by Nikki Turner
“Man, what the hell took you so long to get here?” I started. “Didn't you get my calls and my gazillion messages?”
“Damn, Tee, do you have to start this shit now?” Li'l Man said after sucking his teeth, annoyed by my questions. “We just had a baby. Can we at least enjoy this moment without you bitchin'?”
“Sure, enjoy your baby,” I stated, pointing my finger in Li'l Man's face, then rolling my eyes before I continued my tongue-lashing. “But that's not going to stop me from saying what I have to say. Now, where were you? I was here nearly nine hours before you arrived, and you barely made it. What if TJ. would have come without you being here?”
“Look, Tee, you called me at three in the morning. I was sleeping. As soon as I got up I checked my messages, got dressed, and headed right over. Come on, you know once my head hits the pillow I'm out. You know how hard I sleep. I ain't hear that damn phone.”
I looked at Li'l Man's attire as he spoke. Damn, was he fine! His New York fitted cap sat neatly over his fresh cornrows. His new white tee glowed against his chocolate skin and broad shoulders. And his sparkling diamonds added just the right touch to give his plain attire some glamour. The longer I examined him, the more shit registered. It sure didn't look like he just jumped out of bed and shot right over to me. I had to throw that shit in his face.
“Man, come on now. Do I look stupid to you? You all dressed up and shit, clothes all pressed. Hell, you even got every piece of jewelry you own on. You didn't just hop the fuck up, Man.” I then sniffed the air like a K-9. “And you wasted all those squirts of Issey Miyake just to come up here to the hospital? Shit, I don't think so!”
“You know I hate the hospital smell,” was Li'l Man's quick comeback. Then, just like the typical nigga, he tried to turn the tables. “See, this the shit I'm talking ‘bout. Here you go with this young-ass shit again!” Li'l Man said as he stood up and handed me the baby.
Every chance Li'l Man got he would throw my age in my face. Sure, I was only nineteen and he was eight years my senior, but that's what he loved; that's what attracted him to me in the first place. He loved how tight my li'l young pussy was. He loved the fact that niggas he fucked with couldn't tell him the scent of my pussy. He loved the fact that I wasn't out in the clubs and shit, checking for the next bailer. I knew this because these were the things he told me every day. These were the things he whispered in my ear right before he was about to cum. But somehow, eventually, I always ended up hearing how I was so young-acting and how it turned him off. Funny how when a nigga all up inside a broad he got all kinds of shit to say, but the minute he pull that dick out it's a whole ‘notha story.
“I wasn't too young to have your damn baby, though. Now, was I?” I said sarcastically as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
“I'm not even gonna entertain this shit, Tee. I'm out. Kiss my baby for me,” he said, opening the door.
“Fuck you! You ain't got no damn baby. This is my baby You better hope we're still here when you return!” I yelled as he was closing the door behind him.
I knew exactly what to say to get his attention. Not even a split second later the door flew open and Li'l Man was back in the room. He ran right up to my face like a madman. I knew he had a temper, but I had never seen this look on him before, especially directed at me. He looked as though he was going to put his hands around my throat and squeeze the life out of me. I jumped and pulled my baby close to me, hoping this would prevent Li'l Man from putting his hands on me.
“What the fuck did you say?” he asked with a look of murder in his eyes.
There was no backing down. I couldn't punk out now, so I grabbed my balls and let ‘em roll. “I said you better hope we are still here when you return!”
Li'l Man knew exactly what I was insinuating. Throughout my pregnancy I would threaten to leave him and tell him that he would never see the baby. Although I would never really do that, it was the one thing that I could use to keep Li'l Man in line. To my surprise, though, this time Li'l Man reacted very differently.
“Bitch!” he yelled, grabbing me by the throat. “If you ever try to take my fuckin’ son away from me, or go anywhere without me knowing, I will kill your stupid ass.” Li'l Man then released my neck with a hard push.
