Art of Forgiveness

by Monique Orgeron

  After we eat, I decide not to push my luck. I excuse myself and retreat back to my bedroom. About two hours later, Mom enters.

  “Avery, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?”

  “Sure, Mom, what’s up?”

  She closes the door and sits on my bed with me. “Look, baby, I wanted to let you know I am so glad you came back home. I’ve missed you for so long; it’s just strange having you back. Adam and I kind of fell into this new ordinary while you were gone. I know things are kind of rough right now. We are all trying to figure out how to live together again. But Avery, I never stopped loving you, and Adam cares a great deal, too. That’s why it seems we’re so hard on you all the time. We just want what’s best for you.”

  “Mom, I love you, too. You don’t have to—”

  She stops me right there. “Avery, I do. Listen, baby, when your father died, part of me died with him. I didn’t think I would ever love again, but then Adam came into our lives, and I am so grateful he did. He wanted me, and you, too, Avery. He has been a father to you now for ten years. I think it’s time to start showing him more respect. I have made a huge decision. I think I’m going to put him in my will. You don’t care, do you? I mean, there is enough to go around.”

  “Have you told him yet?”

  “No, I haven’t. I want it to be a surprise. He was so hurt when he learned he wasn’t included. He accused me of not loving him enough. He even went on to ask how much more he needed to do to show his love and devotion to this family. After all, he did adopt you, so I think it’s time to start showing him how much I appreciate him. Besides, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. So, what do you think?”

  “Mom, it’s your money, do what you want. How did he find out about the will anyway?”

  “About a month ago, he called our attorney for an advance on his allowance, and he was denied. He came home very angry. We started discussing our finances, and I let it slip that he was not part of the inheritance. He went red with anger, but we made up, and I think… no, I know things will get better from now on.”

  She touches my leg, and I can’t help feeling this is wrong. I don’t want him being involved in any of our finances, but I can’t tell her that; she’s so happy right now.

  “Don’t tell him anything, okay, Avery? I’m going to call Harold in the morning to have the paperwork drawn up. I want it to be a surprise, and it will probably take at least a month to get it finalized, so please, mum’s the word, okay?”

  “Yeah, Mom, I won’t say anything.”

  She hugs me goodnight and leaves me with my thoughts, which aren’t exactly good ones. I can’t help feeling like something is off. Adam’s a bastard, and I know he’s up to no good. When my father died, he won my mother over, then he took me as his own, and now he wants the money. Something is definitely wrong. I just wish I could figure out how to handle him.

  My phone starts to ring, and I answer, seeing it’s Lucy.

  “Hey, babes, what’s going on?”

  “Lucy, I’m so glad to hear from you.”

  “Hey, move out of the way! Hey, Avery, it’s Phil, I’m here, too. Miss me yet?”

  I hear Lucy and Phil fight for the phone until I tell them to put it on speakerphone. They fight like small children, and I always have to scold them like a mother.

  Laughing, I tell them, “Now isn’t that better? You can both hear and talk to me together.”

  Lucy starts first. “Yeah, Phil, move over, you heard Avery.”

  “Yeah, well, you talked to her last, so it’s my turn.” Phil just can’t help himself; he has to try and piss Lucy off every chance he gets.

  “Hey guys, enough. Tell me what’s been going on with you two?”

  Phil says, “Well, besides the fact that I’m still pining for you, as Lucy puts it, nothing much. Lucy has been up to her same shit, driving me crazy.”

  “Oh God, Avery, you see what I have to put up with? I need you back.” Lucy doesn’t know how much I want to be there.

  “I wish I could, but this is how it has to be. Mom has me busy with all her charity functions, hoping I might meet the right family. You know, just in case they would want me as a trophy wife.”

  Oh shit, I wish I wouldn’t have said that, especially with Phil on the phone.

  Phil begins with his newfound ammunition. “Trophy wife? Avery Edwards, you are worth so much more than that to me. I can’t believe I have been after you all these years with no luck. Then you go home and your mom has you looking for a husband. Shit, Avery, look no more; I’ve been here the whole time waiting for you. Your mother will love me and my family. Tell her you found your husband.”

