Still Wifey Material

by Kiki Swinson

  “And who might that be?”

  “His name is Bintu.”

  “Does this Bintu have a last name?”

  “Yes, it’s Oduka. His apartment is on the—”

  “I know what floor he lives on,” she interjected, “but since you’re not a resident, you can’t just go up to his apartment without being announced.”

  “I just wanted to see if he was home because I’ve been trying to contact him all day.”

  “Oh, so he’s not expecting you?”

  “No, he’s not.”

  “Well, come with me to the front desk and I’ll see if I can get him on the phone.” She gestured for me to walk ahead of her. I was frustrated and hesitated a bit, because I didn’t want her to give Bintu the heads up that I was downstairs. I honestly wanted the chance to walk up on him and find out why he’d been avoiding me, but I saw that that wasn’t going to happen. I sighed once more and went over to the front desk. The concierge dialed the extension to Bintu’s apartment. I waited patiently while she prepared to announce that I was in the building. To my surprise, when someone answered on the other end, she immediately turned her back to me and started whispering. I couldn’t hear a damn word she was saying and was getting more pissed by the second.

  “Well, is he there?” I blurted out.

  She ignored my question and hung up the phone. With a cheesy-ass expression, she said, “I was just told that he wasn’t in.”

  “Who were you just talking to?” I growled.

  “I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “What is the big fucking secret? It couldn’t have been nobody but Bintu or his brother Fatu, unless there’s somebody else up there that I don’t know about!”

  “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me who you were just talking to,” I protested.

  “And I told you, I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” I snapped. “Trying to play fucking mind games with me. I’m not stupid! I know you were talking to Bintu because you would not have turned your back to me and started whispering.”

  “Ma’am, I’m only going to tell you to leave one more time.”

  “And what’s going to happen if I don’t?”

  “I’m going to call security, and if you like, I could get you banned from this building indefinitely.”

  I stared at her in shock. “You can’t do that!”

  “Yes, I can. Now the best thing you can do right now is take a walk before this thing gets out of hand.”

  “Yeah, what the fuck ever!” I stormed off because I really didn’t want to get thrown out of there. She probably could have banned me from coming back, and I didn’t want that to happen. I got my car from the valet attendant and got the hell out of there before I did something I’d probably regret later.

  During my drive back to the shop, all I could think about was what the hell was going on with Bintu? I mean, was he trying to play me or what? I just couldn’t believe that the first night we spent together was a one-night stand, especially after all the talk we had about spending more time together so we could get to know each other more. Whatever was going on with him was totally a mystery to me, but I was determined to find out what it was.

  Dropping a Bombshell

  (Kira Speaks)

  Nikki had probably been gone from the shop for about an hour or so, and it was so peaceful while she was away. When she came stomping back through that front door, it seemed like all the peace we had just evaporated into thin air. She had a chip on her shoulder before she left, and now it seemed like her whole world had just fallen apart. She threw shit around like her mind was going bad, so I had to say something to her.

  “Nikki, could you please stop throwing your things around? It’s irritating everyone in the shop.”

  “You mean it’s irritating you,” she struck back.

  I sighed because I saw where this conversation was going. “Yeah, all right. It’s whatever you say.” I went back to rolling up my client’s hair, but Nikki didn’t want to let it go.

  “You think it’s all about you, huh?” she asked.

  “What are you talking about now?”

  “You know what I’m talking about.” She took a couple steps toward me.

  “Nikki, you need to chill out,” I warned her.

  She immediately got cocky. “What if I don’t?”

  “Come on, now, Nikki! What is it with you and all your drama? It was so quiet while you were gone. And now you’re back and have started up some shit, and you’ve only been here for about sixty seconds.”

  “And so what?” she snapped. “Has it ever crossed your mind that I’m tired of a lot of bullshit that goes on around here?”

  “You’re the one who’s causing it,” I retorted.

  “Well, since I’m the one causing it, then tell me who’s been running their fucking mouth?”

  “Running their mouth off to who?” I asked in confusion.

  “To Bintu.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re asking me. I mean, what does Bintu have to do with all the drama you create around here?”

  “Kira, don’t be a fucking bitch! You know what I’m talking about! You know you been running your mouth to Bintu about me, and that’s why he won’t return any of my phone calls.”

  I looked at her in confusion. “That’s bull! I haven’t said shit to Bintu. As a matter-of-fact, I only saw him once, and that was at the club after me and Fatu had lunch. When I saw him then, we didn’t have much to say to each other.”

  “Do you think I believe that shit you’re telling me? You’re a hater and you’ve been hating on me since the beginning, telling me not to get involved with him because of how possessive African men are, and that they’re very controlling. And now look at you, damn near broke your neck to hop in bed with Fatu.”

  “That’s a motherfucking lie! I didn’t break my neck to do shit! That nigga spent close to twenty grand on me before I even kissed him. Can’t say the same about your ten-dollar, drink-getting ass! ’Round here trying to front on me like I’m hating on you! Last time I checked, you didn’t have shit for me to hate on! You live with me and I have way more expensive shit in my closet than you do. Remember, Nikki, I am the one who introduced you to this lifestyle. You didn’t know shit about fucking with cats with a whole ass full of money. So show some respect, please, because you’ll never be able to get to my level. You’re too naïve and stupid! And on a more serious note, I could care less about your relationship with Bintu. I’ve got my own shit to deal with.”

