“Hey, I resemble that remark!”
James, her third brother and elder of the second set of twins, ambled through from the kitchen, with a half-demolished slab of cake in one hand and a pint mug of tea in the other. He gave her a grin, and took another huge bite out of the cake. Lucy blinked away the threatened tears, and stuck her tongue out at him.
“Where’s Dad?” she asked. “And Sam? Is he around?”
Rachel disengaged herself from the embrace. “Your father’s up at the Top Twenty—should be back any time now—and Sam’s out for a run. All my children home for my birthday—I should contact the local TV station and have them broadcast the news!”
Her mother was a great believer in family celebrations, and one of her major bugbears was the fact that her sons’ jobs took them far and wide on such a frequent but irregular basis that their attendance could never be guaranteed.
Lucy had always been the one their mother could rely on to be there, which was why she wasn’t looking forward to sharing the news of her imminent change of career. Although… getting one over on all four of her brothers by joining the elite unit before any of them was kind of sweet.
“Has Sam said… anything since he arrived?” He was the only one who knew what she’d been up to, and Lucy needed to know how much damage limitation was required if he’d already ratted her out about the mission.
“About what, dear?” Rachel was already heading for the kitchen, her mind clearly on providing sustenance for her offspring, with James, mug still in hand and cake nowhere to be seen, tagging along behind and no doubt hoping to purloin a second helping of both food and beverage.
Given her mother’s propensity for coddling her when her love life went south and the current lack of said coddling, Lucy could only assume Sam had kept his own counsel regarding the conversations they’d had on board his ship before they reached the US. She was glad he had—Logan Simmonds was a problem she wanted to work through on her own, with as little familial interference as possible. Maybe she was growing up at last.
That wasn’t to say, though, that Sam wouldn’t give her a good talking to and a shoulder to cry on if she needed it, once they were on their own. Knowing she could confide in him if need be was a comforting safety net.
“Nothing, Mum. Now where’s that cake?”
Ten minutes later, they were all sitting around the kitchen table, apart from her father and Sam. Conversation buzzed, the topic changing constantly, and although Lucy was involved, she still felt a little detached from the hubbub. I guess that’s what happens when you can’t keep a certain man out of your mind.
Jack Winter announced his arrival with a slam of the front door, a brisk stomp down the hall, and a bellow of his daughter’s name easily loud enough to match that of his sons. In their case, no one would even dream of accusing the fruit of falling far from the tree. Lucy’s brothers were unquestionably their father’s sons.
“Dad!” Lucy jumped up and hurled herself into her father’s arms, uncaring of the grubby work clothes he was still wearing. Hell, she’d grown up on the farm, and had spent more time up to her ears in more dirt than most of her school friends would see in a lifetime.
“Let me get cleaned up, bonnie lass, and then I want to hear all your news. Rach?”
“Kettle’s already on, love. You’ve got five minutes.”
With Sam’s sweaty arrival moments later, her family was complete. Lucy wrapped herself in the cocoon of their love. This was home—here, not in London… and somewhere Logan would never find her.
~~*~~
Lucy had just finished unpacking when a quiet double knock alerted her to the presence of a visitor. Her money was on Sam, and the possibility that the conversation she’d been dreading was now waiting outside her bedroom door.
Arms crossed, he was leaning against the doorframe, wearing an expression that said she wasn’t going to wriggle out of this one. As a child, she’d usually been able to finagle her way out of trouble with all her brothers except Sam. It looked as if that wasn’t about to change any time soon.
“Want to come in?” She stood back, almost using the door as a shield. If he was there to talk about anything that included Logan, it was a chat she’d prefer to have in private.
She closed the door behind him, and when she turned to face him, he held out his arms.
“Come here, sis.”
She’d held it together through all the hugging that had taken place when she’d arrived, but knowing Sam was more aware than any of them of what she’d been through and what had happened with Logan, this time it demolished her defences. She let Sam put his arms around her, and the floodgates opened. Together they sat on the bed while Lucy wept away her pain, stress and anxiety.
“Thanks for not saying anything to Mum and Dad about… you know.”
“Not my place to tell them, but I do think you need to let them know what’s been going on. Has Sir Guy arranged for you to have any counselling?” her brother asked, his voice quiet, soothing, and non-judgemental.
“Yes—he more or less gave me an order.”
“Good, someone needs to. Luce, you haven’t had the training to deal with what you went through, and even hardened professionals need help sometimes. You’ve heard the stories about some of the guys we’ve served with.”
Lucy nodded and sighed. “I know. I’ll make the appointment when I go back to London after Mum’s birthday, I promise.”
“I think that’s wise. So does any of this have anything to do with Simmonds?” He made a vague gesture that Lucy took to define “this” as her distress. “Because if it does, I’ll be first in line to castrate the bastard. I should have done it at sea, and fed his shrivelled little gonads to the sharks.”
Lucy’s tears dried immediately and she looked directly at her brother. In spite of everything, the compulsion to defend the man she loved, even if he didn’t want her, was still fierce. “Even if it did, that would be between him and me, and to be blunt, none of your business. And leave his balls alone.” She plucked a couple of tissues from the box on the side table, and blew her nose.
