“Why doesn’t the Vegas club use the same supplier?”
“Because Vic doesn’t want drugs. Did you notice no one did lines at the Jag? No pill bottles?”
“Seriously? He cares?”
“You gotta know the history though. He lost a club five or six years ago… a couple dancers got high, came right from the club, caused unwanted attention and a raid.”
“But there’s obvious benefits.”
“Big drawbacks, though. They leave with pills, a grand or two in the purse, then show up the next night with an empty bottle and no fucking money when they owe stage fees.”
“That’s crazy. They’d spend it all? In one night?”
“Who knows. Lots of girls wander into the business with real troubles. Strangely, those problems suddenly multiply when money pours in.”
“I can totally see that. Everything you’ve ever wanted is suddenly in reach. It’s like you can have it all at once.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem.”
Kandace got her blue friends back and had fun dancing a Friday night in LA, with consistent results. Around one in the morning she changed back to her lovely dress and started to wonder once more where her father was. And that made her uncontrollably sad, to the point she left the club and sat in her car and let herself cry.
She had another three thousand, two hundred eighty dollars in a bundle, shoved in her purse, but she was distraught. The pay. The popularity. The catcalls.
And no matter how many times she checked her phone, her father hadn't responded to all her attempts. Something had to be wrong on his end. He’d have replied by now.
She had to find him. And soon.
Her friends and family were clamoring, meanwhile her father, the one person she wanted to talk to, had ignored her.
She replied with vague messages to her friends and siblings, using the excuse that she was traveling.
Amelia had attempted to FaceTime twice and Kandace had missed both of them.
What could she say to her sister?
Here goes nothing.
Kandace held her phone, staring at the screen with Amelia’s picture as it rang several times, then timed out. Must be sleeping. Don’t be sad. Don’t be sad. I can get through this.
Maybe call Rachelle? She’d be still awake.
She wiped at her eyes with fast-food napkins left over from drive-thru and dialed.
“Girl!” Rachelle said on answer. She sounded tired. Maybe a little drunk. Rachelle’s hair was pulled tight in a ponytail, her normally heavy makeup was off. Her bedroom was in the background, the television on. “Where you at? I’m so… so… jealous. You shoulda brought me with you!” Rachelle’s mouth and nose were close to the camera, taking up most of Kandace’s screen.
“That would have been so cool. Yeah. I should have… I wanted to go fast though. It was impulsive.”
“You look like you’re… uh oh. What happened?”
“I’m fine. Really,” Kandace said.
“I heard about Kyle… what a pussy. Sorry. I shouldn’t say that. What a momma’s boy, you know?”
Kandace smiled though it hurt and she wanted to cry again. “He’s… Kyle. I don’t know. His mother is nothing new. So… what are people saying?”
“Oh, it’s crazy. Some people think you just took off with Kyle. Someone said you’re looking for your dad, which I said was way totally crazy. Someone said…”
“I am, Rach. That’s what I’m doing.”
Rachelle paused, her mouth cracked at the edges. “What do you mean? I thought he was deployed? Overseas or something like that.”
“I don’t know for sure where he is, actually. That's why I’ve gotta find him.”
Her friend made a face between laughing and disbelief. “I must be super tired, because that makes no sense. You’re searching for your dad and you have no idea where he is? What happened? Some trouble?”
“No, no. At least, I hope not. I’m not sure of the details.”
“Sounds like he’s not coming back ever, girl. Hey! Take advantage. Your mom doesn’t say boo.”
“It’s not like that. He supports me, my family.”
“I can’t see how… Whatever, if he’s never around then what’s he worth? What kinda stuff is he into, if he’s been gone so long? Sounds like he’s got another family. Which is so lame. Don’t put up with that. And you’re chasing him?”
“Bullshit!” Kandace said. “He’s working. He calls. He’s taking care of us, pays the bills.”
Rachelle made a face. “Hey, you can believe what you like. He’s your dad. All I’m saying is if he’s not around and don’t tell you shit, then I’d say you know where you’re at on his list. Not trying to be mean, but…”
“For real Rachelle, you're wrong about him. He’ll come home.”
“I wouldn’t bank on it. If I got out of Pitt and could support myself, I’d never come back to this shit-hole. But whatever. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. But hey, where you at?”
“A friend’s car. I gotta go.”
“Hey, chill girl. Later,” Rachelle said, cackling.
Do I have any friends at home?
Kandace left her face as is and dialed Noel. Who else would be understanding?
The phone rang three times, then kicked to voicemail. Oh. It’s late. She’s got a family. What was she thinking? Kandace left a message: Noel, call me when you can. Thanks.
On returning to the club, she promptly fixed her makeup, though she had no intention of going back to the floor. She felt like sleeping, even on a blank nylon camping chair. Kandace watched people and waited for whatever happened next and tried to quit thinking about home, but she couldn’t.
Would she ever talk to Kyle? How would he react, if he could see her now?
Moving on sounded good. What Rachelle said sounded very good: If I could support myself, I’d never come back to this shit-hole.
Maybe Kandace should follow that advice. But she felt like she had to talk with someone about it first, someone who had nothing to gain or lose.
