by Aeryn Jaden
He got up and quickly exited after dropping that in my lap, letting me almost open-mouthed. The next student entered and I scolded my face. But my thoughts were running in circles. He must have seen something on my face. Something had made him say that. What was I shoving the world? I don’t feel comfortable when I’m taken by surprise like that. Shit may happen but I’m always prepared for almost anything. Prepared means less likely to be taken by surprise. Guess my walls were showing cracks.
I had the pleasure of almost being knocked over by one of the “man’s” goons, on the way out of one of the student bathrooms. To better darken my mood, it so happened the teachers’ bath was on strike after some pipe incident. Geoffrey was coming in when I wanted to get out. I stumbled and he just smirked at me. I wish I could punch him again but his uncle, the principal would probably not appreciate that.
“Teach, so sorry. I didn’t see you down there.”
“I not really surprised you can’t see through the door.”
He seemed to not know if I was making fun of him or not and snarled sweetly in my face. I wanted to recommend him the use of a good toothbrush.
“Yeah, well maybe you should really be more careful where you’re stepping. May trip and hurt something.”
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I carefully examined his face. Was he talking about something - namely my trip to the hospital - or just running his mouth? He should have no beef with me aside of the thing with Adrian. Astor either. Didn’t add up. No, Geoffrey wouldn’t know even to open my laptop, what interest would he have in my work? He was just exercising his usual charming personality. Not worth a second of my time
“I’ll be careful, don’t worry.”
I circled around him and opened the door again.
“I hear little lover-boy found a new toy.”
Fuck! I twitched and knew I betrayed my reaction. How the hell did he knew about us? About Bain?
“Who would be that?”
“Who else?”
I’m a moron. I’m sitting in the bathroom engaging in word games with a prehistoric gorilla.
I made my exit before I could bash his head against the toilet.
Managed to close the door and safely take a couple of steps towards my lab before running into the next guy on my to not- see list.
I sighed and resigned to the fact it was just not my day.
“I though you avoided the lab.”
“Needed new tactics to catch you. You’re quite slippery.”
I nodded mutely and continued with him in tow to my lab. I had the period open and apparently, he had decided to skip. I even took my breaks when I knew he was busy (yes, I know his schedule; yes, I know I’m behaving crazy).
The door closed behind us with a final click and I quickly went for the safety provided by my desk.
“Been busy.”
Jumped from my skin when I felt his hand encasing my wrist and stopping my nervous ruffling of some papers.
“Don’t hide.”
Fuck. Shit. Damn it. Him.
“I’m not.”
“You are. You hide in your bathroom, in your lab, in your work. Don’t. Talk to me.”
I met his eyes resolutely and steeled myself. I had to do this. It was a matter of survival, somehow.
“I have nothing to say.”
His eyes darkened in anger and I had the impulse to step back. Conditional impulse as I was trained to.
“DON’T. DO. THAT.”
“I...I...”
“Is it me? I thought... You seemed to not have a problem with my size. I know… Well, I am big and...Shit!”
He released my wrist and stumbled back like I had physically stuck him.
“Two nights ago... You asked me to stop and I didn’t listen. I thought… Well, you know, the heat of the moment and you seemed to really enjoy it after. Were you… Jesus! Were you afraid of me? Did I somehow force you to…”
His voice trailed and he just stood there, a giant sized teddy bear with a stormy expression. For a guy who acted so sure of himself, he sure was touchy about his size.
“Did I hurt you?”
Shit. Fuck. Damn. Why was he doing this to me?! I spit the words out like he was pulling them by force.
“No, you didn’t.”
“You’re sure? I’m, well, kinda on the big side.”
Who the fuck could resist that earnest look?
“Gee, I didn’t notice that.”
He smiled slowly and my heart took a hard tumble. I sighed, defeated.
“I was never afraid of your size. You may want to keep your illusions and continue to believe you’re big and mean, but I was never afraid of you, Bain. More like turned on, in case it wasn’t obvious at the time.”
Try more petrified and freaked out on top of that. Smartass brain.
“You flinched. And is not the first time.”
“I...It’s not you. And it’s not funny even if it sounds like a bad line. It’s…Well, I sometimes react to certain feelings. Like anger.”
Comprehension filled his eyes and I wanted to hide somewhere from that look in his eyes. Not the first one, which promised retribution, that I liked like the masochist I am. The next one was the one that shook me, because it could mean too much if I let it. It was the same as that morning and it shook the foundations of all my safety-oriented decisions. Made me believe safety was overrated.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
He continued to study me and I swear those eyes were dissecting me.
“You are afraid.”
“I just told you I’m not. Drop it.”
And drop dead. Jesus, something was real wrong with me lately.
Bain stood there patiently waiting for me to look at him again. He wasn’t moving anywhere, like a dog with a new bone to chew on.
”Let me tell you how I see it.
“I don’t suppose I could tell you I’m not interested.”
He stood there rummaging on some thoughts and calmly ignored me. I was felling a fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach and knew I didn’t want to hear this.
