by W. A. R.
“Amber?” Miles prodded and she stared up at his concerned and questioning eyes. His eyes flicked to the blood flowing down her arm and she winced at the grimace that crossed his face. Still, she didn’t answer. She was unsure how to. What Buddy had done was completely irrational, she knew that, and yet she still understood.
“Mom?” Kyle pushed and she looked to them where they sat, seeing concern and worry etched into their young features. She knew then she was going to have to address the issue, whether she liked it or not. The man had indeed helped her teach an important lesson to her children and that was certainly something to take into consideration. She didn’t think he was harmful…just rash and too fast acting.
“He’s right.” She told them, registering the shock and disbelief that befell Miles’s and Brian’s faces. She swallowed. “He wanted to be…comforted…in the fact that I stood by my word and I needed a fight like that one to learn. Yes, he went about it the wrong way, but its fine.” She turned to Miles and Brian pleadingly. “So…can we cool off and drop it now? It won’t happen again.” She informed them, and quickly she turned towards the steps, her side aching. She didn’t want to hear their reply, and she didn’t care. She knew she was still bleeding but she wouldn’t show them her pain and so she had to quickly get away and lock herself in her room until the throbbing eased. She didn’t want Buddy tossed out to his death, and she wouldn’t let that happen. She marched to what was once her room and closed the door behind her. He wouldn’t hurt anyone, she was certain of that. So, why had he hurt her? She questioned. Her muddled mind was trying to make sense out of everything that had just happened and yet, she was struggling to find an answer. She sighed. There was a specific reason for his brusque actions, she knew why; he tried to prove that anger always wins and she proved that it didn’t. But, the question was, where had that sudden intensity come from? She shook her head, trying to erase the thoughts before looking down at her crimson hands and the gash on her arm. She would wait until later to clean herself up and wash the blood from her body.
It was after dark whenever she decided to venture out to the shower. Shelly had been concerned for her, as had George, and had tried talking to her but she had simply evaded their questions. She had, however, gone out of her way to avoid Brian, Miles, and Buddy. All three had tried to approach her and discuss what had happened but she had not wanted to have a conversation about it. She was still coming to terms with the meaning of it, of what had happened. After the battle, she felt something shift between herself and Buddy. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was but she simply wasn’t ready to address it. She couldn’t. There was so much on her mind that it hurt; she ached down to her very core. She couldn’t pinpoint what it was really, as she hadn’t had a chance to be alone and think about it all since Derek and the rest of their group had come. And so, she kept herself busy, ignoring the throbbing in her jaw, the stinging pain in her side and in her arm. After a while everyone had gotten the idea that she wanted to be alone and had left away to tend to other business. She had waited until Miles and Katie went out of the front door to take watch and until everyone else had gone to the living room to reside in their nightly ritual of conversation before she disappeared through the backdoor, somewhat clean clothes in hand.
She wondered over to the well, bucket in the other hand, listening intently to the cries and growls of monsters that would have loved to be inside the fence. She wouldn’t admit it, but there were plenty of times that the sounds broke her heart. There were times when she wished more than anything that she could reach out to them, to help them. She knew they couldn’t be helped, but still…it didn’t stop her from dreaming. These times made her feel defeated. She sighed as she filled the bucket with water from the well. That was one of the many things on her mind. The Biters they had fought a week before were quick and had some form of instinct. What were those people searching for by making such monsters? Did they feel pain? Had that been a side effect of whatever those people had given them? It was almost as bad as killing a human being…but it had to be done. It simply had to be. Didn’t it? She found herself questioning where those people were. If they wanted to ambush them, wouldn’t they have done it already? Then again, they could have possibly had no idea of their existence. Were they waiting? Were they even there? Then of course there were the Biters and how they had been at their house. Had they been released near any sign of people, near them, or had they simply found their way to the dinner they so desperately wanted? The questions were too vague, and there were too many…her head began to throb with a dull ache.
Readying the bucket full of water, she turned and began making her way to the makeshift shower. She had to shove the thought of the Biters from her mind. If she didn’t she knew that it would consume her. The action did not help any, she realized, as another thought came to the forefront of her mind in the absence of that one. She thought of the new people and how they had come together as they had. She stepped into the shower and closed the wooden door before removing her clothes and letting down her hair. She winced and sighed. She was grateful that they all got along as well as they did, it just seemed so hard at times. It was hard accepting so many new people, so many strangers, in the wake of what had happened. Without thinking she brought a hand to her throat, remembering the feel of the Biter’s fingers gripping her and crushing her windpipe and she shuddered. Quickly, she pulled the wobbly lever and after a second she felt water hit her hair, soaking her long blonde tresses before it shut off on its own. Yes, she realized, it was hard to accept. She trusted them, she did, but the fact remained that they had led those monsters to them. Four of their people had almost died that night because of their ignorance, but could she really blame them for their fear and lack of knowledge? It seemed incredibly selfish and unfair but yes, a part of her did. Her family, her children, had been put at risk because of them. Again, she sighed, pulling on the wobbly lever and allowing more water coat her hair. Everyone else, everyone that had been angry when they had first arrived had already moved past it all, so why was she just now where they had been? As she reached up to rub in the scent free shampoo through her hair she winced and hissed in pain. She jerked her eyes to her hip and narrowed her eyes. She knew the answer.
