Dirty Addiction

by Ella Miles

  I feel my time running out as I slip out of Killian’s bed. He’s still sound asleep, snoring, facedown on the bed.

  Last night was amazing. By far, it was the best time I’d ever had with a man. But it was just his way of trying to control me. He was manipulating me to do what he wanted. He doesn’t care about me. And he sure doesn’t love me.

  I shake my head at myself. I can’t believe he got me back in his damn bed. I used to be able to tell men no so easily. That woman is gone.

  I find my ripped dress on the floor. I can’t put that back on. I go into the closet and find a T-shirt that I doubt he will miss and slip that on over my head. I also find a pair of his workout shorts and slip those on. If anybody sees me, they will know for sure what happened last night, but it doesn’t matter anymore. My time is running out.

  I collect my ripped dress and purse off the floor.

  Killian snores loudly, making me pause at his bedroom door to look at him. My heart aches as I look at him lying in the bed. If I stayed for just a few more hours, I’m sure we would spend the morning together fucking and then eating breakfast. It’s what I want—to spend more time with Killian. But every moment I spend with him, the further I fall under his spell. I become more attracted to the idea of marrying him, of letting him run my father’s company.

  I can imagine it now. It would be a life of fucking, a life of butting heads, a life of me giving up my control. Our life together would be intense. I might even be able to love this man and have kids with this man.

  The only problem is, he would never feel the same way about me. He would always resent the fact that he was forced to marry me to get the job of his dreams. He would resent that he had to give up his life of banging different girls to come home to the same boring woman every night. He would resent that his life was no longer his own.

  I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to me. I don’t know how to avoid that outcome without a fight though. And it’s a fight that I’m not sure I can win. But I have to try.

  As much as I want to stay here and be kissed awake by this man, I can’t, so I do the only thing I can do. I leave without a word, without a good-bye, without any explanation.

  I make it back to my hotel room without anyone seeing me. It is four in the morning, so I wasn’t expecting too many people to be roaming the halls, but this is Las Vegas. Anything and everything happens here.

  I close the door to my hotel room and lean against it, taking a deep breath. I can’t be around Killian anymore. I’ll destroy both of our lives if I am.

  I take the neck of the T-shirt I’m wearing and bring it up to cover my nose before taking another deep breath. I relax when I realize it smells like him. I take several more deep breaths before I make my way to my bed. I leave his shirt on as I climb under the covers. I set my alarm for two hours from now. I drift back to sleep as I breathe in his manly scent, imagining his arms are wrapped around me instead of the shirt.

  I knock on Tony’s office door a few hours before I’m supposed to meet my grandfather. I just need to spend some time at the company—figuring out what life would be like here, what it would be like to run or even be a part of this company. Maybe then I might realize that this isn’t really what I want. That would make it easier to walk away.

  “Come in,” Tony says from his desk.

  I push the door open and sigh when I see the mess his office is in. If it’s possible, I think it looks worse than it did the last time I was here. Now, there are empty plates of food rotting from what looks to be lunch from a previous day.

  “Just wanted to see how you were doing,” I say. But that’s not true. I’m trying to figure out how I’m doing. I’m trying to figure out if I really belong here or if I’m just kidding myself.

  “I’m doing all right. The real question is, how are you doing?”

  I shrug as I walk into his office and take a seat across from him. “I’ve been better.”

  Tony gets up from behind his desk and takes a seat next to me. “Your father was one of the greatest men I ever knew. He was kind. He was fair.” He chuckles. “He was incredibly strong. He didn’t take any crap from anyone.” He looks at me. “You’re a lot like him.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not as strong as him. I’m not strong enough to carry on his legacy. I can’t even convince people to do a simple expansion that is obviously needed. I can’t even decide what drink to order or what food to eat. I can’t even choose the right men to date.”

  I look up to see Tony smiling at me.

  “I never said your father was perfect—or that you are either, sweetie. I just said you were both strong.”

  “I just wish he had told me what I was supposed to do—if he really wanted me to do what my grandfather wanted or if he wanted something else.”

  Tony sighs. “Now, that is something I can’t answer for you. What I think matters most is what you want, what you think you were born to do. Whether that’s finding a way to run the company yourself, marry Killian, or run off and have nothing to do with the company, the decision is yours.”

  My eyes widen at his words. “How did you know about Killian or about me possibly wanting to run the company?”

  His words are warm as he says, “Oh, honey, the whole company knows that you are supposed to marry Killian. Your grandfather isn’t the best at keeping secrets. And you? You’re easy to read. I know the only reason you are spending any time with an old man like me is to try to learn, to see if this is the path for you.”

  “Then, you know it’s not really my choice, my future. It’s my grandfather’s. It’s Killian’s. It’s not mine.”

  Tony frowns. “That’s where you are wrong. It’s yours. Your father always made sure of that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s not my place to say.”

  A knock interrupts us.

  “Hey, Tony.” A young man sticks his head into Tony’s office. “Have you seen Killian?”

