by K. F. Ridley
He steps back. “I’ll be right outside.”
The bathroom is different from what I’m used to. There’re no pipes for water flow. The toilet looks the same. It has a seat, but it doesn’t have a tank. The sink has knobs for water, but no faucet. There’s a quiet knock on the door. “I’m okay.”
“It’s me, dear.” I open the door. Ivy awkwardly scoots passed Rowen who isn’t giving up his post. “Here, try these, Ashe. They were your mother’s.”
She hands me a clean pair of jeans and an old Beatles t-shirt. “My mother’s?”
“I kept a lot of her things. You’re about her size.”
“Thanks.”
“Let me know if you need anything else.” Her voice is kind and angelic. She leaves me in privacy, while Rowen remains outside.
I am speechless as I hold something that belonged to my mother. She was real.
I take off my nasty garb and step into the shower pulling the curtain closed. The shower walls are stone and there again no pipes, no knobs. It looks like something from another world. Yeah, right, I’m in another world.
I fumble around unable to figure out how to turn on the water. I push on the rocks in the wall, but nothing happens.
The bathroom door opens slightly. “You all right in here?”
“Rowen? I’m naked!” I pull the curtain around me and peak out from behind it and see Rowen standing there with his eyes closed.
“I heard a lot of noise in here.”
“I can’t get this shower to work.”
He opens his eyes and reaches beyond me, his face brushing against mine. Resisting the moment, he presses a single stone into the wall and a water fall begins spraying out of the rocks.
“Thanks,” I say with modesty, wrapped in a shower curtain made from something other than plastic.
“Call me if you need anything. I’ll be outside.”
My body is refreshed, but my mind is drained. I’m overloaded with information about myself, about who I am, about what I am. I remain underneath the water until my palms begin to wrinkle.
“Ashe?” Rowen calls out. I guess I’ve stayed under this magnificent waterfall longer than I thought.
“Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” After drying off, I put on my mother’s clothes. They fit perfectly and it’s surreal. I keep reminding myself these were Nuin’s...Mom’s.
14
I smell something delicious coming from the other side of the house. I leave the sentries to their discussion, and find Ivy in the kitchen.
“Need any help?” I ask.
“ Sure. I’d love some. Here, you can slice up this bread. Stew is almost done.”
The kitchen looks a lot like most kitchens in Montana, except for the water source.
Whatever she’s cooking infuses the house with a wonderful aroma and I’m starving. We don’t talk much, we don’t need to. I feel like I’ve known her my whole life, like family. Then I remember we are family.I’m so unusually comfortable with her.
“Okay, boys, it’s time to eat.”
Coll and Ruis storm in, while Alder and Rowen stroll in with a little more finesse, calmer and more grown-up.
We sit at the table, Rowen next to me, Ivy and Alder across from us, and Coll and Ruis at the ends. The boys discuss strategic plans for dealing with The Dark Thorn while Ivy stares at me. I’m not uncomfortable, but curious.
“What is it?” I ask.
She looks down at her bowl. “I’ve never been to your world nor have I seen anyone from your world. I had no idea what to expect. You look so differentthan us, but then I again…I see Nuin when I look at you.”
I blush not knowing how to respond.
“What’s dissemination, Alder, and how do you know about it?” Rowen asks, not purposely changing the subject.
“Because of the other bithlings.”
“How many?” Coll asks.
“No more than a dozen in the last three hundred years. We haven’t had an issue because sooner or later they all died. Luis, as you remember, didn’t have the trait. I think he’s been the only one without it.” Alder turns, to me. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Ashe.”
“No, really, I’m okay.” In the last few days, I’ve been exposed to a reality I could not have imagined. At this point, I’ll believe almost anything.
“Your father is a brilliant man. The serum he created has kept you alive. But, if The Dark Thorn ever gets a hold of you, your father or the serum, it’ll be disastrous.”
I want to ask the question, but I’m hesitant. “Why didn’t they let me die? Why was I given a sentry?”