I gasped for air and the next thing I knew, Li'l Man was out the door, slamming it behind him. As I continued gasping for air, tears slowly rolled down my face, burning my cheeks as they flowed. I was in shock. Li'l Man had never reacted like that before. Before I got pregnant, sure, there were a few times here and there when he hit me. But that was always during a drunken argument, when he really didn't know what he was doing. And he would always apologize once he sobered up, and buy me something nice to make up for it. But once he found out I was pregnant, he vowed never to put his hands on me like that again. And he hadn't—that is, until now. I guess he didn't want to harm his baby, but now that TJ. was born, maybe he felt it was safe to start using me as his personal punching bag.
The next day Li'l Man hadn't returned to the hospital to check on me or the baby; nor had he called. I was tired of being laid up in the hospital. My friends and family had come and gone. I was ready to go, too. The nurse advised me that since there were no complications and both me and the baby were doing fine, she would discuss a possible afternoon discharge with the doctor.
Damn what the doctor said—I was going home regardless. I packed everything up, anxious to get back home. Fortunately the doctor signed my discharge papers, so I didn't have any drama about checking out of the hospital. Once I had everything all together, I called Li'l Man, and, of course, he didn't answer. Still pissed at his ass from the day before, I left him a nasty message.
“This is your punching-bag baby mama. If you are interested, the doctor is releasing me and your son this afternoon. It would be nice if you were here to pick us up,” I said, hanging up without saying good-bye. To my surprise, Li'l Man arrived at the hospital thirty minutes after I left the message. This time he brought a friend. Well, he said she was just a friend, but everybody knows how that song goes.
“Hi, Tee. Where's the baby?” Stacey said as she looked around the room.
“Oh, they took him for a final checkup before we leave,” I responded. I then looked at Li'l Man and rolled my eyes.
What the fuck did he bring her prissy ass here for? I thought as Stacey sat down in the chair beside me and made herself comfortable.
Li'l Man didn't say a word to me. He just sat down in the chair next to Stacey.
Stacey was Li'l Man's so-called sister, the female he had been “just friends” with since Pampers. His mom and her mom were best friends. One day Stacey's mom was coming home from a day of shopping and was hit by a drunk driver. The drunk driver hit her car so fast and hard it sent her car airborne. When it landed upside down, Stacey's mother's car burst into flames, killing her instantly.
Stacey never knew her father and was an only child. Li'l Man's mom felt it was only right to take Stacey in as her own and raise her. Although Stacey and Li'l Man both swore they were like brother and sister, I always suspected they were fucking. Hell, Stacey was beautiful and had everything a man could dream of: She was tall, slim, with a fat ass, flat stomach, perfect teeth, and skin to match. It would have been hard for a blood brother not to want to fuck her, let alone a play brother. On top of that, Stacey looked like money. Li'l Man made sure she had everything. That bitch didn't work, yet she wore every designer label known, drove only the hottest shit, and had a condo on the oceanfront. All she had to do was get up and go to school each morning and make the grade.
She'd been in college since she was fresh out of high school. Now, at almost twenty-six years old, she was just about done with her doctorate. Li'l Man always bragged how proud he was of her. Next to his newborn child, Stacey was his pride and joy.
Just then the nurse came through the door with TJ. in her arms.
“Oh, there he is,” Stacey stated in her proper voice.
“Okay,
who do we give him to?” the nurse asked as she looked around the room.
I guess after I refused to take TJ. in my arms when he was born, the nurse was hesitant to hand him to me again.
“Why don't we give him to his godmother?” Stacey said as she stood up and extended her arms to receive the baby The nurse handed the baby to Stacey and advised that she'd be back with a wheelchair. Already pissed, I gave the nurse a look of death.
“I don't need a wheelchair. My legs work perfectly fine,” I snapped.
“Hospital procedure,” the nurse snapped back, then stepped into the hall to grab a wheelchair to wheel me out of the hospital.
I quickly turned my attention back to Stacey's previous comment.
Godmother? I know this bitch didn't say godmother, I thought, while frowning and turning up my nose. Who the fuck said she was the godmother? I know damn well Li'l Man didn't tell this bitch she was the godmother.