“Please don’t tell me the fucking idiot did actually choose that bitch instead of you?”
Indignation clamped her lips shut for a moment. “No one can help who they fall in love with, Sam—you should know that.”
Her sibling glanced away, and Lucy instantly regretted what she’d said. He didn’t need a reminder of the fiancée who’d called off their wedding while he was on deployment, just weeks before it was due to take place. She squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it, it’s history, and I am well over her.”
From his reaction, Lucy doubted he was as well over his ex as he thought. Far be it from her to comment, though. “How about if we change the subject? There’s something else I didn’t tell you all earlier.”
“Uh-oh. Am I going to like this?”
Probably not. Her brothers took the concept of protectiveness to scary lengths—little wonder that she’d been a late starter when it came to dating.
“Don’t assume—you might.” A woman could hope.
Sam’s grunt spoke volumes. “You’ve pulled a stunt like this more than once before, and I never have. Come on then, spit it out.”
Lucy forced a bright smile into place. “You should be happy—I finally decided what I want to do for a career, and now I have the chance to do it.”
She gave him the short version, explaining why she’d wanted the secretary job with Sir Guy, and how it was connected with her decision to volunteer for the mission.
Sam’s reaction lived up to his prediction, rather than her hope. More than lived up to it, in fact, but what Lucy hadn’t counted on was the real fear reflected in his gaze. “Sam?”
“I think we’d better go downstairs. You need to tell the family about this now, sis.”
Her parents and other siblings didn’t take the news about her career change any better than S
am had. However, Lucy wasn’t prepared to back down without a fight and an attempt to win them over to her side.
“You all talk about the good your work does, all over the world—is it so wrong for me to want to do the same? All of you have taught me so much, and I want to use what you’ve taught me to do the right thing too!”
“And you think you’ll do that by getting yourself killed?”
Adam—the oldest, biggest and baddest of her brothers, who could intimidate a rogue elephant when he was in full flow. Lucy took a deep breath and forced herself to remain calm. “Of course not. All four of you taught me everything I know, and I’m going to have training to fill in any gaps. The stuff I learned from you… that helped all three of us to survive the traffickers—”
In a split second, a combination of fear and horror froze five of the faces around her. Sam, however, was looking at her with grim resignation, and remained silent when the fear and horror erupted in a barrage of urgent, almost angry questions.
It was Rachel Winter’s quiet voice that cut through all the masculine bluster with laser accuracy.
“Lucy, I think you’d better tell us exactly what’s been going on, and why Samuel looks almost as guilty as you do.”
A pin landing on a bed of feathers would have echoed in the overwhelming silence of expectation that flooded the room.
It was going to be a long evening…
Chapter 23
Lucy cradled the mug of hot chocolate between her palms. Unable to sleep, she’d tossed and turned for hours before coming downstairs to make a hot drink. No sign of even a yawn so far, so she continued to huddle in front of the Aga, basking in its gentle warmth. The chill that had settled in her bones owed little to the early hours of a semi-autumnal morning.
What a car crash of an evening. Even though she’d gone into more detail about the assignment, she still hadn’t told her family the whole story about the true nature of the resort, how she’d come to feel about Logan, or his previous connection with Diana. Sam knew more, of course, but not everything. The omission had led to some strongly worded advice once they were alone to come clean. He’d then joined her other siblings in one of the barns, no doubt for their own council of war. They still hadn’t returned to the house, and Lucy wasn’t entirely convinced they weren’t on their way to London, ready to take a scalp. Or worse.
One thing she hadn’t mentioned—and never would until her dying day—was the whole D/s aspect of what had happened with Logan, and what she’d discovered about herself. She needed to talk to someone, to unburden herself of the full truth about her relationship with Logan. It wasn’t something she could discuss with any of her friends, but maybe she could talk to Sam. Like all her brothers, he was an experienced man of the world, and given the courteous, protective way they were with the women they’d dated, he might understand the D/s thing at least a little.
Or maybe not, given the surgery he’d already threatened to carry out on a certain part of Logan’s anatomy. Besides, she had enough inner conflict going on as it was. Her fighting spirit had taken a leave of absence when she’d walked away from Logan like a whipped puppy, but now it was back and spoiling for a rematch. She wanted to fight for the man, but logic asked a vital question—what would be the point?
Pick your fights, and only fight if you can win. Her brothers had drummed that into her years ago.
First of all, who exactly was the enemy here?
Logan, because he preferred another woman? No one could control whom they were attracted to, she’d said it herself, so many times.
Diana, then. Yes, go on, start a catfight with the woman he loves, and see how far that gets you.
Logic didn’t stop there, either. It also insisted that life wasn’t fair, and she wasn’t a special snowflake. She needed to get over herself and move on. Logan had made his decision—he wanted Diana, and there was nothing Lucy could do about it.
Enough.
She could live without having that stupid ass of a man in her life. If he wanted the witch, let him have her. Lucy’s dream job had been handed to her on a plate, and all she had to do was accept the offer.
