by Alan Light
With a curious mix of material—from Blind Willie Johnson’s “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” to Leonard Bernstein’s “Who Am I?”—the album was a project that Simone was proud of, but it failed to find its audience. Even though she was coming off of her biggest hit single since “I Loves You, Porgy,” And Piano! was her first album not to chart in almost four years.
Perhaps disappointed by her latest venture’s lack of commercial success, Simone was clearly unsettled when she made a remarkable appearance on the radio show Night Call in May 1969. Hosted by Del Shields, the program was a rare broadcast forum for black social issues. Simone responded at length to the callers, voicing her confusion about whether her own community was hearing her messages.
I think that the artists who don’t get involved in preaching messages probably are happier, and use less energy. But since the stage is my life 90 percent of the time, I must use it to say the things that I feel. And, let’s face it, being colored is not easy, and so I have taken upon myself to do these songs….If [people] happen to be entertained, I’m glad, and I guess it’s fair that they should get a fair amount of entertainment. But it’s more or less a stage for saying what I feel about the situations that are happening around me.
I don’t know how much I really reach people, especially with the protest songs. I get the feeling at times that it’s much smaller than I imagine.
Simone also used the airtime to muse on the responsibility of an artist to push boundaries—and how far one could take things before those opinions became dangerous.
To me, an artist doesn’t necessarily have to take a political stand or a stand like I have taken with the protest songs. To me, that’s not necessarily his duty, but some type of reality that he lives in, he must reflect that, that’s what makes him an artist.
I have no clear idea of what’s going to happen. I am scared most of the time. Nobody knows what’s going to happen. All I can do is expose the sickness, that’s my job. I am as scared as you are….To me, American society is nothing but a cancer, and it must be exposed before it can be cured. I am not the doctor to cure it however, sugar.
—
Simone’s behavior remained inconsistent. If she wasn’t acting out onstage, she was doing so at home. “We go to bed happy and holding one another,” said Stroud, “and I wake up and she’d be sitting up in bed with her arms folded, looking at me and thinking about killing me.”
In August of 1969, she decided that she needed a break—from her husband and from her work—more significant than just a retreat to her treehouse or a temporary disappearance in her car, and she impulsively booked a trip by herself to Barbados. She left her wedding ring on her bedroom nightstand and took off without telling Stroud that she was leaving or where she was going. “I walked out on Andy,” she wrote in I Put a Spell on You. “It was the only thing I could do.”
But she didn’t necessarily see this break as a definitive end to her marriage. “I wanted a rest from him, I knew that,” she said. “I was hoping that maybe when I got back, he would have come to his senses, but I didn’t want him to jump on a plane and come down there. I wouldn’t have cared if he did, however.”
The diary she kept in Barbados and the letters she wrote while she was there reveal just how tangled her feelings were at this confusing time. At first she mainly expresses relief that she’s no longer working, perhaps feeling she was able to breathe at last. In a Barbados diary entry labeled “Vacation!” she writes, “Had no idea how tired I was—it is extremely hard to stop forcing myself to do things—it is incredible to believe that I have nothing to do—That’s the hardest—Am sleeping & unwinding slowly.”
In letters to Stroud, she both misses him and lashes out at him:
It’s nice to to [sic] feel like a queen down here, be the most beautiful, and envied by all the women. Money made these feelings possible—So Andrew, I thank you for teaching me this—though I’ll probably forget it the moment I get back to Hell. I turn into a monster there—& the atmosphere is part of the reason. I’m happy here and slowly unwinding more.
I still love you, Andrew and I’m trying—Thank you for making it easy to vacation without you. P. S. This place is a sort of paradise—like Morrocco—the United States is really Hell (when you compare)
And a few days later:
Let’s face it—you + I are partners (our marriage has just about been swallowed by the business) so please don’t make me suffer any more pain because of your “still learning stage” of making a star—and always your silly notion that you can do everything yourself.
Most significant, though, are her diary entries about her sometime dance teacher, Pearl Reynolds, who was also on the island:
September 1
I think this was the night Pearl arrived, around 3 A.M. I had been swimming in the moonlight—there she was—sandals & dirt reddish dress & hair up.
September 2
Argument with Pearl & very decisive one—went on motorcycle ride (very fast—around 45 miles)
September 4
Pearl attended a classical concert (chamber music) at Harrison College—I planned it, but at the last minute I went to the movies to see a western & a comedy—the audience was a gas. She wore the black polka dotted velvet dress—my African earrings & gold sandals.
Sat. September 6
Had loads of Fun with Pearl—she bought me a straw hat that I’d been looking for—There was a dance at Saint George’s park—I didn’t go—understand Diary?
Sunday September 7
Pearl leaves today at 3—Taking Lisa’s birthday present with her. it’ll be her 7th—Congo drums, a small story book, and a wire basket—all made here took Pearl to airport. I gave her swimming lessons for three days—it was a pleasure.
After Pearl leaves, the entries go from joy to loneliness and anxiety, returning to residual anger toward her husband and memories of responsibilities back home, doubts about her attractiveness, and even uncertainty about her own sexual preference.
