by Elaine Allen
Right now, I have to smash this interactive skit. I am kind of relieved when I don’t see Deidra in the crowd. She must have changed her mind when she found out that one of my books is about her man
“So, I need a volunteer.” I look out in the small crowd of about twenty women, in addition to my girls. No one raises their hand. I get off the stool. “Don't be shy. It'll be fun,” I persuade as I walk through their chairs. Trina raises her hand at the same time as another reader.
Excitedly I point to the reader and playfully roll my eyes at Trina. “Have you read the book yet?” I ask the reluctant volunteer.
“I just bought it today,” she admits.
“That’s ok. Pick a number between one and thirty.”
“Twenty-four!” she excitedly supplies.
The last date, twenty-four was a disastrous enough pick. It honestly left me feeling like there was no hope left in the world and then shockingly twenty-five came through and showed that I was indeed shit out of luck.
I tap Trina on the shoulder. “Come on up here. You ladies are going to do a replay of date twenty-four.” I led them to the platform I'd been sitting on. It would be our stage.
Introductions were quick. I gave them both books and instructions to read over what they'd be acting out. While they did that, Lon helped me set up a small table for the scene. This was always the fun part. It was my innovative way of engaging the readers. They seemed to love it, so I'm going to continue doing it until they get tired of it.
“So, who is gonna be me and who is going to be him?” I inquire, eyeing them both.
“She can be you,” Giselle answers, tipping her book to Trina and then finishes up with, “I'll be the guy.”
Rubbing my hands together in anticipation, I ask, “So y'all ready?”
“Yup,” Trina responds, taking the single chair. I watched as Lon leads Giselle to the back of the crowd.
As Trina begins reading, my mind is already taking me back to that day.
“At this stage in my life, I like to think that two attractive people can meet and arrange to link up at a coffee shop and chat a little. So, here I am, just waiting for this man to show up. I checked my watch,” She looked down at her watch and sucked her teeth, “he’s already five minutes late. I check myself out using the camera on my phone. I look fabulous and there’s not one hair out of place. I take a couple quick selfies.”
Trina lifts her phone and does just that, take several selfies. She elicits some giggles from the crowd. Her portrayal of me is spot on. She has my stance and mannerisms down pat. This comes from years of knowing one another and just straight old school busting.
When the replay of the date was complete Trina and Giselle take their seats and I think about to it and laugh. I pick up reading where they left off to provide an idea of the after.
He texted ten minutes later, but I didn’t answer; in fact, I ignored all his calls and text messages for about two weeks that followed.
A hand popped up, followed by this comment, “So, you just left him there?”
I laughed. “I wasn't even about to set myself up, so, yes, I did.”
I thanked Giselle and Trina for participating. I caught sight of a slight movement in my peripheral, causing me to glance in its direction.
Surprised, my eyes widened as they met Carter's. My imagination, vivid and full of expression, had my pupils dilating and me wanting to pass and sprawl out on the floor. There’s a bright, shining light behind him, almost ethereal, and only for me to see. A confident smile spreads across my glossy lips, quietly contradicting the butterfly wings of uncertainty fluttering in my stomach.
Next, latent mortification sinks in as I observe that he’s cradled a copy of my book in his hands. And then he speaks.
“Did you experience all these dates in the book?”
I tear my eyes from his for a moment to glance over at Trina, Bri, and Lon. They are all sporting stupid ass grins.
I close my eyes to regain my senses and center myself. My insides have me feeling like Tweety Bird with those obnoxious hearts in his eyes as he's floating in the air, feet barely touching the ground.
“Yes, I did,” I confess. “Which brings me to some quick statistics regarding the African-American dating and marriage rates in the U.S.,” I return my attention to my group.
I couldn’t let his presence distract me from the goal at hand. I still had to handle my business and finish up the signing.
I can feel his eyes on me. I want to pass out from the heat of his steely gaze as we discuss the statistics I had referenced and a few ladies shared some of their worse dates.
Carter raises his hand again when I ask if the crowd has any more questions. “So, is the character’s thirtieth last date her last date because she gets a happy ending or just because she’s through with men?”
Bri coughs, and a few women turn their attention to Carter. Years of practice make me shine a bright smile his way. I shrug. “I guess you’ll just have to read to find out.”
My girl begins to pulsate when he throws his head back to laugh. The sound is rough and rich, sending my senses into overdrive. I vividly recall this man wrapping his hands around my neck as he dicked me down with that same sexy, maniacal laughter. “I’m interested. I missed the beginning; can I get you to sign mine?”
Interested? In me? What the heck is he even doing here? And where is Deidra?
Lon comes up behind me and gives me a nudge and that look that said, “Get that, gurl!”
“Well, I would definitely like to thank everyone for coming…”
Carter plays the background as the crowd thins out. I sign a couple of books and say goodbye to my friends. Lon and Bri decide to straighten up as I make my way over to Carter. Trina called out to him from where she stood to speak. He nods and waves in acknowledgment.
I have no idea what to say to him. For the first time in a long time, I’m speechless and worried foolishly about how I look. For years, I’ve dreamed of seeing him and entertained just sparking up a regular conversation with him.
