by T. Styles
Christina read one of her notes. “You mentioned Jayden was a monster.”
“She is a monster.”
“Okay, you mentioned that she is a monster but outside of cleaning up your messes and taking care of the responsibilities you should have been charged with as a mother, I don’t see how she’s so bad. If anything she should be commended even though I don’t condone exploiting young girls for their bodies.”
Harmony shakes her head. “Do you like cubs?”
She shrugs. “I’m not much for baseball but my boyfriend seems to like them okay.”
“You really are the whitest woman I know.”
Christina gasps and turns an interesting shade of red. “What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about lion’s cubs not the baseball team. Do you like cubs or not?”
An expression of recognition takes over. “Oh, yes, they’re adorable.” She slaps her hands together. Now she’s giggly. “I take my step children to see them all the time at the zoo.”
“Good for you.” Harmony yawns. “Anyway cubs are precious in the beginning. They have the big black eyes, short ears and yellow fur you white people fall all over for.” Christina sighs. “All you want to do is pick them up and hug them don’t you?”
Get to the point. “True.”
“Well what happens to those cubs after they turn about ten months old?” She pauses. “They’re still young but now their body weight increases which gives them the ability to rip that smug face of yours clear off your clavicle.” Christina rubs her shoulders. “They are cute but they are killers. Smaller replicas of their parents but killers all the same. The best killers move slowly and are amongst us in the community. They blend in with everything and everyone.”
Christiana focuses on the cougar across from her and says, “Tell me about it.”
“They are calculating, slow and exact. And I’m telling you that whether you believe me or not, Jayden is the same way.”
Christina sits back in her seat. “Okay, I’ll let you finish your story but at some point today, I want to hear about the child you gave birth too.”
“At some point today you’ll hear everything I have to say, because after this I’m done. I can’t live this life anymore.” Her body slinks down into the chair and she wipes the mist out of her eyes.
“What do you mean you’re done?”
Silence.
Christina leans forward. “Harmony, what do you mean you’re done?”
“Do you want to hear the rest or not?”
Worried she replies, “Carry on.”
PART THREE
JAYDEN
BLUE EYES
I don’t know why but it seems like making money and being horny goes hand and hand with me. So I bring Sebastian home to play a little with him. The moment he comes through Concord’s doors, everybody is fussing about how cute he is. I’m not going to lie, he ain’t my nigga, but I’m not sure how I feel about other bitches looking at him either.
“Oh my, God, them Blue eyes are so fucking sexy! Are they real?” Gucci says.
“Don’t fuck with me, ma. They all real.” Sebastian glares.
“Jayden, is he yours, because if he ain’t I will fuck him for free? That’s on everything.”
“Well that makes you stupider than I thought.” I snap. I take him by his hands and whisk him upstairs. Away from the bitches who enjoy fucking off duty. I guess Joseph was right after all.
We eventually make it to my room, and the moment he’s inside, I push him to the bed and take his shoes off. “Let me holla at you for a minute. Are you sure you like just fucking each other? This sort of thing is good for you?” He’s looking through me.
“Yes, why do you want more?”
“I’m not in the business of wanting more if the girl I’m chilling with isn’t.”
I think about it. I’m still waiting on Kreshon so I tell him, “Naw, I’m good with our arrangement for now. Let’s just enjoy each other…life is so rough without a good fuck.”
Before he can dispute anymore, his feet aren’t even good and out of his socks before I’m sucking on his toenails. When I see his expression changes, I know he loves it. When I’ve sucked each of his toes clean, I remove his pants and his boxers. He tries to grab me and take charge but I push him on my bed and drop to my knees. I handle his dick like it’s delicate chinaware at first, before stuffing him into my mouth like toys in a Christmas stocking. When I hum, I can feel the tip of his dick in my throat. I think I’m starting to love this shit. He grabs the back of my head and wipes forward, causing my long hair to spread out on his chest.
“Damn,” he says pushing deeper into my throat. “How do you do that shit?”
