow, it was a white-knuckle trip, but hell, that was Glen’s specialty. Pulling it out of the fire—or ice as the case may be.
Derek tried to fight sleep and lost, curled up in the seat next to him and passed out for hours while Glen blasted his way through state after state.
The house was all white-picket-fence perfect, the way Glen’s had once been. It reeked of happiness, but Glen especially knew that the outside was always a facade, could never be as good as it looked.
Except…he looked at Derek. This man was as good. Glen knew that with his heart and soul, and he was so tired of fighting himself.
“Hey, we’re here.”
Derek shifted. “Shit, you’re like Superman.”
“Quite a compliment coming from a Marine.”
Derek laughed, then stared between the house and Glen. When he spoke, it was with a sudden seriousness that caught Glen off guard. “When we get home, move in with me.”
“You dated someone for years and you weren’t ready. We’ve known each other a couple of months and—”
“And it’s right. No matter if you spend Christmas with me this year—or you never do—I can respect that. But I still want you to come home to me. I’ll always make sure you’re okay when you’re with me.”
“I believe you.” He really did, with a feeling of trust that settled in his bones for the first time in what felt like forever. He leaned across the center console and kissed Derek, who didn’t seem worried that his mom might see them. Derek put a hand on the back of his neck and tugged Glen in closer.
When they both pulled back, reluctantly, Derek told him, “Good. Then don’t answer me right now. Think about it. Because I’m too damned impatient not to ask again, and soon.”
“Could you be more bossy?�
�� Glen asked.
“Yeah, I can. And you’ll love it.”
Glen fought a moan, because he wanted nothing more than Derek to show him, right here and now. But it was neither the time nor the place for that. And his head was already swimming with contemplating Derek’s offer.
The man was completely serious. And he was staring at Glen like he knew what he was thinking, so Glen told him, “Let’s get our stuff out of the back.”
“Our stuff?”
Glen nodded, and Derek didn’t make a huge deal about it, just acted like that had always been the plan. Together, they waded through the knee-deep snow, the icy hail pummeling them as they walked.
Glen didn’t feel a damned thing—between his happiness and his nerves—he was shot.
Derek’s mother was waiting at the door. “I can’t believe you made it through.”
Glen watched as she hugged Derek tight. When they pulled apart, she held out her hand. “Alice Mann—so nice to meet you, Glen.”
He shook her hand. “You too. Thanks for having me here.”
“Any friend of Derek’s,” she said with a warmth that couldn’t be faked. And then Derek’s sister, Melissa, came into the hall and threw her arms around Derek and hugged Glen too, whether he wanted to be hugged or not.
“Sorry,” Derek mouthed with a shrug, but Glen was all right. More so than he’d thought he’d be.
“You must be exhausted, driving all night,” Alice said. “Go get some rest and I’ll have food ready when you’re done.”
Glen had almost forgotten that somewhere along the road, it had turned into Christmas.
Derek led them up to the third floor—an open, loft-like attic room with a big bed and plush rug. It was warm, despite the hail slamming the windows.
“I want to tell you how much this means to me, but I’d rather show you,” Derek murmured.
He relaxed in Derek’s arms. Let the man fuss over him. Then he let Derek tie his arms down tight to the headboard and make love to him quietly.
Chapter Ten
Glen let Derek sleep, got up and showered and let the smell of food guide him downstairs. He steeled himself—for what, he wasn’t sure, and he padded into the kitchen.
Alice was checking something in the oven, turned when she saw him. “Hope you got some rest.”
“I did—thanks.”
The lights flickered, and she looked up at them like she could will them to stay on. “We’ve been lucky so far. As long as this roast cooks, I’ll be happy. But you must be hungry—sit and I’ll get you something to snack on.”
He wasn’t about to argue—it had been a while since he’d eaten. She poured some hot chocolate into a mug, passed it to him and he drank the sweet concoction, calmer inside than he thought he would be.
She sat across from him with her own mug. “Thank you for getting Derek through this storm. It means more to me than you could possibly know.”
“Yeah, well, he’s done a lot for me,” he said quietly.
“You’ve done a lot for him.” There was pride and acceptance in her tone and Glen’s shoulders relaxed.
She was nice, but she wasn’t pushing him to the point where he wanted to run. Instead, she plied him with cookies, like she knew sweets were his weakness, and then she showed him photo albums of Derek. As the lights flickered and the winds howled, Glen kept her calm during the storm, reassured her that the roast would be fine, even though he knew nothing about cooking.
Derek watched Glen sitting at the table with Mom, drinking cocoa and paging through photo albums.
He’d advised his mom to go slowly—she wouldn’t have called Glen down here like this.
No, while Derek was sleeping, Glen had come down here purposefully. His chest squeezed as he backed slowly away, not wanting to interrupt their moment. Instead, he joined his sister in the living room, where she was putting the finishing touches on the tree.
Derek was usually here to help them pick it out on Christmas Eve. But Melissa had somehow managed to do so herself.