Everyone begins looking at one another knowing something I don’t.
“We’ve got to tell her, Alder,” Rowen insists.
“We don’t have to tell her anything,” Coll refutes with a loud tone. Rowen and Coll gape at one another as the tension between them multiplies.
“Boys,” Ivy says attempting to keep tensions down.
Alder continues, but he’s very careful with his words. I’m not sure I want to hear what he’s going to say. “Ashe, you aren’t like any other bithling. Your grandfather is Elder Arcos, ruler of Durt. Nuin was his only child. His wife, your grandmother, she…” He stops mid-thought.
“What?” I insist while the heaviness in the room grows thicker.
“We really aren’t supposed to talk about it,” Alder reminds himself.
Ivy holds her face in her palms.
“What good can come out of keeping things from me? Look where lies have led me, where they have led you?”
“Ivy’s sister, your grandmother killed herself after your mother died. Ashe, you’re all Arcos has left. He couldn’t bear to lose the rest of his family. She’s the only one of our kind who has ever committed suicide.”
Can things get any worse? I know none of this is my fault, so why am I feeling so guilty? The room is silent. Ivy pulls her hands from her face and tears stream down like opened flood gates.
“I’m so sorry, Ivy,” I say, although it won’t undo the past.
“None of this is your fault, Ashe. You’ve been through so much yourself. Don’t blame yourself.” She’s reading my mind. The problems of this world are my fault. I’m the destroyer. Everyone at the table is solemn. As we eat, there is a hush about the room.
I help Ivy clear the table and clean the kitchen while the guys sit in the den discussing strategy. Ivy and I make small talk and then she brings it up.
“I can see you have feelings for Rowen,” she says.
“Yes, I …I do,” I stutter not sure about where this conversation is leading.
“Ashe, I can understand your infatuation.”
I don’t appreciate someone I hardly know telling me how I feel. I put up my defenses.
“I’m not infatuated.It’s more than that.”
Anything I liked about her is now going out of the window. I’m not a child and all I’ve been through in the last week or so is enough to make me realize what I want. Life is too short. Many of the people in my life who should be here are gone-my mother, my grandmother, and who knows where my father is. I’m not wasting another day pretending the things I care about aren’t important. There are a few more moments of silence as I dry another dish and place it in the cabinet.
“There are rules in Durt. Rules made in order to keep peace, to keep order in our world,” Ivy says.
“Well, I’m not from Durt. I didn’t ask to be here. I didn’t ask for any of this. Everything has been taken from me, my home, my father, my mother, everything. Rowen is the only thing that makes sense to me if anything makes sense at all. He is the only one I have right now, the only one I want. I won’t give him up. You can keep your rules.”
Out of my frustration, the plate in my hand barely avoids breaking when it hits the counter and I storm out of the room, giving Ivy no chance to respond.
Rushing through the living room, I swarm by the guys and slam the door to my room. I’m not the type who has fits, if you want to call it that
, but I’ve had enough. I plop face down onto the plump bed and scream my anger face down into the crisp linen pillow. I’m done with the lies, the secrets.
“Ashe?” Rowen stands in the doorway. I don’t think he knows what to think. This is a side of me he’s never seen. It’s a side of me I’ve never seen.
I end the outpour and lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling, seething with irritation. Rowen lies down beside me, turning on his side. His face hovers over mine. “Ashe, you know how I feel?”
I’m not sure what’s coming next.
“I know a lot of this makes no sense to you.”
“You’re wrong,” I interject. “None of this makes sense. My entire life has been a lie. Now, I’m in another world, not knowing what I’m supposed to think or feel. I don’t know the rules and basically I don’t care about rules anymore.”
The setting sun beams through the green-tinted window pane casting a glowing hue over Rowen’s face. “When someone is chosen to be sentry, he’s not allowed certain things. Falling in love is forbidden.”
“That’s crazy,” I say confused.“But why?”
