by Rosanna Leo
I told her, “Once I set a course, madam, nothing sways me. You waste your time in trying to refuse the gown.”
“But those beads…why, the pearls alone must have cost a fortune.”
“It will make me happy to see you wearing the frock.” I couldn’t resist teasing her. “That is, unless you’d rather not see me happy.”
Poor girl. She paled as she responded. “Do not say such a thing.”
I will admit her response cheered me, showed me clearly how much she holds me in regard. Indeed, to be part of such a mutual regard, two halves of one whole, is enough to make me rejoice aloud.
I would have asked for her hand in that moment, but I felt Fate’s gentle hand on my shoulder, reminding me to be strong. I will ensure the night of the ball is one my Claudia never forgets.
August 30, 1820
I barely know where to begin. The ball is ended, and my life is forever changed. The pounding of my heart echoes inside my head, much like chargers trampling across a battlefield.
Alas, I must start at the beginning.
The night of the masque finally arrived and I spent the day fretting over each detail. Father was no help. Before the first guest arrived, I found him in his usual pose in the drawing room, an empty decanter in his clutches.
“I have no use for your soirees,” he said with a snarl. “I shall be in the game room. If any of the real men would care to join me at cards, you may send them to me.” He waved the decanter at me. “I am grieved you did not listen to my entreaties. You insist on hosting a masque. Do you not think it an insult to your dear mother’s memory that you would have dancing in this house?”
“Sir, my mother has been dead for thirty years. Perhaps the true insult to her memory is that you will not dance. Would she have preferred to see you waste your fortune at cards?”
He rose and stumbled out of the room and I ignored him as I headed to my chambers to dress for the evening. My final preparation was to assume a mask decorated with gold filigree, one that matched the silver mask I’d included as part of Claudia’s gift.
I smiled as the guests began to file into the ballroom. Of course, the Mortimers were invited. Father had seen to that, despite my specific request they not be included. However, because Sir John was my father’s long-time associate, he insisted on having them.
When Lady Katherine crossed the threshold, she entered as if she were the lady of the house, nose high in the air. Although no one remarked on her behavior, several ladies of our acquaintance traded looks. She was despised for her presumptions and childish manners, and I daresay she knew it.
De Courcy arrived, his step bouncy and eager. “Dawlish, my friend. You have outdone yourself.”
“Good evening, De Courcy.”
“Wonderful pickings tonight.” He surveyed the assembled crowd, his eyebrows raised as he noticed a group of young ladies, gathered in a corner. They watched us with feigned modesty. No doubt their doting mothers had targeted us as eligible candidates for marriage. Alas, I had every intention of being a disappointment to the girls and their mothers. De Courcy, on the other hand, smiled and nodded, no doubt planning his dances for the evening. He turned to me with an inquisitive grin.
“Go,” I urged with a laugh. “Far be it from me to keep you.”
As he departed, someone else tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and found Malanotte.
He leaned in and whispered. “So kind of you to invite me.”
“You were not invited.”
“Tut. Such animosity, sir. Whatever for? Surely not because of a certain soprano?”
“If you go anywhere near Miss Sebastiano, I will…”
“What would you do? Kill me where I stand?”
“Do not tempt me, sir.”
“Come, come, Dawlish. All this fuss over an opera girl?”
“Stay away from her. She has confided in me, has detailed every moment of her torment. I know how you plagued her and this is the only warning I shall offer you.”
He laughed again and it was all I could do not to throttle the man. To steady my nerves, I walked away, growing more and more anxious for Claudia’s arrival. I found De Courcy at the refreshments table and spent the next few minutes listening to him prattle on about something I cannot recall.
“God’s teeth!” De Courcy suddenly exclaimed, practically spilling his punch. “Your lady has arrived.”
I turned and bit back a curse of astonishment. My Claudia had never looked lovelier. Magnificent in her gown, the diaphanous fabric draped her body in a way that attracted the attention of all the men there. She absolutely sparkled. The pearls and beads on her bodice shimmered as she walked. Her hair was caught up with the silken bands and pearls hid amongst the strands. Her mask, silver in color, was dotted with the same delicate pearls adorning her gown. Despite the mask, I would have known her anywhere. Her warm eyes shone and she smiled when she saw me.