I nearly blanked out as the shit really started to register in my brain. I had to say something.
“Stacey, did I hear you say godmother?” I asked with a baffled look on my face.
“Yes, honey,” she said, cooing at the baby. “Tyrone didn't tell you?” She looked over at Li'l Man for confirmation.
I hated when that proper bitch called Li'l Man Tyrone. He never allowed me to address him as anything other than Li'l Man. Nobody called him by his government name, not even his mama. Normally I wouldn't say anything, but it was time I acknowledged the fact that this bitch was overstepping her boundaries. I had officially earned the title of baby mama, and Stacey needed to take a backseat. If I didn't call him Tyrone, neither would she.
“Li'l Man, I thought you hated being called Tyrone?” I said, hoping he would straighten Stacey out immediately.
Before Li'l Man could respond, Miss Prissy was already flapping her lips.
“Tyrone is his given name, and I shall address him as such. Tyrone knows I refuse to use street names because we are not on the streets. We don't have a street relationship. What we have is real, so I call him by his w/ name.”
I looked at Li'l Man for a response, but he said nothing. That shit really pissed me off. Plus, I believed the bitch was trying to say I was from the streets, since I called him Li'l Man. Trying to be respectful and not cause a scene, I decided to bite my tongue on that one. Besides, I knew Li'l Man would take her side and only upset me more or leave me feeling embarrassed.
“Oh, yeah, baby. I'm gon’ let Stacey be the godmother,” he added, acknowledging her statement and not mine. “I think li'l TJ. could learn a lot from her. You know, proper English, manners, and a lot of educational shit. I want to keep him away from that street life. Ya know what I mean?” Li'l Man said, changing the subject.
I couldn't believe the shit that was coming out of this nigga's mouth. Hell, he didn't even speak proper English his damn self. Like I can't give my damn child a good upbringing or something. I was insulted, but I wasn't even going to waste my breath arguing with Li'l Man.
“Yeah, whatever,” I said as I got up and gathered my things. “Did you bring his car seat carrier thing?” I asked.
“Yeah, it's in the car,” he answered. “Stacey bought him a brand-new Eddie Bauer one. It has the carrier, car seat, and stroller all in one. It's hot!”
“What?” I said with a puzzled look on my face. Just then the nurse pushed the wheelchair into the room. “But my sister gave us one already.”
“I know, darling, but the one I purchased was rated number one as far as child safety,” Stacey said as she wrapped up TJ.
I sat down in the wheelchair once the nurse rolled it over to me. Li'l Man and Stacey, with TJ. in her arms, headed for the door, and the nurse wheeled me behind them. I was fuming as I sat in the wheelchair. It took all I had not to snap off on Stacey, but nonetheless I refrained. Just how long I could refrain was the question.
Me and TJ. weren't even out of the hospital for a full week before Li'l Man started acting up. At first he was there for my every need: getting milk, Pampers, and even coming over to sit with TJ. just so I could get a little sleep. Then that all slowly started to change. I guess the time he was spending with us was starting to dip into his club and street time. He started making excuses about why he couldn't come around, and eventually started sending that bitch Stacey over to handle his business for him. At first she'd bring over whatever it was I told Li'l Man the baby needed. Then she began to just bring me the money to go get the stuff myself. Before I knew it, me and TJ. were hearing and seeing less and less of Li'l Man and more and more of Stacey.
Stacey always had an excuse for why Li'l Man couldn't come through. It even got to the point where I was leaving him messages and Stacey was calling me back. That was definitely a cue it was time to put his ass in check.
I dialed his number, almost positive he wouldn't answer. I decided in advance that I'd leave a message so grimy that he wouldn't dare have that bitch respond to the message for him.
The phone rang twice. I knew after three rings his voice mail would pick up. I was prepared to spit knives through the phone.
“HEllo,” a female voice answered Li'l Man's phone.
“Who the fuck is this?” I yelled, ready to attack.
“Tee, it's me. Calm down, honey,” Stacey said in her best schoolteacher voice.