  Tony shakes his head. “No, sorry. I think he’s at a meeting at the Felton Red Waves. He won’t be back until later this evening.”

  “Shit,” the man says. “Is Lee around?”

  I glance down at my phone. “I don’t think he is going to be in for another hour.”

  “Shit,” the man says again. “I need someone to sign these, approving the initial demolition, and I need it now. They already showed up. If I don’t give them these forms, like, right now, they are going to leave. Then, who knows when the construction will start?”

  “I’ll sign them,” I say without thinking.

  The man looks at me in confusion. “Who are you?”

  “I’m Kinsley Felton. I’ll sign them. It’s no big deal really,” I say. Although I don’t have authority to sign anything, not really. Grandfather won’t care though. I already know he wants the expansion to happen, and it’s the same with Killian. It won’t hurt anything for my signature to be on it instead of theirs.

  The man looks to Tony, who nods his head and smiles.

  The man still looks concerned, but he knows his ass is on the line if the project doesn’t start today. He rushes the papers over to me and shows me where to sign. I sign and initial each spot, barely glancing at the papers. I should probably read them before signing, but this man is in an obvious rush. I don’t want to give him a heart attack by waiting for me to read them. And it feels good to be making a decision for the company even if it is one that has already been agreed upon.

  “Thanks,” the man says, rushing back out of Tony’s office.

  When I turn back to Tony, his sly smile is plastered on his lips.

  “What?”

  He shakes his head as he tries to lose the smile, but he can’t. “I think, with a little training, you would make an excellent CEO. You probably shouldn’t start off in that position, but I think a few years under your belt would get you ready.”

  “You’re crazy. All I did was sign some papers. I didn’t do anything.”

  “You did more tha
n just sign some papers. You convinced a man who has never met you that you were in charge. And don’t think I didn’t notice that, after you left last time, you didn’t just change one small thing about my numbers. You completely redid everything to make it work. You saw trends that no one else saw. That’s impressive. You are obviously a natural when it comes to numbers and finance. We could use someone like you in this department.”

  I smile weakly. “Thanks.” But I don’t feel like I’m capable of doing anything.

  Tony stands, returning back to his chair. “Killian is good-looking, too, though. He wouldn’t be a terrible choice either.” He winks at me.

  I frown. I don’t want him giving me dating advice. I don’t want anyone giving me dating advice. He doesn’t understand what’s going on in Killian’s head.

  “He doesn’t care about me. He just wants to marry me to get the position.”

  Tony narrows his eyes. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Word is, he just got promoted without marrying you. He might care more about you than you think.”

  But all I hear is that Killian got promoted to CEO. Last night, he knew the decision my grandfather had made. And Killian chose not to tell me that my time was already up.

  I no longer get a choice.

  “I need to go,” I say.

  Tony nods as I stand and leave without a good-bye.

  I take my phone out to call my grandfather, to tell him to meet me earlier, that it can’t wait. I dial his number, but I get his voice mail. I end the call before I leave a message. That’s when I notice the messages from Killian.

  There are three text messages, asking why I left this morning without talking to him, telling me that we need to talk, telling me what to do.

  I also notice the seven missed calls and two voice mails from him. I delete the voice mails without listening to them. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. If he couldn’t say it last night before fucking me, then I don’t want to hear it now.

  I pace back and forth thirty-five times in my father’s office before I hear the familiar creak of the door being pushed open. My grandfather is standing in the doorway. He doesn’t look happy to see me, but I don’t give a shit.

  I can’t wait any longer, and the words fall from my mouth. “You made Killian CEO!” I shout at him.

  He calmly walks in, setting a briefcase down on the desk. He doesn’t say anything or even acknowledge me as he takes a seat behind my father’s desk.

  “You made Killian CEO,” I say again, only slightly calmer.

  He sighs in frustration. “Yes.”

  “I thought he had to marry me first. I thought it had to be agreed upon between the three of us.”

  “He did. He signed the papers yesterday afternoon, agreeing to marry you in six months. So, in good faith, I promoted him to CEO. He doesn’t have the shares yet. That will happen after the wedding.”

  “What if I don’t agree to the wedding?”

  “You will. You don’t have another choice. This is what is best for you.”

  “No, it’s not. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be married to a man who doesn’t love me. I don’t want to marry someone just because you wished I were a grandson instead of your granddaughter. I won’t do it.”

  “Kinsley, stop this. You will marry Killian. He’s a good man. And I know he cares about you.”

  “You’re wrong. He doesn’t give a fuck about anything other than his work and finding his next good fuck.”

  His face turns red at my words. I take a deep breath, realizing what I just said to my grandfather. I’ve never cussed in front of him. I’ve never talked so crudely.

  But, right now, he’s not my grandfather. He’s the enemy.

  He calms his face before walking over to stand in front of me. He places both hands on either side of my shoulders. “This is what your father wanted, princess. He wanted you to marry Killian. He wanted you to support Killian in the role of running the company. He wanted you to have children to pass this company along to—just as my father did, just as I did to your father, just as your father is doing to you.”

