‘I didn’t.’ Abbey’s lip trembled. ‘Mum guessed somehow.’
‘What a lovely pup,’ said Mel. ‘Can I see?’ She advanced as if approaching a frightened colt.
When she reached out her hand, Jake pulled away. ‘Dusty’s mine.’
‘I’m not going to take him, Jake,’ Mel said. ‘I just want a look.’ This time when she reached for Dusty, Jake let her hold him. ‘Hello, sweetheart.’ She stroked his broad head. ‘A kelpie, right?’ Jake shrugged. She held the pup up for a better look. ‘I know a kelpie pup when I see one. What a beauty. We had a black and tan one just like Dusty when I was a kid. Best sheepdog we ever had.’ Mel handed him back to Jake.
‘What did I say about getting a dog?’ said Kim. ‘Where did it come from?’
‘Dusty’s mine.’ Jake’s voice dripped with challenge. ‘I’m keeping him.’
Kim knew better than to provoke an argument with him all het up like this. ‘Let’s go to the house,’ she said. ‘That little dog is probably hungry.’
Jake looked down at the pup with sudden concern. It had fallen limp in his arms. ‘What’s wrong with him?’
‘Don’t worry, he’s just asleep,’ said Mel. ‘That’s a very young puppy. Only six or seven weeks old at a guess. Your mum’s right. He needs a feed.’
Jake looked from Mel to his mother, as though he was struggling with his decision ‘What should I give him?’
‘There’s a bag of puppy food at home,’ said Mel. ‘From when Snow was small. I’ll go get it. In the meantime, you could give him some porridge, or Weet-Bix and milk. He’ll love it.’
Kim pressed her lips together for a moment, and then managed a smile. ‘Weet-Bix and milk it is.’
Mel went home for the dog food while Jake prepared a bowl of cereal. He set it down in the kitchen and Dusty scoffed the lot. ‘He’s still hungry.’
Kim looked doubtful. The pup’s tummy was so fat it looked ready to burst. He rolled over on his back, and she gave his belly a rub – it wasn’t pink and bare like Scout’s, but fully furred. She’d never seen that before. ‘I think he’s had enough. Take him outside for a wee.’ One wee and ten minutes later, Dusty was curled up fast asleep on Jake’s bed.
Mel arrived back, complete with a frozen casserole, a bag of puppy food and Todd. It looked like she’d invited herself for tea. ‘It’s lamb.’ She was stating the obvious. Mel never seemed to cook anything but lamb.
‘Where do you think that dog came from?’ asked Kim.
‘Won’t Jake tell you? Well, Taj was here, wasn’t he? Why not go and ask him? I’ll hold down the fort.’ Mel opened the pantry. ‘Now, where’s the rice?’
CHAPTER 17
Still broad daylight, yet Kim missed the turn-off, twice. There was nothing to mark it. Nothing to indicate that the patch of gravel and rough bush track leading into the forest was the entrance to anyone’s house.
Kim pulled over and wound down the window. It was the same place she’d stopped on that first day. How suspicious she’d been of Taj, completely thrown by how he’d turned up out of the forest. Troubled by his wild appearance, his foreign accent, his interest in Abbey. Apprehensive about being alone with him. Her skin tingled at the recollection and she rubbed her arms.
Kim got out of the car and glanced around the looming trees, all senses alert. There was no furtive rustling in the ferns this time. No flash of a sandy hide in the bushes. Yet she still felt uneasy, a little spooked. She took a deep, steadying breath. It didn’t help. Her imagination was running away with her. Behind the fragrance of eucalypt and peppermint, she fancied she could smell the odour of decay, of a billion leaves rotting on the ground. The bush took on a sinister quality. Take a walk in this remote forest, and blood-sucking parasites might hitch a ride: leeches and paralysis ticks. Wait-a-while vines, armed with hooks, might tear her clothes. Touch the graceful heart-shaped leaves of the stinging tree, and her skin would burn for days. Get back in the car and keep going, she told herself. You’re scaring yourself silly. And there was nothing to be scared of, was there? Not Taj, not anymore.
She seemed to drive for ages. The house was set further back in the forest than she expected. Would he be home? The rutted track narrowed, and narrowed again. There was that damned howling. At least this time she knew it was only the maremmas.
