Diego stood and walked slowly to Gabriel’s outstretched arms.
“Good boy. You will be tall like your father. Right?” Gabriel pat his back.
“Yes,” Diego mumbled, obviously uncomfortable. My usually gregarious son knew something wasn’t right. He’d never been close with Gabriel because Gabriel, bastard that he was, only took interest in Diego so he could use him to keep a hold over me.
“Good boy. And you’re doing well in school?”
Diego nodded.
“Good. Well, your mama tells me you have to get home. I’m sure she had some work she needs to complete since she had to leave the office early.” Gabriel peered at me over Diego’s head. “Put your belongings away, son.” He urged Diego back toward the couch where his backpack sat.
“As for you, let’s not have to have this conversation again,” he warned me before pressing a button on his phone.
I remained silent, too angry and heartbroken to respond.
“Yes, Mr. Garcia?” His secretary’s voice filled the silent air in his office.
I felt a soft hand in mine and looked down to see Diego peering up at me through his long lashes with uncertain eyes. I squeezed his hand to console his worries, but I did it also for me. To reassure myself that my son was safe and sound with me. Where he belonged.
“Please see Ms. Clarke and her son out.”
I didn’t even look back at Gabriel as I registered his comments. All of a sudden we were Ms. Clarke and her son. He obviously didn’t want his secretary to know the whole truth, but he sure as hell had no problem doing what he could to get what he wanted.
I pulled the door open and was immediately met by his secretary, standing there. She gave me a tight smile that I didn’t have the energy to return. My feet felt like lead as I lifted them each to walk. I clasped Diego’s hand tightly, and he must’ve felt just as relieved to leave Gabriel’s office as I did, because his comparably shorter legs beat me to the door, carrying him out just ahead of me.
“Oh, Michelle.”
I bit my lower lip to keep the yell that wanted to escape my mouth from coming out.
“Yes,” I answered, tersely.
“Please do not forget about the Williams & Brodsky banquet next Friday. All of the senior partners are looking forward to it.” He grinned and then turned, dismissing me as he pivoted in his chair, presenting me with his back.
Bastard.
I brushed past his secretary who was asking something about whether or not I would like an escort to the lobby. I didn’t bother answering her, instead holding the door open for Diego and then quickly making a beeline for the stairs. I didn’t want to waste one more second on the same floor as Gabriel, waiting for the elevator.
By the time we made it all the way down the stairs and out of the front door, I spotted a police vehicle next to mine. Shit! Could this day turn out to be any worse?
“This your vehicle, ma’am?” the officer questioned.
I nodded.
“This is a no parking lane,” he stated firmly, pointing at the sign that sat right next to my car.
I didn’t bother looking up, nor did I waste time lying. “I apologize, Officer. I had an emergency upstairs.”
“Everyone has emergencies, ma’am. That is not an excuse for anyone to break the law.”
I clamped my mouth shut and just barely held from rolling my eyes. This guy had no clue. I wanted to scream, but bit my tongue almost to the point of drawing blood. And that hurt didn’t even come close to what I’d felt when I’d hung up on Carter not more than fifteen minutes prior. I silently watched as the officer wrote out my ticket. I simply took my ticket, placed Diego in his booster seat in the back of my car, and got in the driver’s seat to head home.
I must’ve gone on complete muscle memory since I had zero recollection of getting from Gabriel’s office building to the parking lot of my apartment complex. It was all a blur. Even Diego had been eerily quiet. I didn’t want to ask what he heard in the office, hoping that he hadn’t heard any of it.
“Mama.”
“Grandma!” Diego greeted, smiling for the first time since we’d left his father’s office. He broke free from my hand to run and give his grandmother a hug. Usually the sight made me warm and fuzzy on the inside, but right then I just felt a deep ache in my heart.
“I came over as soon as I got your text.” My mother peered up at me from hugging Diego. Worry was etched all in her face.