23
April found Kandace sulking and sat beside her. “Your body is adjusting to the E. That’s why your emotions are spiking. It’s like you’re on a terrible ride and you can’t get off.”
Dancers paraded in, laughing obnoxiously loud, their arms engulfing cash bags. April whistled at them.
“For me, they help, but I don’t feel them like I used to,” April said. “What you’re getting now is maybe two hours at peak, then you’re fading to a moody, I hate the world down. Before, you’d peak practically all night, so you weren’t coming down until after club hours.”
It made the entire night awesome. “Well, it sounds like I should maybe… increase. One more? Late in the shift?”
Dancer traffic intensified, chatter and laughing came with ladies stomping in heels, carrying cash like collected park litter.
April shook her head. “Talk more in the car.”
April slid onto the passenger side of the VW, as Kandace unlocked the doors. She made eye contact and wore a somber expression. “Look, I don’t increase. A friend of a friend had the same thought… keep dropping until the high was all that. Problem was, she started thinking she could fly.”
“No way.”
“Yeah. It’s crazy, so I don’t add.”
Kandace studied April as though memorizing her face. “You’ve never taken more than two in a night?”
April shook her head. “Never. You left the bottle in your locker?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. You ready to jet?”
Kandace nodded and they drove with the music up, windows down, moonroof open. April played DJ and refused to let any song play the chorus more than once. Kandace felt fatigue as they arrived at the Omni Hotel while admiring the lobby and pool area on the way up. When she got inside the room, she fell on the bed and drifted in and out of sleep.
Kandace slept until she was woken by incessant vibration at her side. She opene
d one eye. “Why must you keep buzzing?”
“She won’t answer,” April mumbled from the opposite queen bed, “unless you ask her the right way.”
“Like a genie?”
“Sure,” she said, then rolled over slowly and winced. “Say, did you ever get another address from your friend?”
Kandace threw her covers aside and checked messages. “Yeah. He’s got a new address. Sent an hour ago.” Her face plunged into a pillow, so she could scream.
“C’mon. It’s a chance. A crapshoot, but still.”
Kandace switched to her side and studied April behind blurry vision. “So… do you want to keep looking?” Kandace asked. “Still no call back from dad. Whatever.”
April rolled her eyes. “You’re here for him and you know you’ve gotta find him or you’ll make yourself crazy. Family might make you mad, but they’re family. That about right?”
“Pretty much, yeah. I’m just sick of getting so disappointed all the time.”
“Well, give him a chance. Or change your expectations.”
Kandace groaned and rubbed her face. “I don’t think it’s unfair to expect a little of his time. A little priority, you know?” She sighed. “Fine. Let’s hit this address, then the beach.”
April made a face. “You’ve already decided you won’t find him?”
“It’s just that… I remember the fun things we did and all the stuff we got away with together, him, me and my sisters. Some things were just him and me. But I guess what I’m saying is I want to keep those memories intact and not taint them with more searching and not finding. I don’t want to go the rest of my life remembering the dad I couldn’t find who suddenly vanished. I’d rather remember the real dad that I had.”
“I’ll make you a deal, if he’s not at the first address, I’ll pay parking at Long Beach. If he’s there, you’re buying lunch.”
“If he’s there, I’ll buy you a gift.”
April sat up, her expression brightened. “Do I get to pick what it is? Because I haven’t bought any good shit for myself in a long time.”
“I’ll take suggestions, but no promises.”
April gave a chin up. “You’re learning.” She slipped on swimwear, then got dressed over the top. Kandace got suited underneath her favorite dress.
“C’mon, I’m starving. We can hit food on the way,” April said.
“Good news. The address is in Wilmington. The beach isn’t far.”
“What a girl wants to hear,” April said, walking out the door.
They ate breakfast sandwiches in the car while poorly attempting karaoke, at which they laughed more than sang. April had fun inventing ribald lyrics that sort of went with the song. The half hour drive felt like an instant. Kandace parked three doors down from the targeted address on Don Street—a cozy house among cousins, with a low white metal fence, faded red brick walkway and a wide enough sidewalk for three bikes. Palm trees peppered the street and hung low enough Kandace had to stoop under on approach. Two healthy little palms near the entrance, like soldiers on guard. The lawn had a yellowish green tinge. Shutters on the windows, tilted for light and privacy. Maybe two bedrooms? Small yard. Not much to care for.
Kandace let herself dream of finding her father here as she knocked on the front door. She could see him living at this place. It would suit him.
“Yes, miss?” a man much too old to be her father asked on answering.
“Oh.” She smiled, but suddenly felt weary. “I’m sorry, I must have the wrong house.” She was about to step away, then paused. “Could you tell me how long you’ve been living here?”
“Not a problem, young lady. I’ve been here, oh, I don’t know, maybe a year or so,” he said, closing the door a little. “Who might you be looking for?”
“John Santellan.” But he probably doesn’t use that name anymore.
He paused, as though watching the sky, shook his head. “Not someone I know, sorry. You might ask Larry next door.”
“Okay, thank you,” Kandace said while turning away. The man closed the door quietly.