Finally she reached an oddly shaped mud-brick building, set back into the hillside. With its pitched iron roof, irregular angles and rough bush timber, it seemed to have grown organically from the earth itself. Terraced vegetable gardens, paddocks, animal pens and a young orchard extended up the slope behind the house. Below lay dog runs, a hay shed, chook house and various other outbuildings. Quite a compound.
Taj stood on the verandah. He beckoned her through the front door, for all the world like he’d expected her. It bore a beautifully engraved name plaque, Wolf Hall. Inside, the illusion of organic growth was even stronger. The split-level floor, a combination of hardwood and natural rock, rose and fell with the lay of the land. Forked blue gum trunks supported central beams carved with images of animals – wolves and bears and strange mythical figures. Wide windows, some at odd angles, featured rainforest scenes in leadlight. The effect was stunning.
‘It’s gorgeous.’ Kim admired a stained-glass vine twining from the corner of a window. The burgundy trumpet-shaped flowers seemed to hang in three dimensions.
‘These windows are reclaimed from the wrecker’s yard,’ he said. ‘I used odds and ends of coloured glass to repair cracked edges and corners.’ He ran his long finger down a seam separating tinted glass from clear, then looked up. ‘You’d never know this used to be damaged, would you?’
She tried to turn from the intensity of his gaze, but couldn’t look away. The man really did have the most mesmerising eyes.
‘Sometimes,’ he said, ‘things are more beautiful after they are broken and mended.’ She found herself staring at the fragment of tattoo visible through the open top buttons of his shirt. He cleared his throat. ‘Would you like coffee?’
Taj took their coffee to the verandah, which overlooked rolling hills of rainforest, and handed Kim her cup. His hand was large, strong and work-worn, his forearm heavily muscled, yet he had the long, slim fingers of an artist. For a while they stood in silence, gazing at the view.
‘When I arrived home today,’ said Kim, ‘Jake had a puppy.’
‘Boys and dogs are a natural fit. They will be brothers.’
Kim wondered again if he had his own boy in a faraway land, waiting each month for a parcel. Wondered if he had his own wife. ‘So you gave him the dog?’ Taj turned his dark, searching eyes on her. ‘The thing is . . .’ She was suddenly all too aware of his physical presence: the set of his shoulders and arrow-straight back. His powerful thighs. The maleness of him. ‘The thing is, you’ll have to take him back.’
Taj frowned. ‘Why? That will hurt the boy, hurt him badly.’
‘It’s complicated,’ said Kim.
‘Then help me understand.’
The request unsettled her. She didn’t have to justify herself to him, or anybody else. Yet something about those eyes drew her in, made her want to explain. ‘Our dog died a few months ago, at sixteen years of age. My husband, Connor . . . he owned Scout before we were married. That old dog was very special. I don’t want to replace him.’
‘One dog never replaces another. Dusty will build himself a new home in your heart.’
‘I’m not ready.’
‘Jake is ready.’ Taj’s voice, though soft, rang loud with feeling. ‘You are head of the family now. Your duty is to lead him out of his anger, out of his sadness. Yet for Jake to live again, you must live again.’ His eyes flashed, bold with challenge. ‘Will you stay forever married to a ghost?’
Kim started to tremble. She was right to have been wary of this place, this man. Her chest ached like he’d punched her in the heart, and she was tempted to fling the coffee in his face. ‘You have no idea. You know nothing about my life, or my marriage, or
my son.’ The words came in an angry, outraged rush. ‘If Jake is hurt by giving Dusty back —’
‘When Jake is hurt,’ said Taj.
‘Okay. When Jake is hurt, because he will be, you’re right. But that’s because you didn’t ask me in the first place. And as for me not living my life . . .’ She paused for breath, overwhelmed anew by the audacity, the rudeness of Taj’s comments. This conversation was taking her to an intensely painful place. ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but the reason I moved here in the first place was so that we could do just that – live our lives. Make a fresh start.’
‘I don’t think so. You haven’t truly moved to Journey’s End. You’re camping round the edges, scared to put down roots, to venture past the sheds.’
Kim’s heart beat fast, and her cheeks flamed. She should go. She should turn around and walk away.
