by Lila Felix
Every second without her felt like a waste of time.
I went to the window and looked out on probably the most unappealing backyard in the world. My apartment was a guesthouse on the outskirts of some property owned by friends of my parents. It was the epitome of breaking away from them without really breaking away from them at all. My window faced a seldom-used street and a dilapidated cedar fence.
As I squinted across the street from the fence, I saw someone—for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out if it was a man or a woman—the features looked like neither.
My nose would hit the foggy glass any second—except it never did.
By the time I realized that my face had passed through the window, I panicked. The tip of my nose, my lips, and the jut of my chin were through the glass.
I was stuck.
I began to move, but the glass nicked the side of my face.
Screwed—that’s what I was.
“Theo Ramsey, what in the shit are you doing?”
I answered her, but the words tumbled out of my mouth outside—she didn’t hear one of them.
“How did you… I’ve never even heard of this.”
She spent the next few seconds inspecting me, sounding like a pigeon dissecting a piece of hot dog.
“Were you trying to get outside?”
“No!” I shouted.
“What were you doing?”
I pointed outside.
“What? Something was out there? Someone?”
“Yes!”
“Well, here goes nothing. I swear you are so backwards sometimes.”
In an instant, she’d flashed to the street where I’d been so interested in the stranger, who was now nowhere to be found, and that I’d revealed some kind of new ability.
A stupid ability if anyone asked me.
What the hell did I need with going through stuff if I could just teleport to the other side?
None of this crap ever made sense.
Her lightning was so faint, flashing such a small distance—but still the pink hues could be seen.
“Relax,” she ordered.
I breathed in and then exhaled it all, closing my eyes and envisioning myself pulling from the glass around me. That’s what we did when we flashed, after all, relaxed and visualized the target.
When I opened my eyes again, I was free.
“Is that a new thing or is it just you becoming all-powerful? Do you do that? Become all-powerful? Don’t start reading my mind, because that shit would be trouble for you and me. Believe me. You don’t want or need to see what’s in here.”
She’d flashed back into the room and was making jokes while I was flipping out.
“You’re bleeding. Damn it.”
After she’d dragged me into the bathroom and pushed me down to sit on the closed toilet, she grabbed a washcloth and got it wet, all the while looking at me.
She dabbed at my cuts, scratches really. “Considering you are the Eidolon, this is still getting a little weird, right? Or is it just me?”
“Sticking my head through glass was a little much. I’m not sure how that can be used in the Fray, anyway. What’s the point?”
She wiped the last trickle of blood from my face without another word while I gripped her hips. There were no words needed. In passing along a comment, I’d told her that I intended to go—without telling her anything.
“I’m tired. Can we go to sleep now?” The last thing on my mind was sleep.
Tugging on her hand, I asked, “Are you sealing yourself to me tomorrow or are we just announcing that we are bonded?”
One corner of her mouth rose with a smile that I knew was forced. “Have you ever known me to do anything halfway?”
“Nunca, Querida, nunca.”
And she never would do anything halfway—I hoped that included loving me, but more importantly, waiting for me.
We climbed into the bed, me after her, and she turned her back to me and wiggled until my torso was lined up to her back so that my chin was resting on her head. Our feet and legs were tangled much like our lives.
“How long before you leave me?” She asked the dark. I’d almost missed it, her voice was so faint.
“I will never leave you completely, meu coração. My body may be gone, but you will always hold me—anchor me here.”
“You’ll forget me. Sevella said that her mate blinked when he appeared to her as though he’d forgotten what she looked like and was memorizing her face all over again.”
Pulling her tighter against me, I moved so that my mouth was near her ear. “They didn’t meet until the Eidolon was already who he was going to become. I have a lifetime of memories of you already. You’re ingrained in me. Every cell in my body knows you by heart.”
She turned around and gently rubbed her nose along mine. Her lips hovered as she journeyed down the length of my ear, teasing and taunting with breaths coupled with words she’d never speak in the light of day.
“Whatever you’re doing, I’ll never forget. How could I ever forget you?”
She giggled, but it was simply covering a sob. She couldn’t hide from me. “Good. I need to give you as much to remember as possible. I need you to have memories more powerful than heaven above.”
If his little slip earlier wasn’t enough to let me know, while he half-slept, Theo promised invisible people that he was on his way to help them—in English—in Portuguese—in his precious Korean—and in so many languages, some I didn’t even recognize.
My nearness and even my touch did little to calm his thrashing about—the only thing I knew to do was be louder than the voices that plagued him.
I swore out loud to the Almighty that if Theo told anyone, I’d kill him myself.
The only song I could think of was Sea of Love by the National. It had been playing in Theo’s car the night before I broke it off with him. I’d kissed him that night knowing that I was going to end it all the next day—those kisses were all I had left to give him.
“Are you singing?” Theo attempted to cover a chuckle.
I knew it would work one way or the other.