Tuesday September 9
Today was my happiest so far.
Wed. September 10
It’s Amazing to me how I can feel the tension & sickness leaving—Last nite I cried—I knew the “Black bird” is clean inside—not sick like the ones in the states—that’s all I kept feeling & saying to myself “He’s not sick”—Andrew, Sam, everyone at home who depends on me flashed through my mind & how heavy the weight is—N.Y. seems far away—more so every day yet I’m beginning to get a little scared Love is a serious business I’m a little lonely today—spent 6 hrs on the beach
Fri (Lisa’s Birthday) September 12
I had called home for Lisa’s birthday—Got Andy—he upset me quite a bit—later, I got drunk, threw up all over the place—lost my blue crocheted vest to my swimming suit. Found it later.
Sunday September 14
Everyone here is white—at times it really makes me sick. Have decided to leave a week from today—I must master the meditative exercises & self-hypnosis—for I get upset so easily. I read from Revelations (the Bible) today.
Tuesday September 16
I don’t feel pretty anymore. Had argument with girl in drugstore. She said “you may look queer, but you’re no different from the rest of us.” I got mad—took me a while to realize I could take that as a compliment. She didn’t mean “queer” the way they mean it at home.
Wednesday September 17
Today is next to my last day here—very very depressing today—things are so still here. I am glad I am going—I think I’ve been here too long—However, some things have come quite clear to me—for instance that I am stuck between desire for both sexes but even though Andy & I have known this, I’ve never really imagined other people knowing it. Now it is obvious to me that they must know. Makes for quite a problem for me those who aren’t on the borderline.
When Simone returned to Mount Vernon, she was stunned to see that Stroud had moved out. The house was empty, her husband and daughter were gone. She had never
thought that he would take her sudden departure so seriously. It might have been an extreme, unpredictable response to her emotional problems, but it wasn’t news to anyone that she was going through a difficult period.
“Half of it was in jest,” she said. “I took my ring off and put it on the table, and I went to Barbados. I thought we’d be separated, but I didn’t think that we would be divorced. I was surprised that he was gone when I got back. I was upset.”
Stroud, though, can’t exactly be blamed for taking his wife’s sudden departure—without her wedding ring—as something more than a joke. He said that the doubt he had about their future was confirmed after Simone came home and contacted him. “The first day she arrived [in Barbados], she fucked the bellboy after going for a ride on his motorcycle,” he said, referring to the man named Paul with whom she had begun an affair. “That’s what type of person you’re dealing with. She comes to a strange country, goes to a hotel, rides a bicycle or a motorbike with a bellboy, and goes to bed with him all within a few hours. Plus all the time writing about how she’s waiting for her female lover, Pearl Reynolds, to come.”
Though Simone hoped the Barbados trip would give her an opportunity to rest and gain perspective, Stroud claimed that nothing improved in her after she got back. In fact, her behavior was even more unstable. He said, “Now that she had been by herself with no one to tell her what to do, where to go, or any pressure on her, she began to think that this is the way she wanted to be.”
For the sake of the business, Simone and Stroud decided to try to continue their working relationship while putting their marriage on pause. They sat apart on flights, stayed in separate hotel rooms—even separate hotels—while Simone did another round of shows in Europe.
When the tour stopped in Rome in November, Stroud met an exotic-looking woman who claimed to be an Ethiopian princess. He bought her lunch and listened to her story, then told Simone about the encounter on their flight to Oslo, where she was taping a performance for television. Sensing his attraction to this mysterious woman, she proposed that he get them all together for a threesome.
Was this a fulfillment of her own fantasy, some kind of dare to Stroud’s masculinity, a peace offering? Was she still eager to hold on to some part of his attention and affection? Whatever Nina’s motivation, Andy arranged for the self-proclaimed princess to fly to Norway and meet them at the hotel, where they all retired to his room and had sex.
Nina apparently felt regret immediately. A few hours later, after the women had left, two house detectives came to Stroud’s suite, accusing him of having assaulted Simone. “Did she have any marks on her? Did you see any bruises or scars?” he replied. “She’s hallucinating. She’s a nut. I haven’t touched her.”
The next day, the touring party flew back to New York. On the flight, Simone asked for cash. As soon as the plane landed, she jumped in a cab while Stroud handled final arrangements with the musicians. By the time he got to Mount Vernon, Nina and Lisa were gone. Once again at a breaking point, he put most of his things in storage and moved what he needed into the Mansfield Hotel on Forty-fourth Street.
The episode marked the beginning of a more permanent end to their turbulent relationship. Stroud believed that Simone couldn’t handle the fact that he had seen her having sex with a woman. “The fact that I knew and I saw, I was an eyewitness to the sexual preference and how it worked,” he said. “I knew all along that she was having these relationships with both men and women, and I should’ve walked out before.
“Anyway, that was the turning point. After that incident, we never got back together. She had nothing to do with me.”
CHAPTER 10
People seem to think that when she went out onstage, that was when she became Nina Simone. My mother was Nina Simone 24/7….She couldn’t be herself, and she wasn’t loved for who she was when she was not at the piano and not singing.