“We are commissioned to protect. We aren’t allowed any distractions, nothing and no one to complicate our objective.”
“So, I’m a complication.”
“You are more than a complication,” he responds while the corners of his mouth curl up highlighting his strong jawline. “You’re an obsession. My obsession.”
He places one hand on my face and the other hand behind my neck pulling me in, kissing me softly until my lips are satisfied.
“You’re everything to me. I didn’t know what living was until I found you. For so long you were a name, an assignment. The minute I laid eyes on you I felt something different. I tried to ignore it, but it was stronger than me.”
He studies my face, tracing his finger tenderly down my cheek. He turns on his back letting out a breath of frustration.
“What will happen now?” I ask. He’s at a loss for words.
“Well, Alder and Coll are concerned and feel betrayed or at least I think they do, but they can’t really understand our situation. I don’t expect them to.”
I watch confusion riddle his face.
“I thought you could read one another’s minds.”
“We can’t read one another’s mind. We do sense one another’s circumstances. If one is in danger the rest of the brethren will know it and I guess Alder and Coll sense a difference in me. I really don’t understand anything I’m feeling. So, I can’t expect them to be able to relate to any of this. I know I’m a disappointment to the brethren. No one has ever questioned the rules of sentry life. No distractions. Full commitment. It’s not something I chose. It was chosen for me.”
“Who chose this life for you?” I see his confliction and I’m sad for him.
“It’s something you are born into. I was born with the characteristics of a sentry, or so that is what was said and I was assigned at an early age. My parents were thrilled. I was given up to Congramaid when I was about five years old. I was fine with it. I love my parents and still see them on occasion, but Congramaid has become my home, my family.” Sorrow hides behind the shallow tears glazing over his lenses.
“I know you are special.” I inch my body closer to his, unsure of my intentions. “Why a sentry? You were a child.”
“My parents and the leaders of our village recognized a trait of resistance; the ability to resist pain, evil, greed, all temptation. I’ve been in training all of my life. But….” Concern shows in the bend of his brow as he raises himself up on the bed. I move back.
“But what?”
“I never expected…”
“What is it, Rowen?”
He looks at me surprised, as if he’s never seen me before. “I never expected to meet you.” He speaks as if he’s disappointed in himself. “I guess I’m not as strong as they’d predicted.” He brushes the back of his hand to my cheek and curls up beside me as I rest my head on his chest.
“I’m sorry, but how do they think you can love others and never fall in love? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Being a sentry requires selflessness. We sacrifice for the good of others, always putting others before ourselves. In order to do that you must love, but falling in love is considered a selfish act.” He squeezes me in closer. “You come before everyone and everything now and according to the brethren that’s a distraction. A complication that could put others at risk.”
I drift off to sleep in his arms, my head resting on his chest, his heartbeat as my lullaby.
Alder knocks on the door. “Hope I’m not disturbing something,” he says waking me up to an awkward atmosphere. Sunbeams warm the room.
“ What is it?” Rowen asks with squinted eyes avoiding the resplendent rays of light.
“We’ve been summoned. All of us.” Alder gapes at me. Apparently, I’m a part of all of us. He closes the door behind him.
Rowen jumps out of the bed. “We’ve got to go.”
“What’s going on, Rowen?”
“We’re going to appear before Arcos, your grandfather. I knew this was coming sooner or later.” He’s concerned, but unexpectedly calm.
“What do you think he knows?”
“Everything.” He leans down, gently kissing my forehead.“It’s going to be okay,” he reassures and leaves the room. I lay on the bed thinking of meeting my grandfather. This should be an exciting time, but for some reason I’m terrified. The possibilities of what might happen. Are we going to be punished?
As I lay here pondering, I see an old white wooden dresser on the other side of the room with the initial‘N’ carved on the front of the second drawer. It’s not artistically done, but looks like something a child would do to claim her property. The worn paint is uneven, but I guess that’s what gives it character. I prod over to the antiquated furniture and trace the engraving with my finger. Nuin. It was my mother’s dresser. An iciness bites through me as I pull open the top drawer. The wood squeaks as it rubs against its tracks. It’s filled with worn faded jeans and old t-shirts. I sift through them and pull out a change of clothes.
