“I know that, Elie. I don’t doubt my choice. I just don’t want to hurt Marcus. We had a future, you know? We were getting married. I thought we’d always be together. Then my father did what he did, and I met Roman. I know Roman is whom I’m meant to be with, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him... I don’t know. I guess I’m just not as confident as most women would be when it comes to something like this.”
Elie turns in her seat slightly, clutching my hand tighter. “You’re a good person, Marley, but you have to do this for you. You deserve to be happy. Roman is your future now. It’s time to let go of the past. I know you loved Marcus, but a man who truly loved you would never have asked you to do what he did.”
I told Elie about what Marcus had suggested we do. Take off with Romany, get married, let him adopt her, move countries. She was not happy at all. Elie understood when I told her that I had no intentions of ever doing something like that, and she promised she’d never tell Roman. Though she was angry about the way, Marcus kept pushing me to make a choice, how he kept texting me repeatedly to ask if I’d made my decision and how he couldn’t wait forever.
Elie told me that Marcus was pushing too hard and if he truly loved me, he wouldn’t do that, just as Roman didn’t do that. Roman gave me space to make my decision while always being there if I needed him. He wasn’t full on, and he didn’t try forcing me to do something I didn’t know if I was ready for.
However, Marcus seemed to be in a rush to make me his again. I get it, he’d been without me for five years, and he just wanted me back, but I wish he had understood that’s not what I needed from him. I needed him to show me that he could be patient, which was asking a lot when he’s never been a patient man.
“Just go in there and tell him straight. You have nothing to worry about, Marley. You thank Marcus for the time you had together because it was special, no one can take that from either of you. However, it’s over now, you love Roman, and you want to be with him and your daughter.”
“What if Marcus gets angry?”
“Then he really isn’t the man you thought he was. I’ll be right here if you need me, you yell, and I’ll be right on in there.”
“Maybe I should’ve asked Roman to come along and wait out here.”
“Yeah, then there’d be bloodshed.” Elie laughs.
She’s right there would be. No, it’s better that it’s just us. Marcus isn’t going to hurt me.
I kiss Elie’s cheek and make my way inside the diner. It’s a quaint little place, all nineteen-fifties décor. It’s amazing and reminds me of one of those old-fashioned diners that looked like a trailer from the outside.
Marcus is sitting in a booth to the right as I walk in. He’s wearing a charcoal suit and tie, and I have to wonder why he’s dressed like that in this heat. I’m still finding it hard to believe that Marcus transferred here. He always told me that he’d be working in New York. That’s where we planned to move to once we’d both qualified as doctors. Yet, here he is working at Alderton Hospital.
Funny how things work out.
“Hi,” I slide into the booth before Marcus can get to his feet and hug me. That wouldn’t feel right to me now.
“Hi. You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Would you like something to drink?” I shake my head. I just want to get this over so I can go home to the man I love and our little girl. “You okay? You seem nervous.”
“I guess I am a little.” I fidget with the hem of my blouse for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking up at him. He’s staring at me intently, and I can see in his eyes that he already knows what I’m going to say.
Please don’t be angry and blow up here. I don’t want to hurt you, but there’s no way I can avoid it.
“You said you’d made your decision?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Marcus...”
“You’re choosing him? Are you fuckin’ crazy?!” I flinch and sit back in my seat. His eyes are so wide; they look like they’re about to pop out of his head! “What did he say to make you choose him? Because I know he’s fucked with your head, Marley, there’s no way you’d just walk away from what we had!”
“He didn’t say anything, Marcus. He gave me space and time. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized that I just don’t love you the way I used to.” I swallow hard at the angry look on his face, but I won’t stop until I’ve gotten this off my chest. “If you had come back into my life before I met Roman, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, I would gladly go home with you, but that didn’t happen. I’m in love with him, Marcus. I am so deeply in love with him. I’ve never loved anyone as deeply as I do Roman. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t help it.”
