by V. F. Mason
“Well, that’s one hell of a question,” I finally was able to say, but my throat still felt tight.
She shrugged, looking down and then at the window. “I’m just curious, that’s all.” Jane was the only one who wasn’t in a good mood after our trip, not to mention, at some point, she disappeared from our radar.
We all shared a look and changed our seats so everyone would end up facing her. She usually wasn’t the one to talk about sex; she actually avoided the subject every time it was brought up. Her curiosity right now seemed out of the blue, but then maybe she decided to give up her V card and wanted to get some inspiration about it? Jane never asked about anything directly; with her, you had to search for hints in her questions.
“I lost it with Nick, obviously.” Megan was the first to share, despite the fact she was as red as a lobster. That would have been funny if it wasn’t for the fact she was talking about my brother.
“Megs, come on, I feel sick. I don’t want to discuss my brother’s sex life.” Gross! I mean just ewww, no.
“Well, she asked.” She gave me an annoyed look and quickly finished. “It was during our senior year in high school and he was very gentle. He booked a motel room and, well, the rest is history. He was amazing.” I had a feeling I was green, that’s how much it made me sick. She laughed and tapped me on the shoulder. “That’s it, no more details.”
“Thank God for that,” I muttered, because seriously, I was close to hurling.
“Gregory Hopkins,” Sam said, and my jaw dropped to the floor. “We were both fifteen and, well, it sucked big time. It happened at my house when my parents weren’t home. The thing didn’t last long, and we never had sex after that.”
Gregory Hopkins was a kid from our school. He was a football star and always had plans to go to law school. He was the heir to the attorney practice his parents had, and the last I heard about him, he studied at Harvard. Sam hated the guy, and he always had something nasty to say about her, not to mention he kinda scared me. Well, certainly some aspects of their behavior were explained.
“Diego Rodrigues.” We tensed because all of us knew how much pain he’d brought Ariel and how much she loved him. Sometimes I wondered how she was able to work with us from all the pain she suffered because of that fucker. “He had a yacht. He put roses there and shit like that. I was eighteen, and it was special and good.” Her voice shook slightly, but then she quickly put a smile on her face as if it was just a thing from the past, but I had a strong suspicion it really wasn’t.
Diego was older than us by ten years and should have known better than to touch the innocent Ariel back then. She was such a delicate flower; no one probably would believe now, since she was a drop-dead sexy goddess who used men as she pleased. I wished there was a way for me to help her, but there wasn’t. Last we heard about him, he married someone else and had a kid. It was hard to miss since he was a CEO of a big company and his business was all over the news.
I was so deep in my thoughts about my girls that it took me a while to notice everyone looked at me expectantly, and I got that it was my turn now.
Shit, I so didn’t want to talk about it with anyone.
Ever.
I couldn’t exactly back off now, when they’d shared their thing.
“Ryan Jackson, and it was two years ago.” Well, talk about shock. Their faces were priceless. And then Megan made a whimper and I turned my head to her. “Don’t tell Nick about it, okay? He would probably make a big deal out of it, when it really wasn’t.” I was lying; it was a big freaking deal.
I still could remember how gentle he was. We were both nervous, but it was nevertheless beautiful.
One of the most memorable moments of my life.
“I don’t get it. When did you have time to do that? I’ve never seen you hang out with him except that time in—” Ariel stopped and shook her head. “The time you went to have ice cream with him. I had no idea it was our code for sex.” I had a pillow near me, so I grabbed it and threw it at her while she was laughing.
“Anyway, it happened at his house, and it was good. I left in the morning and we never talked about it again.” Megan frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but closed it abruptly.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing.” It wasn’t nothing and I damn well knew it. She sighed, knowing very well the Hastings offspring were stubborn.
“It’s just that Ryan doesn’t seem like the type who would do something like that. I mean, it’s hard for me to imagine he would have sex with you and then just make you leave.”
This conversation was getting more uncomfortable by the minute.
“He didn’t kick me out. I just left.” The girls gave me astonished looks, but there was nothing much to say. “So, Jane, tell us why you’re interested all of a sudden. You finally found the one?” I wiggled my brows and the girls giggled as they all shifted their focus back to Jane.
I couldn’t talk about Ryan.
I knew he wanted more. I’d seen it clearly.
And that scared me.
I never wanted to have a connection with anyone on an intimate level. He was great while it lasted, but I couldn’t give him more.
There was one thing I didn’t mention to them.
That night, I wasn’t the only one who had their first time.
Ryan
“So are they coming back, or should we move on and go ahead?”
“Maybe we can wait? You know, they’ll talk, and we could just wait.”
“Drake is a calm person. I’m sure he’ll let her go soon.” As the girls discussed what would be the next action, Jeremy and I shared a look that spoke volumes.
Calm my ass. If his behavior was anything to go by, he would be screwing her senseless right now.
I had no idea they were married, but I knew some woman occupied his thoughts. He never paid attention to any female, and refused their advances when they hit on him.
