by W. A. R.
“I’m gonna go on out. I’ll meet you out there.” Damien half whispered to George before Miles heard his footsteps leave the room, closing the door behind him. Odd, Miles thought for the millionth time, as the young man ventured out alone. He did that often, and in the beginning, Miles thought it because he was dealing with some kind of trauma that no one had any idea about, but it continued. Now, Miles was unsure of whether Damien would ever get over whatever it was that kept him quiet and in his own little world.
“Amber?” George asked, and Amber shifted on her feet. This caught Miles’s attention, jerking him from his reverie and he closed his eyes, listening to every word, every movement from the pair to his left.
“George, something just doesn’t feel right about this. Buddy agrees. That’s why he was so adamant about leaving. He feels like whatever is bothering us is here, and I feel like whatever it is, is well, out there. There is a threat and we just aren’t sure where.” Amber told him softly and Miles felt a stab of envy and betrayal. What had the three of them discussed? Were Amber, Buddy, and George conversing about other things, important things? And furthermore, why had they been unable to discuss what they thought and felt with anyone else. Miles was reminded of whenever Buddy and Amber had gone to the old house place, and whenever George and Amber had ventured out into the woods.
“I feel it too. I don’t know what to do, but I do agree with you. It’s outside of these walls. But what can we do, really?” George asked and Miles mentally thanked him. There was nothing they could do, and regardless of the situation, he didn’t want Amber to risk her life trying to find answers to ease her frightened and battered mind.
“I’m not sure, George.” She admitted against her own will.
He sighed. “I don’t either. I think we should just….keep doing what we planned and go from there, I guess.” He told her softly, and Miles ground his teeth together. What bullshit was Buddy feeding her? What other personal things did they talk about? His mind began racing with thoughts, accusations, and he had to force himself to calm down.
“I know.” She said, and after a beat, she continued. “You should head on out there. Damien will be waiting…as usual” She said and George nodded before Miles heard his footsteps too leave the room. Once the door was closed, he heard Amber remove her boots, set her flashlight on a small table that was in the otherwise nearly vacant room, and then a hollow thud reached his ears as she leaned against a far wall next to the door. The click of the door lock was loud in the darkness as she locked the door. She needed to be alone with no interruptions…at least for a few minutes. After a moment she slid down the wall, bringing her knees to her chest and lowering her head into her hands. The silence soon became deafening, but Miles was unsure of what to say or do to ease her mind. Before long, however, he heard her feet shuffle as she stood and made her way to one of the pallets that one of the men had left. As she reached for a blanket, he knew that he wanted nothing more than to hold her. He knew he should say something, and when he opened his mouth he said the first thing that came to his mind.
“Did you have a good talk?” he asked her, a bit more bitterly than he had intended. He heard her gasp and he mentally berated himself. She really didn’t need his criticism right then and yet he was offering it.
“I didn’t know you were awake.” She said softly, as if she thought he was still sleeping. He never moved; instead he lay there motionless, his heart beating steady in his chest. He wished he knew what she was thinking right then, if he affected her the same way that she affected him. “You startled me. What’d you say?” she asked softly and he almost didn’t want to repeat himself.
“I said, ‘Did you have a good talk?’” he repeated himself, a little gentler this time. He heard her move around a bit before settling on the floor a few feet from him. She was sitting up and staring into the darkness at him. He wouldn’t move, feeling unsure of everything that was coming from his mouth and everything that he did.
“That really bothered you didn’t it?” she asked gently and he felt like an ass for even asking. What right did he even have to be concerned about it, to question it? None. Absolutely not one single right. He swallowed hard at this awareness.. “You should have been resting instead of worrying.” She told him as she settled down on the floor once again, pulling a blanket over her. She wanted to effectively end the conversation; she didn’t want to talk, or wasn’t sure of what to talk about, especially considering how things had been between the two of them for the past while. It was his own fault, and he couldn’t blame her. Still, he felt that it all needed to be talked about…especially considering how drastic things were going to change within the next few days. He couldn’t let it go any longer, and so he dove for any form of communication.
“I couldn’t sleep.” He told her honestly and he sighed, turning his head to face her in the dark. God, he wished she were closer to him.
“Why not?” she asked him, though she already knew the answer. She yawned, and he knew that her eyes were closed, but her voice was alert and slightly defensive.
“He has feelings for you, you know?” he asked her and he heard her chuckle a little in spite of herself.
“You had feelings for me at one point too, you know. And besides, we have bigger things to worry about.” She said lightly before Miles sighed, closing his eyes tightly
“Had?” He asked incredulously and for a long, stretched out moment things were silent. She didn’t reply to this, and he felt that she wouldn’t. Still, her response…and lack thereof…merited the question of if she thought he no longer felt that way about her. The thought brought a hysterical smile to his face. That was ludicrous. The intensity of the situation was slowly coming into focus and he stilled, feeling the heavy weight press hard against his chest. He needed to feel her, to physically let her fall into him and then…then he would be fine. The tension of her being two feet away yet untouchable after the day’s events was about to tear him apart.
