by AA Bell
Deeper in the hall, the smell of fresh paint grew stronger. Ghostly doors were open down each wall, allowing Mira to see into each of the offices, mostly filled with cubicles for social workers, psychologists and other resource staff — except for one labelled Matron Madonna Sanchez. Her ghostly door appeared to be closed, but a breeze betrayed the truth: that the real door was now open.
Mira reached to test with her hands first and check the truth, then closed her eyes and ducked through the ghostly, yet solid-looking timber.
Inside the large office, the matron’s ghost sat at her desk with her ample chest straining at the top button of her tailored nurse’s uniform, her softly spiked hair nodding in time with her movements and her hands waving about expressively as she mouthed silent lessons in sign language to the nearest of two empty visitors’ chairs. Her left arm hadn’t developed fully due to childhood polio, so it was common for visitors to mistake her as one of the clients until they heard her speak or noticed her nametag, but the smaller arm also lent a distinctive slant to her hand signals.
Disability or not, she looked crazy giving sign language lessons to nobody, in contrast to the many university degrees on her wall, which proclaimed her high qualifications in business management and humanistic psychology. Mira also knew the daily lessons were intended for her — to help her understand more of the ghostly conversations going on around her. Not just between deaf clients and staff generally, but any that involved one old male client in particular. The student’s chair was only empty because her own ghost was elsewhere. She didn’t have any glasses that allowed her to see the lessons in real time. They’d be too painful for her to see in such fast light anyway. She’d also learned as much as she needed to know through observation of other clients. However Mira had played along to keep up the appearance that she was progressing and through trial and error she’d discovered that the matron’s own personal sunnies allowed Mira to see backwards about three-and-a-half days. So to see the morning lessons in order, she needed to be in the matron’s office with them every night at 7pm. Now Ben’s glasses allowed her to see a repeat of an earlier lesson, so she didn’t bother paying any further attention.
‘You’re early,’ said a familiar female voice from behind them in the hallway.
In reflex, Mira turned, but the updated matron remained invisible as her disembodied voice followed them in, and closed the heavy old door. Mira heard the lock click, then the matron’s distinctive heels clacked across the woollen rug and parquetry floor; one sole made of plastic, the other of rubber and four inches taller to help compensate for the underdevelopment of her right leg. Yet having one leg four inches shorter than the other never seemed to affect the matron’s agility. She strode past Mira with the musicality of a woman with confidence, and closed her drapes as well as her window. The invisible versions were already closed so nobody outside could watch or listen in on the crazy-looking language lessons.
‘Take a seat,’ Sanchez said, then slumped noisily into her own chair — into the lap of her yester-ghost, who carried on giving the lessons, oblivious.
Mira glanced at the nearest visitor’s chair where X marked the spot for it on the floor; one large conspicuous cross made from sticking-tape to mark the precise positions where the chair and wheels needed to be in order for Mira to walk in and sit with the same confidence as any sighted residents. She felt for it anyway before taking her seat, then startled as the ghost of Freddie Leopard burst in through the ghostly door with two wardsmen who were struggling to catch him and truss him up in a straitjacket. Freddie’s wig was gone, exposing his bald head, and his ears were scratched, torn and bleeding.
Your secrets scream at me! Mira read from his lips. You can’t hide them from me!
Clenching her eyes shut, Mira whipped off Ben’s glasses. ‘I was wrong,’ she said, offering them back to him. ‘Mine aren’t so bad after all.’
Again, he obliged, and again she found the matron’s ghost repeating an old lesson; this time the introduction as she explained how Freddie Leopard could hear conversations echoing for days or weeks before they happened. However, nobody knew the tunnels and shortcuts through Serenity as well as Freddie, and he was cagey, so the matron’s plan had proven a dangerous dance that Mira much preferred to avoid as best as she could manage.
‘A good thing I prepared yesterday,’ Sanchez said to the tune of some rustling papers, ‘and lucky I kept our friend in “Cloud Nine” all this time.’
