“It was crazy fun. I’ve never danced on a pole that high. Coming down was seriously cool.”
“Don’t I know it. How much you got there?”
“Five hundred-eighty.”
“Sweet. Twelve hundred more for me,” April said.
“Are you staying until close?”
“I’m planning to jet as soon as you’re as hungry as I am.”
“I’m there,” Kandace said, standing up.
April bundled the last of her cash and stuffed her wallet, then turned in her receipts for her pay. Kandace stuffed her purse and wished she’d bought a bigger one.
“C’mon, girl,” April said, “we gotta go tip out.” She led Kandace through the club, handing off folded bills to the hosts, DJs, and managers. They returned to the backstage and dressed in street clothes as other dancers were celebrating a pile of cash.
Walking out the side doors, Kandace asked, “Why do you tip everyone? Is that required, like house fees?”
“It’s required if you want to stay in favor. If you don’t mind a hostile work environment, then go ahead and don’t tip out at night’s end. Management will eventually get rid of you, no matter how good you are.”
“Dang.”
“Could always be worse. So, how’d you make out?”
“Five thousand eight hundred.”
“Girlfriend! You’re getting it on! How did you make that without a private room?”
“Well, that’s before I tipped out. I kept giving Curt twenties and compliments.”
“Sly devil. Stage number 2?”
“Yeah. Such a good view of the entire club, everyone could see me on the pole.”
“Damn. And I thought I was smart. I had a guy in a private room awhile, but he didn’t tip all that much in the end. Stage number one never seems to get the crowd because there’s really not enough room for people. Too many tables and chairs and the management won’t ever fucking move them. Stage three is in a decent spot, but it’s too far from the bar. You’ve got to attract the bar crowd for tips.”
“As I’ve learned,” Kandace said.
“Platinum pussy on Vegas Boulevard! Coming down the street! Get it while it’s hot!” April screamed while laughing. “Small Town, you should insure your ass like a rare gem.”
Kandace waved dismissively at her and kept walking. “Hey, when were you planning to tell me about the whip and blindfold?”
“Never. I’d seen it done in Miami and wanted to do it, but you need the right act. I’d practiced with a short-braided whip, so I knew I could spank you without hurting you. You were flawless, by the way. You had the act down cold.”
“But I wasn’t acting,” Kandace said.
“I know! That’s the point of not telling you. You were surprised for real, and it worked. The audience ate that shit up.”
“They went crazy, I’ll give you that. So… where we going?”
“Bellagio?” April said.
“Game on.”
The girls ate at the hotel’s restaurant, pigging out on Kobe chili cheese fries and doughnuts, then gambled for two hours, mostly at the craps tables. The shooters had seemingly endless sums to gamble and enjoyed the girl’s company. Kandace copied the shooter and screamed along with the crowd. She left with a couple hundred more than she had started with. Then they went to the hotel room and crashed on opposite beds, neglecting to undress.
Kandace woke to bright sunlight and sat up, thinking it was the middle of the day. The clock said 7:49 am but she didn’t believe it.
“I’m awake,” she said, looking to April, who was face first into a pillow on the opposite bed, four feet away. She laughed at herself and took a shower, pulled on a robe and made a cup of coffee. She found April’s Advil bottle sitting out and took two, downing a big water bottle. On the balcony, she watched the sun rise and the trees dance in the breeze, trying to remember the night before with difficulty.
She had been lucky at the club and the casino. Nothing wrong with making money—she needed it. She could travel to California to find her dad, once Markus found his address. Until then, she’d ride the money train and have fun. Waiting was torture and doing nothing would make her feel even worse. And she couldn’t help anyone by being broke. She didn’t need to feel guilty for not hustling off to LA. What else could she do?
She grabbed her purse and counted all her cash, trying to get her mind around all this was hers.
Could she keep on dancing, to pay for college? She could fly to Vegas or St. Louis on weekends, classes during the week. She’d overheard from the other dancers conversing during the shift and many of them were from out of state.