I’d sent my mother a text right before I hopped in my car to get from my job to Gabriel’s. I hadn’t wanted her to worry after I hung up on her.
“Diego’s father was scheduled to pick him up?” my mother questioned.
I turned my eyes down to my son who was looking between us. “Diego, baby. Go use the bathroom and wash your hands for your afternoon snack.”
“Grandma, you remembered my graham crackers, right?”
My mother let out a short laugh. “Would I forget ‘Graham Cracker Tuesday’, baby?”
Diego shook his head before running off.
“Now, tell me what really happened?”
I could barely look at my mother. I’d lied and sent her a text saying I’d forgotten Diego’s father was supposed to pick him up from school. Obviously, she knew better. My mother had never even met Gabriel. All she knew was that he was a man I’d dated in my past and that despite his current absence he paid for Diego’s expensive schooling.
I blew out a long breath and pressed my palm to my forehead. The tension headache that’d started earlier had only grown worse.
“I told you, Ma. Gabriel wanted to spend some time with Diego so he picked him up from school.”
“But I’m listed as the emergency contact. How was he even able to take him from that place. He’s not on the contact list.”
I slowly blinked my eyes shut. Gabriel was on the contact list. He was the one who cut the check so Diego could attend Excelor Academy, and he’d demanded that his name be listed as an emergency contact on the list.
“I added him at the beginning of the school year. H-he’s making an attempt to get to know Diego better.”
“Hmm.”
I couldn’t even look at my mother.
“Well, I saw the news earlier. Your Carter was hanging outside of a building.”
I placed my hand over my chest. It physically hurt to even hear the mention of his name. It just took me back to remembering the pain in his voice when I broke things off over the phone. He masked it as anger. But I could hear it and that crippled me more than anything. I hadn’t even looked at my phone since putting it away earlier. I already knew what I’d see there.
“We broke up,” I stated just above a whisper. I was barely able to get the words out.
“What?” My mother looked at me oddly.
“I couldn’t keep seeing him. His job is too dangerous and I can’t put Diego through being hurt if something were to happen to him.” I decided to continue with the lie I’d made up in Gabriel’s office. It seemed to make the most sense. And though my mother and I had gotten closer in recent years, I just wasn’t ready to share the entire truth with her. Not with anyone.
“Michelle.”
I flinched at the way she said my name. Her tone was full of censure. Thankfully, Diego returned before she could go on.
“Here, baby, let’s get you set up with your graham crackers and milk.” My mother went to the kitchen while Diego sat down at the table.
“You want some, too, Mama?”
I smiled at my sweet baby boy. “No thanks, baby. You eat them. I’ll help you with your homework once you’re done.”
“’Kay,” he stated happily just as the graham crackers were placed in front of him.
“Let’s talk.” My mother came over to me, pulling me by my hand closer to the door, so Diego wouldn’t overhear.
“I’m worried about you,” she whispered, close to me. “You’re forgetting about Diego’s father picking him up. And now, you’re breaking up with a man who s
eemed to be really into you and your son. What’s going on? You’re not thinking of getting back with Diego’s father, are you?”
The question alone had me clutching my abdomen in horror. I closed my eyes and had to steady my breathing, remembering that my mother didn’t know the full story. To her, it might seem like I was now attempting to throw myself at Gabriel again.
“No, Mama. It’s nothing like that,” I stated low enough so only she could hear. I peeked over her shoulder at Diego. “It’s just that I have to look out for his well-being. Carter is a dare devil of sorts. An adrenaline junkie who loves the thrill of moving fast, saving lives, beating back fires. He’s great at it, but it’s dangerous and he could very well get hurt or die from it. I have to protect Diego from that outcome.”
“Or yourself.”
I blinked at my mother who was staring at me straight on.
“From what I saw of that young man, he loved you the same way he lived his life. And that may be what’s got you so scared.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. My mother was right to an extent. Carter loved with the same ferocious intensity that he lived. It was a thrill to be the center of that type of love. And yes, it did scare the hell out of me, but that wasn’t what was keeping us apart.