‘The rubber room?’ Ben asked. ‘But surely music in his own unit would have sufficed, unless he’s found another way out already?’
A deaf man who takes comfort in music, Mira thought. For a long time she’d felt acutely sorry for him, and she had to admit that the similarity of his condition to hers did make her feel less alone in the world. The sight of his pitiful ghost was also enough to remind her how close to insanity she’d slipped herself before she’d met Ben. But any sympathy she’d ever held for Freddie had evaporated the day his maniacal prophecies failed to warn her exactly what would happen to Ben if she shared her ‘visions’ with military police. He’d fore-heard all the other details well enough for at least a day and still allowed her to travel far enough down that path to suit his own purposes. All he ever really cared about was the safety of his beloved Matron Maddy.
‘Freddie tried to tear off his ears again,’ Sanchez said. ‘I couldn’t lock him anywhere else, but on the upside, he was already out of earshot before you called me last week, Ben. There’s no way he could have fore-heard this particular conversation.’
Mira chewed on her lip. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure. He burst in here eight days ago shouting about our secrets.’
‘Mira, we have no secrets,’ Sanchez said loudly and clearly. ‘Poor Freddie only misunderstood an earlier echo from a conversation somewhere else in the grounds.’ Then she leaned over her desk, grabbed Mira’s hands and splayed her small, cool fingers against Mira’s, thumb for thumb and finger for finger, to tap a silent message using the simplest form of finger Braille. If it’s about leaving here please speak with your hands.
Mira curled her fingers away into fists in her lap. She’d cooperate in any plan that helped her get out and regain her independence, but she couldn’t help the feeling they were still treating her too much like a patient. ‘I’m not an idiot. You can’t keep him in a rubber room forever.’
‘I won’t need to,’ Sanchez whispered. ‘We just need to reassure him that we’re both living here, safely, just as I’ve explained to him. That way he should hear enough whispers to support a few alternative futures that all sound like this. So you can relax,’ she added, raising her voice to normal. ‘Freddie knows you’ve changed your mind to live here voluntarily, even if you’re successful in challenging your status as a ward of the state.’
Leather creaked as Ben shifted his weight in the chair beside her. ‘How did you manage to convince him, precisely, when he’s so paranoid?’
‘I’m not sure I have yet. That’s precisely the problem. You both deserve a fresh start, so that’s what we need to work towards.’
‘Freddie has friends,’ Mira reminded them. ‘More like minions. He has eyes and ears everywhere — and let’s not forget who his brother is. I won’t be safe anywhere from that colonel, so long as Freddie’s willing to betray me or Ben to him! For all we know, Freddie’s taught his brother a few tricks about escaping a cell. He could come for me again no matter where I am.’
‘Mira, please!’ Sanchez complained.
It wouldn’t be me unless I did say something like that, Mira replied, revealing that she was way ahead of the matron’s lessons in sign language for the deaf.
Sanchez rapped her desk three times as if thinking. ‘Freddie’s terrified of his younger brother — far more than either of you. Did you know that?’
‘He doesn’t act it.’
‘Oh? And has he ever shown you the scars on his chest? Or told you who really burned off his hair? And who do you think convinced their mother to sen
d him here all those years ago? She was dying of hepatitis, and all his brother cared about was ditching him so he could join the army. The only memories Freddie has of his kid brother involve a vicious, selfish little brat.’
‘Hasn’t changed much,’ Mira said, ‘and yet Freddie still chose not to warn us properly.’
‘Can’t you at least try to forgive and forget? You have to remember: Freddie’s main reason for keeping his ears open about you and everything you’ve been up to lately, is because he fears I’ll end up dead if there’s ever a reason for Colonel Kitching to come around looking for you.’
‘How can I forget that? Ben’s shoulder is a doughnut now, because of it!’
‘Just set that aside for the moment …’ Sanchez raised her voice slightly again. ‘Focus on your decision to stay here voluntarily, Mira. Then I’m sure Freddie will settle down quickly and leave you alone, just as soon as we manage to convince him, finally, that as far as the outside world is concerned, you’re just another ordinary blind client.’