All around the room, I heard voices whispering, hazarding guesses about her identity. Some thought her a countess, others a French princess, but she was my queen. Mine, alone.
De Courcy, his eyes still trained on her, grasped my arm. “Be a good man, Dawlish, and share that tasty morsel. Believe me, she will thank you for it.”
“I hate to disappoint you, old friend, but I share with no man.” With that, I cut through the crowd and approached her. I held out my hand and whispered, “Miss Sebastiano, you look radiant.”
She cast a timid glance about the room. “Everyone is staring.”
“That is because you outshine us all. I trust you brought Signora Giorgio with you?”
“Yes, but she is seeing the cloaks tended. She is convinced your young footman will tread on hers.” Her voice rose and fell in a lilting giggle, reminiscent of her delightful singing. “I hurried inside because I wanted to find you and offer my thanks.”
“Cara mia, if you wish to thank me, then say you will dance with me.”
I turned to the assembled guests and raised my voice, announcing the first dance and inviting them all to take part. I then led Claudia to the dance floor.
As we took our place, I happened to notice Lady Katherine’s face. Her teeth were clenched and her nostrils flared. She had all the appearance of an enraged bull, but I did not care. I was in heaven. Even as we began the quadrille, a decidedly reserved dance, I could touch Claudia and bask in the rosy scent of her soft skin.
Other couples quickly joined us on the dance floor, and the music swelled. I felt almost dizzy being there with her, surrounded by the gorgeous strains of the violin. Even though our movements were restrained and slow, to me it seemed as if the room was spinning. Claudia smiled and laughed as we talked, and we were followed by surreptitious glances, sneaked behind lacy fans and filigreed masks. I was proud of my ladylove, not only because her beauty was so admired, but also because of the ardor she inspired in me with her inner loveliness. A voluptuous warmth spread throughout my body. I could not recollect ever being so happy.
Oh, if only I had possessed some power of prophecy! If I had been able to glimpse the future, I would not have wasted another second of time dancing. I would have whisked Claudia away to a place where we could be alone.
I must admit, I was a dreadful host, paying very little attention to my other guests. I could not drag my gaze from Claudia and I was not alone. Count Ignazio lingered near Lady Katherine, both of them watching us, eyes narrowed in resentment. I ignored them. Despite the men who queued up to fill Claudia’s dance card, the majority of her dances were with me. Each time we reunited on the dance floor, her eyes lit up with love. I escorted her to the refreshments room so she could partake in a glass of punch, and again when it was time to go down to supper. We were together for most of the glorious evening. I could not wait to ask for her hand in marriage, but did not want to be surrounded by two hundred other curious people. I craved privacy, craved it immediately.
Finally deciding I could wait no longer, I seized the opportunity to steer her toward one of the te
rraces when no one was looking.
“Signore, are you trying to abduct me?” She laughed at my boldness.
I led her outside onto the terrace. Overlooking our gardens, it commanded a lovely view, even at night. Claudia leaned forward, peering into the darkness. A storm brewed on the horizon and some of the clouds looked black indeed.
This was the moment for which I had so yearned. I took her hands in mine and composed myself. “Miss Sebastiano, there is an important matter I wish to discuss with you.”
Before I could continue, a shower of raindrops assaulted us. One of the clouds had opened above us and Claudia gasped as the large wet drops pelted her arms. I realized my proposal would have to wait and I ushered her inside.
As we re-entered the ballroom, I noticed Lady Katherine and Malanotte lurking near the doorway. I frowned, knowing full well they must have been listening to our conversation.
Damn that shrew Katherine Mortimer to hell. She was always intruding in my affairs, but I would not let her agitate me further. My main concern was finding another moment when I could safely propose to Claudia.