  “Oh, bitch, you can sell someone else that bullshit! I know what time it is with your ass! You’ve always been jealous of me since we were kids. You think I don’t remember you telling me how you wished you had supportive parents like mine and you wished that you lived in the house that we had and that you wished you could’ve went to college too? Yeah, you thought I forgot! But I didn’t. So sell somebody else that shit about me wanting to be like you, because as far as I can remember, it’s been the other way around.”

  I chuckled. “Nikki, no you didn’t go way back there.”

  “Yep, I sure did, because you think you’re hot shit and that everybody wants to be like you. But let me be the first to say that that is not the case. You are not all that! And if Brian was still alive today he’d sure vouch for me and tell you that my pussy was better than yours.”

  Shocked by her words, my veins damn near popped out of my head. I could not believe this bitch just came out her mouth and said that motherfucking shit in front of everybody. I mean, now how could I come back on that?

  “Don’t stand there looking stupid! Face it, your pussy is whack! Brian knew it and so did your late husband Ricky, and that’s why he fucked every chick in your last shop!”

  Hearing Nikki’s words tumble out of her mouth made my blood boil, and I was two seconds from punching her in her fucking mouth. “Look, Nikki, I�
��ve heard enough. Let’s just drop this conversation right now!” I demanded.

  “What, ya ashamed?” She laughed. “Yeah, bitch! The joke’s on your silly ass now!”

  Instead of responding to Nikki’s loud outburst, I just stood there in silence. All I could think about was how humiliated she was making me feel in front of everyone. I was screaming inside and hate was building up in me at a rapid pace. The first thing that came to mind was to grab her around her fucking throat and choke the hell out of her. But then I figured that wouldn’t be smart on my part. I had clients watching me, so I had to remain professional at whatever cost.

  “Nikki, I said let’s drop it,” I said in a calm tone, trying to let on that she had won the argument.

  “I ain’t gon’ drop it until you tell me what’s up! I know you know something.”

  I burst into laughter to keep from smacking the hell out of her. “Girl, you are really tripping right now.”

  Nikki took two more steps toward me. “I don’t think this shit is funny!”

  “Nikki, you better go back over to your station and have a seat before it gets really ugly up in here. I am not feeling too safe with you walking up on me like that, especially while I’m servicing a customer.”

  “Do you think I care about your fucking customer?” She took yet another step toward me.

  My customer, Kimberlie, a young, dark-skinned girl in her early twenties and a certified hood rat with a little bit of weight on her was caught off guard by Nikki’s remark. She whirled herself around in my service chair and said, “Now, I ain’t trying to be funny, Nikki, but you need to care because if you fuck around and get me caught up in that drama that should between you and Kira, I’m gon’ act like a pure fool up in here.”

  “Kimberlie, I’m not scared of your ghetto ass!”

  “All right, Nikki, now that’s enough! You are going too damn far!” I yelled. This bitch was really going out of her damn mind and it was affecting my clients, so I felt it was time to shut her down. “Now the reason why that nigga is probably avoiding your silly ass is because I caught his trifling ass fucking the hell out of some chick in the kitchen of the nightclub! I saw it on the security monitor in Fatu’s office that very same day you came up in here bragging about how good he fucked you the night before.”

  Nikki’s eyes bugged out and her mouth fell wide open. “You saw him doing what?” she asked.

  “I said, I saw his trifling ass fucking some chick in the kitchen part of the nightclub on Fatu’s security camera,” I repeated. “And to make matters worse, the nigga was digging her stinking ass without a damn condom.”

  “Oh, now that’s nasty,” Rachael commented from her station.

  “It sure was! That’s why I went off on Fatu’s ass and told him to go straighten that shit out,” I lied to make her stupid ass look sillier than she’d already looked. “But here you are, trying to accuse me of throwing salt when all I did was take up for you,” I continued, hoping she’d drop the subject and leave me the fuck alone.

  Nikki shook her head. “I don’t believe that.”

  “What don’t you believe?”

  “I don’t believe you saw him fucking some chick at the club. You’re just talking shit so I won’t fuck with him anymore. But you need to come a little harder than that, sweetheart, because I ain’t gonna feed into that bullshit!”

  “You know what, Nikki? I could care less whether you believe me or not. It really doesn’t matter. But I’ll tell you this. If you ever fuck him again, you’d better make him strap up before you fuck around and catch something you ain’t gonna be able to get rid of.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t need your advice. Keep that shit for yourself!”

  I shook my head and watched her as she grabbed her handbag from the bottom drawer of her station and stormed out the door.

  Rachael could not wait to open up her big-ass mouth. “What in the hell was her beef? I mean, because she was going off on you.”

