“Hell yeah,” he said.
Boss gave him a satisfied smirk and threw the car into drive. It was going to be a long night.
Saundra sat in the car, mentally bracing herself to walk in the apartment. Miles’ bike was parked in the usual spot, which meant he was home. He was passed out on the couch when she woke up to go to work that morning, and no amount of noise or light roused him. Even just sitting there, he smelled of old cheap beer and cigarettes. He was sinking, and she couldn’t stop him. She hated to admit it, but her father may have been right. Was this what her life had become? Was she about to lose the only man she’d really ever loved? She knew Miles could be worth all of the effort she was giving him, but it just seemed like he’d just given up. If he wasn’t going to even try anymore, was she a good girlfriend for sticking by his side, or just stupid? She wanted to believe in him, to support him, but for the first time in her life she was terrified she was becoming one of those women who stayed in a relationship they should’ve left ages ago.
Checking her eyes in her rear view mirror to make sure it didn’t look like she’d been crying for the last twenty minutes, she sniffed, cleared her throat, and put on a smile. Fake it ‘till you make it. She picked up her bag and walked into their home. When she saw him sitting on the couch, beer in hand, watching TV, she was expecting another fight. She expected more shouting, and defensiveness. This would be it. She realized at that moment she couldn’t live a life that was this stressful.
Closing the door slowly but firmly, she set her bag down in the usual spot beside the couch. “Miles,” she started.
He pointed to the end of the coffee table. “That’s for you. It’s rent.”
“I…” She blinked and noticed the stack of cash. How had she missed that? Saundra walked to the end of the coffee table and picked up the money. “Your half?” A quick count proved it was far more than that.
“Nope,” he said, swigging his beer. “Rent.”
“Where…?”
“I told you, I had a plan. I have a job. Pays well, too.”
“I can see that.” She was afraid to feel relieved, but here was the money. He even seemed calmer, as though he was settled inside and just waiting for her reaction. He did come through on what he said he was going to do, after all. Maybe he wasn’t giving up. If he wasn’t giving up, she wasn’t going to give up on him. “I’m proud of you.”
She set down the money and sat the couch beside him.
He turned to face her. Everything in his face seemed more relaxed. This wasn’t the high strung man she’d been living with for months.
“You seem happy,” she said. “What’s the job?”
His eyes flickered to the side for just a moment. “Private security.”
She knew that look. It was the flicker she’d seen cross the eyes of almost every one of her students in every class she’d ever taught. It was the flicker of a lie created.
“Oh,” she said neutrally. “Do you like it?”
“It’s not that hard, really,” he said and took another drink. “Plus, can’t argue with that money.”
He gave a small laugh, and she found herself laughing along with him. It felt good to laugh with him again, to smile and see him smiling at her.
“Saundra,” he said softly, and set the beer down. He picked up her hands and held them, rubbing his thumb along the back of her hands. “I’ve missed you. I’m sorry for everything that’s been going on, for me, but things are different. They’re going to be better now. You’ll see. This is just the beginning.”
“I hope so. I want you to be happy.”
“As long as I have you,” he said, and put a hand to her cheek.
Saundra closed her eyes and breathed, leaning against his hand. She’d missed his hold so much, the gentle way he touched her. She was afraid for him, for what all of this was, but she so desperately wanted things to be better between them that she chose to trust him. She had to.
Warm tears escaped from her eyes and slid down the side of her nose and her cheek. She couldn’t think of a life without him in it, not if there was a way to save everything. She kept her eyes closed as she felt him move on the couch, his lips then touching hers. She reached out and pulled him close to her, kissing him with all of the passionate desperation she felt.
Their hands scrambled across one another, removing their clothes with practiced efficiency. Even after all these years, they still had the passion of two teenagers in the backseat of a car. He was a beautiful man, a fact that had never escaped her. She kept his face close to hers, kissing him repeatedly.
No matter what, she couldn’t stop kissing him. It pushed away all other thought, kept her in the moment. As long as his lips pressed against hers, the world was right. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the bedroom where he finished removing the last of her clothes. Saundra lied on her back as he worked down her body with his lips.
Her heart beating in her chest, she closed her eyes and focused on his touch, on the sensations running through her body. Deep in the core of her was a black pit of worry for him. Now wasn’t the time. She needed him. He rolled her onto her stomach and climbed on top of her. The press of his warm skin against hers sent a shudder through her. He kissed the side of her neck, around her shoulder to her spine. Firm, practiced fingers went to her shoulders and massaged her stiff muscles. Saundra sighed long and low, resting her forehead against the back of her hands. A relaxation she hadn’t felt in months melted through her.
He worked her shoulders, her upper arms, then ran his thumbs in firm, small circles down her back. She moaned, and the black pit of anxiety disappeared into the back. She didn’t have to try to not think about it anymore, she was completely blind to anything but Miles in that moment.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly as he worked out the tension in her lower back. “We’ve had so much going on, and I haven’t been able to appreciate you properly.”
