by Urban, Ami
“Hey, no worries. Hakuna Matata.” I shot her smile. “Now, how do we…” I looked down, trying to figure out the best way to get down to business.
“Oh, let me.” Wedging her arms between us, Lisa finagled her hands down to the waistline of my jeans.
“Okay. Okay. Those are attached.”
“Oh! I’m sorry!”
A sigh escaped me. “Okay, enough is enough.” I scooped my wife up in my arms, ignoring the fresh bloom of pain from my left knee. She let out a small yelp as I positioned her on top the dryer. Once she got her bearings, she wrapped her legs around my waist. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”
She smiled, reaching forward to pull me into a kiss. A nice one at that. Once I was able to get my hands between us, there was nothing else separating me from her except a few layers of cloth.
“Oh! Ow!” I stubbed my toe on the leg of the dryer.
“Are you alright?” Her hands were on my chest.
I grunted a reply. “Can you…?”
“What?”
I stopped, rolling my eyes in frustration. “I really wish I could see you naked.”
“And I wish I could have a five-minute staring contest with your abdominals.”
Ha! Good one. Instead of laughing, though, I decided my last fuck had deteriorated, so I simply pulled Lisa toward me, ripped off her panties and unzipped my jeans. When I pushed myself inside her, she let out a gasp that almost sounded painful.
“You okay?”
“Yes,” she said, sounding out of breath already. “Don’t stop.”
“Uh…okay.” I kept going despite the lack of room and the shelving above her coming loose. A bottle of detergent toppled over, spilling a white glittery powder. Grunting, I grabbed it and righted it. Fabric softener and dryer sheets tumbled off the shelf, bouncing off Lisa’s shoulder. Instead of letting it get to her, she just reached up behind her and held onto the shelf, rendering it immovable for the duration of our quickie.
“Okay, wait.” She laid a hand on my chest once more, adjusted herself, then peered at me through thick eyelashes. “Okay. Okay. Keep going.”
Didn’t have to tell me twice. And I lasted about six more minutes. Which wasn’t too bad a record. I’ve had worse. Toward the end, Lisa let out small hums and gasps of pleasure. The rouge in her cheeks grew rosier with passion until she cried out my name.
“Shh!” I pulled her close to my chest while we both let out a chuckle. “You’re going to wake the dinosaur.”
“Rawr,” she said simply, imitating her own son.
Unknown Date – Jack Reynolds
The next morning, something that smelled suspiciously like bacon woke me from a deep sleep. It legitimately made me spring up out of bed. For a second, I thought I’d been dreaming and my brain was inventing shit. But once I sat up, the smell grew stronger.
I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw everyone gathered at the kitchen table. The kids were seated, plates in front of them. There was a yellow plastic car drenched in what looked like molasses in front of Rex, my wife’s son. That kid… He could make anything sticky.
“Do I smell what I think I smell?”
Lexi turned to look at me, a flash of defiance in her gaze. “He who smelt it dealt it.”
“Ha, ha,” I said sarcastically.
My wife turned around from her position at the stove. “I found bacon.”
I gasped like Scarlett from Gone with the Wind. “You did?” I looked over her shoulder after kissing her. Indeed, there were four slices of bacon in the pan, sizzling away. “You did. Where?”
“Bottom of the freezer.” She turned her head quickly and stole a kiss from my cheek.
I retracted, gave her a warning glance and waggled my index finger. “You stop that.”
A small smile spread across her lips. She even uttered an almost inaudible, “No.”
Using a tarnished fork, Lisa plopped two pieces of crispy bacon onto a plate to cool. While she was leaning over the stove and closer to my ear, she said, “Last night was amazing. Thank you.”
Man, I loved it when she said stuff like that. This beautiful creature who’s smarter than a computer loved me? Somehow, even with my lack of book smarts and inability to take anything seriously, she’d seen me as a suitable mate.
“Puke!” Lexi’s voice rose above the sizzling of breakfast. Lisa’s smile widened when she went back to the pan.