Her phone buzzed, and she held her breath a beat, seeing her messages. She had a dozen texts from Yvonne, her dance instructor.
Kandace, are you alright? Call me, please.
Kandace, call me. I heard you were looking for your father out west
I heard your mother is in the hospital, praying for you
From Vivian: Kandace, leaving when your mother is in rehab isn’t responsible.From Amelia: how’s the road? mom’s in rehab and we’re all worried about u, where u at?
From Ginger: honey, please be careful.
From McKenzie: girlz, can’t wait to hear about the trip i want all the deets
From Adriana: k, call me about kyle
From Rachelle: we so need a girls trip out of freakin pitts! r u home this weekend?
A voicemail from Kyle. It wouldn’t be from his mother. Not again, right? How come she didn’t see this first? What do I do? Listen and get it over with? Nerves got the better of her and she set her phone aside. She had been wanting and waiting for him to call. She had presumed he lost his phone to his mother’s clutches, but was that true? Or did he need time to sort himself out? Was he just distracted? Upset she didn’t go home with him?
Finally, Markus. He text messaged her an address in Los Angeles.
Found. She had him. Perfect timing.
Kandace screamed and pumping her fists, she jumped on her bed, surprised she hadn’t woken April when she finished her celebration. She sat, composing herself, unable to stop smiling, and found her phone on the floor.
She texted Markus: Sean Clayton?
Waiting was killer, but he only took several seconds.
Seattle, still.
Kandace replied: Any guess why?
No idea.
How’d you find my father?
With difficulty. I c u are in vegas. i am jelly
Kandace swallowed hard, ignored her tears of joy and replied: thanks for finding him i owe u
i’ll text u if Clayton moves
A physical address. She couldn’t worry or think about anything else.
A townhouse on Pacific Avenue.
Overjoyed, she decided she could handle Kyle’s message and pressed play.
“K, sorry about my mom. I got my phone back, so I could call you… she, uh, she’s pretty much taken all my shit… she’s pissed… I don’t know… I wanna see you… mom’s gonna be a pain, but… I’m sorry how things went down in St. Louis… it’s my mom, you know? Hey, call me, okay? I totally get it, that you’re pissed at me… nice that you found a ride. (laughing) I seriously wish I’d stayed with you. Sorry I chickened out… call me.”
She set her phone aside and let his message soak in. He wanted to stay together, with his mother controlling everything. Pulling his strings. It was almost ten in PA. Kyle had class by then. And no sense texting him, not with the chance his mother might read it.
Elated and crushed, as though she got what she wanted, but was Kyle good for her? Maybe he was too painful to keep, too hard emotionally to maintain.
I should call back Mom. Tell her I’m all right. Going to see Dad, once I’ve got a ride.
Ginger answered Kandace’s FaceTime call. Her soft image pixilated, her voice coming in spurts, then the video stabilized. “Honey! You’re okay! Where are you?” She was lying in bed, no mask, no tube. Blonde hair in all directions as thoug
h controlled by static electricity. Dark bags lingered under her eyes.
“I’m fine, Mom. You look much better. Did the doctors move you to rehab?”
Ginger smiled sideways, her lips trembling. “I’m fine, too. Tell me about your trip.”
Kandace beamed, though she felt a profound sense of loss, remembering home. “I’m in Las Vegas. I expect to go see Dad later on today. Los Angeles isn’t too far.” Kandace’s hands were unstable, both were required to hold the phone still.
Her mother seemed shocked. “Oh, honey! That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you. And hey, I want to ask you because I’m a bit hazy. Amelia said Kyle drove with you, but then she said earlier today that Kyle was home, so I thought for sure she was confused.”
Kandace swallowed, knowing she didn’t have an answer—not a good one. Not one she felt comfortable with. “Where to start? Well, Kyle went home when we got to St. Louis and I knew I couldn’t just give up on Dad, so I stayed. I made a friend and she helped me out. So, I’ve been working a little and it pays amazing and the hours are great.”