  “Yeah, she was, but she stopped in her damn tracks! Trust me, she ain’t trying to run up on me, for real! She’s just upset because that nigga of hers done fucked her and played her dumb ass!”

  Rachael looked around nervously. “You better not say that too loud, because you know she’s got ears all over the place.”

  “Rachael, I wouldn’t give a damn what she’s got. This is my shop! I know one thing, though. She’d better not ever walk up on me and disrespect me, or any of my clients again, because the next time I’m not going to be so civil. And after I whip her ass, I’m gonna have the paramedics escort her dumb ass out of here on a stretcher.”

  Rachael and Kimberlie both burst into laughter. “Damn, that would be a sight to see,” Kimberlie said.

  “You ain’t lying about that,” Rachael agreed.

  The other clients chuckled and nodded their heads in agreement. Two hours of nonstop services to my clients passed before I was able to put my last client under the dryer and take a break. “I’m going out for a bite to eat. Does anybody want anything while I’m out?” I asked while I was getting my handbag and car keys.

  “Where are you going?” Rachael wanted to know.

  “Probably to the Chinese restaurant around the corner.”

  “Well, bring me four spring rolls and a lot of duck sauce.”

  “All right,” I replied and left.

  While I walked to my car I noticed Nikki standing beside her car, talking to Sophie’s husband. She was smiling her ass off too. If I had to guess what they were talking about, it would be that he was trying to convince her to go out with him and possibly give him some pussy afterward. Judging from how fast she jumped in bed with that other African nigga Bintu, it wouldn’t surprise me if she sneaked off and went to a hotel with Sophie’s husband that night. That was just how trifling she’d gotten lately. All I could do was shake my head, because she needed some help with her self-esteem issues. Not only that, I knew that if Sophie decided to walk out of her shop and saw her husband grinning all up in Nikki’s face, she would go upside both of their fucking heads. It wouldn’t be shit Nikki could do to stop her either, because Sophie was a big bitch! The ho looked like she could fuck up her husband with those big-ass hands and feet she had, so Nikki better watch out because I knew she was not trying to get her Anna Sui halter dress ripped from her body. That would be a sight to see, though, and I would laugh my ass off.

  I made a couple more wisecracks about them to myself, got in my car, and got the hell out of Dodge. I figured if a fight did cap off while I was gone, Rachael would fill me in and perhaps record it on her cell phone so I could see it later. I knew that sounded really bad on my part, but, hey, what could I say, other than Nikki was gonna get everything she deserved because God don’t like ugly.

  On Some New Shit

  (Nikki Speaks)

  It had been a total of five days since I had last seen or talked to Bintu, and I hadn’t spoken to that cat named Neeko until today. I started not to answer my phone when it initially rang, but when I looked down at the CallerID, I was really eager to find out what rock his ass climbed up from under. “What happened to you?” I asked instead of saying hello. “I thought you fell off the face of the earth.”

  “Ahhh, baby,” he began to say, “I am so sorry, but a lot of shit went down after I got off the phone with you that night. Me and my peoples had to straighten some niggas who were bringing heat to our spot.”

  “Join the club. Because a lot of shit went down with me too.”

  “Trust me, your shit could not have been no worse than mine.”

  “If you didn’t have cats pointing guns in your face and robbing you for all your shit, then you are absolutely wrong on this one.”

  Shocked, Neeko said, “What the fuck? Wait a minute,” he continued, like he was trying to gather his thoughts, “you got robbed?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When?”

  “Right after I got off the phone with you the other night. A couple of cats walked up in me an
d my cousin’s shop and robbed me and my two stylists for all our dough and our jewelry.”

  “You got to be bullshitting me!”

  “No, I’m not. And what was so fucked up about it was that we couldn’t even tell the police how the niggas looked.”

  “You didn’t get to see how they looked?”

  “How could we when they were wearing masks?”

  “Come on now, I know they had something distinctive about them that you could’ve told the police.”

  “Neeko, whoever those niggas were, they had their shit mapped out to a T. I mean, they were covered from head to toe and they never slipped up and said either one of their names. So we had nothing to go with, and I’m frustrated like hell because I want my shit back.”

  “What did they take?”

  “They took my seven-thousand-dollar diamond necklace, my Rolex watch, and a pair of diamond studded earrings I had just got. But my girl Carmen had the most shit of us all. That forty-thousand-dollar diamond chain she had around her neck belonged to her fiancé, so he was pissed, and then on top of that they took her five-carat diamond engagement ring he had just given her.”

  “Word!” he said as if he couldn’t believe what he had heard.

  “Neeko, you just don’t know what I’ve been through. But what’s even worse is that I ain’t gonna be able to do anything about it.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, baby. I mean, I wish there was something I could do to get your shit back.”

  “I wish you could do something too. But since you can’t just keep your ears to the street and let me know if you hear something. That way if you find out who was behind it I can plug Carmen’s fiancé X with the information so he can make those niggas pay.”

  “Are you talking about Xavier from Lincoln Park on the Northeast side?”

  “I’m not sure where he’s from.”

  “How does he look?”

  “He’s an average looking big guy with a bald head. Why, you know him or something?”