“Why?” I had to yell the question. Between the blaring music and people talking over one another, it was nearly impossible to hear yourself think, let alone talk. She grabbed my hand, pulling me behind her into the backyard where it was remarkably quieter. A few stragglers migrated out there including a girl vomiting in the bushes, but at least we could hear each other talk.
“You want to get me drunk?” The words flew out of her mouth, accusations heavy.
“What? No!” I defended quickly.
“Don’t lie to me, Hap! Why are you telling me to drink? You think I’ll get drunk and you can have sex with me?” Her eyes were lit with anger.
“You’re kidding right? I don’t have to get you drunk to have sex, Lena.” I reminded her, my own anger matching hers. How could she accuse me, of all people, of wanting to take advantage of her when she’s drunk. Not only am I not that kind of guy, I don’t have to get her drunk to sleep with her. We already do that without the aid of alcohol.
“Then why the hell are you asking me to drink?” Her arms cross over her chest protectively.
“I wasn’t asking you to drink. I was asking if you wanted a drink. Big difference.”
“How so?”
“Seriously?” Her eyebrow shot up at me, demanding my reply. She’s so damn cute when she’s pissed. Frustrated, I ran my hands through my hair and took a step back to gather my thoughts. To say girls are confusing is the understatement of the fucking world. On a sigh I began slowly, trying not to let irritation take over. “I asked you if you wanted to drink because I know all of your friends do. I wasn’t sure if it’s something you want to try but haven’t. Since I don’t drink, I didn’t want to think you’re not doing it because of me.” Her face softened slightly. Her soft hand covered mine.
“Hap, I don’t drink because I don’t want to drink. I’ve seen enough of my friends getting wasted to know I don’t want to act like that. But in all honesty, yes part of it is because of you. If I wasn’t with you, I might be like my friends and get drunk and hook up then do it all over again. I wouldn’t know any better. Because of you, I feel loved and comfortable and confident. I don’t need alcohol to have fun. I just need you.” She smiled at me, her face so genuine. I reached out to her, my thumb gently rubbing her cheek.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, now let’s go make fun of our drunk friends and make sure they get home safe.”
Today’s Lena’s eighteenth birthday and we’re out to lunch with her mother. The conversation is light, nothing of real importance is being said. It’s nice. No pressure. No questions about college. No questions about what I plan to do after high school. What Lena plans to do. Instead time is filled with conversation about movies and the latest celebrity gossip. Lena and her mom love celebrity gossip. They don’t even care if it’s true, they enjoy getting lost in other people’s realities.
The chatter falls quiet. Then with no warning to me. No pre-curser. No kick under the table. Nothing. The words just casually slip through her lips between bites of her cheeseburger. The words are spoken so carelessly I wonder if her mother even picks up on them. I look up from my plate over to Lena, who is nervously chewing her burger and then at her mother who sits frozen. Shock is the only emotion registered on her face. Her mouth hangs open and the scoop of salad she’d prepared to eat hangs loosely on the fork she’s holding in mid-air.
Clearing my throat, I attempt to bypass my girlfriend’s crazy outburst and ask, “So, you two excited about the finale of Sons of Anarchy?” Yes, not the smoothest thing to say but the only thing that comes to mind. They both look at me, anger flashing across their similar blue eyes but for different reasons. Lena tilts her head and gives me the kick under the table she should have given before her announcement. Back me up, she tries to convey with just a look. I drop my napkin and prepare to do just that. Before I can speak, her mother drops her fork and all hell breaks loose.
“Please say you are kidding, Lena! This is some kind of sick joke.” Were the first words out of her mouth followed by, “You didn’t get yourself knocked up by your high school phase loser boyfriend! Please God, Lena, tell me you’re not making the same mistake I made with your father.” The words are nearly visible as they sliced through my girl’s heart. There is no doubt in my mind that her mother loves her. I also didn’t expect her to take this news lightly. What I can’t believe is she used the one word she always assured Lena she wasn’t–mistake.