“Hey,” I mutter. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” My nerves are all rattled. There is no way to decipher his thoughts. I’m still stuck on the fact that he’s actually here, standing before me, looking all perfect.
Ten plus years and he still has the power to make my insides quiver like I was still that twenty-two-year-old girl.
Carter clears his throat. “I was surprised to see you yesterday. You look wonderful. Beautiful, in fact. Happy Belated Birthday.”
My heart quickens at the fact that he remembered my birthday. “Thank you. But what are you doing here and where is Deidra?” I get it out smoothly enough that I don't sound like a bumbling fool.
“Deidra?” He shrugs his shoulders, laughs, and then fixes his eyes on mine. “I have no idea, but I’m here to see you.”
I start flicking the retractable pen with my thumb to calm my nerves. “Why?”
He steps closer to me and leans down to whisper in my ear. “Because you ran and never came back.” His breath tickles my neck and the hairs on my body all stand at alert. “Because we were unresolved. Because it’s ten years later, and when I saw you yesterday, I felt the same way I had the first time I ever saw you.”
Cautiously, I give him the once-over. Well... the “twice-over”. No amount of well-put-together words is going to have my head in the clouds. I am a queen of well-put-together words. My word game is strong. “Is that what you explained to Deidra when she asked about us?” I counter.
I step away from him because we could both benefit from the distance. It would help us to think clearly. Well, for me, anyway. Smelling him, being in this close proximity has me wanting to just drag him to my car and take out years of loneliness and frustration on him. The dull ache of unrequited love expands, and I want to fix it the way I have fixed it my entire life.
With great sex.
“Well, it actually— that is exactly what I told her.”
I blink. “Wait
. What? She is your girlfriend— I mean, you’re with her, right?” Hadn’t she called him babe?
“Would you like to go to dinner or something?” he offers, not answering my question.
My heart stops. Then it races. “Are you single? Or you plan on bringing Deidra with you?”
He reaches out to catch my hand before placing them in his. The calloused pads let me know that he still works in construction.
“Are you single? That’s all I’m concerned with.”
Oh, Lawd. The temperature in the room soared, thanks to the imaginary flames in my mind, and only Carter’s hose could extinguish it.
“Dinner would work,” I all but purred as memories of simple caresses and hand-holding have me feeling extra nostalgic.
“Tonight.”
“To— tonight?” I stutter, my words tripping over one another. “No— I can't. I have— I have— something.”
“A date?” he sneers, amber eyes, peering, laughing, judging perhaps. “Your dance card stays full, huh?”
I squint my eyes suspiciously. I’m not completely sure if he's doing a call back to my hoe days or not. “No. I’m only in town for the weekend, so I sort of already have plans.”
“We can link up whenever you have time. I know you're a busy woman, so I'll take breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time, dinner, dessert, or anything and everything in between. I am at your will, he nearly pleads.”
I shake my head. And just like that, the past is the past? “Carter, I don’t understand.”
He kisses my hands. “You're a smart woman, so, of course, you do.”
My brows lift in confusion, which pales in comparison to my overactive imagination. It already has my face down and ass up in the restroom at his welcoming advances and overtures. “I— I— we haven't seen one another in a very long time. And frankly, we didn’t part on very good terms.”
He acknowledges the complicated truth with a nod. “Pride is a mutha. But I'm hoping we can rectify that.”
Grab the olive branch so we can build a damn vineyard…
Vineyard? Not likely. But he could be fun…
Fuck fun. This is the type of impulsive shit that keeps me single.
Or I can just see where it goes and have fun until we reach the destination.
I lean into him. “Is this some type of game? Are you just tryna screw with my head to get back at me?”
Instantly offended, Carter drops my hands. He steps back and gives me the most serious of looks. I remember baring my soul beneath that gaze, and I am as naked and vulnerable as I’ve ever been, this second and every second that follows.
“Games?” He shakes his head. “Nawl, ma. I’m far too old for games. I figured you would be too.”
“Exactly. Too old for games and any and everything in between that.”
“So, what's it going to be? Dinner, breakfast, or both?”
My smile spreads; my cheeks warm and display a blush beneath my caramel skin. He thinks I’m still loose with my vagina. “Carter.”
“Lieas, I have some things to say. Let’s go to dinner to talk about it. Let me get your number.” He pulls out his phone from the pocket of his vest.
There is no doubt that I want to give him my number. But watching all these modern-day Lifetime movies and ID channel shows has me questioning his true intentions. I’m leery as fuck of men swallowing the big pill of forgiveness. If he hadn't been able to digest it over the last ten years, how had seeing me face-to-face done that?
“Wassup? Trina and Bri look like they bout to come here and plead my case,” he coaxes.
I rattle off my number and he enters it into his phone, simultaneously placing the call. “Now you have my number,” he adds as my phone vibrates loudly in my back pocket. “Lock it in,” he commands, still bossy as ever.
“How is Mira?”
At the mention of his daughter, Carter’s chest swells with pride. The seductive eyes brighten. His smile widens, displaying those perfect teeth. “She's wonderful. Beautiful. A teenager now,” he laughs.