“That’ll teach you to eavesdrop!” I pinched a piece of the still very hot bacon between my thumb and index finger. Lisa scolded me, but I did it anyway. And it was a long way to that table with third degree burns on my hand. “Ow! Ow! Hot, hot, hot!” Even though there was no music, I danced to my seat.
“Serves you right.” Lexi stared at me. I chewed the delicious pig flesh while waving my right hand in the air to cool the burn.
“Fuh wha?” It was all I could manage around the food in my mouth.
“For being gross in front of me.”
I swallowed. “Someday you’ll understand.”
She arched a dark brow. “Understand what?”
Lisa put a full plate of bacon in front of me. Both my hands flew to my cheeks and I gasped. “For me?”
She nodded, then rounded the table to pick up the kid’s plate, complete with yellow plastic car covered in syrup. But he was apparently still playing with it, because when she reached for it, he screeched like a pterodactyl. All eyes went to them.
She stood there and put both hands on her hips. The dish rag in one hung down her hip. She eyed her son as though he’d just said a curse word at a funeral. It was a look that could kill. It made me nervous and it wasn’t even directed my way.
“Rex.” The way she said his name was stern, low and almost devoid of emotion. It was a tactic she’d been practicing when he had sensory overload. The results varied. That morning, he sat there, not meeting her gaze. Outright refusing to acknowledge her presence, he went back to trying to play with the sticky monstrosity.
“No.” Her tone was so commanding that even I stopped what I was doing. She knelt down in front of him, making it easier to interact. He preferred being on the same level when talking. One thing she’d also been trying was maneuvering his gaze, so he felt like they were the only two there.
It worked. “OK, done,” he said simply. Then, he looked into my wife’s eyes and tried to smile. It looked more like a grimace, but we all knew what it was supposed to be. She returned the gesture with a sincere, sweet one of her own and took his plate.
“Thank you, Rex.”
“Rex. Rawr. Done,” he said, snapping his jaws open and closed.
“You did good, kid.” I put out my fist, encouraging him to bump it. To my surprise, he reciprocated.
***
The good thing was I’d found a car repair game on my smart phone. But the bad news, you ask? Well, the game had…issues. First of all, I obviously didn’t have an Internet connection, so half the content wasn’t even available. All I had were a few baseline tools. I could change oil, top off the fluids and wash the exterior. Like, out of all the cool-ass things you could do with a car…
I sighed, dropping my hand between my knees. The other was making its way through my hair when my wife approached me. She sat next to me on the top step of the entryway.
“Is everything alright? You’ve been sitting here all day.”
Lexi turned her heard to look at us from her place on the sofa. I tossed her a warning glance, debating whether or not I should’ve given her the “I’m Watching You” dance. But she turned back to watching the kid play.
I lowered my voice. “Lexi told me last night she was going to open the door.”
Lisa paused for a moment, glancing at it. She seemed to study the dim, gray light spilling through its square glass window. Then, her gaze dropped to the padlock before returning to me.
“You have the key, right?”
I nodded, watching the back of Lexi’s head. Had she always been that defiant? Sure, she proved her in
dependence pretty quickly, but I’d never seen her outright defy any of us.
“You didn’t teach her how to…pick a lock, did you?”
I looked at my wife, amusement bubbling into my chest. “Not that I don’t mind you assuming I can do all these amazing things…”
She smiled.
“But I have no idea how to jimmy a door lock. A car door? Sure. But not a regular one.”
A hum of acknowledgement escaped her. “Well, that doesn’t mean she can’t do it. There are a lot of books in here.”
Which reminded me! “When exactly did you have the birds and the bees discussion with her?”
Lisa’s back straightened as she looked my way. “Why?”
“She knows you’re not having the baby anymore.”
Her eyebrows drew together, a crease forming between them as she tapped her index finger against her chin. “That’s because I told her right after it happened.”
Then what the fuck was that discussion we had last night? Suddenly, I felt betrayed. Weird, I know, but I couldn’t stop it. This girl I considered almost a daughter had wanted to drag a shitty situation out of me for what? To watch me hurt? To get back at me for not letting her out?