It was solely because of what had happened with Buddy earlier in the day. She understood then, where her animosity towards these new people came from. Buddy had hurt her, and though he meant well she had felt betrayed. She had never thought of herself untouchable, but the fact that they were supposed to be friends, not enemies, and he had still abused her struck her as a treachery. She knew that he hadn’t meant it that way, and yet it was still there. He caught onto this earlier in the evening and had attempted to discuss it with her. His eyebrows had been furrowed in concern as he tried reaching out to her, but she was angry. Not frightened, but angry. She didn’t need an explanation from him to know that the pain he had inflicted on her in front of not only her brother and their friends, but her children, had been intentional. One day soon she knew she would be ready to accept his explanation, but until then she would avoid him at all costs. One thing she understood from the predicament was that he was reaching out to her. He had done what he thought needed to be done for both of their sakes and yet she wasn’t ready to accept why he thought it had to be done that way. She shook her head and pulled the lever, feeling the sting behind her nose that told her that the tears were well on their way.
The shampoo ran from the ends of her hair and down her body and she tilted her head back, eyes wide and staring at the stars, the moon, and the clouds that were drifting in and out of the darkness of the sky. Her side ached and her heart hurt. The moon soon became blurry from the escape of tears and she sniffled. The Biters had hurt her emotionally, Buddy had hurt her…she was terrified of the possibility of crazed people with a vendetta to create the most horrid human/Biter hybrid imaginable. She lowered her head and closed her eyes shut tightly, reaching for an old cloth and whatever scent free soap she could fi
nd. She needed to get out of her own thoughts before they caused her more damage, but she wouldn’t allow herself to run away from her own mind. She had to face it head on. And yet still that thought didn’t stop the sinking feeling that things would soon get bad and she would be faced with such heartache that it was unimaginable. She could force herself to ease her mind concerning all of these things, and she would do so before she went back through that back door…she just needed time alone to accept the inevitable and the possible. She stopped washing for a moment and allowed herself a moment to squeeze her eyes shut tightly and let the tears fall. She released all of her pent up frustration and hit the warped barrier that separated her from the outside world with her fist…and she did so again, and yet one more time in her angry fit before she simply sobbed. She hadn’t simply killed Biters, they hadn’t seen these strange people that had created them, and she hadn’t beaten an enemy in battle; they had been somewhat human, Buddy was her friend, and those people were possibly watching their every move. These three things she needed to come to terms with within the next ten minutes. She knew, deep in the pit of her stomach, that she was going to kill more people, as she had done before and that with these new possibilities that she was possibly going to offer no mercy for their deaths. She would have to accept that when the time came, and she shuddered, realizing that the circumstances in which she would change enough to mercilessly kill a human being would be horrific. Was that what Buddy had been driving at? Had he been feeling the strange sense of foreshadowing that she had? She didn’t know, and wouldn’t know, at least not for a while; not until she could calmly speak with him. Things would be alright. They had to be.
She sniffled and opened her eyes feeling a bit better from her cry, the tears mixing with whatever water dripped form her hair and down her face. She pulled the lever once more, allowing the warm water to remove the soap from her skin and to the ground below. After a minute or two she had finished, having easily run the warm cloth over her wounds, and decided she was better. She knelt down and poured the water from the bucket and stood, reaching for her underclothes and jeans, pulling them all on before reaching for her shirt. She winced as she pulled the cloth over her face, her arm, and even whenever it brushed her hip. Damn Buddy, she thought, and she promised she would pay him back for the physical pain he had caused her. As soon as she had opened the warped shower door she heard a low voice rumble from the darkness, making her freeze.
“Whose ass am I kicking?” the voice asked and a chill raced down her spine. She gripped the side of the door, her eyes searching the darkness for the speaker. She knew the voice too well, and her heart thudded heavily against her chest. She swallowed, her eyes confusing the winds and the shadows in the darkness, and she realized that she couldn’t find him.
“How long have you been out there?” she asked, hoping he didn’t catch the tension in her voice. She jerked her eyes slightly to the left when one of the shadows moved towards her. She felt her blood ignite in her veins as he drew closer into the dim moonlight. His brown eyes were concentrating hard on her every move, his arms crossed in what she thought was amusement. She felt heat grace her cheeks and she was unsure whether or not it stemmed from embarrassment or frustration, or possibly even both.
“Long enough.” He replied shortly, finally stopping about two feet from her. He was far enough away, and yet was within arm’s reach and instinctively she released the door and took a step back from him. He cast his eyes down to her feet, watching as they shifted from him and he turned his gaze back to her face, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and possibly hurt.