But Taj wasn’t finished. ‘What about your grand plan?’
Kim took a step backwards. A grand plan – that’s how she and Connor used to describe their dreams for the farm. ‘Who have you been talking to?’
‘Don’t you know?’
Kim shook her head.
‘Abbey.’
Her mouth went dry. She had no idea Abbey had ever heard that expression, let alone understood its meaning. For the first time in a long time, Kim allowed herself to think about those long-lost plans. ‘Connor and I, we wanted to regenerate the rainforest, remove the weeds, plant —’
‘You wanted to rewild Journey’s End,’ said Taj.
‘Rewild?’ It was a term Kim wasn’t very familiar with. She’d heard it once before, in relation to a Scottish highland estate. Its millionaire owner had replaced pastures and plantation pines with broadleaf natives like oak, aspen and rare black poplars. Controversially, he’d also brought back wolves to keep down the deer who browsed on the seedlings. ‘Well, yes, I suppose so,’ she said. ‘Although doesn’t rewilding mean restoring animals as well as plants?’
A quick pulse started in his cheek. ‘Plants and animals evolved together. They rely on each other,’ said Taj. ‘If the web of life is broken, the rainforest will not return as it should.’
Kim’s anger was waning, replaced by astonishment at her daughter and a renewed curiosity about Taj. Who was this man? ‘I’m afraid that grand plan died along with my husband,’ she said. ‘I can’t do it alone.’
‘What if you didn’t have to?’ He searched her face. ‘What if I could help?’ He could not hide the hope behind his measured words. ‘Eradicating weeds and feral animals, propagating native trees, planting them out. There are some in my greenhouse all ready to go. You’ll need tree guards until the goats and deer are gone, but that’s doable. The whole plan is doable. Wouldn’t your husband want that?’ She should slap him, What did he know of Connor? ‘I’d work for nothing. Fencing. Clearing out the privet and lantana. Although it might be worth leaving that patch of camphor laurels above the dam. Use the canopy to protect shade-loving plants like burrawang and native ginger, then rip out the laurels once the seedlings have established.’ He paused as if awaiting a response.
How could she respond? She was too overwhelmed.
‘Wait here.’ He gestured for her to stay, palms held out in supplication. ‘I have a journal article about it.’
He went inside, leaving Kim bewildered. Part of her was stirred by his proposal, a part long-dormant, yet not dead. But his voice came again and again: Will you stay forever married to a ghost? Will you? Will you?
Would she?
And Jake and Dusty. It was too much.
Her arms goose-bumped, and it crossed her mind that she could simply leave. Walk away before he came back. At first, she couldn’t lift her feet. As in a nightmare, they seemed to have taken root along with the house. Kim willed them to move, feeling more and more panicked. She could hear Taj now, heavy footfalls on the wooden floor, coming nearer and nearer.
The dogs began their eerie howling, and suddenly the spell was broken. Kim took flight down the verandah. She reached the car, looking back once before turning the ignition key. Taj stood staring at her. Kim took a last lingering look, then sped away. In her mind’s eye, she could still see his tall figure, silhouetted against the sinking sun.
CHAPTER 18
Kim tore down the road in a cloud of dust. She made sure she was well out of sight before she pulled over, let her head fall onto the steering wheel. She could feel her pulse in the tips of her fingers, her heart louder than usual. Her head spinning.
Was she Jake’s problem? Kids reflected their parents – everybody knew that. What sort of a mirror was she for Jake? Clinging to yesterday, unable to let go of a partner who was gone. Unable to even let go of his dead dog.
If the truth be known, Connor was slipping away from her, in spite of her best efforts to hold him. When she reached back as before, searching for that place where he still lived, he felt less and less real. And when she seized onto a memory, sometimes she wasn’t sure if it was true anymore or some sort of composite, cobbled together from a jumble of similar recollections. There was a time when she could summon up conversations, family breakfasts, romantic dinners, nights of lovemaking – all with a blinding clarity. But not so much now. Sometimes the memories wouldn’t come at all. It was like reaching for a mirage, or a rainbow, or fragments of a fading dream. Taj’s words still rang in her ears . . . Will you stay forever married to a ghost?