“Would I be pushing any boundaries…by…” he gulped. “…by asking if you would come lay beside me?” he asked almost meekly, his voice gruff and insistent. He sensed her hesitation and he grimaced, knowing that she would deny him. Again, he couldn’t blame her. He had admitted his feelings and ran. Surely she didn’t think that he regretted expressing himself. He only regretted running. Much to his delightful surprise, however, she was on her feet without a word, and he knew without a doubt that she wanted to be beside him as well. He felt her step over him before settling between him and the wall. He stretched his right arm wide for her, and his heart began beating a little faster as she eased her head nervously against his chest, her right hand resting beside her cheek. He eased his arm down, gripping her shoulder tightly and pulling her closer against him. He willed himself to calm his breathing. He hadn’t expected her to come to him, and he certainly hadn’t expected her to fall so easily into his embrace. She felt so warm and soft against him and he fought the urge to tighten his hold on her. An escape from reality…that was what they needed. “And we aren’t worrying anymore tonight, okay? No more talking about these…horrors…we need some sense of normalcy. It’s just you and me.” He pleaded with her and he felt her inhale deeply, smiling a little.
“Your heart is beating really fast.” She said off-handedly and he chuckled nervously. This was going to be an honest conversation, and he vowed that it would remain that way. She was his best friend and they needed to get past this mountain of doubt that seemed to loom between them.
“You have a tendency to do that to me.” He told her with a sheepish grin he was sure that she couldn’t see.
“And yet you claim Buddy has feelings for me? Come on now.” She said teasingly before swallowing nervously. “You were always pretty obvious about it. He’s just…misunderstood.” He swallowed hard. How could he explain that one? Taking a chance, he placed a kiss against her hair and tenderly ran his fingers across the skin of her arm. She shivered against him and snuggled a little deeper into him. The
feeling was delicious and he ached to push further, his mind growing foggy, his soul drunk on the feel of her.
“Yes, he does. His over-protectiveness of you is plain as day.” Which brought into question their fight two weeks after his arrival. The man had physically hurt her, but since then he seemed to hold a revered respect for her, and her for him. They were actually friends and the thought bothered Miles immensely. “I mean, have you seen the looks he has been giving me?” he asked quickly, lightening the mood and she chuckled…yeah, she knew. His heart began hammering away, wanting to divert the conversation to what really needed to be said. “And…I was obvious about it because I have always… I’ve always been in love with you, Amber.” For a moment, she stilled against him, barely breathing. He thought he had made her uncomfortable and he ceased his fingers from skating across her creamy, soft skin, an action that took much more willpower than he was willing to admit. It was the second time he had uttered those words, and for the millionth time he wondered if he had made a mistake.
“Why did you say that?” she asked and for the first time, he felt as if her belief in him was shattered. He felt his heart ache with the feeling.
“Because it’s true.” He told her simply and she removed her head from his chest, rolling onto her back. He removed his arm from around her and eased onto his side, sitting up on his elbow so he could see her in the moonlight that came through the cracks in the boards. She turned her blue eyes up to him, her fingers twisting together. He studied her, how her blonde hair, let down, splayed out around her like the halo she rightfully should have. Her skin was pale in the blue moonlight, and leaning over her as he was, he felt the urge to take her, make her his. “What did I say wrong?” he asked roughly, and she shifted slightly.
“Don’t…don’t play games with me.” she said softly and he sighed, closing his eyes in the fresh wave of pain that her doubt brought him. Hadn’t she said that before?
“Why would I be playing games with you?” he asked of her and he studied her, waiting for an answer he soon realized he wasn’t going to receive. He furrowed his eyebrows at her curiously, tamping down the nervous energy rebounding inside of him. “Amber, why did you move away from me?” he asked, her rejection of him fresh on his mind. He felt the pain reverberate throughout his chest. She looked up at him sadly.
“It’s just…Last time we had a serious discussion…what you said…you ran…I thought you…I thought you regretted what had been said…what had happened.” she paused, her eyes studying him before he smiled gently down at her, stifling the urge to laugh.
“Oh…oh no. Of course not. I left because…well…I was a nervous wreck.” He told her and a feeling of peace washed over him. He didn’t care if he had verification of how she felt, and he didn’t care what was happening in the outside world. The only thing that mattered to him then was him and her, so close, so near and so honest with one another that it was heartbreaking. He brought his hand to her face, his brown eyes searching in the hope and sadness in her blue ones for any response she would give him. “I will tell you over and over again how much I absolutely adore you. That isn’t what scares me.” His thumb skimmed across her cheek and she shuddered under his hand. His voice was low, husky and so full of intent and desire that it surprised even him. “I regret many things in my life Amber, but you are not one of them.” She studied him, and he felt his heart warm at the sight of her yet again.
“What do you think it would have been like…for us? In the normal world? You know, if we had ever taken a chance then?” she asked , and she was staring up at him intently.
He smirked at her. “Does that mean that you are willing to take a chance now?” he asked and her face flushed. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“I’ll let you know.” She whispered and then she grew quiet, patiently awaiting his response to her previous question. She was hanging onto his every word, his every action. Slowly, he moved his hand from her face and reached forward, brushing her hair behind her ear, running his fingers across her jawline, her cheek. He felt everything inside him warring between uncertainty and want. He thought himself to be dreaming, feeling that this would never happen and yet he knew it was real…so very real that it burned deep inside of him.
