Bears of Burden: THORN

by Candace Ayers

  "Well, now to be fair, what can you wear when you're an ugly-ass Goodyear blimp? I mean, the only improvement would be a paper bag, right?" They burst into a fresh round of giggles and I felt my eyes well with tears. Do. Not. Cry. Usually, I had a thicker skin, but lately, it seemed like I was crying at the drop of a hat. Things weren’t going well for me, and I was quickly running out of steely resolve.

  My eyes were puffier than usual from the crying and it didn't help that Colin had made it his mission to keep me up nights. His casual romps with easy women indicated an express desire to set some sort of word record for sexual conquests. I honestly thought he was doing it just to be a dick to me. Last night, the noises in his room had been so bad I'd finally left in the middle of the night and gone to Griffith Park. Sleeping on a park bench was about as uncomfortable as it sounds.

  When Melissa threw a rolled up gum wrapper at me I finally lost my temper and spun around. "What the hell is your problem with me?" I snapped.

  Instead of looking embarrassed, they roared with laughter. "Oh my gawd, it talks."

  "Yeah, we're sorry, we thought you were, you know, 'special,' " said Melissa, making finger air quotes. "Didn't think you had a clue what we were saying."

  Fresh tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, fed by fatigue and stress. I whipped my head back around to face the wall, not wanting them to see the tears spill over my cheeks. "Oh my gawd," said Melissa. "She’s crying!"

  Dammit! I cursed myself for not having better control.

  "It's too easy to make babies cry. Hey, honey, " Carri said leaning forward. "You're too soft for this town."

  "And too big," said Melissa. Their cackles rang across the room. There were at least forty others in there with us, and they were all watching. Not one person came to my defense. Assholes. I didn't even have a friend that I could call and commiserate with. It was at that moment that I realized for the first time how truly alone I was in the world.

  I hid my face in my hands and walked quietly yet quickly to the bathroom. I wanted to leave the audition, but I didn't dare. My agent might work out of the trunk of his car, but he'd gone to a lot of trouble to get me here. If I left now, there'd be no coming back. Besides, I was too strong to let two dime-a-dozen floozie-wanna-be’s run me out of an audition.

  I cleaned my face up as best I could and went back into the waiting room, finding a seat as far away from Melissa and Carri as possible. They seemed to have lost interest in me while I was in the bathroom. I took a chair and pretended to be incredibly engrossed in my phone. My message screen popped up and I clicked on a new email from my mom.

  Katie, when are you coming home? I talked to Colin and he says you're broke and not working. I told you moving to Hollywood was a bad idea. You never listen to me. Colin was the one good thing in your life and look how you messed that up.

  Just come home already and put this silly dream of yours away. If acting is that important to you, I can talk to Minister Cromwell. Maybe you can participate in the Christmas pageant this year. Doesn't that sound nice?

  You're twenty-three. It's time to grow up. Some people just aren't meant to shine. There’s nothing wrong with ordinary. Please stop running after foolish pipedreams and accept who you are.

  Love, Mom

  I thought that was possibly the worst, most depressing email she'd ever sent me. My mom was a master manipulator, and now she was trying to get me to move back to the town I couldn't wait to get out of in the first place. What would I do if I moved back there? Work at the library for the rest of my life? Bliss, Idaho's library had no more than five hundred books and closed at three o'clock every day. The best I could hope for in Bliss was that I'd die young and be put out of my misery.

  I was still staring at my mom's email when my phone buzzed startling me so hard I nearly dropped it. The caller I.D. was blocked but I had a strange feeling I knew who it was.

  Jeremy's voice rang out from the other end. "Ms. McGrath?"

  I nodded, too frightened to speak, then realized he couldn't actually see me nod. "Yes?"

  "This is Jeremy, Mr. Elliot's butler. He has asked me to phone you to tell you that he requires you immediately."

  "Excuse me?"

  "The job is yours, should you choose to accept, but you must come immediately."

  I eyed the dwindling number of people in the waiting room. I was going to be called upon soon. "Er, well, I can't make it right this minute. How about five-ish? I could be there by five."