I don’t answer, instead I spread my jaws wider and softly place one of his balls into my mouth. I’ve learned overtime to spread my jaws wide. “Are you serious?” He looks down at me. “How the fuck…”
Before he can finish his sentence both of his balls along with his dick is in my mouth and I’m moving my tongue like a wave. When I feel his goo roll down my throat I’m ready for part two. That is until I see his blue eyes turn gray as he looks over me. I take him out of my mouth and turn around to see what got him shot. That’s when I see somebody at my door I don’t recognize.
“My bad, I’m here with Gucci and them.” He looks at me on my knees and licks his lips. “I’ma leave ya’ll too it though. Handle your business, partner. She’s a bad, bitch!” He closes the door.
“Who the fuck was that?” Sebastian asks. When I look at him, he has his gun firmly in his hands and he’s dressed. What the fuck? How did he do it so quickly? I’m up on my feet trying to pull myself together. I wouldn’t know the nigga who walked in my room anymore than I would a roach in my house. And that bothers me.
“I don’t know, but I’m about to handle it.” I quickly get dressed. On my way downstairs I see somebody in the main bathroom. I go into it and the same nigga is in the tub with Gucci. A cigarette is burning on the tub and now it’s stained. “What the fuck is going on?” I throw the cigarette in the tub and it sizzles. “I didn’t authorize you to have niggas in my house.”
“Jayden, you said this is our place too. Lighten up.”
“Fuck that shit, I don’t want mothafuckas in my house!” I still don’t know who robbed me, I don’t want it happening in the future.
“Baby girl, I’m just showing my lady a nice time.” He says as if he just paid money for the Ritz Carlton. “You don’t have to act like that.”
“Nigga, this is my mothafuckin’ house! And unless you selling or buying pussy, you got five minutes to get the fuck out of here before I get out of the box!”
“Jayden, that’s fucked up!” Gucci says. “This is my boyfriend Tito I was telling you about.”
“I don’t give a fuck who he is. But I know one thing, you better roll with him or fall in line because I’m about to explode. And I’m not fucking around with you.”
These sluts got me fucked up. I go into the hallway and scream down at all the niggas I see in my house now. What were they doing, having a party or something?
“I don’t know what these bitches told you, but this is my house and I own them. All of them. So unless I give the say so, you don’t have the right to be here. And that goes for all of you. Nobody is allowed to be in my house unless I give the okay. Now either get the fuck out, or I’m shooting anything I land on in the next five minutes!”
Respecting my threat, everyone leaves. Even Sebastian.
HARMONY
WASHED OUT
I woke up to the irritating sound of teenage girls yapping in my house. I roll out of bed and sit on the edge mad as hell with all of this shit. I can’t believe Jayden would subject me to this simply because I need her help. It wouldn’t have been so bad had Mrs. Sheers not made it her mission to put me in an outpatient alcoholic program. Because of that move, I had to do everything Jayden said, hoping that whatever plan she came up with worked. Maybe her father left her some
money that she would use to buy my sister’s out of the house. Who knows. Basically I was at her beckon call.
Mrs. Sheers claimed the program she forced me into was voluntary but I had a feeling it would be mandatory if I didn’t agree to go on my own. I hadn’t touched a drink or dick in days and I’m not sure if I can take it much longer. I’m having withdrawals. Most of the time I just stay in my room, listening to the world go on without me.
Life is difficult when I’m not drinking. I think about my father and how he loved me so much before he died. I think about Estelle Pointer, the woman I thought was my mother who introduced me to my first suck of alcohol. When she isn’t on my mind, I think about Shirley Pointer, my non-maternal grandmother who made me eat her pussy in exchange for food and shelter. Finally I think of her son Charles Pointer, who fucked and sucked me most of my life as a girl. This is why I stay drunk, so I don’t have to remember. I hate remembering.
This morning is the first time I thought about Irma while sober, the mother who gave birth to me who I treated horribly, all because she wasn’t a part of my life when I was a kid. I wonder how life would’ve been if she was there for me, instead of the hell I called home.
