The Distance Between Us (Mac Security Series Book 3)

by Abigail Davies

  It’s too soon, I’m not ready to see him, not ready to—

  The breath leaves my body as soon as the door opens and I see him standing in the doorway, his chocolate brown eyes finding mine and filling with emotion. He takes one step toward me and that’s all I need to go running to him, flinging myself at him and knowing that he’ll catch me, just like he always has.

  “Kitty.” I hold him tighter at the sound of my name coming from his lips, his voice gruff and raw with emotion.

  His smell surrounds me and somehow allows me to breathe better, easier. He’s always been able to do that, make me feel like I’m stronger when he’s around, and that’s part of the reason why I needed him to not bring me here in the first place. I knew I’d end up leaning on him, letting him take charge, when in reality, it was me who needed to do this, without him. I needed to prove to myself that I was strong enough.

  I pull back, not bothering to wipe away the tears that are rolling down my face. “Hey,” I whisper.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  He winks and I can’t help the chuckle that breaks free as he lets me down, taking hold of my hand as he turns us around.

  “Yvonne.” Charlie holds his hand out to her, shaking it before introducing himself. “Take a seat,” she tells us.

  We both sit down on the sofa, Charlie not letting my hand go as his eyes scan me from head to toe.

  “You look so much better.”

  “Thanks.” I smile, feeling a blush rising up my cheeks.

  There’s a minute of silence before Yvonne clears her throat, drawing our attention to her.

  “I asked you to come here to help with Kitty’s recovery.” She crosses her legs and clasps her hands in her lap. “You and Kitty have a history, a history that Kitty refuses to talk about in detail. And to overcome some of her issues, she needs to talk about them with you.”

  “Okay,” Charlie says, clearly confused. “Anything you need me to do to help, I’ll do it.”

  “I want you to talk to each other, tell each other what you’ve felt in the last few years of your… relationship.”

  Charlie’s eyes meet mine and I look away, scared that he’s going to refuse to talk about Emmy. I know it’s not my place to want to talk about her, that’s his past, but it’s also the main thing that has always come between us.

  “Sure.” One word and the breath leaves my body in a whoosh. “Where shall we start?”

  “Kitty?” Yvonne prompts. “How about you tell Charlie what you told me in our last session.”

  I turn to Charlie, the hope in his eyes causing my stomach to bottom out.

  “Emmy,” I whisper, looking away from him. “I know she was your wife, and… and…” I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I know you loved her, that you’ll never look at anyone the way you did her.”

  “Kit—”

  “Let me finish.” I open my eyes and look up to him. “I know that you needed to grieve before you made that commitment to me, I understand it, I really do. But I feel like she’s always there. In the house you live in, in the car you drive. Sometimes I feel like a stand in, like I need to be more like her to please you, but I can’t…” I hiccup a sob. “I can’t be her, Charlie, I can only be me.”

  His hands cup the side of my face as he leans forward, his eyes capturing mine.

  “I only want you to be you,” he tells me. “I know you’re not Emmy and I wouldn’t want you to be because it’s you that I want.”

  I nod silently, although I don’t quite believe him, how can I when it took so long for him to see me as nothing but—

  “Kitty? Tell us what you’re thinking.”

  I shake my head no in response, he’ll hate me if I tell him what I’m really thinking.

  “Tell me,” Charlie begs.

  I worry my lip, pulling away from him slightly before taking a calming breath and meeting his eyes again.

  “I don’t see how you can only want me, all you ever thought of me was as a piece of ass, someone who you could sleep with, no strings attached. I don’t get what changed.”

  His eyes flash with an emotion I’ve never seen before and he pulls away from me even more, leaning back on the sofa as he looks out of the window behind Yvonne.

  I wrap my arms around my stomach, sinking down into the cushions and trying to make myself as small as possible.

  I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have kept my mouth shut.

  I lean forward on the sofa, resting my forearms on my thighs and dropping my head down.

  When the rehab called and asked me to come and be a part of a session, I didn’t know what to think, but I knew I’d be there. I’d go anywhere for her, do anything.

  Now she’s asking for me to talk to her about something that I’ve never talked about. No one will ever understand what I went through, but I realize now that just because they haven’t suffered what I have, doesn’t mean that I can’t share how I feel.

  “When Emmy died,” I start. “I thought I’d never find anyone else. She was my everything for as long as I could remember. We were high school sweethearts, she came to live with me after being in a bad foster home and we spent so much time together, every waking minute we were always by each other’s side.” I lift my head, looking into her eyes and hating how she tries to make herself disappear, but I can’t go to her yet, I need to get this out. “It never got to be too much between us, we were always there for one another. I think deep down we always knew that we’d be together... forever.” I choke on the last word and she leans further back into the sofa. I can see the confusion on her face, knowing that she doesn’t understand why I’m telling her this, but I have to get her to understand it from the beginning.

  “We got married and I started at the academy while she worked with Ma, we got our own place, became that couple, the one’s that would rather stay in with each other than go out. Things were good, no, things were great.”

  I swallow the lump forming in my throat and try to bat away the images of me and Emmy, of what we were like together.