“You need to rethink your decision. I think that man is good for you. And more importantly, he’s good for Diego. He could be the father figure my grandson actually needs. Not some part-time, show up when he wants to father that he appears to have now.”
Again, I remained silent. My mother was right and I didn’t have a comeback save for the truth which I wasn’t spilling.
“Well, let me get out of here. Now that you two are home and okay, I am going to go get the manicure and pedicure I’ve been putting off for weeks now.”
I gave my mother a small smile. “Okay, Mama. Enjoy it.” I pressed a kiss to her cheek, feeling weakened when she wrapped her arms tightly around me. She stepped back and gave me a lingering look before going over to say good-bye to Diego.
A few hours after my mother had left, I had helped Diego complete his homework assignments and played a couple of dance video games with him to try and perk up my mood. It may have worked on the outside, as Diego appeared to be happy, but I still felt miserable. Just after I’d given him a bath and was preparing him to get in the bed he asked, “What time is Mr. Carter calling tonight? He’s going to finish the book we started last week. Or is he coming over to read to me?” He was so giddy when he asked the last question. The sparkle in his eye at just the thought of seeing Carter was nearly enough to make me burst into tears.
“Not tonight, baby. Mr. Carter had to work late.”
His face immediately turned into a pout but then he perked up a little and said, “That’s okay. Firefighters are really busy sometimes. They have big, important respec, rispon―” he faltered.
“Responsibilities?”
“Yup, responsibilities.”
“You’re such a good boy,” I stated, pulling him in and kissing the top of his curly hair. “How about Mama reads to you tonight?”
He smiled and climbed on his bed to pull his book down from the overhead bookshelf. I read to Diego for the next twenty minutes, until he fell asleep. I slowly, pulled myself from his bed and placed the book back on the shelf, before going over to the opposite side of the room, turning off the light and closing the door behind me.
I moved slowly up the hallway, feeling heavy and dazed. Now that it was quiet and I was alone the weight of the day began to sit itself right on top of my shoulders. The ache in my heart began to feel like a sharp knife’s edge piercing my very soul. Now was the time of day when I was so used to either seeing or hearing from Carter. But I didn’t have time to think of that. I needed to work on how I was going to get Gabriel out of my life. I was done with his constant manipulation. I couldn’t handle Gabriel and tell Carter what was happening at the same time. Carter would try to fix this, and that wasn’t his job. I just had to hope he wouldn’t move on before I could remedy my situation with Gabriel.
I pulled my phone from my purse, preparing to go to my bedroom where my laptop rested to start doing research on family law attorneys, only to see his three missed calls and one text message. The pain only grew worse.
I deleted the missed calls, glad to see he hadn’t left a voicemail because I just couldn’t bear hearing the sound of his voice right then. But when I opened the text message I got another surprise that had me in a panic.
I’m coming over!
I checked the timestamp and the message had come through about thirty minutes prior. I was just about to send a response text telling him not to do that when a knock sounded at my door. My stomach dropped again for the third time that day. I debated about what to do. Maybe if I just pretended I wasn’t ho–
“I know you’re in there, sugar.”
My knees, I swear they were made of jelly. Slowly, I padded over to the door, knowing I had to do something unless he’d wake Diego up. And I couldn’t have that. I opened the door only about three inches. My eyes immediately watered at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes. He looked tired. I remembered just then he’d been working a twenty-four hour shift that day. He was supposed to go straight home to get some sleep. But instead he’d obviously come here.
“You look beautiful.”
All the air rushed from my lungs. I wasn’t expecting that. But I should’ve. It was the same way he always greeted me when I opened my door. I leaned against the door for strength, tightening my grip around the doorknob.
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“There was nowhere else for me to go. Not when you tried to end things between us.”
I lowered my eyes to the floor. He wasn’t going to make this easy. Not that I’d expected him to.
