by June Taylor
Did Juliet regret bringing them to Tuscany now? If only she had stayed away from Chrissy in the first place, like she was meant to, she need never have discovered this terrible truth. By forcing Chrissy to relive her nightmare she had created one all of her own.
‘Chrissy, I am so, so sorry.’
Juliet’s words were faint, her voice broken.
‘We both know he put something in the wine,’ said Chrissy.
Juliet reached across the table and revealed the silver cat brooch in her palm. Chrissy stared at it. It was Marianna who took it. In that moment, Eloise saw how much older Chrissy looked compared to her best friend. Even now. What a difference a few minutes can make in a person’s life.
Juliet left her hand on the table in the hope that Chrissy would take it.
She didn’t.
‘I couldn’t move, Chrissy,’ said Juliet. ‘I heard nothing. That’s why I did nothing.’ With her other hand she wiped away the tears. ‘I remember the smell of him. Garlic and wine on his breath. Expensive aftershave. He kept pushing his face into mine. I moved my head side to side, trying to avoid him. Everything was so slow and heavy, such an effort to do anything. I remember the room was pale lemon. Do you remember, Chrissy? Everything, pale lemon. Apart from the brown watermark on the ceiling. Even now I see that brown stain when I close my eyes. I have to fight to get rid of it. I remember staring at it the whole time it was going on.’ She paused, shaking her head in tiny movements. ‘… And all the time, I kept thinking: Where’s Chrissy? Why isn’t she coming to help me?
Marianna put the brooch back on the table.
Eloise rubbed her mother’s shoulders, wishing she could take away her pain. At least now she could truly understand it, now that she had all the truth. At long last.
‘The word rape isn’t enough to describe how it feels,’ said Chrissy. The tears rolled down her cheeks but she barely noticed them. ‘It’s just not enough.’
‘Did you respond in any way to his advances?’
They turned to Marianna.
Eloise wanted to yell at her: ‘Don’t you judge my mother. Don’t you dare judge.’
‘Did you?’ Marianna repeated.
‘What?’ said Chrissy. She started to tremble.
‘I’m just asking.’
‘No, I did not. Why? Have you ever been raped?’
They were back in the courtroom.
‘It’s a complicated word,’ said Marianna.
‘Believe me, if there had been any sort of implement in that fucking shower I would’ve given it to him then. Instead of having to wait until he raped me and started on my best friend.’ Chrissy was too drunk and too angry to think why Marianna would be asking such a question, and carried on. ‘If you’d seen how strong he was, how much bigger than me he was, you’d understand there’s only so much fight you can give when you’re trapped in a shower cubicle, naked, with someone overpowering you like that. I did think about kicking him in the balls but he was so firmly pressed against me I could barely breathe, let alone raise my knee. I bet the bastard had done it before.’
‘How can you know that?’ said Marianna.
‘He seemed to know how to pin a woman down. Render her powerless.’
‘To his advances or his strength?’
‘What are you saying? That I didn’t put up enough of a fight? That I wanted it really? Why are you drilling into me so much? The bastard raped me. He raped me. And then he started on Juliet. Why do you care so fucking much anyway? Or not care, more like?’
She swiped at a bottle. It shattered a few feet away from them. No one got up to deal with the broken glass.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Marianna, quietly. ‘It’s difficult when there is no proof. And it’s such a long time ago.’
‘Proof.’ Chrissy slapped the table and began to laugh crazily. ‘You want proof. Well, that is a complicated word.’ Her expression darkened. ‘When he put himself inside me, the pain was worse than giving birth. You have a child; you know how much that hurts. Well, multiply that by a thousand, and then you’ll know how it feels to be raped.’
Marianna nodded. She was only trying to defend her husband, or at least make sure that what Chrissy was telling her was the undisputed truth. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, bowing her head.
Chrissy leant back against the chair. Her breathing was becoming erratic.
When Marianna realized she stood up. ‘Are you okay? Should I call the doctor?’