Ginger moved the phone so the ceiling showed for a moment, then she reappeared, up close, her partial face filling the screen. “Kandace, why do I get the feeling like you’re telling me something without telling me something?”
I can do this. I can. I’ve got this. Just say it. She will understand.
“Look, K. Say it when you are ready. I don’t need to know. You’re eighteen and can look after yourself.”
Kandace inhaled as though trying to suck in courage. “I needed money and I didn’t have any options. No place to sleep, or food. So, when I met a girl, she introduced me to a fancy club, I thought I’d try dancing. Just one night.”
Ginger stared at the screen. “Kandace, are you saying you danced at a strip club?”
Why do I feel ashamed?
“I didn’t have much choice… but I made great money. And I had fun.”
Ginger blinked quickly. “Kandace, I love you, but your father will erupt if he finds out.” She paused a moment, moving the phone aside and wiping at her face with a bed sheet. “Honey, I understand you’re learning about life and you’re experimenting. I support whatever you want to try, you know that. But whatever you decide, you have to tell your dad.”
“Wait… what?”
“I will prep him. But I leave it to you to tell him. If you quit dancing, then maybe it won’t be so bad.”
“Mom, this needs to stay between us. Dad’s totally out of the loop and I hope to bring him back. That’s the whole point of finding him, right? Why go find him in California if I don’t convince him to come home?”
Ginger sighed. “K, I can’t keep a secret like this from him. And he’s bound to notice how different you are. I mean, I can see you’ve got a tan and your hair is lovely. Just lovely. He’s bound to notice a change in you. Look, you can do what you want, but I think you should tell him.”
“He keeps secrets from us. So it’s fair.”
“Honey, we are better off not knowing about his job.” She waved her hands slowly. “I accepted a long time ago that his life is a big secret.”
Kandace sighed and wanted to hang up, and felt guilty for that. “Mom, I can’t see how telling him helps my relationship with him.”
Ginger shook her head. “All I’m saying is, it’s worse if he finds out on his own.”
Kandace rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes tight. “Okay, I’ll figure out what to do. So… how are you feeling? How’s therapy?”
“Slow, but I think it’s helping. The injections hurt, but they help mobility and pain, keep swelling down. My inflammation is miserable.”
“I’m sorry,” Kandace said and wished she could help somehow. Even just keeping her mother company would be good. For them both.
“It’s not your fault. So, tell me about your trip.”
“Oh, so glamorous. So many people. Holy cow. Where do they all come from? And the casinos. Unreal. We visited everywhere we could last night. Can’t believe this place.”
Ginger smiled. “Sounds like you’re having a nice time. You’re somewhere, K. Have fun.” She paused a long moment, holding the phone but not looking at the lens, but when her eyes shifted back, Kandace could feel her mother’s words. “Don’t forget to find your dad and tell him to come home.”
Kandace exhaled, watching her mother, and wiped at her eyes with her bathrobe sleeve. “You think he’ll listen?”
Ginger seemed resolved. “It’s worth a try. You never know. I still can’t figure him out.”
“Me neither.”
Kandace talked more about her trip out west and paused when Ginger had passed out. Kandace laughed and cried, watching her mother sleep, then waved goodbye.
Disconnect.
Returning to the balcony, the hotel grounds were peaceful, and Kandace tried to match that soothing pace in her own heart, but she couldn’t reel herself in. Her emotions ran wild, and she tried breathing deeply, closing her eyes.
Her father was out there. At least if she could find her father today, some things might be made right.
She copied her dad’s address from Markus’s text into her phone’s map.
Two hundred seventy-six miles. A four-hour-and-twenty-minute drive from the hotel where she sat. Satellite image showed his driveway. Trees and a sidewalk. His front yard. Google Maps had a decent image of the townhouse, city street.
She was shaking.
“April!”
April stirred, yawned loud, smacked her lips and opened her eyes like she hadn’t seen sunlight before. She stared at Kandace for several beats, then closed them again and groaned.