“Do you want to tell me what’s really going on or shall I have to guess?”
“I told you what’s going on. It’s just not a good idea for us to … to…”
“To what? To be together? You can’t even say it.”
He was right. I couldn’t say it again. Had said it enough for one day and it shredded my heart each and every time I spoke those words.
“Carter, please.”
“Please what? You want me to leave?”
No. “Yes,” I choked out. “Diego’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him.”
“So all of this is about Diego?”
“Yes.”
“Bullshit.”
I tightened my lips at his terse response, still staring at the floor. I couldn’t look at him. He read me much too easily.
“Look at me.”
I refused.
“Look at me,” he stated more forcefully.
And as if my eyes followed his command instead of my own, they rose to meet his. I had to bite the inside of my cheek as a sob dared to escape my mouth. The look in his eyes was so … so … Carter. That’s the only way to describe it. A mix between fierceness, boldness, confidence, and a warmth that I’d only known with him.
“I’ll leave.”
And I nearly broke at hearing those words.
“But I’m not giving up. This isn’t over. We aren’t over.” He glared at me with harsh eyes. The tightness in his jaw demonstrated that he was struggling to contain his anger and… fear. I saw it plainly written all over his face. He was letting me see it. His fear of losing me… us. When he blinked, it appeared as if a switch had been flipped and his face went blank. That’s the only way I could describe it. The emotion that had been so prevalent just a second ago was gone. His face remained neutral as he stood to his full height, gave me one last, lingering look, and then turned to leave. Each step he took felt like a compression on my heart. It literally hurt more and more the farther away he moved.
Slowly, I closed the door and decided to give into the tears that wanted to spill over onto my cheeks, when I heard …
“Mama?”
Blinking, I turned to see my son standing in his now favorite
firefighter pajamas, rubbing his sleepy eyes. I quickly rubbed my own eyes, freeing them of the tears that would just have to wait until later. Until I was alone in my room and able to spill my emotion out into the pillow.
“Diego, what are you doing up, baby?”
“I thought I heard Mr. Carter.”
I swallowed and shook my head. “No, sweetie, that was a man on the TV. Come on, let’s get to bed, you have school in the morning.” I went to him, taking his hand and walking him back to his bedroom. The guilt from the lie I’d just told threatened to choke me along with my own sorrow.
“Do I have to go live with my daddy?”
My eyes widened but I held the gasp that tried to burst from my lips. “W-where did you hear that from?”
“He said I would have to live with him if you kept being mean.” Diego peered up at me from his bed with angst filling his brown eyes.
I bent low to kiss his cheek and brush a curl from his forehead. I needed to remember to schedule his next haircut appointment. I stared down at my son and the same fierce protection I felt the moment he was placed in my arms after his birth filled me.
“No one is ever taking you from me. Ever. Okay?”
A small smile crossed his face. “’Kay, Mama.” With that, he turned over, closing his eyes.
I waited a few moments until his breathing slowed into an easy rhythm, signaling that he had fallen asleep. I remained for a long while, well after Diego fell into a deep slumber. I’d just lied to the two most important people in my world. Although I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it’d happened, Carter had become just as much my world as Diego. The two owned my whole heart. How was I supposed to sit by and let him go?
****
Carter
“Shit! Easy with that!” Don growled a few feet from me as we stood in the equipment room. “You almost took my fucking head off with that damn thing!”
The scowl that I’d already been wearing on my face deepened as I slowly moved my eyes from the hatchet in front of me over to Don. “Quit acting like a bitch. Barely fucking grazed you,” I grumbled. I went back to swiping the rag across the blade of the hatchet, cleaning it.
“You’ve had a bug up your ass for a full week now. I don’t know what the fuck you did, but go back and tell Michelle you’re sorry. Buy her some fucking flowers, cake, ice cream, fuck it a new car or house. You can afford it. Just go beg her for her forgiveness so you can quit your goddamned moping around here!” Don shouted, pointing a finger at me.
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