Mira winced, knowing that she’d never been an ordinary blind client in her life.
‘Or if you want another chance at replacement surgery,’ Sanchez added, ‘just say the word and I’ll make it happen — and this time, those two medical scientists need never know. Friendly or not, they’re still leashed to the military, and I don’t trust them. Who could, considering that Colonel Kitching was their project leader for so long?’
‘I trust them,’ Mira argued.
‘Regardless, I’d much rather book you into a private hospital when you’re ready. You can still live here afterwards — blind or not, state ward or not — because the underlying Fragile X-chromosome syndrome that caused your complications makes you eligible to live here on a voluntary basis.’
‘Yeah, thanks,’ Mira said, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with all the talk about staying on at Serenity. ‘At least you’re offering me a choice in it now.’ She knew that, technically, as a handicapped ward of the state, she wasn’t fully fit yet to make such a decision without the consent of her legal guardian, even though her twenty-first birthday was now more than a year behind her. ‘No thanks to the surgery, though. I’ve already weighed the risks, and there’s a good chance I could end up with no sight at all. At least this way, I’ve been able to see Ben every day through the shades of different yesterdays. My own body too, which is nice for a change. Besides, if Kitching or his associates ever do come looking for me again, I’ll need something they want in case they try to threaten my friends again. Anyway, Freddie’s not the only one who can’t sleep nights, if you’re not safe. Aside from Ben, you’re the only person alive who’s ever treated me like family — even if it was only as a strict parent or bossy big sister.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment — but think, Mira; if you have nothing they want, there’ll be no reason to seek you out or threaten Ben.’
‘Actually, her eyes aren’t the only thing of value about her,’ Ben suggested.
‘Oh, sure,’ Mira laughed, ‘I’m a wonderful, charming …’
‘I was talking about your parents’ estate actually, but that’s all true about you too. A little harder to value. Matron, how much is she worth, nowadays?’
‘Fifty-two million — give or take a few hundred thousand.’
‘Only fifty-two?’ Ben shifted about in his chair again. ‘How did it get that low? Last I heard a month ago there was at least sixty-two?’
‘Not after renovations to her room and her contribution to all the common areas. Some needed expensive work to the foundations. Don’t forget Treasury has been holding ten years of medical expenses until the sale finally went through for her parents’ old bird sanctuary, with interest and management fees and the renovations needed at every other facility she’s been to over the years. Frankly, ten million is cheap.’
‘That’s hardly fair,’ Ben complained. ‘Many clients can’t afford to pay anything.’
‘If ten mill is the price for my independence, good riddance to it,’ Mira said. ‘I’d much rather have the right to say no to anything.’
‘And you will, eventually,’ Sanchez promised. ‘But for the moment, if anyone wants your money, threatening to hurt Ben again won’t do them any good. Starting today, you need his signature to access your accounts — at least until you can both convince the guardianship board that you’re fully capable of handling your affairs yourself.’
‘In the meantime,’ Ben said, ‘we’ll get by regardless of what you can or can’t see — and we’ll do it without attracting any unwanted attention, not even from Freddie.’
‘Oh, but you will need this,’ Sanchez said.
Mira heard the sound of a drawer open and close briskly. Then she heard a slip of paper slide across the desk to Ben.
‘Account numbers and transfer authority,’ Sanchez explained. ‘It’s all there, so you can set up your own access code and buy anything she needs, within reason, and the cash card will make it look as if you’re only buying things for yourself.’
‘This suggests you’re still a signatory as a guardian?’
‘Only for the first six months. I’ll review it every fortnight when I extend your temporary permits to take her on holiday. Consider it a year’s probation, same as anyone who challenges their status as a ward of the state. It’s a trial period, during which you’ll both need to demonstrate how wisely you can budget. I’ll keep tabs on that too, naturally, but it’s not really me you have to impress. It’s the review committee, remember, and they’ll be tough nuts to crack. Without full disclosure of Mira’s real condition, you’ll both have to behave like angels or else they’re likely to order a thorough investigation and not only to ensure there was no incompetence or misdiagnosis in the first place. A client must have a chronic and irremediable condition before the status of a state ward is approved initially. That’s why severely handicapped orphans are usually wards for life.’