“You’re not afraid of my size or me in general but you seem to fear me. Why’s that? You tell me about your childhood and I’m apparently the first one to get your attention. You’re attracted and that scares you because it means I matter. If I matter I could hurt you. First sign of trouble and you bail, not wanting to hear any explanations because then you’ll be forced to reevaluate and you don’t want that. You were relieved when you had the excuse to shun me. Make me go away before I’m too important or before I go away on my own. This way it hurts less now compared to later. And there was always a later for you, wasn’t it? You hide behind knee-jerk reactions, sprouting all that crosses your mind. You refuse to think deeply about the why-s behind your actions. If you pass as rude is fine by you. If you don’t notice people around you and are considered an airhead, it’s excellent. You want to be on the margin of the living, uninvolved. It’s safe out there. Somehow, I’m changing all that and you resent me for it. Your response is to not give me, us, any chance. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t use my size concerns against me and run with that excuse. You’re surprised too, I suspect. It would have been the perfect excuse to make me go away and you know it would have worked.
A smiled passed his face before vanishing in set angles on his face.
“For a while, that is. Because I want you and I know you want me too. And that terrifies you. You don’t want anybody. Want leads to need, and needing makes you vulnerable. Never again, right?”
He was still unmovable in front of me, steadily assessing my reactions. I felt myself starting to shake.
“How am I doing so far?”
His hand brushed my pale cheek and I caught it with an unsteady hand.
“Don’t.”
His eyes continued to pin me with a gentle but determined expression. I had nowhere to hide. I guess I suspected it would be like this. I did what all cornered animals
do.
“You did the same. I don’t see why you are judging me and my actions.”
“I did?”
Fuck his patience. I wanted him mad and storming out of here.
“You think I didn’t know that was a show? How stupid do you think I am? I mean, really? On my lab’s door?”
“You forget I thought you were home. It was a show, you guessed right. But it wasn’t for your eyes.”
I should be satisfied with the way his eyes darkened and his steady clench of fists.
“It just about killed me to stay there and watch you close up like that. Hurting. Me hurting you.”
My knee jerk reaction of backing away tightly in check, I planted myself in his face and rudely stabbed my finger in his chest.
“Bullshit. You think something like that remains a secret for long when it happens in a public hallway? No way. And you knew it.”
“I was counting on it.”
This took the wind from my sails and left me confused again.
“I wanted it to be spread that we are not involved. Fuck!”
He pulled on his hair and started pacing the floor. He stopped a couple of times, like he wanted to say something before shaking his head, started pacing again and muttering something to himself the whole time.
O-kay. This was strange. Not what I expected at all. Clearly, I was missing something.
“I fucked this badly, haven’t I?”
He seemed to not expect an answer.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? You have what you wanted: I’m listening.”
And it mattered what he had to say, I realized with a wince. After all my efforts not to.
“It was a show, only a show.“
“I got that part. You say it wasn’t for me.”
He grimaced as if the idea was disgusting. It was.
“I never intended for you to see that. Or hear about it. I was counting on your low socialization rate to keep you in the dark.”
He must have seen something on my face, because he stopped and averted his eyes as in shame.
“Yes, I was going to keep you in the dark. I suppose you see that as lying, don’t you?”
Why the hell was I still standing there?
“It is lying Bain. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“You’re not surprised. This only confirms you were right all along and I’m not to be trusted. I guess I can see your point now.”
I met his gaze square and he flinched. I was not backing down on this. Many of the things he said were probably true, hell nothing probably about it, and it had stunned me that he read me so easily in such a short time. Some of those things I have long avoided thinking about. But this, this I was right about. He had lied. And I didn’t know if I could forgive that or if I wanted to. Well, the wanting part was controversial…
“Okay, right. All I’m gonna say must remain between the two of us. Nobody, and that includes family, priest or psychologist must know about this.”
“Jesus, Bain, just spill it already.”
Whatever I expected him to tell me it certainly wasn’t was he said.
“I’m working on a case, collecting some evidence. It’s drug-related and this is all that I can tell you. Even this is too much. I shouldn’t have become involved with you, it endangers my position. That little drama was so the word we’re finished would get out. I… messed up when I let others see my interest. I wasn’t allowed to approach you.”
He seemed on a roll and I was too stunned to think of anything to say. Case? Drugs? Well, I though nothing could excuse him lying but I hadn’t expected something like this.
“I was attracted to you the first time I saw you in that cafeteria. If you hadn’t stumbled and fell I would have let you go without approaching you. I can’t mix personal life when I’m working, but by the time we arranged to meet that Monday, I was already hooked up. And I thought I could keep it under wraps. You just consume all my thoughts and I messed things up bad.”
How the hell could he say things like that aloud? Wasn’t he terrified of putting himself out there? He was letting me see that I had power over him. A tremor passed through me and my stomach clenched.