“Horrible, right?” I bit my lip waiting on his approval.
“No, it’s sweet. I didn’t know you were sweet.” He love-bit my chin.
“Funny. Try to get some sleep. I’m trying to be louder than half a race lost in time here.”
“Your voice will always be louder than anyone else.” He assured me, but I heard the doubt.
How I hoped against hope that was true.
I sang most of the night. I ran out of songs as the sun wished me good morning with rose rays through the window. That’s when I resorted to humming the songs from The Lord of the Rings. The boy had made me watch that trilogy so many times, I could hum every song.
He slept that way, curled up with his face against my ribs and his arm slung over my hips until nearly ten in the morning. My mom and Theo’s parents had started texting us both, but I couldn’t bear to wake him.
After the tenth text, I didn’t have a choice.
I nudged him. “Hey you. You wanna seal the deal today?”
“You didn’t bring a dress.” He smiled with his smoky eyes still closed.
“It’s a flash away.”
If his fingers weren’t hiking up the edges of his borrowed boxer shorts, I might’ve halfway believed that he had fallen asleep again.
“Getting an early start?” Even I blushed as the words left my mouth.
“I’m gonna shower here. I don’t want my parents to see me looking like death. All that humming and singing made me sleep like I haven’t in weeks. Thank you.” He leaned over and nipped at my thigh just enough to make me squeal.
“Hurry up. They’ve been texting all morning. There’s no telling what they think we’re up to. I’m going to get my dress while you’re in there.”
“They know what we are up to. I wish we were actually up to what they thought.”
I smiled against the fear in my gut at returning h
ome with so many people on our tails. But I had to get that dress—it was made for this day. Watching him go into the bathroom, I’d expected him to look better after sleeping, but instead, he looked almost worse for the wear.
Against my better judgment, of which I had virtually zero, I thought maybe going to the Fray would be better for him. Maybe if he just got it over with once—did his duty—then he’d be back to his normal self.
On the other hand, that could completely backfire. He might go to the Fray and feel so much better afterwards that he would want to go back there repeatedly until he didn’t want to return here to me.
With that horrid thought in my mind, I flashed to my childhood home. I landed between the bed and the closet on top of an overturned chair. I nearly lost my balance and fell. Looking around the room at the scattered possessions and the furniture on its face, I knew they’d been there—who I didn’t know. Clothes were strewn all over the floor. My bed was upside down and the box springs were in the hallway.
My door was missing—just gone.
They didn’t leave anything untouched.
‘They’ seemed to cover a whole hell of a lot of people lately.
Stepping down from the chair, I reached into the back of the closet and pulled out several hanging bags before grabbing the one farthest back. They’d destroyed most of my closet, but for some reason had left the bags intact.
Dummies. That would’ve been the first place I checked. No one ever said the Resin were smart.
There were no noises or any other clues the looters had remained, whoever they were, but I still flashed back to Theo as soon as I could. I didn’t want to leave him alone that long.
There was no telling what abilities he would discover taking a damned shower.
When I flashed back, he was coming out of the bathroom with a blue towel slung low around his hips.
He apologized with a Cheshire grin that said anything but sorry. “I thought I had a minute to get dressed. I thought you needed more clothes.”
“No, I’ll just wash what I have.”
“Things sure have changed.” Theo winked at me. It was the first time that morning that I’d noticed how pronounced the dark crescents under his eyes were, more than yesterday—they nearly overshadowed his handsome features.
“You got the dress?” His voice cracked. I hadn’t heard Theo’s voice crack since he was twelve.
“Yeah.”
“They’d been there?”
I nodded. “The place was a mess.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and hung his head. I shouldn’t have told him about the mess at the house. Now he had another string of worries at his feet.
“It should be the other way around, Colby. I should be protecting you. But here you are making concessions for this life.”
“What concessions am I making, Theo?” I faced him.
“You’re only going through with this so I won’t get lost. You haven’t flashed more than once or twice this week. You haven’t been shopping.”
That last one crushed me.
That was the person I’d built on top of a pile of shopping bags. I shopped. I got my hair done. I flashed for vanity’s sake.
“Maybe we shouldn’t get sealed after all,” I countered.
“That’s fine.”
Theo upset was one thing, but my mate defeated was quite another and I wasn’t putting up with it for one more second.
“Aren’t you going to ask why?” I pushed.
He shrugged. “Sure. Why?”
I shifted in place. “Because I’ve made so much effort to put myself aside—to be the best mate to you that I can and all you see is that I haven’t gone shopping. And I’ve flashed plenty—you give me tons of alone time to do all the flashing I want.”
“Maybe it will get better…”
“And maybe it will get worse…”
I shook the dress in my hands, trying to shake him out of this self-depraving funk. “It’s not right. We shouldn’t have to be sealed because it’s necessary. We should be sealed because we want to.”