Looks like his woman stayed loyal too, but the look she gave Jeremy worried me a little.
I didn’t have the best relationship with my brother, but I didn’t want him to love a chick who was in love with someone else, either.
“Let’s just move on and discuss the tour. Jane knows all the details anyway,” Jeremy said with a sigh and took the papers he had in his hand, spreading them around. I had my hand behind Bella’s head on the couch and had her in my arms, and thank God she ignored the questioning looks from her band. I didn’t want her explaining shit to them. They hadn’t exactly gained my trust yet.
“Our tour starts in Trenton in two weeks. We’ll have twenty-five cities to go to, and we’ll have our last concert in New York. It’ll all last about two and a half months. And then, depending on certain things, we may have to take a break, and only then announce the world tour.” They’d done the same tour three times already, so it wasn’t anything new for Bella.
“The usual then.” Ariel was looking through the papers but checking her phone for some reason as well. She was restless.
“Yep.” Then he took a deep breath and looked up at Bella. “How is your voice?”
“I can sing, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s still a little bit raspy and it’s hard to hit higher notes, but with practice and all, I should be good to go for Buffalo.” Oddly enough, she sounded confident. Jeremy nodded and wrote down some notes on his papers. I just now noticed how stressed he was; it was like he was a walking tension who didn’t know how to let go.
“Well then, that’s it. For today, everything is done. Fucking please stay put today, I have enough scandals to deal with.” He stood up and made a sign with his head to me, and as much as I didn’t want to leave my girl there alone, I had to follow him.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, with a peck on her lips. She gave me a reassuring smile.
“Take your time.” With a final nod to the girls, Jeremy and I left the room. The minute we did that, he took a deep breath.
“Fuck. I need a drink.”
He pushed his hand through his hair. “Wanna join me?”
I had no intentions of drinking. I had other responsibilities here. But I knew he wanted someone to talk to and it left me no other choice but to nod.
After all, I didn’t refuse a friend.
“Sure.” Bella would be fine there inside, and maybe she needed time with her gang as well.
“I would have suggested Drake could join us, but I think he has more pleasant things to do right now.” Jer laughed, but there was no humor in it. For a second, I thought I was wrong and he did have feelings for Jane. “Their fucked-up situation will bite me in the ass and that pisses me off. Why didn’t she tell me she was married? I would have understood. God, she’s like a sister to me.” Well, okay, he didn’t.
Jeremy had no fucking clue.
Drake had a lot of work on his hands if he wanted that girl, and judging by his actions, he did want her.
I knew better than anyone what it was like to have feelings for someone who didn’t feel the same.
After all, I loved my girl the minute I laid eyes on her, all those years ago on the school bus. She was my first, and I intended to make her my last.
She didn’t remember me, but that was okay.
I was here with her now, and we made new memories.
She didn’t have to know there was history between us. Somehow, that would destroy our relationship, and there was nothing in this world that would have made up for it in my mind.
So, yeah.
Good luck to Drake—and Jeremy, for that matter.
They had no idea what they were up against.
Annabella
“Well, he’s hot. Not your usual type of hot, but still hot. I would have even said yummy.” Ariel finally decided to break the silence that stretched in the room when the guys left. She was looking around the room and admiring the design. She had a fetish for good furniture and big houses. I still didn’t understand why Ariel and Jane acted as if nothing had happened with me. I knew they were easier to deal with than Sam, but still, I thought they would be a little angrier at my choices.
Where was their anger?
“He is handsome,” I agreed, and tried to find some other topic to talk about, because Nate and I weren’t exactly the best one right now.
“So, you and him are a thing now?” Sam asked with a raised brow. It was hard not to detect sarcasm in her voice. “Isn’t it against the rules to, you know, fuck the one in charge of your rehabilitation?” Ariel winced and showed a slightly panicked expression.
Well, that certainly didn’t take long.
“We aren’t fucking, as you put it.” I kept my voice calm. She wanted to make something dirty out of what we had, and I wouldn’t let her.
I had no idea what we freaking had with each other, but I knew for sure I wouldn’t let anyone demean it.
“Really? Certainly didn’t look like it from where I was sitting. All the touching and kissing.”
“I don’t really have to explain myself to you, Sam.”
“Oh, I think you do, since it’s you who everyone here has to watch, not me.”
Well, bringing up the whole drug mess didn’t take long either. Oddly enough, I had no desire to fight about it either, or defend myself. There were just some things you need to experience yourself before you understood it. She was simply itching for a fight. I wasn’t willing to give it to her.
“I think you watching me has nothing to do with you deciding who I can or can’t be with.” Before she could open her mouth to say anything else, Jane stormed inside the room and stopped dead when she saw us all sitting and studying her, since she was in the middle and we all had a good view of her. Her hair was all over the place, her lips were red and swollen, probably from all the kissing, and her top was inside out. She looked like a hot mess, and like a woman who was well-loved just minutes ago. There was regret and fear in her eyes, but there was also satisfaction. The pure feminine satisfaction, and . . . well, Drake probably knew his way around the kitchen.