“Damn. That’s insane. Do you have any other children?” I inquire, hopeful that his answer is, no.
“Not yet,” he quickly responds. “Take care of what you need to and hit me when you get settled for the night.”
“I darn sure will. I’m going to go see my dad.”
“That’s what’s up. Tell him that I hope he’s feeling better.” He leans in and kisses my cheek.
He turns away before I could ask what he meant, but I go to Bri and ask her instead.
“Lieas, you should call Gray or Tyree or your mom,” she answers hesitantly before looking at Trina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter
There was surprise in her eyes when she noticed me standing amongst her most loyal fans. I noticed this morning, on my way to the gym that Deidra had left a copy of the book on the front seat of the Benz when she'd gotten out last night.
I contemplated taking it to Deidra and apologizing for last night, but instead, I opened it and flipped through the pages. Read the dedication page, and it simply stated, To Love… I wish I never let you go… Those words pulled at my heart. And for a moment, I wish that I had never let her go. It made me hopeful that she was still yearning for me. The way I was for her. Deep down beneath all that I had said, all the anger, all the indifference, the thought of her was always there. Always present, reminding me how perfect I felt having her. How complete I could feel again if I had her back.
I ran it by my homies King and Aaron at the gym during our workout session. Both of them were newly married and in love with their wives who happen to be sisters.
“So, you think your old girl is sending you subliminal messages through her writing?” King surmises from what I'd explained to them.
The way he said it made me feel like I was grasping straws. It wasn’t that. “I don’t think they're for me to see but more about how she feels about me.” I highly doubt that she even suspects that I've read any of her work.
Aaron shrugged as he settled on the shoulder press machine. King adjusted the weight and starts counting reps as he extends his arms out then pulls them back. “But you think they're about you?” he grunted but continued to push out his reps. “What shorty do again?”
“Yea, why did y'all break up?” King also asks.
“She had some nigga in her crib. When I got there, they was all hugged up asleep,” I explain. The image is still burned into my mind.
“You caught a nigga in your bed and you ain’t in jail? And you still thinking about getting at her?” King asks in disbelief like I’m not in my right mind or something.
I shook my head as I finished my weighted shoulder hunches. I set the forty pound dumbbells on the floor and rolled my shoulders. I already did the rundown in my head about how I’m sure I would have hurt someone if I’d actually caught them in bed. When the anger wore off, all that remained was hurt. “Nawl, they was out on the couch. They had on clothes and shit. I seen this boah at her cousin's wedding, so I figured that she got his number and invited him over.”
Aaron and I switch places. “What did she say when she saw you?”
I shrug because the memories started to collide as I replayed it in my mind. It all happened so fast. We were loud, that’s for sure. I was ready to ball dude up, and I wasn't trying to listen to no explanations or excuses. “That I misunderstood what was going on. Dude ended up getting ghost after he made sure that she was cool with staying alone with me. Told me ain’t shit happen.”
“But you didn’t believe her?”
I think of the answer as I count to twenty. I push through the last five reps of my set before I replied. “At the time, I didn’t. I just cut her off. I wasn’t going for it. Recently, I read something that has me thinking that maybe I should’ve listened, but you know what they say about hindsight.”
“Sounds like you already made up your mind about giving her a second chance. You saw her and she still look good?” King laughed
.
Even though I normally am not as forthcoming about my feelings, I’m a grown-ass man. “I think my heart stopped. I can remember still loving her like it was yesterday, and I haven't felt that way since her.”
“Damn,” Aaron grins. “I know the feeling.” His smile grew larger; I assume that he thought of his wife.
I switch with King at the lat machine. “Are you thinking about trying to reconnect on a love-type level, or are you just tryna hit that?”
I want her. It’s been about eight months of waiting, wanting. I just don’t have the time for the messy bullshit that may come with her, but nothing quelled the ache I felt for her, though.
“Talking ain’t never hurt nobody. Ask her out and see what she says,” King had suggested.
And that is how I had ended up attending the Barnes and Nobel event. Deidra had texted me to “F off”. She is beyond pissed, and text after text after text continued to pour in. I had to end it. She deserves someone who isn’t in love with another woman. She is worthy of someone who would be emotionally available to her because she is a good woman. And that is what I had told her when I finally spoke to her after I got tired of texting. After our exchange, I knew it was safe and that Deidra wouldn’t be there, so I made the decision that I would be.
I had asked Alieas if she wanted to go out, and she let me know that she was busy. There was a rumble of jealousy in my stomach halfway ready to erupt, but when she explained her plans were with her dad, I felt better. The honey in her eyes sweetened the pot for me, even though she declined my offer. I saw them light up with curiosity and that had me wanting to kiss her until she turned to mush. The faint smell of Good Girl danced around my nostrils when I hugged her, and the intoxicating scent lingered on my clothes as I walked to my car.
*****
Since it was a no go with Alieas, I settle for my family as company. Mira and my mom were over at Vince and Mariah's, helping them settle into life as brand new parents. My mom was rocking the baby in the same dusty ass chair she’d rocked Vince in when he was a baby.
“Ms. Thang back in the city now, huh? Got your nose all open. What about cutie pie?” my Mom laughs.