“Lexi!” I hadn’t meant for my voice to be so loud. But it caused her and my wife to jump. Lisa’s hand was on my arm, but my heart was hammering inside my chest. Lexi twisted her whole body, her right arm falling down the back of the sofa as she stared at me.
“What?”
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the tone of her voice when she asked that question wasn’t snappy. Maybe the tone I heard was fear or anxiety. Maybe it was pure confusion. But in that moment, I took it as spoiled and bratty.
I stood up, Lisa’s hand slipping from my arm and pulling the fabric of my shirt back. The phone I’d been playing with clenched tight between my fingers. And when I opened my mouth to scold her for being so difficult, nothing came out.
“What?”
Okay, that time she’d said it like my existence was a burden upon hers. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking I’m exaggerating. But I’m not. Because Lisa stood up right after she said it and scolded her for me.
“Alexandra Elizabeth Hargrave. That is not a tone we use,” she said, her own very firm.
Lexi stared at the two of us for a moment before rolling her eyes, a sigh falling out of her mouth. “Sorry.”
Can you hear that? Can you hear it through the pages you’re reading? The absolute disdain dripping out her mouth? She is such a…teenager.
“Do not say anything you’re gonna regret, girl.” Sure, it felt belittling after the fact, but I’d searched my mind for the appropriately stern word choice and that’s all I came up with.
“I’m not your girl.”
“Lexi!” Lisa’s surprised exclamation seemed to have startled the kid as he began to wail in what I can only describe as “eardrum deteriorating.” After placing a hand on my back to make sure I had control of the situation, my wife went to her son, scooped him up without a second’s hesitation and the two of them were gone behind a closed door.
Lexi turned her attention back to me, her eyebrows low. Her scowl deepened. So, she didn’t want to have this discussion. Neither did I! It’s not like I got off on these types of things. I took a step toward her, forgetting the last stair on the landing. My foot slipped, the flat slamming hard onto the concrete floor. Reverberations zigzagged up my left leg into my injured knee. It was as if the pain vibrated my entire body. But I just bit down on my tongue and pretended like nothing happened.
“Can you just say what you’re gonna say so we can get on with our lives?” She turned her eyes to the ceiling.
I still hadn’t come up with any ideas on what to say. Anger had settled into a sort of lake in my stomach. Almost as if all the peptic acid had coagulated in a sediment at the base of my gut. My brain refused to form anything coherent. To be honest, I couldn’t even remember why I was pissed off. Because of her attitude? Sure, it sucked, but mine did too, sometimes.
“Why?” It was the only word that fell out. The only word that my head allowed my mouth to say.
Her eyebrows shot up, the darkness is her eyes lifting just a bit. “Why what?”
I’d only managed to get to the kitchen before my legs gave out and I ended up falling into a chair at the table. The aluminum screeched under my weight.
“Why can’t I make you happy?”
Wait…what? How pathetic can you get? That wasn’t how you raised children. My father hadn’t taught me much, but he did teach me that you don’t show kids your weaknesses. The moment you do, they take advantage of it. Who wouldn’t to get what they want? To do what they think is right? Man, thank God he was dead. Fuck that guy.
“Is that a trick question?” Lexi watched me with curious interest. “‘Cause it’s stupid.”
“I don’t know.” And I really didn’t.
“You wanna make me happy? Let me out.”
I snapped my head up to look at her. “Don’t fucking start that again.”
“You fucking asked!”
I stood up. “You need to stop right now.”
“Or what?”
“Or… Or I’m gonna take your phone.”
The next thing she did was almost comical. She paused, looked down into her lap, then reached for her device and hugged it to her chest. Before her burning gaze turned back on me, I noticed a slight tinge of panic.
“No, you won’t.”
“Oh, ho, ho! I’ve found your weakness!” Putting out my hand, I moved toward her. She cowered away. “Give it to me.”