I almost jump out of my skin when Marcus slams his fist down on the table, coffee from his mug spilling over. “Bullshit!” People are staring at us! “This is such crap. You don’t love him! He threatened you, said he’d take Romany away from you, and you’re staying with him for her.”
“No, Marcus. That is not what happened.”
“Let’s go right now and collect Romany, and then we can get out of here. There’s nothing he can do once we’re married.”
“You’re not listening to me, Marcus.”
“It’s you who isn’t listening. You have nothing to fear, Marley. He can’t do shit. No matter who he thinks he is.”
“Roman asked me to marry him last night, and I said yes. He’s going to be my husband, Marcus.”
Marcus stares at me with wide, wandering eyes, and I shudder visibly.
There was a time when looking into his eyes was what I lived for. I loved him so much. We used to do everything together. We used to enjoy long walks, traveling, fine dining. Marcus came from a wealthy family. Not overly, but they were comfortable. His father owned a chain of supermarkets. His mother was a doctor, and Marcus wanted to follow in her footsteps, and I had always wanted to be a doctor also.
I spent the first year with Bulldog thinking about Marcus and whether or not he’d forget me, or if he’d met someone else, married her, had children with her. I let my mind believe that was true, that it happened. It was the only way I could get through the day.
Most would say they could only get through what they’d been through thinking about the one they love waiting for them to come home. I didn’t want that for Marcus. I never wanted him to be alone.
“You really think I’ll let you go through with this shit?”
“You can’t stop me, Marcus. I still care about you, but it’s over between us. You need to move on with your life.”
Marcus leans closer, eyes never leaving me. “You belong to me, Marley. You always have. I will not give you up! I don’t care how much you tell me that you love him, I know you’re only saying it because he has some kind of hold over you.”
Why isn’t he listening to me?
I knew he’d be upset, but I didn’t think he’d be like this. I honestly don’t know what else to tell him.
“Marcus, I’m sorry you feel like this. Roman doesn’t have any kind of hold over me. We’re in love, and we’re getting married. I want to be with him. I don’t belong to you; I don’t belong to anyone. I’m not a possession, Marcus, I’m a person with feelings. Feelings you hurt a lot when we were together. Or have you forgotten how you used to belittle me and tell me daily that I needed surgery to fix my face and body?”
His nostrils flare, but he needs to hear this.
“You made sure I never felt good enough for you. However, I am good enough for Roman. My heart is no longer yours; it’s Roman’s. Please don’t contact me again.”
Marcus grabs my arm the second I get out of my seat to leave. I didn’t want it to end like this between us, but Marcus has left me no choice but to walk away from him and cut all ties. I loved him once, but I can’t have him in my life any longer. It will hurt, of course, it will. We spent years loving each other, but I have to put the past behind me and concentrate on my future.
“Don’t do this, Marley. Please.”
“I’m sorry.” I yank my arm from his grip and rush out of there as fast as I can, tears falling from my eyes.
God, why does this hurt so much?
I climb into Elie’s car and straight into her arms. She holds me as I cry. I just need to let it out. Once I’ve purged my soul of this, I’ll be free. Free to start my life with Roman and Romany. I wish nothing but the best for Marcus, and I hope he finds someone who will truly love him the way he deserves.
“It’s okay, Marley.”
“Please take me home. I need my man right now.” I need him to hold me and tell me that I’m not a bad person. Because right now, I feel like the worst kind of person there is.
Chapter Twenty-One
Roman
Never thought I’d see the day!”
“None of us did, Ace.”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” I roll my eyes at my cousin’s Ace and Hawk
Although both Ace’s parents are white and his complexion isn’t as tanned as mine, he has been mistaken for my brother more than once. I suppose we do look a little alike. Funny thing is we don’t even correct people on their mistake. We’re as close as brothers and always have been.