  It was three now. If they called me within the next twenty minutes, I'd be able to finish the audition and make it to the Elliot estate in plenty of time.

  "I'm sorry, Ms. McGrath," Jeremy said. "Five is unacceptable. Mr. Elliot requires you now." There was that undercurrent of a threat that I'd recognized in Jeremy's voice the other day.

  I started to hyperventilate. I needed time to think. "Well, but, I'm not available right now."

  Jeremy's voice came back cool and crisp. "It's now or never, Ms. McGrath."

  A myriad of thoughts rushed through my brain simultaneously culminating in a quick but complete vision of my future. I saw Melissa and her friend whispering to each other, pointing at me and laughing. I saw my bank balance, which was currently twenty-three cents. I saw my car, on its last legs and due for an oil change, which was packed with everything I owned. The few possessions I had—some clothes and a few books—I refused to leave at Colin's anymore because I was afraid they wouldn't be there when I got back. I saw Colin, whom I knew had another date tonight. I saw myself with no sleep, no food, leaving L.A. and running back home with my tail between my legs. I saw my mom reminding me for the rest of my life what a complete failure I was.

  "Alright," I said. "I'm on my way."

  Chapter 4

  I rang the bell and Jeremy answered. I was getting accustomed to his cold, critical eyes, but that didn't mean I was getting any warm-fuzzies from them. He ushered me inside with barely a hello and led me down the same hallway as yesterday.

  "Um, where's Bre—Mr. Elliot?"

  "He's resting before dinner."

  "Oh." Resting? If he was resting, then what the hell was so urgent that he needed me this second? "What exactly is it that he needs me to do right now? I was in the middle of an audition when you called, you know." I was hoping to elicit some sort of apology or sympathy or something from Jeremy, but he just increased his pace. I had to hurry to keep up with him. "Can you tell me anything?"

  But Jeremy either didn't hear me or was ignoring my questions. He led me to a staircase that was like something out of an old movie. White marble stairs wrapped around in a spiral, leading up to the second floor. It reminded me of Gone with the Wind or Sunset Boulevard. I followed Jeremy up the marble steps, feeling a little grungy in my sneakers and jeans.

  At the top of the stairs was another long, wide hallway, carpeted in a thick, rich pile. Thick, carved mahogany doors stood at either end of the hall. The two rooms appeared to take up the entire floor. "This is your room," Jeremy said, leading me to the door on the left. "The room across from yours is Mr. Elliot's."

  "This is my room?" I gasped. It must be huge inside. "Where's your room?"

  "Downstairs."

  Oh," I said, a little unsettled that Brett- Mr. Elliott and I would have the only two rooms on this floor. "Are there other servants here?" I asked, thinking that for a place this size there must be maids and cooks.

  "Yes, but they do not sleep here. Only you will enjoy that privilege."

  As he opened the door to my room, all the other questions that were on the tip of my tongue slipped away. I felt my mouth fall open in a silent "Oh." A king sized canopy bed dominated the room. It was blanketed in gold and burgundy and looked like something fit for royalty, way overly-extravagant for a small town girl who had twenty-three cents in her checking account.

  "This is my room?" I asked again. "Are you sure?"

  For the first time, Jeremy chuckled and a rare smile lit his eyes. "Quite sure." Then, the smile was go
ne and he was his old, stodgy self again.

  "Please dress for dinner," Jeremy said. "Mr. Elliot will meet you in the dining hall. It is back down the stairs and to your right. If you get lost, simply depress one of the house buttons and I will direct you."

  House buttons? What the hell was a house button? He started backing out of the room.

  "Wait!" I shouted, spinning around. I had so few details about what I was supposed to do here. "Is there a uniform or something?"

  Jeremy looked at me like he didn't understand. "For dinner," I explained. "You said I should go down and meet him for dinner right?" I was getting frustrated. I wasn't asking for a lot, but a few details about what was expected of me would be nice. "Am I supposed to serve him dinner or something?" A new thought occurred to me. Oh God. "I'm not supposed to cook for him, am I?"