“So that’s all I am to you, Mother, a mistake? All I was to him?” The tears slowly begin to descend down Lena’s broken face. I want to reach across the table and wipe it away but I don’t. This is between a mother and daughter. One slight movement from me could turn this from bad to disastrous.
“YES! A beautiful mistake. A precious mistake. A mistake I wouldn’t take back for the world, but Lena, I was young. He was young. We didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I don’t regret you, but you weren’t planned either. I don’t want the same for you. I want more for you.” Her mother tries to recover seeing how badly she hurt Lena. It doesn’t matter. That word is still out there, floating between them.
“Newsflash, Mother, Hap loves me. This baby is not a mistake. I’m sorry you and Dad fucked without being in love. I’m sorry you were both self-absorbed assholes but that’s not me. That’s not Hap. We are not you and Dad.” Lena’s voice quivers, attempting not to scream at her mother, while trying not to cry. I do reach across the table, resting my hand on her arm. I don’t give a damn what her mother says.
“You really think he’s going to take care of you? Of a baby? The son of the town drunk? A boy who’s been beaten his whole life? At some point, he’s going to turn on you, Lena. I don’t want you to get hurt.” The conversation is heated and ongoing as though I’m invisible. My attempt to stay quiet and let them fight this out falls to the wayside when the comparison to my father flies out of her mouth.
“Look, I’m not my father any more than Lena is an uptight bitch like you. My father has his demons, and you don’t have the first clue as to what happens in my house. One thing I can tell you is I would never hurt Lena or our baby, and I will never consider what we’ve made a mistake.” I try to keep my voice low. I try to stay in control but who the fuck does this woman think she is? Saying one day I would turn into my father? My father isn’t a bad man. He’s a broken man. There’s a difference.
“Please, young man. You’re trash. I’ve allowed this little young love thing to go on long enough. I honestly thought you’d grow out of him by now but clearly I was wrong. I’ll make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow to take care of this problem.” She waves her hand in the air as though her words are final… they’re not.
“What do you mean take care of this problem?” The words pass through my gritted teeth.
“Do I need to spell it out? Abortion… she can’t have your baby.” The way she so easily suggested Lena will have an abortion causes my blood to boil. Before I can respond Lena hastily stands from the table. I glance up to see her cheeks flushed with anger. The tears are dry. Fury is the only thing left on my beautiful girlfriend’s face.
“Fuck you, Mother! I am not having an abortion. I am not giving this baby up for adoption.” Heads turn to see what the commotion is. I stand, resting my hand on Lena’s lower back for support.
“Yes, you are.” Her mother stands to match her daughter’s fury.
“I’m eighteen years old. I make my own decisions.”
“As long as you live in my house you live by my rules and there is no way in hell you are having a baby.” They both leaned across the table, the entire restaurant is now watching the show. I need to get Lena out of there before there’s any more of a scene.
“Come on, baby, let’s go. I think we’ve given the other people here enough of a show.”
“Get your filthy, white trash hands off my daughter,” her mother spits out just as Lena picks up a glass of water and throws it in her face.
“I’m s
orry, Mother, but I love Hap. We are having this baby. Your role in this is up to you, but you will not speak of my baby’s father like that. Let’s go, Hap.” She turns and walks away leaving her mother wet and stunned. I throw a twenty on the table, not ever wanting to owe that woman anything, not even a meal, then quickly follow Lena.
The cool air hits me as hard as Lena does the moment I leave the warmth of the restaurant. She’s trembling in my arms. “Shhhh, calm down, baby. We’ll figure this out. Calm down. It’s not good for the baby for you to be so stressed out.”
“What are we going to do? I can’t stay at home.” Her trembling words break my own heart.
“Come stay with me. My dad won’t care. He loves you,” I suggest. My dad does love Lena. When she’s around, he seems more calm and at peace. She has a way of making people feel like that. It’s one of the many things I love about her.
“I don’t know, Hap. The drinking, I don’t think that’s a good environment for the baby either.”