She gunned the car again, startling a flock of rosellas from the trees. If she drove fast enough could she keep ahead of the question? Could she make it so it never had to be answered? When she reached Bangalow Road, she took the turn too fast and cannoned across the intersection. She fought for control, wrestling with the steering as her wheels spun uselessly on gravel. Shit. Sliding sideways now. Everything happening in slow motion. The sky wheeling. A tree. She shut her eyes. The seat belt dug into her flesh as the force of the impact jerked her sideways. Something slammed the right side of her head, and she couldn’t breathe. The car came to a shuddering halt.
Kim opened her eyes to find the side airbag had exploded in her ear, releasing a cloud of choking white powder. She slid across to the passenger side, coughing and spluttering, her eyes streaming. Bursting out the door, she stumbled straight into Ben Steele’s arms.
‘Jesus, Kim. Are you all right?’ He hugged her close, held her upright. ‘Lean on me.’
Her head swam as her legs gave way. He swept her up, supporting her, cradling her in both arms. Kim found herself seated in the back seat of his LandCruiser, Ben’s impossibly handsome face coming close, his solicitous eyes gazing into hers. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.
Kim reached out and touched his cheek. ‘How’s the car?’
Ben burst out laughing. ‘Forget about the damned car. Let’s get you home.’
Mel topped up Kim’s glass of riesling for a second time.
‘Go easy,’ said Ben, helping himself to a Coke from the fridge. ‘She might have concussion or something.’
‘Did the airbag go off?’ said Mel. ‘What did that feel like?
‘Like being punched by a fist wrapped in cottonwool.’ Kim took a sip of wine. ‘But I’m all right, a bit sore is all. I don’t need a doctor.’
Abbey had pushed between Kim’s knees, and even Jake seemed concerned.
‘Will you stay for dinner, Ben?’ Mel stirred the pot on the stove. ‘Lamb casserole. I’m making more rice so there’s enough to go round. How about a glass of wine?’
‘No thanks. I’ll shoot home and pick up some beer and steaks – proper tucker.’ Mel’s shoulders slumped a little and she turned away. ‘Then I’ll see about towing your car back, Kim.’ Ben spied Jake lurking nearby, carrying Dusty. ‘Just the man I want to see. A few of the lads are having a knock at the nets tomorrow after work. You’d better come, champ, get your eye in. That’s if you want to play on Saturday. We need a good spinner.’
‘What about Liam? Isn’t he your spin bowler?’
‘He’s
still on holidays. We could really use you.’
Jake’s face lit up. ‘Did you hear that, Mum?’
Kim shot Ben a grateful smile, and he winked. ‘I’m glad that’s sorted. In the meantime, do you want to come for a ride to my place? Pick up some steaks and snags?’
‘Can Dusty come?’ Jake held out the squirming pup.
‘Sorry, mate, just cleaned the car.’ Ben took a closer look at Dusty. ‘Where’d that mutt come from?’
‘He’s not a mutt,’ said Mel. ‘Looks like a kelpie to me.’
Ben turned to Kim. ‘Come to your senses, have you? Going to put some stock on the place?’
‘Well, I’m not sure . . .’
‘If you’re looking for a farm dog, I could get you a pup with top bloodlines. Or my brother-in-law could sell you an older dog, already trained up. You don’t want to go buying any old puppy.’
Dusty was trying to scratch behind his ear and chew Jake’s finger at the same time – a comical sight.
‘If you don’t know its breeding,’ Ben said, ‘it’s likely to be more trouble than it’s worth.’
Jake’s face fell.
‘I’ll look after Dusty if you want to go with Ben,’ Kim said.
Jake seemed torn, staring at her suspiciously while she stroked the pup’s ears. ‘Don’t worry, he’ll be here when you come back.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
Jake’s mouth moved into a half-smile. He bent over to kiss her, a rare enough thing, then deposited Dusty on her lap. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘Let’s go get those steaks.’ Ben fished car keys from his pocket. ‘I could eat a horse.’
Abbey made a small noise of alarm and pressed in closer to her mother. ‘That’s just an expression,’ said Kim. ‘Ben didn’t mean it.’
Dusty yawned and licked Kim’s chin. Then he curled up, buried his nose in his tail and went to sleep. ‘
‘We can keep him, can’t we, Mum?’ asked Abbey.
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