“Then it was the parking lot incident. And the lab. Principal Matthers saw me with you. I made it worse when you were attached. I attracted too much attention on me, on us. I can’t afford rumors that we are together.”
Okay, that hurt. I could understand what he was saying but I also resented it.
“And you thought putting a show with blondie will fix all up. On my lab’s door, no less. Does the word “discreet” exist your vocabulary?!”
He returned my shout with one if his own, already close to his breaking point.
“Not my fucking idea! Give me a break, Tyler! It’s not all about you! I had to do something to fix it! People depend on me, lives depend on me!”
His words hit fast and accurate. I felt my mask slid into place.
“Sure. I understand. Why don’t you go do your job then, Bain? Or is that even your name? “
“Damn it, Tyler!”
He caught me by the arm and pushed me back from the door.
“What more do you want from me? “
What indeed?
“Nothing.”
“Is it because I have to hide us?”
Was it? Partially. I didn’t like feeling like a dirty secret, but then again I was a very private person. I liked my business to stay mine and nobody’s else. I understood why he put that show. I resented…Yes, I resented that he had to put it. He had screwed up. Making an “us” in front of others when he knew it wasn’t possible. Making me appear like some used and discarded lover. I resented the situation. I resented being kept in the dark while he “fixed” it. And I was still pissed off when I remembered his tongue down her throat. Did I want to start anything with a guy that had to do these kind of things on the job and maybe more? I couldn’t even be mad if he slept with other people. Because maybe there will be times when he would have no choice. And I wanted to be all about me. I was afraid I didn’t know how to make it not be all about him and then where did I stand?
Bain took my silence as a confirmation and backed me in the door. His arms framed me and I looked up, confused. One of his hands trailed up my chest to cup my face and I shrunk back. Nowhere to run.
“I don’t want to hide either. I hate this fucking case… Hate having to pretend I don’t want you, that I don’t want to hear your moans and you begging for more, for me…Tyler…”
Don’t go mouthing my neck! Shiiiit…
“Bain…Fuck!”
“I want you every damn minute of the day… I can hardly concentrate on doing what I’m supposed to… You do something to me. “
He munched on my lower lip and I wanted to push him away, remembering using the same trick on blondie. His tongue teased mine and I felt one of his hand making short work of our belts. I felt cold air on my privates and realized with a start that he had managed to get my pants open and down to my knees. My boxers followed and I hissed at the feel of cold wood pressing at my backside.
Fuck, that felt good. He was rolling my balls in his hand, gently massaging them. His mouth was for the moment occupied with lavishing my erect nipples with slow licks and hardly there bites. I started squirming, begging silently for more while at the same time resenting the way he controlled my body. I knew this won’t solve anything but that didn’t mean it didn’t felt so damn good. He was transforming me in a sex maniac and I loved every single moment of it.
“I fucking need you all the time. You’re like a drug in my system. All I can do is crave more.”
He released me abruptly and I watched him as he made short work of his own pants, barely opening them to pull his dick out and cover it with a lubed condom. I stared for a moment at the size of him and although it had been more than pleasurable, I didn’t know if I wanted to do this here, especially when he seemed determined to purify the door or something like that.
He hardly spared me a glance before opening another packet, coating his fingers in lube.
“Seems to me that you came prepared.”
My tone must have betrayed my displeasure. He stopped and met my eyes straight on.
“For you? Always. I could only hope. Doesn’t mean I was taking you for granted. Not a quick fuck, Tyler. You’ll never be that.”
I watched mesmerized as his eyes darkened and their blue fire burned my skin as he took a slow perusing of my disheveled state. I felt desired and perverted. Erotic. But still…
“The desk. Lock the door.”
He shook his head firmly and before I could continue, turned me face first in the wooden surface of my lab’s door, his wet fingers already probing at my tight wrinkled opening.
“I want you to hear them, imagine them passing in front of the door. I want to do you the way I was imagining when I kissed her.”
I flinched and he caressed my back in soothing motion.
“Make no mistake, I was thinking of you, kissing you. Always you.”
His second finger breached me and I moaned in reaction. He curled it inside me and pressed on my gland. I made a pinched unmanly squeak when my body started vibrating for him.
“Better be careful now, or they’ll hear you. The door is open, somebody could come in and check only to see professor Lucas with his pants around his knees getting fucked by a man. Think it’ll matter to me? No way. I’ll enjoy shoving you off. It excites me to think they’ll see but can’t touch. Nobody is touching you beside me, isn’t that right? Because you’re mine, Tyler. Be mine, Tyler…”
Hell. I was panting and my cock was weeping on the door. His words were rude and crude, whispered in my ear, but they made me even hotter. I had the image of somebody trying to push the door open while I was pinned to it, moaning at Bain’s moves. The danger of getting caught only increased the urgency of having him inside me right now.
“You like that. You’re a little pervert, just waiting to explode, aren’t you? Good. There’s a lot of things I wanna do to you, do with you.”
Oh, God. Much more and I’ll have a coronary. I moaned at a sudden push of his fingers.