I bit the inside of my cheeks and then spoke, “Well, if you don’t want to anymore, it’s fine.”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. I put the dress down across the bed and moved to stand between his knees. There was no time or room for tedious concerns like clothing or lack thereof.
“Theo, I wouldn’t have had a dress handmade if I didn’t intend to use it.”
“You can use it for someone else.”
The anger rose but fell just as quickly.
“Not really. I don’t think another male would appreciate this dress like you would.”
“I’m sure any male would appreciate you in anything you wear, Querida.”
He slayed me every time with the Portuguese.
“Well, then I’m sure your mother would disapprove since she hand-stitched most of the lace.”
Theo’s mother was a domestic goddess if there was such a thing. She was the master at all things homemaking, including stitching lace by hand. She agreed the second I’d mentioned it to her.
“My mother?” He finally lifted his head and met my gaze.
“Yeah, it was a way to get something of you—or close to you into the dress.”
His eyebrow answered me.
“You know what I mean.”
“She didn’t tell me.”
“I asked her not to. And I’d marry you today, even if I didn’t have to—so there.” I pushed at him, aggravated that we were having this conversation again.
He stood and made his way back to the bathroom after grabbing some clothes from the dresser. “Whatever you want, Colby. I’m gonna get dressed. Then we can do this thing.”
“Now you’re making it sound cheap!” I yelled at the door and could hear him faintly laughing on the other side.
He came out a few minutes later, his clothes tucked and straightened, an opposition to the rest of him.
“You need a haircut, Eidolon.” I combed my fingers through his hair with love.
“Stop calling me that. Yeah, I need to go into the city when we get back. Get a haircut and a suit.”
I gasped. “Shut up. Theodore Ramsey travelled without a suit? Hold me. I might faint.”
He grabbed my waist, not paying any attention to my faux drama, and slowly pulled me against him.
I gasped again, but for a different reason.
“You know me so well. And I know everything there is to know about you.”
His voice was different. Maybe it was this apartment or the reminiscing, but his tone was that of my Theo without the other crap.
I nodded. With his warm, just-brushed minty breath on my face and not an inch between us, it was all I could do to make my legs work. Looking into his gray eyes, I saw the same Theo there underneath it all.
“Eu te amo, Colby. You know that, right? No matter what, that is my first thought in the morning and my saving grace throughout the night. My love for you will always keep me with you.”
I floated on his words and the raw emotion behind them. His love was the thread to my tattered heart. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you. I’ll burn down heaven, Earth, and everything in between if you don’t come back. I swear it. You think those voices are hell. Hell is me having to come get you from that place.”
I thought he’d be pissed I said that, but instead, he seemed—proud.
“Querida, I’m counting on that. Now, give me one last kiss as a bachelor.”
Things are just easy for some people. Everything always goes smoothly with no hiccups.
I was not that person—not even close.
Theo never made it back to Portugal. I’d lost him in the Fray. Or maybe the Fray took him from me. The latter was my best guess. A power beyond my own stole him from my grasp.
And my damned seeking power was rendered useless. I probably had lost my will to use it.
“Where is he?” I screamed over and over. I must’ve asked everyon
e, including the floor, about a hundred times. We’d decided to flash, but had done so separately—I couldn’t even explain why we’d chosen to do that. He was stronger for one, and he wanted to flash by himself to show his strength to his family.
Now he was gone.
Damn him.
Damn you, Theo. I wasn’t ready!
“Check the garden!” I commanded Collin.
Ari and Sanctum ran separate ways in the house while Collin sprinted for the gardens. I flashed back to his apartment, all the while knowing that he wasn’t there—he wasn’t even on this plane. He was no more here than my father or Rebekah. I flashed to Thailand—to Hawaii—to Argentina—to Iceland—to Tokyo—to Cape Town. All of our favorite places. Nothing.
I flashed back into the chaos of Xoana’s house. I imagined it was the same chaos that ensued when she was struck by lightning those many years ago.
Confusion and fear permeated the air around me. I was secluded within myself, their voices sounding far away like Theo was. Collin cried out—something about Rebekah’s grave being open—the Earth had cracked—something was undone. I didn’t give a damn about anything except where Theo was.
Shutting my eyes as tightly as I could, I called out to him in my mind—hoping against hope that somehow he could hear me—answer me—come back to me.
Theo, Theo, Theo—where are you?
“Where is he?” Theo’s father was shaking me, his grip tight on my shoulders. My head felt like it might tip all the way over and fall on the ground to roll across the floor.
I couldn’t even look the man in the eye. He was Theo, my love, in his older form. Looking at his father, I knew what Theo would look like when we got older—if we ever got that chance.
“You know where he is!” I screamed with all the strength my voice could conjure.
“How? He has to choose it!”
Didn’t they know? Hell, I knew it. Somewhere the waiting, the listening to the voice, and mostly the incessant calling of his name—if he wanted it in his heart, then it was a choice in itself. The moment he flashed, the Fray must’ve simply answered his heart’s call.