Standing on the sidewalk, April held a peculiar look—at a terrible trap between overjoyed and crushed—an emotional purgatory.
“Beach time!” Kandace said while forcing a smile. “I’m ready to sun my buns all day. I even got sunblock and towels this time.”
April whistled. “We are prepared!”
Kandace texted Markus, no go on this address. He called almost immediately.
“How many more addresses have you got?” Kandace asked on answer.
“Well, you won’t guess much longer,” Markus said.
“Why? What happened?”
“Clayton landed this morning.”
“Shit. I totally spaced out.” How could I forget about Clayton? “Is he still at the airport?”
“For now,” Markus said. “He probably travels light.”
Tingling coursed through her head. “What should I do?”
“Hope to get lucky,” Markus said. “We won’t win a race against him.”
“Not helping,” Kandace said. “What’s your best idea?”
“Try this house on 247th Street.”
“Okay, fine. Give it to me. Is it far?”
“About ten minutes from where you’re standing.”
“Awesome. Call me if Clayton moves.”
Kandace had difficulty sitting still. Her dress clung to her back and her legs. “You sure you’re up for this?” she asked April.
April smirked, buckling in. “I’m in.”
Driving to the 247th Street home in Lomita was a straight shot. Kandace tried to name her VW, to distract herself from thinking about anything else.
Turning down 247th from Narborne, the street was busy with traffic, few parked cars on the street. Newly remodeled single storied homes were one after the other on the south side, a huge private school on the north.
Kandace’s phone rang. Noel. Could she talk now, with April there? Possibly at her dad’s house? She felt guilty pressing DECLINE.
The white and beige house had square windows, a peak at the center like an old school, and an American flag near the white front door. Concrete driveway and a double door to a large carport. Short palm trees were in a row near the opposite side, next to the tightly mowed lawn, the walkway to the front door cut through the grass.
Kandace could tell this house had a pool in the back, which strangely increased her anticipation. She knocked.
A young woman in a loose-fitting dress answered the door with a young baby in her arms. “Hello! Nice to see you! I’m Kerri, by the way,” the woman said.
Kandace froze and her mind raced to conclusions. She didn’t realize she had clenched her purse to a point of crushing it. She said, “Your baby is adorable,” and told herself to smile. “And I love your flowers.”
Kerri smiled like you would for politeness to a door to door salesperson. “Thank you. He’s our first.”
“Oh, very nice. Congratulations.” I can’t ask for my father. If he’s here, if this is his place, I’d rather not know.
“Did you want to come in?” Kerri asked as she hadn’t stopped smiling. “We’d love to chat awhile.”
Is she my father’s type? Blond. Petite. Early twenties. “Oh, no. I don’t… want to intrude. I’m…”
“It’s not a bother at all. We’re very excited to meet our new neighbors. We are still in boxes a little, but going fast.”
Breathe. Just ask. You can deal with it. It’s better to know the truth.
Kerri’s expression shifted. “Hey, are you all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I’m… actually… I’m looking for…”
“Oh, sorry. Scatterbrain! You must be in John’s history class.”
John.
Kandace struggled to find her voice. “I’m not in his class. I’m… actually… not from here. I’m looking for my father.”
She froze. “Oh, I’m so sorry. You must have the wrong house. My husband and I closed
two days ago. Did your dad rent here maybe? It was a rental before, I think.”
“I think I might faint,” Kandace said.
Kerri turned her attention behind the door. “John! Could you come here, please!”
Kandace shifted her purse to her other hand, considered putting it down and at the same time, thought maybe it would be best to leave.
A man’s voice came from inside the house. “What is it, honey?” Then he appeared in the doorway: short dark hair, lean. Young.
It’s not him.
Kandace felt all her tension escape and she thought she might just fall to her knees.
“Miss, are you…”
“I’m sorry. I do have the wrong house,” Kandace said, turning toward the street. “It was nice meeting you.” She walked briskly back to the car, April’s mouth agape as Kandace slid behind the wheel.
“They are SO staring at you,” April said. “What horror movie did you just reenact?
“I’m so happy this isn’t the house,” Kandace sniffed, and her voice went soft. “For a minute, I thought I’d met my dad’s new wife and baby.”
April belted herself in. “It’s been years since you saw him? I hate to say it’s possible.”
Kandace glared at her. “I won’t accept that.”
April held up her hands. “I know, I know. Just… be prepared.”
“If he’s got another family, then fuck him. I’m done.”
“Hey, I feel you. If he’s got a girlfriend or whatever, you’ve gotta roll with it if you want him in your life. That’s all I’m saying.”
Kandace’s lips trembled as she stared out the window. “Yeah, I know.” And she let herself cry. She felt like calling Noel back all of a sudden.
April leaned over across the seats and held Kandace. “Why don’t you call your friend and tell him that his picks need improvement. He’s drafting worse than the Cleveland Browns right now.”
Kandace managed a smile, wiping her cheeks with her arm. “Thanks. I needed that.” Her phone vibrated to an incoming call. “Markus, he’s not here either.”
“I have good news and bad.”
“Okay. What is it?”
“Clayton is heading right at you.”
Goodbye, Good Girl Page 22