And yet, every paradise had its snake, and in this case, it was her memories of Logan, of being with him in the most intimate way a woman could be with a man. Could she really work alongside him after that? It was a whole boiling mess of conflict, and the only way to avoid it was to walk away from her dream.
Lucy took another comforting sip of her hot drink. A few hours ago, everything had seemed so straightforward—she had a new career all lined up and Logan was out of her life. She hadn’t even been home a day and all her family was upset with her about the former, and her idiot heart wouldn’t accept the latter.
“Now that your father’s finally asleep and the boys have made themselves scarce, I thought you and I could have a calm, sensible discussion about what you so very carefully avoided telling us.”
Her mother’s voice gently breaking into her thoughts gave her a start. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, Mum! Where are the boys? I haven’t heard them come in.”
“Oh no, young lady—I’m not falling for any diversionary tactics. And I wasn’t sneaking. Wherever the boys are, they’ll be fine, and if they come back before we finish our conversation, they know better than to interrupt us. So—why don’t you tell me exactly how deeply involved with Mr. Simmonds you are?”
Technically she wasn’t involved, because he wasn’t involved. He’d made it very clear he wasn’t involved, and didn’t want to be involved.
Lucy gave a resigned sigh. She knew that tone of her mother’s—there was no wriggling out of this one. “Would you like some hot chocolate?”
“You stay there—I’ll make it.”
Lucy watched her mother busy herself with warming some more milk. While she was waiting, Rachel moved another chair from the kitchen table to the other side of the range. Lucy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She’d been fifteen the last time she’d gone through a maternal interrogation session, and all of a sudden she felt like that headstrong teenager again.
Her mother remained silent until she sat down and took a drink. Then she looked squarely at Lucy. “So what gives? I know Sam knows something we don’t, but he’s not telling. This Logan—he wasn’t just your partner on the mission, was he?”
Why on earth she’d thought she could hide something so significant from her mother, she had no idea. Lucy shook her head, and gave a short, ironic laugh. “When I first saw him in the office, I thought he was really attractive, but there was something dark about him. And although he was okay to begin with, he became this rude, arrogant so-and-so—”
“But not so rude and arrogant that you didn’t develop feelings for him.” Her mother’s voice was gentle and understanding.
“He taught me what I needed to know for the mission, and…” Lucy gave a helpless shrug.
“You fell in love. Much like I did with my Jack. Don’t look so surprised. Just because your father was a decent human being by the time you came along doesn’t mean he was always like that, you know.” Her mouth curved into a gentle smile of reminiscence. “He had a reputation for being grumpy and surly, and he snarled at everyone who went near him.”
“You met at a Young Farmers dance, didn’t you?”
“We did. I lost a bet with my friend, and I had to go and poke the grizzly. I poked him enough to get through his defences, and by the end of the evening, I was in love.”
Lucy’s eyebrows reflected her reaction to hearing that part of the story for the first time. “What about Dad?”
“He was more than happy to walk me home after the dance, even though it was about three miles. We arrived at my front door, where he asked me if he could take me out the next evening, and then he kissed me.”
Lucy couldn’t help but chuckle at the mental image. “What a romantic! It sounds like the grizzly was turning into a teddy bear.”
“Oh, he was.” Rachel beamed. “He managed to hold out for three
weeks before he asked me to marry him. I only found out when he gave his speech at the reception that by the time we reached the front gate that first night, he was ready to propose then.”
Lucy spluttered. “Why have you never told me this before, Mum? Do the boys know?”
“Of course not! And I’m only telling you on the understanding that we girls keep it to ourselves.”
“Why? Too soppy for the big, strong men?”
“Not at all, dear—I’m just looking forward to the time when all of them fall the way your father did. I don’t want them to have any advance warning that it could happen like that for them.”
Her mother’s expression reminded Lucy of a cream-sated feline. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Rachel sipped her hot chocolate, then sat back and crossed her legs at the ankles. “I think that’s enough of a distraction—tell me all about Mr. Logan Simmonds.”
Lucy’s stomach turned into a boulder. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“You’ve always had an expressive face, love, and right now, it’s telling me a very different story. I can’t make you spill the beans, but you might find you feel better if you get whatever it is off your chest.”
The knot of pain in Lucy’s heart doubled in size. Denial would be a hell of a lot easier if she didn’t say the words aloud, but a part of her wanted desperately to unload.
“I’ll tell you what, why don’t we go into the sitting room and make ourselves comfortable?”
Her mother’s gentle suggestion brought the sting of tears to Lucy’s eyes. She’d made the right decision about Logan—she was convinced she had—but if she told her mother about the man who gave her sleepless nights for all the wrong reasons, she could end up giving in to the unspoken hopes that wouldn’t leave her in peace.
A hand on her shoulder brought Lucy out of her introspection. When her gaze met her mother’s, her stomach clenched—the last secrets of her time with Logan were at the threshold of exposure, and the question now was not if she revealed them, but how far she went in revealing them.
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