“It’s okay,” she said, her voice a strain against how relaxed she was.
“No, it’s not. You deserve better. I’m going to do better. You’ll see. It’ll all be okay now.”
She lost herself in his touch and just let his words be truth. When he moved and laid himself over her again, this time she felt the tip of his arousal right where it needed to be.
“Hello,” she said, smiling over her shoulder at him.
“Hi,” he whispered back and ran the tip of his nose along the outside edge of her ear.
Then, with a slow gentle push of his hips, they were together. As relaxed as she was, the pleasure sent through her body was met with no resistance. She delighted in the way he made her feel, how safe she felt in his arms. Almost on cue with the thought, he wrapped his arms around the front of her, holding her in an embrace as he made love to her. She leaned her head back against him, moving her hips along with his. She reached her climax first, the tension in her body squeezing against him, bringing on his own.
After coming down and catching their breath, they fell asleep for an afternoon nap in one another’s arms. It was the first time they’d slept peacefully together since all of this started, and Saundra let herself believe everything was going to be okay.
Miles sat at the bar, waiting for Boss to arrive to start the night’s work. The last three weeks had been good. Really good. He and Saundra found themselves again and got out from under their debt hole. He hadn’t been up front with how much he’d been making because he wanted to handle some things first. He also never went into more detail about what he was doing for the money.
She only ever gently probed him about it, and when he changed the subject, she let him. He knew she was letting him. Saundra wasn’t an idiot, and he was a terrible liar, but she wanted things to be okay just as much as he did. Thing was, things weren’t okay. Boss was having him do worse and worse things as time went on, and Miles wasn’t liking the person he saw in the mirror every day. It was one thing to let his anger out, but to bring it
to the place that he did, to do the things that he’d been doing to those people, it sat in his stomach like a brick.
Miles took a drink of his beer and went over in his mind again what he was going to say to Boss when he showed up. This had to end. He had enough saved up to help pay for things while he found another job. The prospect of working at a pizza joint or even Saundra’s dad was sounding better and better after every night out with Boss. The money was good, no doubt, but it just wasn’t worth the price of his soul.
“Hey there, champ,” Boss said, taking a seat beside Miles. Boss held up to fingers to the bartender then looked back to Miles. “Ready to get busy tonight? I’ve got a to-do list the size of my arm.”
“I can’t do this anymore.” Miles hissed and grit his teeth together. That wasn’t what he meant to say.
“What?” Boss turned in his seat, a bemused smile on his face.
“Sorry, I meant to lead up to that, but it’s out, so screw it. Yeah, I just… Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I can’t do this anymore. I have to quit, okay?”
Boss laughed. The bartender brought him his beers, and Boss smiled and gave the guy a nod.
“No, that’s not going to happen,” he said as he sipped from his first beer.
Miles took a breath. He didn’t imagine this was going to be easy, but he spent the last three weeks beating people half to death. If that’s what it took to make Boss leave him alone, so be it. He expected nothing less. Mike looked to Boss, ready to smash his beer into the man’s head if it came to that.
“Yes, it is. I’m done.”
Boss, still smiling, pulled his cell phone from his pocket. As he punched a few buttons with his thumb he said, “Do you think you’re the only person under my employ?”
“Excuse me?”
Boss turned his phone to show Miles. It was a picture of Miles’ apartment, a clear shot of Saundra through the window. In the pic she wore the clothes she was wearing when he’d left that day. That was a fresh picture.
“For example, I hire a man, big guy too, to stand outside your place just in case you get uppity.”
“You son of a—“
“Ah, ah, ah,” Boss said warningly. One word from me, and your girlfriend is tragically killed in a home invasion accident.” He quirked his mouth, took a swig of beer, and said, “Or maybe not. I can do worse than murder. Maybe just take her captive and send you pieces.”
Miles could feel the tension in his hand growing and knew if he didn’t loosen his grip, the beer bottle was going to shatter in his hand. “You lay one finger on her…”
“And you’ll do nothing. Which is exactly what you’re going to do right now: nothing. You’re my dog. You do what I say. I don’t pay you to think. Thinking will get your girlfriend killed. Not you, though. You I’ll leave alive. Maybe cut off your hands just to make sure you don’t get any funny ideas, but I’ll leave you handless and alone to simmer in the knowledge that you killed your girlfriend.”
Then his eyes went wide and he gasped. “Maybe I’ll frame you for her murder! Wouldn’t that be delicious? Rotting in prison for the death of your girlfriend. And handless. Ya know, that means you’ll only have one way to keep yourself alive in prison.”
Boss turned his mouth into an “O” and fellated the beer bottle for a moment before taking a swig.