Amber glanced around them again at the shadows. “Where is Katie?” she asked, hoping to change the subject. She refused to look at him and instead found herself focusing on her filth ridden clothes on the ground. He had not acted any differently towards her since the night in the kitchen, and within the week since, Amber wondered if he had forgotten what was said or what had happened. She even wondered if his opinion of her had changed. It hurt her, if she was honest, and she felt disheartened at the thought. After admitting to herself that night how she felt, despite her better judgment she had expected things to change between them. She wasn’t sure why she expected such and yet still the hope was there. She wasn’t naïve…she understood how the world was, and the stress of incorporating new people into their home was a lot to handle...but she was still human and he was still her anchor…he always had been. So why would he lead her on as he had? She shifted on her feet, feeling her face warm. She couldn’t forget the effect that he had had on her. It was nerve-wracking.
He nodded towards the house. “I sent her to the other side of the house to check that fence when I realized you were crying.” He informed her and she again shifted on her feet. “Which brings us to my former question: Whose ass am I kicking for making you cry?” She chuckled lightly at his words even though she was unsure of whether or not he was being serious. It didn’t matter anyways, she thought, as it was not a discussion she particularly wanted to have.
She sighed and knelt down, gathering her clothes and gripping them at her side. “You didn’t have to send her away.” She told him in avoidance and he took a step closer to her as she stood. His face wasn’t as brutal as it had been a week before, and it was healing nicely. The swelling had gone down, aside from the new cut on his lip. Amber winced against her will and felt another apology grace her lips, though the words never came. Instead, she stood there, staring at her friend as he showed concern for her well-being, just as he always had.
“Yes I did.” He stated simply, as if it were a well-known fact. She shifted the clothes at her side in one hand and placed her free hand on her hip. “I wasn’t going to let her see you that way.” He admitted and she felt her hands tremble slightly at his words. She reached up and tucked a stray strand of wet hair behind her ear.
“But of course, you can see me that way.” She said softly, accusingly, before turning and aiming for the backdoor. She felt his eyes on her and she shuddered with apprehension. “I don’t even know how you found me out here to begin with. I was being quiet. I wanted to be alone.” She told him over her shoulder as she continued walking, letting her legs guide her. She didn’t hear his feet move; all she heard was his voice coming from where he had previously been.
“You underestimate me, Amber.” He told her and she stopped, her curiosity piqued. She turned to face his silhouette in the dark and lifted a brow at him. As if he could sense her curiosity, he continued speaking, answering her unspoken question as to what he had meant. “I can always find you. I always have and I always will. Don’t ever doubt that.” he demanded of her and she shuddered. His words were like a drug to her, making her brain fuzzy, her thoughts slowed. His voice was rough and domineering and she briefly speculated the whereabouts his confidence had come from. She shook her head and turned from him, her aim once again for the back door when his voice yet again stopped her. “It was about earlier, wasn’t it?”
“Excuse me?” she asked, whipping her head to face him. After the trouble with Buddy she really hadn’t needed to deal with any more troublesome occurrences. She heard the shuffling of his boots against the dirt and understood that he was advancing towards her. She quickly stepped back, her shoulder ramming into the house. She grimaced and turned her attention back to the man who continued to haunt her thoughts. She gasped upon realizing how close he was.
“You heard me.” He replied sternly.
She ran a hand through her wet hair, turning from him. “I don’t want to talk about it…”
“You were crying over what had happened between you and Buddy.” He told her and she turned slightly, leaning her shoulder and the side of her head against the house. She closed her eyes and attempted to formulate an explanation.
“Miles...” she began but he again cut her off by bringing his hand up, his fingers pulling up at the edge of her shirt sleeve. Hs fingertips brushed against her skin, the cool night air flowing across her like a comforting blanke
t. She trembled under his touch and he brought his eyes to hers, not missing her reaction. She looked away from him and swallowed thickly. He lifted the sleeve until her wound was visible. He then dropped his fingers and brushed them lightly across the cut, feeling the slight rise of her skin, the heat from the openness of it. He was the first one she had allowed to look at it, and she was unsure why she was suddenly so emotional about it. The barest touch of his fingertips against her skin burned her.
“You should have let me kick his ass when I had the chance.” He told her gently and she shrugged her shoulders in indifference. He reached his other hand up and caught her chin, turning her face slightly and forcing her to look at him. She reluctantly did so, and he stared down at her, curiosity and pain evident in those brown depths of his. “Why didn’t you let me?”
She sighed, not certain about whether he would understand. “He’s my friend.” The words were rang true to her ears and this surprised her. She didn’t argue with it.
This brought a disbelieving smirk to Miles’s face and he dropped his hand from her chin. “How can you say that after what happened? After what he did?” His voice was gentle, and not accusing in the least, but more or less concerned.
She studied him hard for a moment before speaking. “I busted your lip today. Am I still your friend?” she asked, offering her counterargument. His eyes widened slightly as her words sunk in.