When it comes to skin tone, Wrench is as light as his father. He doesn’t look like he comes from black heritage like the rest of us do. If it weren’t for the fact Wrench looks like Taylor when he smiles, anyone would think Wrench had been switched at birth. Hawk is the darkest of all of us. He takes after his mother in more ways than one; he even looks like her. Hawk is the one who was bullied at school for being biracial. He’s the one who turned on those people and beat the shit out of them. He’s the one who had to listen to racist slurs about why he had a white brother – ignorant people through and through – and he’s the one who fell in love with a woman with a racist daddy, who pushed Hawk too far with his racist bullshit toward his son.
No one would get away with that shit when it comes to Hawk’s kids. Both boys love their Daddy, and he loves those boys with a fire most will never know. He loves his wife just as much. Hell, he reminds me of me sometimes.
I’m close with all three of my cousins, I’d kill and die for any one of them, but Ace is my best friend. He’s my age, just a couple months between us. I’m over a decade older than Hawk and Wrench, and they’re more like little brothers to me.
We’re a close-knit family. Ace and I went to school together, best friends to the end. That’s why he joined the Snakes with me. I was there for him when he fell for a girl almost ten years his junior. I was the one who made him see that age didn’t matter if he loved the girl, and he does love Tessa. I might have lost my partner when it came to hunting pussy, I may have said I’d never fall in love, but I’m not against it when it’s true. That girl loved Ace so fiercely that she just wouldn’t take his no for an answer.
Ace ended up marrying Tessa, and they’ve now got three kids, a boy, and two girls, and one on the way. They’ve been married coming up for nine years, and they’re still as strong as they’ve always been.
Hawk married the love of his life, Brooke, after fighting her fucking racist family. Her fucking father didn’t have a problem with the club as such, but he had a big one because of the color of Hawk’s skin. Ain’t no fucker on this earth will ever have the power to make me feel ashamed of where I came from. Not that Hawk has ever been ashamed of his family and where he came from, but I can only imagine how low you’d have to feel to wish you were someone else the way Hawk did as a child.
As you know, my grandfather is Jamaican, my grandmother is white, and I fucking love them, we all do, even Ace and he’s not related to them. No one would dare say anything against my grandparents and live.
I’m proud of where I come from. I’m proud of my mixed-race mother and my white father. I’m proud of my sister, my aunts, and uncles, my cousin’s, my grandparents.
However, the old cunt that was Brooke’s father was getting to Hawk something chronic. He started to understand what his parents went through when he was a kid, and people used to throw around their racist bullshit.
Yeah, he had people throw shit at him when he was a kid like I said, but it never got to him the way it did when Brooke’s father said what he said about Gabriel. I’d never seen Hawk so upset about anything.
Hawk didn’t want his son having to go through the same shit he went through, and especially not from his grandfather. Even after Hank Webster was dead – by BlackJack’s hands, of course, because no one fucks with his kids or grandkids and lives – and DJ was born, Hawk couldn’t seem to let that cunts words leave his mind.
However, just like Ace, Hawk has a good wife, and she made him see just how proud she is to be his wife and the mother of his children. All people have are words, what they believe doesn’t matter to the one who loves you. All that matters is what they think.
Then there’s Wrench and his wife, Elie. It almost never happened between them thanks to her trying to have Hammer all but killed. Never thought a nineteen-year-old woman would have such evil in her. It almost cost her, her life. The only thing that saved her was the fact she tried so hard to retract what she’d done.
Can’t deny that I was pissed when Hammer said he wouldn’t end Elie’s life, that he wouldn’t hurt Coral by killing the little girl she’d longed for since the day she was forced to give her up. It took me a while to calm down, but I saw his point.
I was there the day twelve-year-old Coral came stumbling in the clubhouse raped and beaten. BlakJack and Shepard were the ones who convinced Coral’s parents to take her away from Bardsville, then to give her baby away. She was just thirteen when the baby came along, and she needed a life of her own.