—LISA SIMONE KELLY
The summer of 1969 saw perhaps the most rigorous tour schedule Nina Simone ever faced. With plans put in place by Andy and spurred by her recent chart success, she played a full slate of shows in the United States (including the Harlem Cultural Festival appearance) and also made a quick trip that took her to France for a festival in Antibes and then to Algeria for the first Pan-African Festival.
As the “folk-rock” boom had given way to psychedelia and then the first stirrings of the singer-songwriter movement, pop songs had an increasing sense of gravity and ambition that seemed to appeal to Simone. She followed her hit from Hair with another single from a current pop source, covering the Bee Gees’ “To Love Somebody” and reaching number 5 on the UK charts. The song also became the title track for Simone’s next album, which had the most contemporary song selection she ever attempted: three songs written by Bob Dylan (she was one of the few truly great Dylan interpreters), Leonard Cohen’s “Suzanne,” the folk song “Turn! Turn! Turn!” (with lyrics taken from the Bible and credited to Pete Seeger, the song had of course been a huge hit for the Byrds a few years earlier).
She also cut two more Bee Gees compositions and a modified version of the Beatles’ “Revolution,” later praised by John Lennon himself. Such a track list broadened her audience and inevitably interested young, white rock fans, which led to her first booking into Bill Graham’s famous venue, the Fillmore East.
A review in the Village Voice indicates that Simone was at the peak of her power in the East Village rock mecca. “She now possesses an absolute mastery of her material,” wrote Don Heckman. “Like all great singers, she has passed the point of sheer technique and takes for granted nuances of performance that other singers would have to make strenuous and conscious efforts to achieve.”
In August, she also recorded the song that would be her final contribution to the protest repertoire—though it was one of inspiration and uplift rather than fury. Lorraine Hansberry’s ex-husband and estate executor, Robert Nemiroff, had adapted some of her writings into a new off-Broadway play titled To Be Young, Gifted and Black. One Sunday morning, Simone opened the New York Times and saw a story about the production, with a photo of her old friend Hansberry.
“This picture caught hold of me,” she said. “In her eyes, she kept trying to tell me something, and the memory of being with her many times kept flooding back. I sat down at the piano at that moment and made up a tune. I knew what I wanted it to say, but I couldn’t get the words together. So I called up my musical director, Weldon Irving, Junior, and I said, ‘Hey, Weldon, I got a song, and I want you to finish writing it.’ I hummed it over the phone, told him what was on my mind, explained to him a little bit about Lorraine Hansberry. And he captured the mood, and it was finished on Tuesday, forty-eight hours later.”
Like all great anthems, the lyrics to “To Be Young, Gifted and Black” are simple and clear, the melody forceful and memorable but not cloying.
To be young, gifted and black,
Oh, what a lovely precious dream
To be young, gifted and black,
Open your heart to what I mean
In the whole world you know
There are a billion boys and girls
Who are young, gifted and black,
And that’s a fact!
Young, gifted and black
We must begin to tell our young
There’s a world waiting for you
This is a quest that’s just begun
When you feel really low
Yeah, there’s a great truth you should know
When you’re young, gifted and black
Your soul’s intact!
Young, gifted and black
How I long to know the truth
There are times when I look back
And I am haunted by my youth
Oh, but my joy of today
Is that we can all be proud to say
To be young, gifted and black
Is where it’s at!
Speaking about the song at the time of its release, Simone revealed a true sense o
f purpose, a look beyond the historical outrage of “Mississippi Goddam” and “Four Women” to a mission for the future. “To me, we are the most beautiful creatures in the whole world, black people,” she said. “I mean that in every sense, outside and inside. We have a culture that’s surpassed by no other civilization, but don’t know anything about it. So my job is to somehow make them curious enough, or persuade them by hook or crook, to get more aware of themselves, and where they came from, and to bring it out. This is what compels me to compel them, and I will do it by whatever means necessary.
“As far as I’m concerned, my music is addressed to my people, especially to make them more curious about where they came from and their own identity and pride in that identity. We don’t know anything about ourselves. We don’t even have the pride and the dignity of African people. We can’t even talk about where we came from, we don’t know. It’s like a lost race, and my songs are deliberately to provoke this feeling of ‘Who am I? Where did I come from? Do I really like me, and why do I like me? And if I am black and beautiful, I really am and I know it, and I don’t care who says what.’ That’s what my songs are about, and it is addressed to black people. Though I hope that in their musical concept, and in their musical form and power, that they will also live on after I die, as much as they are universal songs, too.”
“To Be Young, Gifted and Black” was a Top 10 R&B hit and, peaking at number 76 on the pop charts, also Simone’s biggest crossover success since “I Loves You, Porgy.” The song would be covered by Aretha Franklin (who made it the title of a 1972 album) and the masterful soul singer Donny Hathaway; a few years later, Simone even performed the song sitting on a stoop on Sesame Street. The Congress of Racial Equality named it the “Black National Anthem,” and the themes articulated by the song would be explored by such artists as Stevie Wonder and the Staple Singers.