“All right,” Miles said, holding up a hand to block the view. “All right! You win. Just don’t hurt her. Please. I’ll do whatever you want, just leave her alone. She doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
Boss laughed and clapped Miles on the back. “There’s my man. I knew you had it in you.” Standing from his stool, he downed his two beers in two great gulps. “Bring your beer. We’ve got work to do.”
Saundra woke up in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom. When she rolled over, Miles wasn’t there. For the first time since they’d made up, he wasn’t home. She checked her clock and saw it was three in the morning. He was always home by then, even when he was out drinking. She went to the bathroom, but couldn’t fall back to sleep. Where could he be? Was he okay?
Anxiety gripped her with fearfully strong fingers. She knew something was wrong. She let herself believe everything was okay, but it wasn’t. He was dead in a ditch somewhere, or got into an accident because he’d been drinking. Her mind raced with possibilities every minute until she heard his keys in the lock. She was out of bed and halfway down the hall by the time he had the door shut.
“Where have you been? Are you okay?”
“Mhm,” he said as he walked past her to the kitchen. No hug, no kiss.
“Miles,” she said to get his attention, but he seemed a thousand miles away.
He walked into the kitchen, looking at the cabinets, the fridge, the oven, but didn’t touch anything. It was as though he didn’t know where he was, or what was happening.
“Miles, talk to me.”
“We’re done.”
“What?” The word left her mouth before she realized she spoke. With his odd behavior, she had no idea what he was talking about. What was done?
“We’re done,” he repeated. “That’s it. I’m leaving.”
“You’re…” Saundra hugged her arms around herself as she tried to process what he was saying. “You just got home. Where are you going?”
Miles rubbed one of his eyes roughly with the palm of his hand and she realized he was crying but trying to not show it. “Saundra, I’m leaving you. We’re done. I’m just grabbing some stuff and then I’m leaving.”
“No you’re not.” After everything they’d gone through she was surprised by her defiant response, but it was as true to who she was as anything she’d ever said. Before, he had been spiraling down, satisfied to let his life dissolve into nothing. Now, though, something was wrong. He wasn’t breaking up with her because he was unhappy with her. She could see it all over him, from head to toe. This was a full attitude change in the span of hours. Something had happened.
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he said and walked past her. “This just isn’t working out.”
“Bull,” she said, following him down the hallway. “I’m not letting you just leave me. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through for years. Years, Miles.”
“That’s why I’m leaving! It’s been years. It’s obvious this isn’t going to work out. We should just cut our losses and let that be that.”
“That’s not good enough. That’s not nearly good enough.”
Finally he spun around, throwing his arms out. “What do you want from me?”
“Answers.” She cocked one foot to the side and crossed her arms. She could tell he was upset, but she was expecting anger. In the dark twilight coming from the one light on in the kitchen, what she saw on his face wasn’t anger, but frustration.
“It’s not safe,” he said, his voice breaking. “For your own good, you need to stay as far away from me as possible.”
“Miles, talk to me. What happened?”
“I messed up, Saundra. I messed up bad.”
“Tell me what’s wrong. We can fix it. We’ll work through—“
“No!” He shoved past her and strode down the hall. She called after him, but without looking back, he left the apartment and slammed the door behind him. Saundra flinched at the sound and stood in the relative darkness of the hallway, alone.
Saundra sat at her desk, grading papers. She hadn’t heard from Miles in days. Not a call, not a text, nothing. She’d tried to get in touch with him, but he just sent her right to voicemail. Emails, texts, everything all left read yet unanswered.
She tried calling all of their friends, but none of them had heard from him. If any were lying about it, they were damn good liars. She spent a couple nights going to all of the bars she knew he liked to go to. Nothing. No one had even seen him, or anyone like what she described, come in for a while.
In all her life she’d never felt so lost. It was one thing when they were fi
ghting. He was still there. Now, though, she felt the emptiness that he left behind. When a funny commercial came on, her first instinct was to tell him about it. Now she couldn’t. When she thought of food, sleep, work, anything, he came to mind.
Their lives had been so intrinsically entwined for so long, everything she did involved him or thoughts of him in some way. To be without him was to be without half of her life. All she could do was hope he would get in touch with her again, and get on with her life in the meantime.
Moping at home wouldn’t solve anything, even though she could never quite talk herself into exactly why she had to get out of bed every day. She simply did it because running on autopilot was easier than anything else.
When she got home that day, there was a large manila package waiting in their mailbox. It was addressed to Miles, but the return label had some attorney guy on it. Whatever it was, it would concern both of them. She sat down on the couch and hoped for answers as she tore open the package.
Inside was a mountain of paperwork detailing something about a child and back pay for child support. Could this have been the issue? Did he think she would be mad if she found out? The only thing she was upset about was that he felt he couldn’t trust her with this. After everything they’d been through, this was something actually out of his control. If anything, they could refute the claim and demand a DNA test. Four years was a long time to wait to claim someone as a father. They had to have the right to protest it.
SHEIKH'S SURPRISE BABY: A Sheikh Romance Page 44