‘So we’ll buy the weirdest herbal remedies and document gradual but continual improvements,’ Ben said. ‘I can dummy up some reports that backdate until the first day I worked with her. And you can add those to the ones that start from the day she switched to living here voluntarily.’ He added the last part a little louder, as if to ensure Freddie only heard the right whispers in case a week in lock-up wasn’t long enough.
‘Great,’ Sanchez replied, then a soft flurry of movement suggested she’d also said something with her hands, and Ben moved slightly in his chair too, as if answering.
Mira frowned at them. Hey, asking me to talk with my hands is one thing, she complained, using sign language for the deaf to speak to both at once. But if you’re talking secretly right in front of me … you promised weeks ago not to do that ever again. Then she offered both hands in the air, palms open and fingers splayed, to assist in a switch to finger Braille and offer one of them the chance to respond silently.
She felt large warm hands greet hers, matching thumb for thumb and finger for finger.
Relx, Ben typed, as awkwardly as ever using the simplest form of finger Braille. He wasn’t nearly so good at it as Matron Sanchez. Coodnt ne way I hurt to much.
O sori! Mira pulled her hands away, remembering his crippled shoulder. She’d grown used to slowing down and over-simplifying her finger Braille to ensure he understood her, but she felt slow in the head now too, since she should have figured that much herself.
‘Okay, so let me get this straight,’ Mira said, still guarding every word to limit Freddie’s ability to manipulate her life. ‘I can live here voluntarily, but still challenge my status as a ward of the state — and if I win, I can then spend all my money however I choose, with no need to ask for permission from any guardian, even if I still live here?’
‘You’ll be free enough to make the same mistakes as anybody,’ Ben replied.
Fine by me, she read from the lips of the ghost matron. I’ll bring all the paperwork to the hospital, Ben. It may take a few days …
‘Fine by me,’ ech
oed the invisible now-Sanchez at nearly the same instant. ‘So long as you pay rent and meals, same as everyone.’
Mira shivered at the coincidence — not the first time she’d been amazed by the little ways history had of repeating itself. However, the ghost matron soon ended the lesson, staring straight at Mira and mouthing a silent apology before hurrying out — while at the same time, Mira heard the invisible now-matron opening and closing her desk drawer again.
‘Hold still please, Mira.’ Sanchez set something down on her desk nearest to Ben which sounded a little too much like a medical kit as she opened it. ‘One more needle, I’m afraid, Mira. Just a blood test.’
‘Blood test?’ Mira’s heart pounded harder inside her chest, suspecting something already in the syringe. ‘I only had one yesterday!’
‘Starting today, every week for the next six weeks at least, sorry. Day before you leave, day of; it’s procedure. We need to ensure your body continues to flush out all the residual contaminants. You’ve been dosed with quite a cocktail over the years and some have suppressed the full effects of puberty, which means there’s going to come a time fairly soon when your hormones wake up and your body realises it now has to function for a young woman.’
‘Okay, I’m not that naïve.’ Mira wrinkled her nose at the idea. ‘I know how my own body is supposed to function by now. I’ve read a lot of Braille books in my time and they weren’t all mysteries, adventures or poetry.’
‘I’ve never accused you of being naïve,’ Sanchez replied. ‘I’ve always suspected you were much smarter than you let on, but that doesn’t change the need for weekly blood samples for a while, sorry. Ben can do it, if you still have a few trust issues with me.’
‘Can I check it first, make sure it’s empty?’ She heard a rustle, as if something was removed from a plastic sleeve.
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Ben said. He nudged the shape of a large cool syringe against her hand, then pulled it apart with a pop and let her smell the absence of any contents, and encouraged her to keep one hand on his as he opened her other elbow, swabbed the softest flesh with a little alcohol and then pierced her skin with the icy steel tip.