  Now Lucy’s laughing. “Phil, you’re an idiot. Avery doesn’t want you, and she definitely doesn’t want to be someone’s trophy wife.”

  “Stop, Lucy. Phil, it’s not like that. I do love you, but somewhere over the years you became more friend than a boyfriend. Sorry.”

  “That’s cold, Avery, putting me in the friend zone. Where did I go wrong? No girl has ever thought of me as just a friend.”

  “I’m so sorry, Phil. You’ll find someone; just not me.”

  “Yeah, well, Avery, I don’t give up that easy. My mom always said you need to be best friends with your spouse first; the way I see it, we are almost there. Maybe you just need to see me without my clothes on?”

  I can’t help laughing. “Lucy, help me out.”

  “I can’t, Avery, because honestly, I don’t know many women who wouldn’t want to see Phil naked. Sorry, you’re on your own, woman.”

  “See, Avery, everyone wants to see me naked. I’ll send you a picture later.”

  “Oh no, Phil.”

  Thank God Lucy changes the subject “All right, all right, we didn’t call for Phil to make passes at you. We called for an update on what’s been going on.”

  The conversation turns serious now. I need to decide whether to confide in my friends or let it go.

  “Avery, you still there?” Phil questions.

  “Sorry, guys. Yeah, I’m still here. Something happened tonight, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

  “What happened? You can tell us, Avery. That’s what Phil and I are for.”

  “Well, I don’t know about Lucy, but I can be so much more than a shoulder, Avery.”

  “Stop, Phil. Go on, Avery. What happened?”

  Here we go, truth time. “It’s Adam. He found out about my mom’s will. He knows now he wasn’t to inherit anything, and now Mom wants to put him in it. She said they argued, then calmly discussed it, and she decided he deserves a piece of the pie.”

  Phil whistles. “Damn, Avery, that’s a big one. I don’t know how I would feel if my mom wanted to give some of our money away to another man.”

  “Right, I don’t know how I feel. I mean, there’s enough to go around, but I can’t stand him. My only pleasure was knowing he wouldn’t get anything if something happened to my mom.”

  “Well, you and Phil can discuss this one. My parents have nothing to leave behind, so it’s easy for me; I have to make my own money. There’s nothing for me to inherit; hence, I’m the scholarship baby. I have no clue what to tell you.”

  I love Lucy, but I agree; she hasn’t got a clue of what we’re talking about. She comes from a nice family, but not a wealthy one. Sometimes I wish I could’ve switched lives with her. She never had the pressure that comes along with being the super wealthy. Those expectations were never put on her. I’ve met her family, and they’re so proud of her; you can see the love they have for each other. Now, I’m not saying she has no pressure or struggles; they’re just different. As soon as I can draw on my trust, I plan on helping her, to relieve her of some of them.

  Phil asks. “Avery, do you think he’s up to something bad?”

  “I don’t know, Phil. It just seems odd. Why now, and why does he need the money? I mean, he is a well-respected doctor here.”

  “You’re right to question. If he has his own money, wh
y does he care about yours? Maybe you should talk to your mom some more.”

  “I know you’re right, but I can’t. She’s so happy, and he doesn’t even know she’s planning this. How can I go to her with suspicions when she’s doing it on her own?”

  “I don’t know, but be careful. If he is up to something, you don’t want to be the last one to find out.”

  “I will. Look, guys, I’ve had a busy day. Can I talk to y’all tomorrow? Don’t worry, Phil, I’ll be careful.”

  “Okay, we love you, bye.”

  I hang up with more concern now. Is Phil right? Should I be worried he’s up to something? Well, I can’t think about this anymore tonight. I’ll figure out more tomorrow.

  I dress for bed and hope I can have good dreams tonight.

  I hear my phone beep. I look to see who messaged me – oh my God, it’s a picture of a naked Phil. Of course, it’s just his backside, but damn, what a backside. That man has such a nice ass. I guess it’s what I’ll be dreaming about tonight.