  “Then she got pregnant, we were so happy, it was the final piece to the puzzle.” I look away again, clasping my hands together and squeezing them. “The day she… they died, I thought my world had ended.”

  “Charlie,” she whispers but I can’t acknowledge her yet, I need to get it all out first.

  “It’s one thing having your wife and unborn baby die, it’s another thing seeing them crushed to death under a dump truck.”

  She gasps and moves forward, lifting up on her knees and opening her arms wide for me.

  I swing my head to hers, tears and heartbreak running down my cheeks before I bury my head into her chest, clutching her like she’s my only lifeline.

  “I didn’t know,” she chokes out. I don’t answer her, instead I let all of the emotions come out of me, emotions that I’ve kept locked up tight for years, scared to allow them out.

  “It’s okay,” she whispers, over and over again.

  We stay like that for what feels like hours, when in reality it’s mere minutes before I pull away, resting my forehead against hers.

  “That’s until I saw you that day in the bar.” I smile softly, rubbing my hand up her back and wrapping it at the base of her neck as I remember her sitting there at the bar. “You called to me; not like she did, this was different. She called to my heart, but you… you called to my soul. I couldn’t stop my feet moving toward you even if I wanted to.”

  The breath catches in her throat and a tear slips free, tracking down her face slowly.

  “She may have been my first love, but you, Kitty. You’re my soulmate, my other half.” I stare into her eyes, showing her how much she means to me. “You’ve never just been a piece of ass, Kitty. You’re so much more than that, you always have been, it just took me a while to figure it out.”

  I pull back, wiping away the tear that’s rolling down her cheek.

  “I am?”

  “You are.” I grin. “Sorry it
took me so long to work it out.”

  She chuckles then smacks my chest. We’re silent for several minutes before Yvonne clears her throat and I startle, forgetting that she was here the whole time.

  “I think this was good for you, for both of you,” she says, raising her brows at me.

  “Yeah,” I say, turning my body to face her and taking Kitty’s hand in mine. “I think I need to remember them instead of trying to forget them.”

  Yvonne closes her notepad, standing up. “Go take a couple of hours; talk, sit, just be yourselves.”

  I watch her walk out of the room and then turn to Kitty, not wasting any time to slam my lips down onto hers and showing her exactly how she makes me feel.

  I rest my head against his chest, relishing in the beat of his heart.

  He steadies me, makes me feel like I’m me and not that girl I used to be. We’ve talked about so many things over the last couple of hours but not once have either of us brought up the future, about where we’re going to go from here.

  I don’t want to talk about it because I can’t be sure what will happen when I get out of here. I need to make sure that I won’t get to that place again, the one I was at before I came here.

  “Kitty?” He pulls back, framing my face in his hands and pressing his lips against mine in a sweet, gentle kiss. “We need to talk about what will happen when you come home.”

  I pull back, wrapping my arms around my stomach, my shoulders drooping.

  “Don’t do that,” he practically growls. “Don’t try to disappear, you’ll never be able to do that with me.”

  “I’m not—”

  “You are and I’m telling you now, Kitty Kat.” He steps forward. “I see you… I see you.”

  “I…” I look away, not able to handle the fire in his eyes. “I can’t tell you what will happen when I come back, I can’t promise anything, Charlie.”

  I look back to him in time to see his face drop and his eyes clouding over with sadness, but no sooner than it’s there, it’s gone.

  “That’s okay,” he whispers. “I’ll wait for you, Kitty Kat.” He pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me. “I’ll wait for you until my last dying breath.”

  I let him hold me, trying to remember what it’s like to be in his arms, what he smells like and how he makes me feel because I’m afraid that when I’m out of here that he won’t be waiting, no matter how much he says he will. There’s always that voice in my head telling me that I’m not enough for him.

  He steps away from me when a cab pulls up and places his thumb on my chin, tilting my head back and bringing his lips to mine before saying, “I’ll be waiting for you, baby.”

  I close my eyes, not willing to watch him get in the cab and drive away because I don’t think I have the strength right now not to jump into the cab with him. And I can’t do that, I need to finish up the last two weeks and gain all the strength that I need so that I can face the outside world.

  I step out of the airport, breathe in the fresh air and close my eyes. There’s nothing like the feeling of home and that’s exactly what this place is, home.

  The last eight weeks have been hard, so hard that at times I thought it was impossible to beat the addiction that I had. I realize now that I was an addict, and just because a doctor prescribes you something, doesn’t mean that they’re any less dangerous than anything else out on the streets.

  I’ve learned so much over the past eight weeks, I’ve come so far, not just in my addiction but within myself too. I’ve trained more than I would have at home and my arm is now back to full working order, the way it was before I got shot and without the help of pills. My body is clean of everything and I honestly can’t remember a time where I’ve felt so much like me.

  I thought stepping out of the rehab center would be the end of me, that I wouldn’t be able to cope without being in a place where I couldn’t get any pills, but I feel good right now. I’m under no illusion that things won’t be hard, because they will, I know that, but having the things I’ve learned in place and people around me who care, I know I can do this.