For the time being, I decided Claudia and I might as well enjoy ourselves so we rejoined the dance. My spirits were lifted once again after a short time. There was no way I could be unhappy while I danced with my love. Her shy smiles cheered me so.
I offered to bring her more punch when she grew tired. She sat on a settee and continued to watch the proceedings. As soon as I reached the refreshments table, I felt eyes on me. I turned to my left and Lady Katherine smiled at me from behind her mask.
“Mr. Dawlish, the ball is a great success.”
“Thank you, Lady Katherine.”
“It is a shame, however, you have been unsuccessful at keeping out certain undesirable elements of society.”
“By undesirable, I assume you mean Count Ignazio?”
She tittered. “I concede the Count is rather rough around the edges, but he amuses me.”
“You ought to seek your amusement elsewhere, madam.”
“At the opera house, perhaps?”
I put down the glass of punch. “Lady Katherine, I will not allow you to remain under my roof and insult my friends.”
“Friends. How quaint.”
“Miss Sebastiano is an esteemed friend of mine, and I’ll thank you to keep your opinions on her to yourself.”
“Mr. Dawlish. Hugh. We are old friends, are we not?”
I remained silent.
“It is in the spirit of friendship that I counsel you now. That woman is beneath you. People will laugh when they learn the truth. I see how you dote on her, how you insinuate her into our sphere as if she belonged there. Should you persist in this folly, allow me to assure you no one in society will accept your union. Not your father. Not your friends. And I will never accept it.”
“You fool yourself, madam, if you believe I place any stock in your opinion of me.”
“Hugh, she is a diseased strumpet. An insignificant baggage. Why, even now, she cavorts with another man. She is making a fool of you!”
I glanced over to the settee where I left Claudia only to see she had disappeared. My breath seized and I turned back to Lady Katherine. “What have you done?”
“Ask her what she has done. And then cast her out.”
In a panic, I left the refreshment table and raced through the various rooms on the main floor. No matter where I turned, I couldn’t see her. Feeling lost in a sea of bodies, I searched for her, my heart sinking. Had she departed, angry to see me talking with the Mortimer woman?
No. Lady Katherine said she cavorted with another man.
As jealousy and terror wracked my brain, I proceeded toward the rooms not in use for the ball. I opened every closed door to no avail.
And then I entered the closed study and found her, laying across the desk, Malanotte’s hand over her mouth. Upon seeing me, her eyes bulged and she issued a muffled scream. He had pinned her there and had his other hand up her skirts. He’d already freed himself from his trousers and leaned over her, ready to make his assault.
Time stood still for me. A violent need for revenge made my blood thick and made my mouth taste of bile. As Claudia, my beautiful Claudia, writhed on the desk, I ran forward and pulled the monster from her. She adjusted her skirts, leaped off the surface, and fell into my embrace.
“Hugh,” she cried. “He would have…”
“I know. And I will never leave you again.”
Malanotte fixed his trousers and laughed. “Now, now, Dawlish. If you’d wanted to share la signorina with me, we could have come to some sort of arrangement.”
I set Claudia on a chair, strode across to the blackguard and hit him, sending him tumbling across the room. I stalked over to him, grabbed him by the collar, and seethed. “Get out of my house. If I ever see you in her presence again, I will kill you.”
The brute merely grinned, wiped the blood from his nose, and stood. Blowing a kiss to Claudia, he exited. I turned and held out my arms.
“Please,” she whispered from the shelter of my embrace. “Take me away from this place.”
I nodded, needing the escape as much as she did.
I spirited her toward the back door and asked a servant to fetch us a couple of cloaks. Upon receiving them, I bundled her up and threw one about my own shoulders. I then instructed the servant to let Signora Giorgio know Claudia was safe with me and to help her home. I called for a carriage, determined to take her away from Dawlish Manor for a spell so she could recuperate from her ordeal.
As I pried the heavy wooden door, we were hit by a blast of cold rain. I helped her into the carriage. Despite our cloaks, we still got wet. Once inside, we sat and I held her close to me so she would not catch her death from cold.