“I like him,” she said, without being asked. “And you know I don’t like everyone.”
“Yes, I know. Speaking of…”
“Tommy and I are still together. He’s with his family this year,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “Mom’s so happy you made it home.”
“So am I.” He was happy for a lot of things. He’d let go of a hell of a lot—Glen had as well. And they had a lot to show for it. Didn’t matter the length of time—right was right.
“I like seeing your smile again,” Melissa told him, gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Me too, sis…me too.”
Later that night, after Merry Christmases had been said and the roast and potatoes and everything else in between had been eaten, the storm finally eased up. Glen and Derek were curled together in the attic guest room.
“Why is this easy?” Glen asked himself out loud.
“You’re not easy—neither am I. But it’s right,” Derek said. “I think, in order to have or appreciate the very best, you have to go through the very worst. Living your life always looking to be on an even keel is safe, but it’s boring.”
“So you have to suffer to be really happy,” Glen mused. “Like you don’t know what it really feels like until you feel really shitty.”
“Yeah, like that. It’s a good time of year for miracles.”
“I’ll take them every time.”
Derek moved to open the bedside table drawer. “I wanted to give you this in private.”
It was wrapped, and when Glen opened it, two keys fell out. “So this wasn’t an impulse move-in-with-me discussion.”
“No. I’ve known for a couple of weeks. Needed to find the right time—and last night felt like it.”
“It’s pretty perfect,” he said, took a minute to connect them to his own key ring. And then he said, “I’ve got something for you too.”
He rifled through his bag and pulled out the unwrapped gift and handed it to Derek. He’d picked up the carved ebony statue—two figures symbolically twined to make one—on his last mission to Africa. It reminded him of everything he wanted with Derek. Made him think that it wasn’t too late to go home and fix what he’d fucked up.
And he’d been right. “I bought it before I got sick. After I picked that fight…” He stared at the ceiling, shook his head. “God, I kept fighting, fucking things up. And they still worked out.”
Derek smiled. Put the statue next to him on the night table and kissed him. “It’s really perfect.”
“Like you.”
Derek snorted. “Remember you said that the next time you’re pissed at me.”
“I’ll try.”
“You all right?”
He was. The family stuff would probably always overwhelm him but being accepted into the fold was comforting. There were no hidden agendas here—no snide comments. Just love.
Derek had been right—accepting himself was always going to be the hardest part. “Do I get to sit on Santa’s lap?”
“Fuck Santa. You’ll sit on mine.”
“That’s a better offer.” Glen smiled.
“For right now, it’s all damned good.” Derek paused, wondered if he should press his luck. “If you move in with me, that would be the best present ever.”
Glen whistled softly. “You said you’d ask again soon, but man, you’re fast.”
“I know what I want.”
“You’re lucky I like fast.”
“I’ve been lucky ever since you walked into the bar.” Derek meant that more than he ever thought he could.
“I want to be with you, Derek. Want to move in with you. I just can’t believe…”
“Believe what?’ Derek prompted softly when Glen paused for too long.
“Can’t believe you want to move in with me.”
Derek kissed him fiercely, letting him know that, yes, that’s exactly what he wanted. Let Glen know that it was all for real. And when they pulled apart for a second, Glen nuz
zled his head against Derek’s shoulder.
“Yes,” Glen said finally. “In case I wasn’t clear—yes.”
“Baby, you just made my year.” Derek stroked the side of Glen’s face when the boy moved his head to look him in the eye.
“Love you,” Glen said. “Not sure if it’s too early to say it, but that’s what I feel.”
Derek held him. “Love you. Never too early.”
“Fucking Christmas,” Glen muttered, the lights burning softly across his face. He knew he’d celebrate it happily every year from now on. And he had Derek Mann to thank for it. For everything.
About the Author
SE Jakes lives in New York where she’s currently at work writing her next book. She feels that doing what you love keeps you young and that writing about people falling in love is probably the best damned job in the entire world.
You can find more information about SE’s newest books or how to contact her at sejakes.blogspot.com.
Look for these titles by SE Jakes
Now Available:
Men of Honor
Bound By Honor
Bound By Law
Ties that Bind
A promise forces two men to bare themselves…completely.
Bound By Honor
© 2011 SE Jakes
Men of Honor, Book 1
One year ago on a mission gone wrong, Tanner James failed to save the life of Jesse, his Army Ranger teammate. Before dying in that South American jungle, Jesse extracted a promise that won’t let Tanner rest until it’s fulfilled—no matter what it costs him.
Damon Price loved Jesse, but problems in their relationship had come to a head right before Jesse left on his final mission. Now a reluctant Dom and a man still in mourning, he’s not happy when Tanner appears at his BDSM club. And even less happy with Jesse’s last request—that Tanner sub for him for one night.
After a rough start, Damon realizes that the tough soldier, despite his protests, aches for someone to take control. And Tanner senses a hesitance, an insecurity in Damon that makes him wonder if he’s simply a placeholder for Jesse, or if their tentative connection could grow into something more.