  I know now that I need my family around to help me, and that includes Charlie.

  I hold my hand out for a cab and jump in the back with my duffle bag in tow and tell him where I want to go.

  He nods in acknowledgement and pulls away from the curb, not saying another word. Pulling out my mirror, I check myself out.

  My face has filled back out thanks to the regular healthy meals and the whole, no taking pills thing. My hair desperately needs to be redone as my roots are ridiculous, but right now I don’t care because the smile on my face pulls all of my attention.

  I’m happy to be home and I can’t wait to start my life again, to get back to who I am and what I want. To do what I was put on this earth to do and be with the one person who gets me.

  The cab comes to a stop and I hand him some bills, stepping out and looking up at the precinct. I take a calming breath and step forward, pushing inside and heading straight to the front desk. Geena looks up when I ring the bell, her eyes widening. “Kitty! You’re back.”

  “I am,” I chuckle. “But no one knows yet.” I try to convey to her not to say anything with my eyes, and when she gets what I’m trying to say, she gasps.

  “Ohhh!” She winks. “Want me to buzz you up?”

  “Is he up there?”

  “Yeah.” She nods, pressing the button to unlock the door to his unit.

  I pull the door open and leave my duffle bag at the bottom of the stairs before I slowly make my way to the top.

  When I get there, I see Charlie, his back turned to me as he writes something on the whiteboard.

  The black t-shirt that he wears strains against his biceps as he moves his arm and I can’t stop looking. My eyes trace down his back, knowing what lies beneath his t-shirt. The gun that sits on his belt draws my attention and makes me miss Betty, my gun. It’s been so long since I held her in my hands and I promise myself that the first thing I’m going to be doing tomorrow is go to the range to release all of our tension.

  Someone calls his name and I take three steps forward and wait.

  I stick the photo of the suspect on the board, writing his name above it. “I want a profile on him.” I continue to write all of the information that I already have on him. “He’s wanted for suspected murder.” I stick another photograph on the board and write the victim’s name above it.

  “Sarge?” Leroy calls.

  “Any known contacts, family, friends, anything. I want a full workup.”

  “Sarge?” he calls again.

  “What?” I ask, turning to face him. He tilts his head to the stairs and I move my eyes to where he’s indicating.

  Her lips spread into a huge grin and her eyes sparkle. She’s glowing, actually glowing. I can’t believe she’s here, no one told me she was coming home, in fact, I don’t even think they knew themselves.

  “Kitty?” I step forward, the whiteboard pen falling out of my hand and dropping to the floor. “You look… you look…”

  “Hey.” She smiles, moving forward and meeting me halfway.

  As soon as we’re within touching distance I slam my lips down onto hers and wrap her up in my arms. Spinning her around and walking into my office, not caring where we are or who’s watching.

  It feels good to have her back in my arms, no, good is an understatement. It feels fantastic, amazing.

  When she left for the airport a couple of months ago, I knew she was angry with me for what I did, what I made her do, but I don’t care. She could hate me and I’d still be grinning like a fool at her because I did that to help her, to bring her back to me and let her become the fierce, outspoken, amazing Kitty that I know and love.

  I slam my office door shut with the boot of my foot.

  “I missed you,” she whispers when we pull apart, her hand coming up to my face and running through the scruff on my jaw. “I love you.”

  Her eyes shine with truth and mi
ne close of their own accord, relishing in the sound of those words coming from her mouth.

  I never thought I’d hear those words come from a woman’s mouth again, but more importantly, I never thought I’d say them again.

  “I love you too,” I tell her, kissing her lips then pulling back. “So. Damn. Much.”

  Her eyes shine and I catch the tear that escapes as soon as it flows from the corner of her eye.

  “Are you ready?” she asks.

  “Ready?”

  “To start your life with me?” She smiles; a lopsided smile. “I’ll warn you,” she says, running her hands over my shoulders and down my arms before taking ahold of my hands. “I’m not easy to be with, I’m bitchy and can be so moody you’ll pull your hair out. But… I love you, and that isn’t something that I give easily, but you did it,” she says, stepping closer. “You broke my walls down, you were there when I was at my worst, even when I pushed you away, you were still there.”

  “I’ll always be here, Kitty Kat, always,” I tell her, pulling her closer and wrapping my arms around her.

  This is my second chance, at love, at life, and I’ll do anything for her.

  Emmy may have been my one-time love, but Kitty, she’s my soulmate, the person who has put me back together and loved me through all of my faults.

  Now it’s time for us to move on from her addiction and my loss, and with each of us there to support the other, I know that we can tackle anything.

  I push the last box into my truck and turn around, taking one last look at the cottage that I called home for the last four years. I’ve had so many good memories living here, knowing that all of my family are on the same compound and feeling safer than I ever thought possible.

  Being a part of this manmade family is more than I could have ever hoped for, but meeting Charlie, that was the icing on the cake.

  I never thought I’d meet anyone like him. He’s stuck by me all throughout my addiction, and since I’ve been home, he’s been exactly what I needed him to be. He hasn’t treated me any differently and now, two months later, we’re moving in together and starting fresh.