I struggle to open the second drawer. I pull harder and it pops out. Soft plain white gowns lie neatly folded. I sift through each stack without disturbing the contents. At the bottom of the stash is a gray marble box about half the size of a small shoebox. I pull it out carefully to keep the sound of my intrusion at a minimum. I know I’m snooping, which is totally out of my character. I carry the heavy box over to the bed worried I might drop it. After setting it down, I remove the loosely fitted lid with dubiety, uncertain of what I will find. It’s like meeting my mother for the first time. My mother’s box of memories, the closest thing to her I will ever have.
A photograph of Dad and Nuin is the first thing I see. Dad has his arm around her and they are smiling. I can almost hear them laughing young and carefree. Dad’s thick, black hair is shoulder length. He wears bell-bottoms and tie-dyed t-shirt sporting a peace sign. His face is full of life, nothing like the man I know now, withdrawn, preoccupied, and secluded. Nuin appears much different in this photograph from the one that once sat on our mantle. There is cheer in her beautiful face. The photograph I remember displayed a woman veiled in sorrow.
I continue to forge through the box. A dried, red rose lay beneath the picture. The fragility of the bud is obvious, so I’m careful not to disturb its rest. Beside it sits a leather necklace with an oval shaped stone pendent, about the size of a quarter, with a symbol engraved in the center of it. Its shape is a backwards “E.”
There is a knock on the door. “Ashe? It’s me,” Ivy says.
“Wait a minute,” I quickly respond. I place the lid back on the box and shove the necklace in my back pocket. I put the box back into its secret place. I try to push the drawer back in, but it’s hesitant. “I’m coming,” I shout again. As I push the drawer closed, it squeaks. I hope my invasion isn’t given away. As the drawer closes the door begins to open.<
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“Did you sleep well?” Ivy pokes her head through.
“Yes, ma’am. Come in.” I try to hide my surprise.
“I see you found something fresh to wear.” She sits on the edge of the bed, lifts the navy blue t-shirt to her nose and breaths in deeply. “I can remember the day she met your father. She was so happy.”
“How did she meet my Dad? I mean she lived here in Durt. Dad was in Montana.”
“Your mother was a carefree sort. As a child she was always happy and extremely curious, almost to a fault,” she chuckles. “Arcos and my sister, they could never say‘no’ to her. On Nuin’s eighteenth birthday, Arcos gave Nuin a key to the human world. Nuin went back and forth from this world to yours. Never with incident. Until… well, until you were born.”
There it is again. “My being born screwed up everything,” I remark.
Ivy takes my hand continuing to explain, “There’re only two keys that open the Doorway of Feda. One key controls entry through the doorway from our world. The other controls entry through the other side, from the human world. Arcos had both keys until Straif stole the sister key, the one that controls entry into the human world from Durt. Nuin was in the human world at the time and Straif locked the doorway. Nuin tried to use her key to return, but it was useless. Straif had locked her out, however, after you grew closer to your eighteenth birthday Straif unlocked the doorway. You were going to be the one who would satisfy his lust for immortality. It was also Rowen’s time to find you and protect you. Arcos has never forgiven himself for Nuin’s death or your grandmother’s death. He’s always blamed himself. That is why Rowen was chosen. You must understand your feelings for Rowen will only obscure things. It brings back so many memories of Nuin and Henry. She loved him so much, but that one relationship has jeopardized the existence of our world and your world.”
Puzzlement is sketched on my face.
“It is all going to be all right, Ashe. You are here now and you are safe. Your grandfather, the sentries and I will do everything we can to keep you and your father protected.” She reaches under her white robe. “I have something for you.” In her hand is a small cube about the size of a child’s building block. It’s made of mirrors, but instead of my reflection iridescent colors dance around the surface.