  Another text comes through: “For your eyes only!”

  I text back: “Nice ass!!!!!”

  PHIL: “I know, I just wanted you to know.”

  ME: “Now I know. LOL.”

  PHIL: “Look, Avery, I know that someone hurt you before and that’s why you never gave me a chance. But I want you to know that I might joke around a lot, but I am serious when it comes to you.”

  ME: “I know Phil. Someone did hurt me and I wish I could get over him, but I can’t. One day maybe, but I’m not ready. Sorry.”

  PHIL: “Don’t be. You are worth waiting for.”

  I blush.

  ME: “Thank you, Phil.”

  PHIL: “Hey, I know you’re not experienced and it’s one of the things I love about you, but after you’ve seen my picture if you’re interested, I can sext you through it.”

  I can’t help laughing out loud. He wants to sext. Not happening.

  ME: “Goodnight Phil.”

  PHIL: “Goodnight, sweet dreams.”

  Again, I wonder why I can’t just fall for Phil. He is everything a girl would want, he has a rocking body, and he comes from a family my mother would approve of. So why? The only reason I can think of is he doesn’t know the real me. The me who was a social outcast or the me who was scared pretty much every day of my life. Phil has only seen the part of me I allowed. Even Lucy doesn’t really know. I’ve told her everything, but knowing and seeing are two different things, and even today I’m lying to her. I lie and tell her and Phil everything is fine when it’s not. Only one person knew the real me, and he decided I wasn’t worth the effort, and I know I embarrassed him. He wouldn’t even let anyone know we had any kind of friendship or relationship. I just need to forget about him and move on with my life.

  “God give me the power to forget him.”

  6

  Avery

  I fell asleep sometime during the night, dreaming of him and not Phil. Suddenly, I wake, struggling; someone is in my room, and there is a cloth over my nose and mouth. What the hell is happening? I try to yell out, but nothing comes out of my mouth. In my head, though, I’m yelling for help. Someone help me...please someone. Then blackness.

  I wake again, struggling for air. I sit up gasping. The nightmare is real. Where am I? I look around the room I’m in; I recognize nothing. The only things in the room are a mattress on the floor and a light blanket and a bucket. The windows are boarded up. I can see cracks with a little light coming through, and the walls are bare. I jump up and look through the cracks between the boards to see where I could be. I see nothing but grass and trees. There is nothing to indicate where I might be. What’s going on? Why would someone want to do this to me? I look down at my arm and notice it’s bandaged around the upper part. I tear the bandage away and see a tiny incision. I start panicking and do the only thing I can, I start yelling for help as loud as my voice will allow.

  My yelling stops when I hear someone unlocking my door. I push back to the corner of the room, scared of whoever might come through that door. A large bald man enters with a smile on his face. I’ve never seen him before.

  He shuts the door and tells me, “Scream all you want, bitch. It’s not going to help. No one can hear you.”

  “Who are you? What do you want with me?”

  He starts laughing out loud. “I’m not important. I’m not the one you should be worried about girl. He’s coming, though. He’s coming for you, and you will never be the same.”

  He continues to laugh as he comes closer, and I have nowhere to go; I’m blocked into the corner.

  “You are a pretty one, though. Maybe if I do my job well enough, the boss will let me have a little fun with you, too.” He bends and starts wrapping his fingers in my hair. He lays his nose on my neck and inhales deep, smelling me before he whispers in my ear, “Would you like that, bitch? Would you like me to give you a try?”

  I start screaming again, and in return he gets right up in my face and screams back at me, mocking me. He backs away, still screaming, then laughing until he leaves the room, locking it from the outside.

  For six days, he comes into the room twice a day to throw bags of fast food at me, with a soft drink and a bottle of water. Once a day, he also switches out a bucket I use as a bathroom for another. For days, I wait to see what will happen next.

  On the seventh day, my kidnapper comes into the room with a bucket of water and a couple of towels. He tells me, “He’s coming for you today, and you stink. Strip. You need to bathe.” He leans against the wall and yells, “Now!”