I grab my blue cotton robe and decide to leave my room to get something to eat. I don’t bother to do my hair I never have company anyway. Most days Jayden would bring my food up, saying I didn’t have to leave the room for nothing but my alcoholism meetings. I get the impression that she’s trying to keep me hidden and away from her friends. Today I want to see why.
When I walk downstairs I can’t believe my eyes. Jayden is sitting at the head of the table talking to the prettiest teenage girls I’d ever seen in my life. Fucking bitches. They’re dressed in skimpy silk pajamas and the colorful scarfs wrapped around their heads do nothing to hide their appeal. Immediately I want to throw up in my nose.
And then there’s Jayden. I can’t focus on her too long because her beauty sickens me. Her long black hair hangs down her back and the edges fold into cascading curls. She whips it over her left shoulder as she’s talking to the girls and her light complexion is slightly bronze and free of any imperfections. For a second I see the person I’m supposed to be. The girl I was when I was partially normal. Before alcohol. Before the rape. Before the abuse.
Figuring they’re about to make breakfast, I take my place at the table, opposite of Jayden. The conversation stops when they see me scoot up and fold my hands in front of me. They look at me as if I’m a human size roach, threatening to kiss them on the necks.
“Ma, what are you doing?” Jayden says with wide eyes when she finally notices me. She hops up and rushes toward me. I catch a look at the trendy blue jeans she’s wearing which hug her curves, making her ass pop out like a round bubble. She tugs on the bottom of the mint green t-shirt covering her breasts which reveals her flat belly.
“Is something wrong?” She looks back at her friends and then at me. “I told you I was going to bring your food. You don’t have to do anything but relax. I know it’s hard being clean so I got your back. Now go upstairs and let me take care of you.”
She looks like she’s focusing on my lips instead of my eyes and I find that weird. “Jayden, this is my house. I can do whatever the fuck I want, remember? What…are you ashamed of me or something?”
In a low voice she says, “I didn’t say that. And I’m not ashamed of you either. I’m just saying you don’t have to worry about anything when you’re here. I got everything.” Then she lowers her head, “but the phone is off, ma, did you pay the phone bill?”
Oh shit. Here it comes. “With what, Jayden?”
She frowns. “The money I gave you.”
I have the money in my purse but I’m not using it for a bill. After this shit I needed something to make me feel good. “I don’t have it. You sure you put it in my room?”
She backs away and her eyes lower. “Forget about it, ma.” I already did.
An Indian girl rushes out of the kitchen with a tray of pancakes, bacon and eggs. The smell caresses my nose and massages my stomach. I can’t wait to get my hands on the food. Instead of placing it in the middle of the table, she walks up to Jayden whose back is faced towards her because she’s staring at me like she could hypnotize me into walking back upstairs. I wish Jayden would get the fuck out of my face. I notice that the other girls turn their noses up at the Indian girl. She must not be a favorite.
“Jayden, your food is ready.” The Indian girl says, looking dead at the back of her head. “I hope you like it.”
Jayden doesn’t move. Her eyes are on mine and I wonder why she doesn’t acknowledge her friend. She’s standing directly behind her. “Oh shit, Hadiya talking to her when she’s not looking into her eyes again.” The girl with a gold short hairstyle says under her breath. “That bitch kisses so much ass she’s going crazy.”
Jayden doesn’t respond. Doesn’t she hear them?
“Jayden, why aren’t you answering your friend?” I point at her. “She’s talking to you.”
Jayden turns around slowly and looks at Hadiya. “Did somebody say something to me?” She stares at everyone but the Indian girl nods yes. Jayden steps closer to her but the girl steps back. Jayden looks like she’s irritated and I think she’s about to hit her. A little violence at breakfast is just what I need. She places the tray down on the table.
“I told you not to talk to her unless she’s looking at you,” the girl with the gold hair says.
“Foxie, shut the fuck up!” Hadiya yells. “You always starting shit.” Then she focuses on Jayden. “I’m sorry, Jayden. It won’t happen again but your food is ready, you want me to dish your plate?”