The horror of seeing her so abused by Malanotte drove out any concerns. I just wanted to hold her close and keep her there. We headed toward town. Once there, I instructed the driver to take us to the inn where Claudia stayed. I gave the man some money and told him to find a room there as well, so he could wait for us. We then went inside.
I took her to her room, unconcerned by any questions we might elicit. As for Claudia, she was too numbed by her ordeal to argue. I set her on her bed and warmed her with fresh blankets. Even still, she shivered. Needing to comfort her, I sat next to her, rubbing her hand.
All was silent. After a time, she fell into my arms and wept. Her shoulders, how they trembled. Her soft cries, how they wounded me. When her hand wound around my arm, pulling me closer, I went willingly. I don’t know how long we sat there together, me rocking her back and forth. All I remember is hearing her cry, and wanting so much to stop those tears from falling. The sound of her sobs broke my heart.
It may have been minutes later, or it may have been hours, but eventually her crying stilled and I whispered her name. “Claudia? Are you awake?”
I must have startled her because she pulled away and looked embarrassed. “Signore, scusi. Forgive me.” She pulled the blanket around her more tightly.
I smiled at her, wanting her to feel comfortable with me. “You need not hide from me.”
She began to tremble again. “I should not be here with you. My gown, your beautiful gift to me, is ruined. Your evening is ruined.”
“My dear Claudia, I couldn’t care less about the ball and the gown. My only thoughts are of you. Earlier tonight, I was about to ask you…”
She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, and got up from the bed. “With all due respect, sir, I must ask you to leave. This isn’t right.”
I stood and grasped her hands. “Claudia, I cannot repress my feelings any longer.”
“Don't do this.”
“I love you. I've loved you from the moment I first heard you sing. I shall never forget the sound of your voice. I felt like a drunken sailor, hearing the tempting and magical strains of the sirens. You have bewitched me. So help me God, when you walk out of this room, please let it be on my arm. Say you will be my wife.”
She looked steadily at me. “Mr. Dawlish, I thank you for your beautiful proposal. I regret to say I cannot accept it.” She released my hands and stepped away.
For a moment, I was too stunned to move. I knew she loved me as much as I loved her. “But why not? Claudia, please don’t.”
She paced the boards as she talked. “I have trespassed on your hospitality long enough. I don’t deserve the generosity you have shown. I cannot stay here with you, Mr. Dawlish.”
I stood. “Please, no more formalities. Call me Hugh.”
“Very well, Mr…that is, Hugh.”
I smiled to hear her voice my name, an acknowledgement of our intimacy. “There, that’s much better. But why do you say you don’t deserve my generosity? If anyone deserves it, it is you.”
She finally stopped pacing and turned to face me once again. Her tears had stopped, but her head was held high with a determination that showed her inner strength. Knowing her as I did, though, I knew this was also how she masked her pain. “I do not deserve you because what she said is true.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lady Katherine thinks I am a harlot.”
“I don’t care what she thinks.”
“But everyone else will think the same. Most of your friends will see no difference between me and a common whore. Yes, I could marry you, but what then? Your friends would whisper behind your back about your slut of a wife.”
“The devil take them! The only opinion I value is yours.” I pleaded with her, my throat burning. “Is it that you do not love me?”
“Dear Hugh, mio amore, it is that I love you too much.” A resigned smile graced her lips. “I could not bear for anyone to think ill of you. I refuse to be the cause of your disgrace.”
“Your love is no disgrace to me.” Emboldened by her admission, I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. With one hand, I lightly caressed her face and wiped her wet hair out of her eyes.
She stiffened in my arms. “But you could have any woman in the world.”
“I want you.” I ran my fingers over her lips. Then being unable to resist any longer, I kissed my Claudia. The stiffness left her body and she melted into my arms. In that moment, I tasted her tears and I tasted Heaven. I felt her body strain and shiver under my touch until our breaths merged. We kissed for the longest time in the darkened room, our only light being the flickering candlelight. The setting may have been a humble inn, but as her lips caressed mine, it was the most sacred moment of my life.