  I thought I almost saw Jeremy smile again, but it was either an illusion or he was so practiced at repressing his emotions that he shoved it back down effortlessly. "There is no uniform. There is only a gown. It is on the bed. You will find others in your closet. If they are not to your liking, they can be replaced. However," he hesitated, "Mr. Elliot selected that dress himself, especially for you." He started to close the door again.

  "Wait, wait! I still don't understand. What are my hours?"

  He looked anxious to leave the room. "You are on-call twenty-four hours a day. When Mr. Elliot needs something, he will send for you."

  "Send for me how? What does that even mean? What is my job here exactly?"

  Jeremy sighed and said, simply, "You are his caretaker." Then he closed the door and left me alone in a strange new world where everything seemed upside down. I bet this is how Alice felt.

  I stepped further into the room and approached the bed. A stunning black dress was laid out. I hadn't even noticed it till now. I'd been so preoccupied with the beauty and grandeur of the room itself and trying to figure out what the hell job I’d just been hired for, that I'd failed to notice all the personal touches that had been placed here for me. There was makeup on the dresser, an adjoining bathroom, where I could see a huge tub and freshly laundered towels. A small jewelry box sat on the dresser, open. A sparkling emerald necklace lay beside it.

  A massive walk-in closet was positioned just off the bathroom. I turned on the light and saw more clothes than I'd ever owned in my entire life. I quickly flipped the light back off, my heart starting to pound a little too hard. I wasn’t stupid, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that something wasn't right here.

  I looked back at the dress on the bed. I didn't know much about clothes, but I knew that this dress was not something bought off the rack at JC Penney. I stretched out a hand and touched it dress carefully. It was soft and smooth, very expensive looking. I noticed a tag at the top of it. Christian Dior. $10,000

  I pulled my hand back like I'd touched fire. This couldn't be right. This wasn't for me. I checked the size. It was my size exactly, although I'd never given it to Brett when he'd asked. "Good guess," I mumbled.

  I didn't think I could accept something so extravagant as this, but the simple beauty and elegance of it made me want to at least try it on. When would I ever be this close to a dress like this again? I undressed and decided to shower first. I didn't want to go to dinner smelling like a woman who slept on a park bench, even if that had been my reality lately. Besides, the bathroom was beautiful and I couldn't wait to sink into that tub. Later. Right now, I just needed a quick shower so I could get dressed and find out what was going on here.

  Towels had already been set out for me. They smelled like rose petals and the shower itself was like nothing I'd ever seen. Two shower heads, one on each side, sprayed fine mist at me as I lathered my hair and soaped my body. I wanted to stay in this shower forever, but my stomach grumbled and I realized I hadn't eaten anything all day. Suddenly, dinner seemed less like an awkward chore and more like an enjoyable treat.

  I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. Back in the bedroom, I searched through the drawers, wondering if there might be a hair elastic or a bobby pin in one of them. I opened the top right drawer of a long, dark dresser. It was filled with exotic lingerie and custom bras. They were all my size. I shut it quickly.

  What the hell is going on?

  I sat on the bed, my legs weak, contemplating the situation. A closet full of clothes. A drawer full of lingerie. Vague answers or complete avoidance when I asked about the job. What was my role here, exactly? Brett's concubine? I looked around the room, with its lush furnishings and soft bed—sure beats a park bench. I was here. I might as well eat dinner. I was sure I'd find out more there, and if there was anything funny going on, I'd leave after dinner. I stood up, nodding my head, trying to reassure myself that I was making the right decision, and slipped into the dress.

  Chapter 5

  Downstairs, I learned what Jeremy meant about the house buttons. There were intercoms all over the place. When I got lost going down a hallway, I saw a button, and pushed it. Jeremy's voice immediately rang out guiding me to the dining room.

  It was just as richly furnished as the rest of the home. Many of the furnishings were clearly antiques, including the table. Mr. Elliot was already seated and when I came in he stood up. "Good to see you again," he said.