On another thought, ewwww.
I didn’t need to imagine my psychologist doing the naughty business.
“Well hi, girl,” I said softly.
“I want to be alone right now.” She didn’t look anyone in the eyes and was holding tightly to the jacket she had in her hand. She was on the verge of breaking down, the girls and I shared a look. We knew if we pushed her, she would break. We also knew, if we didn’t push her, she would calm down and stay silent about it, and we would never know what the hell happened.
She left us no choice.
“Honey, why didn’t you tell us you were married?” As usual, the questions were left to me. Some things never changed.
“Because it doesn’t matter.” She still didn’t look at us and was shifting nervously, fighting for control of her emotions that were all over the place; that was clear to see, at least to us. “It was a mistake.”
“Why didn’t you get the divorce then?” Ariel looked confused and slightly hurt, maybe because she had a special bond with Jane, the one I used to have with Sam.
“He wouldn’t give me one.”
“Why?” Sam didn’t like any bullshit from guys and now was ready to explode on Drake, I just knew it.
“He wanted to see me before he signed.”
“Why didn’t you let him? I mean, I know Drake. He is kind and wouldn’t hurt anyone.” Well, at least that was what I knew about him personally, not that we talked much about him during my sessions or anything.
I certainly was freaking surprised with his caveman act today.
“I couldn’t.”
“Why?” My pressure and the simple one word was enough for her to explode. She threw the jacket on the floor, sat on the couch, and started crying.
Well, shit.
She never, ever cried, not even when that stupid article called her plain.
All of us attempted to go over to her, but she raised her head and hands.
“Don’t come near me, please. It’s hard enough as it is.” The tears were streaming down her cheeks and she tried to wipe them off with her hand. Her mascara was smudged down her face. “Every time I see him, it’s always the same. I want to touch him, kiss him, and we end up screwing each other. It’s great and I love it.” She shook her head as though she wanted to remove the images from her head. “No, that’s wrong. My body loves it, and I can’t help but surrender to him. Everything else just fades away.” She kept on mumbling, and we once again shared a look. What she described sounded like a good thing, something many people dreamed about. Why was she upset? I mean, what she said pretty much covered my relationship with Nate. “But I can’t have that and I don’t want it. It was all a mistake.”
“Why can’t you? I mean, the guy is good-looking, looks like he’s nuts about you, and you said the sex was great—”
Sam had no chance of finishing because Jane whispered, “I’m in love with someone else.” We all froze and didn’t really know what to say. We knew there was someone. It was hard not to after that whole karaoke incident, but she never spoke about it.
I had no idea how to handle it. I still couldn’t believe all the drama I was witnessing, since it wasn’t even an hour since we’d all met again.
Life was certainly more entertaining when they were around.
“Who?” Again it was me who asked the question, but I had my reasons. Ariel looked slightly hurt and angry, and, well, Sam had this guilty expression in her eyes, and a cold shiver run down my spine.
No, not him.
Jane shook her head, covered her face with her hands, and took a few breaths to calm herself down.
“It doesn’t matter who. I just . . . I don’t know, this whole situation confuses me and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“What the hell, Jane?” Ariel rose and her eyes were stormy. “We are fucking best friends, yet here you are, refusing to talk about anything, and then there’s the husband part, too?”
“Ariel, I don’t have to exactly b
roadcast my feelings and what I do to the whole world.” Crap, now she was angry too.
“Seriously? We are not the whole world. We are family, and as far as I know, family doesn’t keep secrets from each other.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Look, girls, maybe we need to calm down and—” Sam tried to defuse the situation, but it was already too late.
“Yeah, Sam, like you’re the one to talk,” Ariel angrily replied. I felt tension in the air.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“What? You think I don’t know who you’ve been screwing for the past year?” Sam became red and furious, and stood up. Jane paled, and that made me curse inwardly. Shit, she didn’t need to know that.
“Shut up, Ariel.”
“No, I fucking won’t. I’m sick and tired of the secrets all you guys seem to have. It fucking ruins everything.”
“Oh yeah? What about you? You think I don’t know about your secrets?” Sam asked, her eyes narrowed.
“You know nothing. You’re too busy fucking Jeremy on a daily basis to see anything!” Ariel screamed.
“At least I sleep with someone who is good. You, on the other hand, went out with Diego of all people, the guy who cheated on you and left you to marry someone else. You have no fucking self-respect!” She was shouting at the top of her lungs. I was sure the whole damned ranch heard us.
Well, after that, no one was shouting.
The silence was heavy. I couldn’t recognize us, and what had just happened.
We never yelled at each other.
We never had so many secrets.
We never tried to feed on each other’s weaknesses to prove a point.
What the hell happened to us? I used to think I ruined everything by using drugs, but this situation proved we were far from fine to begin with.
“Jeremy and you are together? Knowing about my feelings, I thought you would tell me first. You promised me.” Jane’s whispering was really low, but since there was no other sound, it was loud enough for all of us to hear.