“It’s just temporary. I’ll pick up more hours at work and save a few paychecks for us to get into a place of our own.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not easy, babe, but we’ll make it through. Come on. Let’s go get your things before your mother gets home. I don’t think it’s a good idea to have another confrontation.”
“No, it’s definitely not a good idea. Okay, let’s go.” She agrees before reluctantly pulling away from my arms. We climb into my piece of shit 1989 Honda Accord and take off in the direction of her house. Two hours later we have her stuff piled in my car and we’re pulling out of the driveway just as a cab pulls up, her mother spilling out.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she shouts, stumbling to my car.
“Oh God, she’s drunk,” Lena mutters.
“Get out of the car right now, young lady!” she screams, her hand banging on my window. “You give my daughter back to me, you little piece of shit!”
“Just go,” Lena whispers.
“You sure? She’s drunk and hurting.” The last thing I want is another blow up but I don’t feel right about leaving her like this. Maybe it’s from years of taking care of my father, but I have a hard time not feeling bad for people in the fragile state alcohol leaves them in.
“Ugh,” she sighs before grudgingly getting out of the car. Her mother instantly stops banging on my window, looking up at her baby girl. Her makeup which is usually flawless is smeared all over her grief ridden face. She looks as though she’s lost a piece of her heart, which essentially I guess she has. She’s lost it to me and the stranger growing inside of her daughter.
“Please, please don’t do this, Lena. After all I’ve done for you. All I gave up to give you a good life! How can you do this to me? How can you leave me for him?!?!” Slurs continue to fly out of her mouth while Lena leads her inside. Every few seconds she turns back to me shooting what might as well be lethal daggers. I can die right here in this driveway and she’ll probably be happy. At least she wouldn’t be losing her baby.
Lena offers me an apologetic look. I smile, with understanding in return. It’s not her fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just what happened. I can’t stop loving Lena any more than her mother can. I feel bad. The last thing I want is for my future mother-in-law to hate my guts. I hate the idea of her missing the birth of her first grandchild. All I can do now is hope she comes around but in the meantime, I will support Lena as best as I can.
I’m not sure how long I sit in the car watching the house for signs of Lena but it seems like an eternity. I’m getting ready to get out of the car and go inside to check on her when I see her backing out of the front door, closing it softly. As soon as she’s a few feet from the door she runs to the car, sliding in breathlessly. “Go. Get me the hell out of here.”
“You okay?”
“No, just go dammit. I can’t be here anymore.” There are no tears. I think she cried them all out. There’s just deep resentment in her voice. I don’t bother with a reply, instead I back out and lead her away from the only family she has and from the one woman she’s relied on her entire life. The one woman who just broke my girl’s heart.
***
Three weeks have passed since we broke the news of our impending arrival to our parents. Lena’s mother still hasn’t reached out to her and even though she puts on a brave face I know she’s hurting. My father, on the other hand, didn’t give a shit, as I expected. He does love Lena so having her in the house has actually softened the old man. Other than our parents, we’ve told no one about the baby.
Lena is almost four months along and starting to show. Graduation couldn’t come fast enough. We finally accepted our diplomas together then celebrated with my dad at dinner before going out with some friends that night. After incessant questions on why Lena wasn’t drinking, we broke and told our friends about the baby. None seemed surprised but all were supportive, which was a tremendous relief for both of us. Three weeks later, we moved into our own apartment.
“Welcome to our new home, baby.” As I shove the door open, I lift her in my arms carrying her over the threshold and into our tiny place. It’s nothing more than a living room with a small kitchen, a puny bathroom and a little bedroom but it is ours. It’s perfect.
“Ahhh,” she squeals. “Don’t drop me. I’m getting too fat for you to carry.”
“No, not fat… beautiful and pregnant. There’s a difference.” I place her gently on her feet as soon as we are behind closed doors. We don’t have much as far as furniture goes. My dad let us take the old couch from the garage. The pea green furniture is an eyesore, but it’s comfortable and does the job. We bought a few kitchen items at the thrift shop and a small TV stand. Unpacking doesn’t take long but by the end of the night we both collapse onto the couch, exhausted.