Jayden yanks the back of her hair forcing her to the ground. “I keep telling you to stop that shit. Don’t call me unless I’m looking at you.” She pushes her away and the girl scrambles. She turns to me. “Ma, you hungry? I can bring something to your room.”
This shit is so weird. “I’m eating here, Jayden.” I look back at the girls trying to figure out what the fuck is going on around here. Are they her slaves? She’s not smooth enough to be a pimp. “Now either get me a plate or have that young bitch of yours go make me one.”
Jayden walks slowly to the edge of the table. She orders the Indian girl, who seems to be moving around like Jayden didn’t just yank her hair, to bring me my food. What the fuck is going on in this house? As I cut my pancakes, I notice how the Indian girl serves Jayden like she’s her lover. I hope I didn’t give birth to two pussy lickers instead of one.
After Jayden's and my plate is dished, the girl named Foxie reaches for the tray. When Hadiya slaps her hand away, she lunges toward her.
“Stop this shit!” A girl with a red Afro yells. I remember seeing her at the funeral. “I’m so sick of ya’ll fighting each other around here. The shit is stupid and it betta stop.”
“Well I didn’t make the food for her!” Hadiya responds. “I made this for Jayden and if Foxie wants some, she better go in there and cook the shit herself. I heard what she told Gucci and them behind my back.” She stares at her. “She said she wouldn’t eat shit I made if I paid her. So since I didn’t give her no dough, why she clamoring all over my shit?”
“You are such a fucking kiss ass, bitch!” Foxie yells. “It don’t make no difference what you do for Jayden, she’ll never eat your pussy!” Thank God. I think.
Hadiya gasps. “I never said she would, bitch! You just jealous of the relationship me and her have.”
“News flash, you don’t have a relationship with her. You work for her. There’s a difference.” Work for her? What could these girls possibly be doing for Jayden?
Jayden covers her forehead and she seems frustrated. “Can ya’ll just stop this shit please?” She yells, looking at all of them. “It’ so fucking stupid and I’m tired of breaking up fights around here!”
The girls continue to argue until there’s a knock at the door. “Passion, get the door.” Jayden says.
Passion answe
rs the door and when she does, I can’t believe who’s walking into my house. After what Trip did to me, I’m about to run upstairs thinking he was sent to finish me off. Suddenly I’m not hungry anymore. But he doesn’t look like he’s there to harm me. And he looks better than I remember and for some reason, I wish I didn’t wear this blue robe and I wish I combed my hair.
Kreshon walks inside and all of the feelings I had for him back in the day come flooding back…between my legs. After all, we fucked on a regular when I was a little older than Jayden and he was in love with me. We even talked about me leaving Jace and him leaving his girlfriend Constance. I talked a lot of shit but would’ve never been with him exclusively. Our sexual arrangement was sweet, until I gave him syphilis and his girlfriend found out about us fucking and committed suicide. I can’t help but wonder if he thought about me every now and again the way I thought about him.
But instead of focusing on me, he looks directly at Jayden. He touches her softly on the shoulder and she stands up and gives him a tight hug. She beams and I take notice to the way he lovingly massages her back. Either she’s in love with him, or he’s in love with her. I’m beyond angry until they separate and look into each other’s eyes. It was the same way he looked into mine when we were younger. I need to know what’s up and I need to know now. I’m just about to ask him what he’s doing with my daughter when he stuffs some cash into the palm of her hand. Like he use to do me. Wait one damn minute! Where was mine?
After they say their hellos, she grips his hand and they walk in my direction. I tug on my robe and try to rub the loose strands of my hair backwards. He smiles at me, but not in the way he use to. I feel sick. “Kreshon, this is my mother Harmony. You saw her at my father’s funeral. Remember?”
“Oh yeah…hey, Harmony. You good?” He looks at me like I’m an old picture of somebody he doesn’t know. Like I hadn’t sucked his dick at least fifty times in my life and swallowed every ounce of his nut.