  I jump and look at the bucket. I know he wants me to listen, but I can’t. I’m so scared; only one man has ever seen my body.

  “I can’t. Can you leave? I’ll do it. When I’m done, I’ll knock on the door.”

  He grunts, “If you don’t strip right now and start bathing, I will rip off your clothes and leave you with none. I don’t mind, and I know your master won’t mind either. It’s up to you.” He shrugs, then says, “What will it be?”

  I slowly start to take my clothes off as he watches my every move. My tears are falling fast. My eyes become so blurry from the tears, I can barely see him anymore, but I can still sense him. I feel like I let myself down agreeing to do this without much of a fight, but I can’t afford to lose my clothes; they’re the only protection I have. It’s not much, but it’s something. Once all my clothes are off, I stand there naked, letting him take me in. I bend to grab a towel and begin to wash myself. My eyes are clear enough to see he’s rubbing himself over his pants. Oh God, help me. He then tells me to wash my hair and throws a bottle of liquid soap my way. I notice then with a smile on his face, he unzips his pants and reveals himself to me. I quickly look towards the floor, but I can tell what he’s doing. His sounds are getting louder. I freeze, not knowing what to do, I can see he’s getting closer to me. I keep my eyes down, watching his feet move closer and hearing his sounds over my loud heartbeat. He hollers out, and my body becomes covered in his ejaculation.

  “That was good. Was it good for you? Next time bitch, I want you to watch. Now clean yourself off.”

  I start washing myself again as fast as I can, drying and dressing all while he watches. Once I’m finished, he leaves with my supplies and I cry more. That was the worst experience of my life. I just want to go home. Please, someone help me.

  7

  Avery

  I cry the whole day. I cannot imagine my life getting any worse, but I know somehow it will, and my life will never be the same.

  Later in the night, my door is unlocked and a man walks in. At first I can’t see anything but his shadow, then he turns on a battery-operated light he has with him. I adjust my eyes and realize it’s the senator.

  “Senator Rollins, is that you?” I get so excited I jump up running to him. “Oh my God, Senator, please help me! We need to leave! I’ve been kidnapped, and someone is coming for me!”

  He starts to laugh at my rant. “I know, Avery, I know. Everyt
hing will be just fine. You see, I am your new master, and you are my new slave.”

  I look at him, horrified, as I start to process what he’s saying. I thought he was here to save me and bring me back home to my mom. I start to back away.

  “No, no, no, you can’t keep me here. My parents are going to come for me! I bet they’re looking for me right now! Please just let me go home. I won’t tell anyone! I promise!”

  “Shut up, you stupid girl. How do you think I got you? Your father gave you to me.”

  “What?!”

  “That’s right, Avery. You were in the way, and Adam wanted you gone. So, here you are, and here you will stay. No one will find you, ever. Adam is telling the police he thinks you ran away.”

  I start screaming, “No, no, he can’t do that. My mother will know better! She will find me!”

  “Your mother is distraught, thinking you left. She is grieving, thinking she may never be able to see you again. Like it or not, you are my new slave, and I can do anything I want with you.”

  I back further into the corner, shaking my head. “What are you going to do to me?”

  He stares at me, looking like the devil himself. “I’m going to destroy you. I will break you in every way and fuck you in every way, and you will submit to me.”

  I start to scream again and cry out, begging for help, calling out to anyone who may hear me.

  He starts walking up to me. “That’s it, girl, struggle. I want you to. I love when a bitch tries to fight me. Scream and try to claw your way out, but you will never get away from me.”

  I do. I fight with everything I have in me. I scratch and bite and pound my fists on him, but he just keeps on till he has me on my back. He finally manages to rip all my clothes off, then he spreads my legs with his body. The next thing I feel is extreme pain. I kick as much as I can and struggle for my life, but nothing helps. All I can do is scream as he painfully rips away my virginity. When he’s finished, I feel dead inside. I can’t move, can’t even turn my head.