She’s at one end, I’m at the other, our legs entangled. “Babe, rub my feet please,” she begs sweetly, wiggling her foot in front of my face. I gently begin to knead the soft flesh of her foot. I love her feet. They’re small, dainty, soft.
“Mine too please.” I wiggle my own foot in front of her face.
“Ewwww, I’m not touching boy feet.” Her face scrunches in disgust.
“Please, my feet are clean. I take very good care of them.” I assure her, and it’s not a lie. I never walk barefoot.
“Ugh, fine,” she agrees warily. It feels good being here with her, in our own space, just her and me. “Well, how does it feel being all adult and stuff?” she asks before she yawns.
“Feels pretty good actually. I’ve been adulting for a while, babe, but it feels good to be here with you, starting our life.” My fingers dig into the pad of her feet, eliciting a moan of approval. “How do you feel being all adult?” I bounce the question back to her. I imagine this is a harder adjustment for her. Graduating and college was her mother’s main focus for her. She didn’t have to work. She was just taken care of.
“You know. You don’t have to stay there and let him beat up on you, Hap. Come live with me. I’m sure my mom would agree.” Her innocence is one of the things I love about her. Since she first spoke to me when we were ten she’s been my best friend and then six months ago, I made her my girlfriend. It was clear at a very young age that Lena was my soul mate, even before I knew what that meant. At fifteen though, hormones got the best of me. Well, hormones and seeing her date another douche bag was enough to spur me into action. Since the day I made her my official girlfriend we’ve been together.
My father’s hitting sprees are getting to be less and less but every time I sport a new bruise Lena worries. However, I’m pretty sure this one will be the last. “Your mom isn’t fond of me, babe, and you know I can’t leave my dad.” I kiss the top of her head. “Besides, I don’t expect this to happen again.”
“Really, why?” She leans back to look up at me.
“I’m getting bigger, stronger, tougher. Let’s just say this shiner was hard won. I don’t see him wanting to go
another round with me.” I left out the part of him breaking down in a heap of emotions and tears. I also left out the part that he’s going to work today with a matching shiner. I’m not proud that I punched my dad, but it felt good to show him he can’t keep using me as his own personal punching bag. He apologized, as always, but this time it was different. I think this time he meant it.
“Well, I hope you’re right. Next time you’re coming to stay with me.” I couldn’t say no to the pleading look in her blue eyes. “Okay. Come on, I’ll take you home before I go to work.”
I landed my first job right after I turned fifteen. My father never gave me money for extracurricular things. He barely bought me clothes so as soon as I could work, I did. Started at a local fast food restaurant until I turned sixteen and then went to work in a restaurant washing dishes and bussing tables. It’s a shit job but pay is decent and the servers always tip me, which is nice. And it also allows me to take Lena on proper dates.
“You really have to go to work?” She whines quietly. I chuckle when I see her face pout.
“Yes, I have to work, baby, but I’m off at eight and I’ll pick you up. We can go to dinner okay?”
“Okay.” She conceded, sliding into the passenger seat of my car.
“I know you’ve been an adult for far longer than you should have been, babe. But how does it feel to be on your own.” She dodges my question while she mimics the way I rub her feet on my own.
“I’m not on my own. I have you and that little baby.” Smiling at her, I kiss her big toe. “I love you, Lena.”
“I love you too, Happy Man.” She giggles knowing she’s the only person ever allowed to call me Happy. I don’t know what my parents were thinking when they chose my name but I swear I’ll never curse my kid with a horrible name like that. “Anyway, I’m happy too. I’ve always known I’d spend my whole life with you so this is natural for me.” Her answer is perfect. Not a day has passed or will ever pass that I’m not grateful to this woman.
“I might fall asleep right here,” she whispers sleepily, her massaging slowing down.
Baby (Laundromat Chonicles Book 3) Page 2