Elie was that baby, and she came here looking for her mom and thought Cindy was that mother. Dead and in the ground, all Hammer’s fault.
Of course, the misunderstanding was all sorted, Wrench finally forgave Elie for what she did, and Elie forgave him for what he put her through. Shit happens, and people do things they don’t mean when they’re grieving.
Then Wrench was shot, and we believed he was dead, causing Elie to lose their son, Joshua. It was heartbreaking for everyone. I’m not afraid to admit that I cried along with Hawk. My aunt was a mess, and BlackJack wasn’t much better.
Wrench was a mouthy sonofabitch, but he was a massive part of the club we knew we’d never get back. We didn’t have his body, so we couldn’t bury him because Bulldog wouldn’t give up the location of where he’d dropped my cousin off. Where he’d dumped him, more like, and we all had to face the fact that no matter how hard we tried, we wouldn’t be bringing Wrench’s body home any time soon to give him the funeral he deserved.
I’ll never forget the gloating smirk on that motherfuckers face when he told us how he’d killed Wrench in cold blood.
However, Wrench wasn’t dead. That stupid cunt hadn’t checked to make sure before his men dumped the body. That’s when my Marley found Wrench, healed him, and brought him home to us. He found out the same day that his son had died, but that Elie had been expecting twins and was still pregnant with one of them. Elie and Wrench were married not long after, they had their little boy, Kaleb, and I went about saving Marley only for her to leave me.
However, Marley is home now, she had my daughter, chose me, is about to marry me, and I won’t have these fuckers making fun of me when I’ve been nothing but fucking supportive of them all!
“Leave the man alone,” Wrench laughs around his beer bottle.
“Did I laugh at you fuckers when you fell in love? Did I laugh when you lost your women for a while there? Did I laugh at you fuckers when they came back, and you married them? Did I laugh when you became fathers?” Each man is looking at me, sheepishly. “No, I supported you all because you’re my cousin’s, my brothers, and I love you all. I know who I used to be, and not one of you was any different. Yeah, I swore I’d never fall in love, but I have,
and I won’t have you laughing at me!”
“We do support you, man. We’re sorry. You deserve the same respect you gave us.” I tip my head at Ace. That’s all I needed to hear.
“So, Marley has no clue you’re plannin’ this?”
“None, Hawk. I want to make the day as special as I can for her, that’s why I’m asking for your help. She doesn’t want a church weddin’, nor do I. That’s why I want to do it here. I’ll tell Marley we’re attendin’ a hog roast, but really everyone will be out back with the preacher ready to marry us.”
“And you want it, hog roast weekend?” I nod at Ace. Next week. “We can do that. The women will go crazy plannin’ it all for you. We’ll make it the best weddin’ this MC has seen in years.”
“Thanks, brother, I knew I could count on you.”
I leave the planning in their capable hands and make my way home. My mother is taking care of Romany until later on, so there’s time for me to speak with Marley before I collect my daughter. Marley should be home by now having told that jerkoff where to go. I know it will have been hard for her; she was engaged to the man, his for years. However, she’s mine now, and I want him gone from her life for good.
The house is quiet when I get there. I call Marley’s name, but I get no answer. I check every room of the house, and find her in our bedroom sitting on the bed, head in her hands, shoulders shaking.
I sigh and sit beside her. I stroke the back of her blonde head. “Didn’t go well, I take it?”
Marley shakes her head before lifting to look at me. Her eyes are red and puffy, so are her gorgeous lips. “He wouldn’t listen to me. He just kept saying that you’d brainwashed me, that you were forcing me to be with you. I told him that wasn’t the case, and that I love you...” She shakes her head and pulls herself against me.
I hold her close to me, silently fuming. It looks like I need to pay this cunt a visit. Sure, he’s pissed off that he lost the woman he loves, I’d feel the same way. However, any decent man would respect a woman’s wishes, no matter how much it fucking hurts.
Crucify Thy Demons: Snakes Henchmen MC Page 16