‘No, she’ll be fine,’ said Eloise. ‘It happens sometimes.’ She grabbed the chair by the pizza oven and made Chrissy straddle it.
‘I can see it’s very difficult for you,’ said Marianna.
She could have said that over an hour ago. Then again, why should she let her husband’s killer off so easily? This was her chance to find out what really happened, to see that justice would finally be done. Marianna knew exactly who they were now, Eloise felt sure of it. If she had only a very slight suspicion before, she could be in no doubt after what she had just heard.
She seemed in no hurry to call the police, however. Quite the opposite, in fact, appearing more concerned for Chrissy’s welfare. She poured her a glass of water, even placed her hand on Chrissy’s back in a comforting way. Eloise didn’t trust her. She held onto her mother until her breathing began to return to normal.
‘We were nineteen,’ said Chrissy. ‘Innocent, trusting and totally invincible.’ She laughed at her foolish younger self. ‘All I wanted was to get home. Back to Dan. To your dad.’
Eloise squeezed her hand. The night was starting to close in. A series of sunken lights dotted around the garden had come on automatically. Eloise had not even noticed until now. She stared at her mother, trying to make sense of it all. To think that she would be capable of such a violent, bloody act.
So Chrissy had killed a man and it wasn’t an accident. But the man she had killed had raped her.
Silence fell over them, and it was Chrissy who was the first to break it. ‘So now do you see why time isn’t healing, Marianna?’
‘What year was this?’
Eloise knew it was coming. Her toes curled, she screwed up her eyes, and didn’t dare breathe.
‘1989,’ said Chrissy.
Of course, Marianna wanted to be sure. There could be no element of doubt that she had just extracted a confession from the woman who killed her husband all those years ago.
‘You can call the police,’ said Chrissy. ‘I’m just so tired.’
‘No, Mum! Marianna, please.’
‘Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe if I’d gone to prison I might not still feel this way.’ She put her arm round Eloise, her eyes watery again. ‘But I’m glad for your sake that I didn’t.’
Eloise held onto her. Juliet came to join them and Chrissy didn’t push her away.
When they eventually pulled apart, Marianna had gone.
***
Eloise ran up the path as fast as she could. The darkness seemed blacker than ever and she was without a torch. As her eyes grew accustomed, she could just pick out a figure moving in the distance. ‘Marianna,’ she called. But when she caught up, it wasn’t Marianna at all; it was one half of the fornicating couple from that first evening. The woman was startled by Eloise. ‘Buonasera,’ she said as she shot past.
Eloise stumbled, picking herself up again, too frightened to stop even for a second. Marianna could be on the phone to the police right now. What if they were already on their way? In fact, what was she even doing going after her? They should be heading out of here immediately.
Her phone rang. It was Juliet.
‘Eloise. Where are you? Are you okay?’
‘I’m trying to find Marianna. How’s Mum?’
‘Calm. Remarkably so. Do you want me to come?’
‘No, stay with my mum. I have to go.’ She could see Marianna up ahead, almost at the stables. When Eloise called to her she turned round and waited.
‘Please, Marianna,’ she said, trying to catch her breath. ‘Pleas
e don’t call the police. My mum’s serving her prison sentence. She lives it every day. Please.’
Marianna placed both hands on her shoulders. Her scent was orange blossom, so delicate it made her want to cry. ‘I know,’ said Marianna, almost in a whisper. ‘I can see that she does.’
Her mind was in chaos. Eloise pushed her away again; she had to see her eyes. ‘The thing is, Marianna, I know he was your husband.’ She kept her voice low, as Marianna had, but the words spilled out regardless of who might be listening. ‘And I know that you know who we are. I’ve no idea how. It was Juliet who found you on the internet. That’s how she found my mum too. They haven’t seen each other since it happened. Not until recently. You see, Mum dropped out of uni when they got back from France, never wanted anything more to do with Juliet because she was scared of being found out and because she was always a reminder of what she’d done. All this time Juliet never even knew that that bastard – I mean your husband – had raped my mum. Neither of us knew until tonight. We found out the same time as you did. Juliet thought that she’d killed him for her sake, to save her. Well she did. But I guess it was to punish him as well. Wasn’t it?’