  "You too." His demeanor was so different from the other night, that I scarcely recognized him—except, of course, for the piercing ocean-blue eyes that seemed to slice into my soul. Well, that, and the fact that at 6’2” with a square jaw, straight, patrician nose, and wide, muscular chest tapering to a slender waist he was probably the hottest guy I’d ever seen in my life. I suddenly realized I was staring and averted my eyes.

  "Thank you," I said, as he walked around and pulled out a chair for me. We sat on opposite sides of a long dining table. It was a little strange, but I supposed this way we each had our own space. He pushed my chair in before returning to his end.

  Could this really be the same man I met the other day? Maybe Mr. Elliot had a twin.

  "You look beautiful," he said. His eyes raked over me sending chills up and down my spine.

  I blushed. "It's the dress."

  "It's the woman in the dress."

  I smiled. Slipping into the Dior had felt like taking a bath in champagne. It clung to my body in all the best ways, accentuating my curves and showcasing my breasts, of which I was very proud.

  He rose from the table, which was long, dark wood, and poured a rich looking wine into my glass. "Thank you," I said again. "And thank you for the dress."

  “Thank you… for wearing it.” He replied quietly, almost under his breath.

  Jeremy came in then, followed by a woman in a simple chef's apron and pants. "Hello, Jeremy. Annabelle." He turned to me, "This is our talented chef, Annabelle. She prepares the most exquisite meals."

  Annabelle smiled. She was pretty, but not in the plastic way that I'd begun getting used to out here. She was thin and lightly colored, with wavy golden hair that fell to her shoulders. She smiled at Mr. Elliot and a thin sliver of jealousy ran through me. Where did that come from?

  "What is on the menu tonight, Annabelle?" Mr. Elliot asked. His voice radiated warmth.

  "I kept it simple tonight," she replied. "Filet mignon with potatoes au gratin. Apple pie for dessert. Does that sound okay?"

  Mr. Elliot looked directly into my eyes, and I felt a tingle of pleasure surge through my core. I had no idea where it came from, only that now that it had made its appearance, it may be impossible to push aside.

  Annabelle smiled warmly at me and I fought the urge to rip her eyes out of her head. My hands trembled as Jeremy watched me intensely. "Sounds good," I said, hoping to hurry things along. What kind of idiot thought that filet mignon was a simple meal? Not us poor peasant folk. I felt a little like she'd insulted me. But, what I really couldn’t understand was the fierce protectiveness I felt for Mr. Elliot. He wasn’t “my Brett”, but my brain didn't seem to have gotten the memo.

&n
bsp; Luckily, Annabelle went back to the kitchen, and it was Jeremy who returned with several trays of food. He laid them all out on the table in rich ceremony before serving us. It felt surreal having dinner served to me by a butler in a formal dining room while wearing a $10,000 dress. I wasn't sure I could get used to it. I kept wanting to get up and help, but decided to pretend I was auditioning for a movie role.

  "You may leave us Jeremy," Mr. Elliot said with a wave of his hand.

  Jeremy looked at me and his eyes darkened. "Are you quite certain Sir? Perhaps I should remain until after dinner. In case you require anything." Again, there was that veiled double meaning lurking behind his words. I couldn't explain it, but I knew it was there. Jeremy saw me watching him and smiled. His lips were pressed too-thin and his eyes too-narrow.

  "No," Mr. Elliot said. "We'll be fine. I'd like to get to know Kaitlyn better."

  Oh, so it was Kaitlyn now.

  Jeremy left the room, obviously unhappy. The man clearly didn't trust me. I had a sneaking suspicion that while he left the room, he didn't go far.

  "So Kaitlyn, tell me, what did you do before coming here?" His voice was smooth, deep, and I was reminded of saxophone music again. Sitting there, bathed in his voice, enjoying his incredible good looks, with his eyes drawing me like a magnet, I felt my cheeks grow hot and my brain cloud over in a storm of desire.

  "I, uh..." It was getting harder to breathe. The man mesmerized me staring me down with those hypnotic eyes of his. His dark hair fell across his forehead when he reached for some more wine, offering to refill my glass first. I felt a surge of lust-triggered heat hit me like a brick hitting water.

  "Is everything alright Kaitlyn? You seem a bit... flustered."