“April! I have my dad’s address! Wake up!”
“What?”
“Deidra!”
April opened her eyes and sat up, raised eyebrows. “What did you call me?”
“My friend found my father’s address! I can’t believe it!”
“Wait. What? You found his place?”
“Yes! It’s like, four hours away! I can’t believe it! How can we get a car?”
“A car?”
Kandace bounced on April. “Yes. A. Car. You said we could get a car.”
“Fuck, that hurts. Girl, seriously, you’re not ten years old. Shit, get off.”
“And you’re still waking up! Deidra, it’s daylight. Sun’s out, buns out!”
“Okay, okay. I’m up. I’m up. I’ve gotta shower. I can’t think.” April came to her feet and used the nightstand for support. “Shit, I’m tired.”
“Don’t keep me waiting,” Kandace said. She returned to the balcony and watched the pool area, the beautiful blue water completely still. She watched employees work on cabanas while a landscape crew were working on trees, mowing the lawn.
She couldn’t imagine a pool this big, this clear. It felt like three football fields in size, maybe four. Kandace finished her coffee, noticing leisurely hotel guests and thought maybe she should do the same to settle her nerves.
Anything to keep from twitching and jumping on the bed. Anything to keep from thinking about meeting her father and racking her brain about what she’d say to him when she saw him at last—though she had role-played the meeting several hundred times, nothing ever came out quite perfect. How would he react? She couldn’t let herself think about that. Not yet. She hated the idea that she would never find him and she had no clue what she would do in that situation. Where would that leave her?
On returning to the room, she emptied her suitcase and studied each outfit on the bed. Jeans were safe. The skirt was pretty, but a little short and therefore not ideal. She wanted a dress, but the one dress she had was way too racy—perfect for the casino downstairs or the club.
She sat on the bed with the hotel’s shopping catalog and searched, hoping to find the ideal dress, which couldn’t be too expensive but didn’t look cheap. It had to be a fun dress, even a little flirty, but not sexy. Not a date dress. What color made the best impression? Blue? White? Could she wear a
white dress in October? California weather had to feel like summer, even this time of year, so did the white dress rules not apply?
She scoured the glossy catalogs, then shopped online using her phone and the hotel’s wifi. Possibilities abounded at the Mandalay Bay shops.
April emerged from the bathroom, rubbing her back with a towel and holding her hair. “Did Teddy get you a sweet hairdryer by chance?”
“He must have forgotten that one,” Kandace said.
April took her jeans and a cutoff top from the closet and dressed. “You got money burning a hole in your pocket?”
“I need a dress for meeting my father. One that doesn’t scream about my new job. I’d rather break the news gently if ever… and I have no clue how.”
“You’ll know it when the time comes. Just like when you find him. It’ll be the right time. And he’ll understand your reasons.”
Kandace set the catalog down to stare at April. “You think so?” When April nodded, Kandace asked, “How’s your mom deal with dancing?”
“She’s cool with it now because she sees how it provides for me. She’s always been obsessed with security. As long as dancing takes care of me, she’s okay with it.”
Kandace took longer than needed to decide on jeans and an off the shoulder blouse she’d been saving. It fit perfectly, and she wondered how Teddy had managed to nail her size.
“You ready to eat? I’m starving,” April said.
Both girls were opting for the buffet so they didn’t have to wait. Plates loaded, Kandace asked, “All of a sudden I’m feeling super anxious about meeting my dad. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” April said, scraping the last of her melted cheese. “I think you gotta go with your gut. Have you called him again?”
“His voicemail is still full, which is freaking me out. Something’s really wrong and I’m doing my best not to be paranoid. I just need a car. I need to go.”
“Look, I can’t tell you what to do,” April said. “We’ve gotta dance another night here or we get charged back for our plane tickets, plus the hotel. It’s eight hundred a night to stay here. Sticking around gets my vote.”
“No. No. I have to find him. I don’t know if I can handle not finding him. I keep thinking I need to go.”
Goodbye, Good Girl Page 17