She had to stop, come up for air.
‘It’s okay, Eloise.’
‘No, it’s not. When Juliet got back in touch, she came to see us and saw what life is like for us, what it had done to my mum. So then she thought the only way to help her was to bring her here to see you, so Mum could see how you’ve managed to move on and get your life together again. See how happy you are. I don’t think she properly thought it through.’ Eloise shook her head. How could she have allowed Juliet to get them into this? Had she even considered that Chrissy might go to prison? ‘I didn’t know what was going on myself until I spoke to Nico earlier.’
‘What? You told Nic about your mother?’
‘No! I told him about my dad dying, and then it just came out about his. He said a few things; I asked more questions. It was so awful when I realized. I rushed back to Juliet. I couldn’t believe that she’d done this. I told her she was crazy and that we had to leave straight away.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ said Marianna. ‘You mustn’t leave.’
Eloise nodded. She knew what was coming. She looked down at her trainers, scuffed from her horse-riding excursion with Nico only that afternoon. How things had moved on since then. She kicked at the ground.
‘Look at me,’ said Marianna.
Her face was so kind. Eloise knew it was about to betray them.
‘I’m not going to call the police.’
‘You’re not? But … you’re really not?’
‘No.’
Eloise searched deeper into her eyes for the truth. What did she actually mean? The truth was never that simple. Could she trust her?
Blind trust. That was all she had to go on.
‘Really? But what about Nico? Will you tell him?’
Marianna laughed, almost wildly.
‘Never. It’s the same as telling the police. Actually no, it’s much worse. You see, he has an idealized version of his father that I can never alter. He’d never believe your mother’s version of the truth.’
Eloise did not want to think about that right now. She had to keep Nico separate from any of this.
‘But do you believe it, Marianna?’
Marianna’s silence was unbearable and cruel. ‘Believe,’ she said with a long sigh. ‘That’s another complicated word.’ She looked up at the dark universe, as if her answer was out there somewhere. ‘Regrettably, yes. Yes, I do believe it.’
Eloise felt her lungs explode. She had to tell her mother immediately.
But tell her what exactly?
Chrissy still had no idea who Marianna was. She was oblivious to the fact that she had just confessed everything to her rapist’s widow. If this came out at the wrong moment, then Chrissy would lose it altogether. They should still wait until they were safely back in England to tell her.
One thing still puzzled Eloise.
‘Did you have any idea about us though, Marianna? I mean before tonight.’
Marianna gave her a half-smile. ‘It was the brooch,’ she said.
‘What, that ugly thing Juliet always wears?’
Marianna laughed. ‘Yes, that ugly cat thing.’
‘But my mum said she stole it. I don’t understand … Oh my god, is it yours? Did she steal it from—? No, she can’t have.’
‘I didn’t much care for it either. He bought it for me from a little artisan in Paris. Each piece was very individual. He would stamp your initials on the back if you wanted. You will see the one your mother stole has ‘ML’ in tiny letters on it. I knew I’d lost it somewhere. I didn’t know where. Earlier that day – the day he … the day he came upon your mother and her friend, he phoned me and said that he had found it in the car. She must have stolen it from him. I don’t know when but she must have taken it.’
‘Why would she do that?’
Eloise knew that was a foolish question. How would Marianna know the answer? Chrissy had stolen money from him so she must have taken the brooch too.
The roar of a motorbike engine shocked them into silence, the flood of its headlamp blinding them as it swerved around the corner. A tall, black leather-clad figure dismounted, pulled off his helmet, and said: ‘Buonasera.’
It was Nico.
‘Buona notte,’ said Marianna, giving Eloise a look of caution. And then to Nico: ‘How is Sylvia?’
He laughed. ‘She’s fine.’
Marianna turned to go indoors, saying: ‘Tell your mother I will call round as usual in the morning. I hope she feels better soon. We don’t want it to spoil the rest of your holiday.’