I hated when she talked to me in that manner. I took it as though she was talking down to me. Like she was speaking to a child.
“What are you doing with Li'l Man's phone?” I asked with a slight attitude.
“He gave it to me to hold on to just in case someone called, someone like you. He has a new phone.”
That was it! This nigga had truly violated. I said nothing more and politely ended the call. That would be the last time I would dial that number ever again.
Days passed, and me and TJ. didn't see or hear from Li'l Man at all. Luckily, the last drop Stacey made for Li'l Man was enough to cover the bills and provide for TJ. for the rest of the month. I had to start planning my money hustle for the next month, because there was no way I was going to go begging to Li'l Man. Fuck him! I refused to call that number.
My phone started to ring. I rushed to answer it before it woke T.J., who I had just laid down for a nap.
“HEllo?” I answered the phone with a major attitude, as if the caller knew TJ. was sleeping.
The caller ID read, WIRELESS CALLER, SO I knew it could only be one person: Li'l Man.
“What up, baby girl? How's my son?” Li'l Man asked, as though everything was all good.
“Your son?” I said, sucking my teeth and rolling my eyes. “We ain't seen or heard from you in two weeks. We found a new baby daddy,” I said, knowing it would burn Li'l Man up inside. But with him not being right here in my face to try to swing on me, I had mad courage.
“What the fuck you say?” Li'l Man said, infuriated.
“What, you ain't noticed? I stopped calling your ass a week ago,” I said in a nonchalant tone.
“Bitch, I'm coming to get my son. Have his shit ready.”
“WhaTeva!” I said, and hung up the phone in Li'l Man's ear.
Ten minutes hadn't even passed before Li'l Man was raging through my apartment door. In a split second he was banging on my locked bedroom door. I knew locking the bedroom door would really piss him off. The first thing he'd think was that some nigga was laid up in there with me. I picked up TJ. out of the bassinet. Li'l Man had woken him up with his banging. I took my sweet time unlocking the door and letting him in. When I opened the door, I just let it swing open, and I walked away. He followed closely behind me. I knew he was watching my ass bounce in my matching fire-red lace boy shorts and bra that I put on to entice him. I didn't say a word. I just turned around and handed him the baby, then went to lie down on my bed.
“That's it? Where his shit at? And why the fuck you got that li'l shit on?” Li'l Man asked. “Prancing around my son lookin’ like some tramp.”
“That's it. He ain't got shit else,” I
responded in reference to TJ.
I jumped off of the bed and pointed my finger at Li'l Man, but refrained from getting too close. “You ain't brought shit over here. You ain't even called to check on him. TJ. ain't got shit but a carrier. I'm sure your sister, his so-called godmother, has everything he needs. And as far as my attire, if you spent more time around here, you would know I've been wearing shit like this to bed every night,” I said sarcastically.
Li'l Man didn't even put up an argument. He just turned around and headed out the door with TJ.
As soon as he left, I called up a couple of my girls to see if they wanted to go to the club. Although the club wasn't my drop, I really needed to get out and release. In the fewweeks since having TJ. I'd already gotten my shape back, and I couldn't wait to flaunt it once again. Seems as though childbearing had widened my hips, and I couldn't wait to put a little twist in them.
My girls and I decided that we'd meet up at the Beach House, a club near the ocean. My sister let me borrow her car and use her ID, so I was able to get in with no problem. I didn't spot any of my girls, so I decided to go over to the bar and start the party without them. Just as I was beginning to get nice and tipsy, I spotted Li'l Man's ass at the bar hanging all over some bitch. Not only was I pissed that he was on another female, but he was here, which meant my son was someplace else. I wasted no time approaching his ass.
“Excuse me!” I said as I pushed my way between Li'l Man and the knotty-head bitch he was with. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked Li'l Man, grilling him in the face. My presence took him by surprise.
“What'chu mean? The question should be, What are you doing here!” he spit back.
“Nigga, if your ass is here then that means my damn son is wit’ somebody else. Where the fuck is my son?” I snapped.