“You asked me yesterday, what I was scared of. Remember?” he asked her gently, opting to simply go with the truth and hopefully, just hopefully she would understand. She nodded against his hand before his fingers skated down her neck. He could see her chest moving with every shallow breath. He looked away from her face, watching every piece of skin the tips of his fingers touched. “I lost Michael and life was horrible. I have lost aspects of myself. I have killed people…but you have made all of these things bearable…more than bearable. You are my rock, so the truth is that I am scared of losing you, in any way, shape or form. I’m scared of losing Cassie and Kyle, and even little Elliot…I’ve already lost Michael, and it damn near tore me apart. I am terrified of who I would be without you. I guess…even after the outbreak, I knew you were still around. I just knew that if something would have happened to you, I would feel it. That is how connected we are…how connected we have always been. I couldn’t live knowing that something happened to you. Life would serve no purpose for me if that ever happened.” He hesitated before continuing, watching as tears formed in her eyes, even though she tried so hard to fight against it. He licked his lips, emotions and thoughts running wild as he leaned forward slowly where his fingertips met her skin at her collarbone. He brushed a feather light kiss against the sensitive patch of skin. She gasped slightly, and he could damn near hear her racing heartbeat. “So, that being said, I think it’s safe to admit I have thought about it… about us…for a very long time…and this is exactly how it would be…” he began softly, nuzzling his nose against her neck, beneath her ear and planting another soft kiss there as well. The ecstasy running through him was almost his undoing; the woman drove him to the point of insanity. “If we never had to endure what we did in life, alone,…if I had never gotten expelled…I would have asked you on a date at the age of sixteen…and then another…and so on because I simply can’t get enough of you. And you would have blushed, but you would have said yes, every single time, because the truth is…you can’t get enough of me either.”
She shifted a little, and he pulled his face back up to look at her as she adjusted herself so she could look at him. She didn’t disagree with him, she only waited for him expectantly, eyes wide and brimming with unshed tears. “And one day, I would have asked you to marry me…because I can’t imagine a life without you in it. You would have again said yes, because that is who you are…giving absolutely everything you are for everything you love. I would have done everything in my power to take care of you, and you would have done the same for me…” he paused, feeling as if his heart were about to burst out of his chest. His fingers trailed down her neck once again, his fingers catching on the neckline of her tank top.
“Miles…” she began on a choked whisper and he swiftly placed a gentle kiss on her lips, silencing her. He had always wanted to be there with her, just as they were, able to tell her anything, everything…to soothe her…to touch her.
“Shhh.” He shushed her softly as a tear finally snaked its way across her cheek. He caught it with his thumb and wiped it away, leaning down to kiss the bare skin of her neck. She brought her right hand to his side, her fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt, her breathing ragged. This courage, this bravery he felt, was new; he blamed it on his overwhelming emotions and the fog in his mind. “I would have made love to you every night…” he whispered against her ear, his voice husky and his breath warm and she gripped his shirt tighter with an involuntary jerk. He hesitated, grinning at her reaction to his words. “I would have kissed you every morning…you would have blessed me with children…and as the days wore on…I would have made sure that a day never went by that you didn’t know how much I absolutely adored everything about you.” He finished, placing one last tend
er kiss on her lips before pulling away. She sniffled, eyes closed and refusing to look at him. Everything inside of him was alive with desire, with emotion. “Look at me.” He told her and reluctantly, she turned her tear-filled eyes up to him. “Amber, I am so sorry that things didn’t happen that way…but understand that the timing doesn’t matter…the ways of the world don’t matter…because I am still here…and you are still here. I have you by my side and don’t ever doubt for a second how much you mean to me…we can still have all of that one day…when we make it out of this…I promise…it will just be a little different…but the outcome will remain the same.”
“Damn you Miles.” she cursed him softly, releasing her hold on his shirt and wiping at her eyes. She laughed a little to herself. “Why did you have to go and make me cry? I hate crying.”
“Because you allow me to reach that part of you where no one else could.” He said softly refusing to let her make light of the situation, of his words, and she turned her wide eyes to his, their glazed hunger gnawing at him. He swallowed hard against the urge to move towards her.
“Miles,…” she began, and he allowed his fingers to trail up her arm to her shoulder and back, watching every move he made, a gentle smile on his lips. He could think of no better place to be than right there beside her, connected with her.
“Hmm?” he asked, absentmindedly, lost in his own blissfulness; lost in her.
“Do you think we will survive this?” she asked and he briefly glanced at her worried, heavy eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows at her, briefly wondering why she had left their peaceful entity for the brutal reality before he realized she simply couldn’t help it. She couldn’t get lost. She was terrified and he needed to fix that.
“We aren’t talking about any of that, remember? This is us, making an attempt forget it all, at least until morning.” He told her, feeling his heart ache at the simple thought that they may not. Mentally, he kicked himself. He needed to let it go, at least for then, and so did she.