‘Thank you,’ said Eloise. ‘For everything.’
They watched Marianna go inside.
‘Nothing serious I hope?’ said Nico.
‘Oh, erm. No, just … a headache. I’ve got to go.’
Eloise sped off. ‘We go for another ride in the morning,’ she heard him shout. ‘With motorbike.’ She carried on running, not even sure if they would still be here in the morning.
Their villa was in darkness. At first she thought they had done a flit, panicked and left without her. But she found them both in Chrissy’s room, drinking strong black coffee.
‘Thank goodness, Eloise,’ said Chrissy. ‘I’ve been calling you, left messages. I wanted to say goodbye before the police came.’
Eloise was so out of breath she could barely speak, but she was bursting to tell her the good news.
‘Marianna isn’t going to the police … She says she understands … what you’ve been through. And that she’s coming round tomorrow as usual. And we all have to stay.’
Juliet got up. ‘We can decide what to do in the morning,’ she said. ‘It’s too late to do anything now.’ She looked worn out. ‘Goodnight.’
Eloise kicked off her trainers; one bounced off the wall. She was determined to remain positive. ‘I’m staying here with you tonight, Mum’ she said, climbing into her bed and pulling the sheet across herself. ‘The police aren’t coming, so you might as well get some sleep.’
Chrissy perched on the edge of the bed. ‘I’m not going to run any more, Eloise. If that’s what you think.’ She began arranging Eloise’s hair on the pillow. ‘Whatever happens tomorrow, you know that I still love you, don’t you?’
‘You have to believe me, Marianna’s on our side. And I love you too, Mum. Always.’
Chrissy finally got undressed and into bed. ‘This could be our last night together,’ she whispered.
Eloise knew that she would never convince her. Only Marianna could do that.
‘Let me tell you about your first birthday, shall I?’
All Eloise wanted to do right now was sleep, but she had no choice. ‘Okay,’ she said, turning over to conceal her tears.
‘The doorbell rang several times,’ said Chrissy. ‘I knew they’d come for me.’
CHAPTER 37
Manc
hester: 1991
‘It’ll be them,’ said Dan. Chrissy held onto the kitchen unit. ‘Hey, it’s okay. We know who it is.’ He was about to put his arms round her but the doorbell went again. ‘I’d better get it before they break it down.’
‘Happy birthday, Eloise!’ She heard their cries in the hallway. ‘Where is she? Where’s the little lady?’
Chrissy hadn’t wished to make a big fuss. She wanted it to be just the three of them. But both sets of parents had forced it and now it was a full-blown party with balloons and presents, and Dan had made a cake with a single candle stuck onto the nose of a big yellow smiley face. She could hear them in the lounge, cooing over Eloise. She would have to make the effort. They wouldn’t just go away.
Glass of water. Straighten hair. Pinch some colour into the cheeks. Deep breaths.
‘Chrissy, hello!’ She got through all the kissing and hugging that had to be done. ‘You all right? You look a bit peaky,’ said her dad.
‘Sleepless nights, you know how it is.’
‘Oh, we remember that all right.’
Everyone laughed. It sparked a conversation about babies they had known – were they sleepers or shriekers, what techniques had they used to cope with the long nights – and Chrissy could edge away. Eloise was being passed around, gurgling and grinning, really quite the performer. She did seem a very happy child.
‘We should eat,’ Dan announced. ‘Someone’s got to shift all this grub!’
They milled around the table. Dan had done most of it, put the Paddington Bear tablecloth on, blown up the balloons, set out paper plates to save on the washing up, folded the green napkins into frogs. Chrissy had tipped crisps into bowls, her sole contribution.
‘Smile!’ someone shouted. ‘Chrissy, come on. Stop hiding.’
‘Oh. No, please.’ She held her hands in front of her face as the camera flashed. ‘I really don’t – I’m sorry.’
‘Eat. Come on, everyone,’ Dan shouted.
Then, on top of all that fuss and commotion, the phone rang. And that was when it happened; always at the wrong time. Chrissy quickly sat down, hoping no one would see.