“No!” She scrambled up from the couch, her hair and eyes wild. Clutching the phone to her chest, she backed up toward the closed door to her room. “Aunt Lisa!”
“That’s not going to do you any good,” I said. “She’s going to side with me.”
“Nuh-uh! Aunt Lisa!”
The door behind her squeaked open. My wife poked her head out. “What is going on?”
Lexi spun around to face her. “He’s gonna take my phone!” Her voice was reaching a decibel where only tears would follow. But I was prepared for that.
“You need to learn to follow simple rules, Lexi.”
Lisa’s gaze shifted to me. She opened the door the rest of the way, shut it as quietly as she could and stepped out into the living room. “Please lower your voices.”
“Tell him to stop!”
“Shh! Lexi! Please!” Lisa pushed a finger against her lips. “Can someone please tell me – calmly – what is going on?”
“Uncle Jack is trying to take my phone just because I said a curse.” All her words spilled out in one breath. Her eyes were glistening with a fresh set of tears.
“You know the rules, Lexi,” Lisa said, placing both hands on her hips. “And we haven’t established how we’d reprimand you, but I think this is fair.”
“What?” Tears began to splash down her cheeks. Sure, I’d said I was prepared, but maybe that was wrong. A rough tug of guilt pulled at my midsection. Maybe I was being too hard on her. “Please…”
My wife and I looked at each other. Lexi’s words were so quiet. She began to choke on sobs, her body wracking back and forth.
“Hey…” I came toward her to put a hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away, turning to Lisa. “Okay.” I put up my hands, giving her space again.
“Don’t…take away the…only thing I have… Please.” Each word was punctuated by sobs. And each word ripped another tiny piece of my heart out. But I needed to trust her. And she needed to trust me. Otherwise, we’d both be at each other’s throats the rest of our lives.
Man, that was a morbid thought.
“Lexi.” I knelt down in front of her. Sure, it was probably a power move and not necessary, but I wanted her to feel like she was bigger than me for a second. Get a hand hold, ya know? “I know this sucks. Trust me. But we’re taking care of you.” I gestured to myself and Lisa. “We only want what’s best for you.”
&n
bsp; Through the tears, that tone of defiance returned. “I hate it when adults say that.”
I stifled the chuckle that rose in my chest. “Not as much as I hated saying it.”
She wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “Fine.”
That one word ripped the last of my resolve right out of my gut.
“I promise I won’t open the door.”
My wife and I glanced at each other. “Okay. Thank you.” My left knee groaned as I stood. “Man…” I changed my tone to a lighter one. “I need to—”
A loud trio of tones interrupted me. Lexi clapped her hands over her ears, her smart phone falling to the carpet with a soft plop where it continued to vibrate. The same harsh buzzing began blasting from my own pocket, then somewhere else near the kitchen. The tones were out of sync, making the buzzing even more of an annoyance. Of course, Rex’s cry started low, but soon outdid any other sound. Lisa swept back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her as I fumbled in my back pocket for my phone.
When I pulled it out, it took a few seconds too long to still the frustration I felt. At first, the alert was completely normal. Almost annoying. Stupid phone company interrupting our very important discussion.
But then I realized. Wait…the phone company doesn’t exist anymore. Whatever the alert, it was being sent to all our phones at the same time. Well, within a second of each other. My phone screen was dark, but the tone was still sounding. Lexi’s had stopped, so she stooped to pick it up. We both stared at the screens as Lisa’s phone quit its whine.
ALERT! The Center for Disease Control has issued a global alert notice about increased rhabdovirus activity in clinical implications. Please remain inside with doors and windows locked. Do not approach infected individuals.
ALERT! The Center for Disease Control has issued a global alert addendum. The rhabdovirus outbreak has been contained. If you have become infected or suspect you will, please go to your nearest health center for vaccination options. Do not approach any individuals you suspect may still be infected.
ALERT! If you are receiving this message, limited cellular service has been restored in your area. Emergency services are limited. You will receive a full list via text message shortly.