  I feel a tear slip out of my eye. “But that’s not what my father is doing. That’s not what you are doing. I’m not getting the company with the same conditions as you got the company with or the same conditions as my father got. I’m being forced to marry someone, and only then do I get any say in the company. I’m not getting the same terms.”

  He smiles, like he thinks he’s got me now, like he thinks he’s won. “See? That’s where you are wrong, Kinsley. You are getting the same terms as everyone else in the family. We all had marriages that were arranged by our parents. We all had marriages that were for the betterment of the company.”

  I frown as his words sink in. His words can’t be true.

  “That’s not true. Mom and Dad met in college their junior year.”

  He shakes his head. “No. Your mother was the daughter of the chairman of the Nevada Gaming Commission. We were having some trouble with getting our newest casino approved. Your father fixed the problem, proving his loyalty to the company and to this family above everything else.”

  My mouth drops. I had no idea. I always thought my parents were in love. I always thought they cared about each other but maybe not. That might be why my father spent so many nights alone in his casinos instead of at home with my mother. That can’t be true though. My mother was devastated when Dad died. She still is.

  “You’re lying.”

  He shakes his head. “Ask your mother.”

  I plan on it. “It doesn’t change anything. I still won’t marry Killian.”

  “You’re stubborn, just like your father. He eventually caved though. You will, too.” He glances at his watch. “You need to go home and get ready. I had a dress sent to your hotel room. I don’t know why you stay here when you have a beautiful room at home.” He sighs. “Be ready at eight tonight. That’s when Killian will be picking you up.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not marrying him.”

  “Maybe not. But he at least deserves the respect of you telling him to his face.”

  I nod. “I’ll go.”

  He’s right. I need to put an end to whatever this is that’s going on between Killian and me. I turn to leave, but his words stop me.

  “There’s one more thing you should know before you make a decision. If you refuse to marry Killian, the money is gone. I control the trust your father left you. You will have nothing but a theater degree to find you work. I’ll call everyone and tell them never to hire you as a model again. You are doing this, or you are no longer my granddaughter. If you walk away from this, you are no longer a Felton.”

  Those are the words that will haunt me for the rest of the day. They are the words that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

  “You are no longer a Felton.”

  I wish they were true. I wish I were never born a Felton.

  I’d thought my future was completely out of my control. I was wrong.

  My grandfather just gave me control. I just don’t like my choices.

  I don’t wear the cream-colored dress lying on my bed when I get back to my hotel room. It’s a beautiful dress, one that I’m sure my grandfather spared no expense to get for me. But I’m not wearing it. I don’t know if it’s because he chose it or if it’s because it’s an act of defiance to wear anything but that dress. It’s possibly my last act of defiance. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t stand to wear any color that resembles a wedding gown. I don’t know if it’s because I had a beautiful red dress that I love and haven’t had an occasion to wear it to. Whatever the reason, I chose red.

  I chose this red ballgown. I don’t know what it means. I’m no closer to deciding if I’m going to say yes or no when Killian asks me. And I know he’ll ask me. That’s what tonight is about. That’s why I’m wearing this pretty dress. That’s why I’ve spent hours fixing my long blonde hair. That’s why I’ve spent hours covering my face in makeup.


  Tonight is the night I decide the rest of my life. I just don’t know what future that will be.

  I hear the knock on the door. I glance at my phone. It’s eight on the dot. Killian’s on time tonight. I peek through the hole in the door and see him dressed in a tux. I take a deep breath, and then I open the door.

  I watch him lick his lips as his eyes travel over my body. I hold my breath, trying to calm my beating heart, but it doesn’t slow. His eyes catch mine, and it’s not a look of lust peering back at me although a hint of that is still there. It’s a look I’ve never seen come from his eyes, and I have no idea what it means.

  For a second, I imagine that this is how it feels when you are in love, and you know tonight is the night—the night your life will change forever, the night he will get down on a nervous knee and ask you to marry him.

  If only I could find someone who would do this for real…

  If only he were doing this for more than a promotion…

  If only I were doing this for more than family loyalty…

  He regroups himself and puts a fake smile on his lips. “I wasn’t sure you would answer.”

  I return his fake smile. “I wasn’t sure you would come.”

  “You didn’t return my calls.”

  “I deleted the voice mails.”

  He sighs. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  I nod, but I don’t say anything. I give him no indication of how I feel, of how I will answer when he asks—not that I even know myself.

  He sighs again. “Let’s go, princess.”

  We walk out of the hotel and casino without saying a word. I don’t say a word until we make it out onto the street where I see a horse and carriage waiting for us.

  I gasp when I see it. I wasn’t expecting anything like it.

  “I thought you deserved the full princess experience.”

  I smile as he helps me into the carriage before climbing in next to me. I really do feel like a princess in this thing. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing though. I’m not sure I like being a princess. A princess, I’ve realized, has no control over her life. Her life is to her country, to her family. It’s just like how I live my life for the company, for my family.