It was different from the way Griffin had kissed me in the club, it was less tender and more the kiss a husband gave his wife after being apart for some time. In one kiss he transmuted all the feelings he had left buried for the last few millennia while he and his wife had been left to separately slumber. When he pulled back we were both breathless and Persephone had the gall to smile for a fraction of a second before composing herself.
"I missed you terribly my wife." I nodded but didn't answer him. He didn't seem to expect one either, as he turned and left the apartment again, leaving us both alone with the three-headed dog craving our attention.
Chapter Fifteen
Almost a week went by before Hades, or Griffin, returned. Persephone remained in charge for the first half of our wait before resolving to give me back control of my body. I was thankful; it was beyond strange living like a phantom and having no sense of physical reality anymore. I also began to fear she was starting to cut it a little close as each day I felt more and more of myself slipping away.
I woke up on the 6th day, fully conscious and in control of my own faculties. I was so relieved I released the breath I hadn’t noticed I was holding. I felt better almost immediately; memories which had been threatening to slip away returned back with full force. I worried though that some were already gone completely as a result of being trapped so long. I had no way of knowing, as my memory would never again recall anything I had forgotten.
Sitting up slowly, my stirrings roused Cerberus’ slumber at my feet. He lumbered onto all fours while I slipped off the bed beside him and stretched out slowly. I was only aware of how much time had passed since Hades’ last visit as Persephone seemed to have a much better grip on how time worked in Olympus than I did. Were we even in Olympus anymore though? The Underground couldn’t possibly be connected to the heavenly world of the Gods if it required a King of it’s own like Hades.
This thought worried me further: if that was the case had people noticed my absence and been searching for me helplessly all this time? Or worse still, had they not noticed?
I thought back to the party and how I had turned away Savannah and Aidan. It could have been enough to let them believe I didn’t need them, so my mysterious absence might just be justified in their minds.
My worries almost had me longing for Persephone’s control again, at least she knew how not to panic unlike myself.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat.” I scratched the ears of one of Cerberus’ head. The other two heads bounced against me looking for some attention. I took a second to engage both of them before he bounded from the room to the kitchen.
I found it silly how used to companionship I had grown. Despite being nearly invisible at home sometimes I was still always surrounded by people. Even when I had been trapped at Uncle Adam’s, he was at least still there more occasionally than Hades had been here. This new confinement left me utterly alone and I knew I would never get used to it.
This kind of loneliness could stain a person. It hibernated in their bones and resonated in their every thought and movement. As I clamoured around preparing my dishes the echo of my actions only reminded me just how empty and lonely this apartment was, it pulled at my heart.
I understood better why Persephone longed to try and make Hades understand that he couldn’t force her to love him by forcing her to live in the Underworld. Ghosts were not friends; however friendly they might appear to be. He needed to free her in order to possess her heart. The freedom to come and go at her own bidding would bring her closer to him instead of pushing him away. By choosing she could choose to stay with him instead of spending all her time in the Underworld trapped, alone, and most of all: angry with him.
I opened the fridge and found three massive steaks as we had discovered every morning since Cerberus was brought to us. I worried myself with fixing a plate for each head and setting them down at just the right headspace from each other before calling him over.
It’s a gruesome scene to watch as the three heads tear into the flesh, pulling sinew from fat and swallowing both whole in great bites. Little pools of blood form on the floor where the droplets landed amongst the drool that spilled from his great jaws. Today, it was too much to watch and I turned away with ease. Opening up the fridge again I thought about what I wanted. A bowl filled with fresh berries greeted me and I helped myself to it, grabbing the clotted cream at the same time and spooning a dollop on top.
Fingering two raspberries I popped them into my mouth, sucking off the red stain on my fingertips. Cerberus ignored me, as always, in favour of his treat as I made my way over to the couch and flopped down on it. Persephone was better at passing time than I was; she occupied herself with the tomes and rearrangements of the room. Me? I sat around, lazy and lost. Every so often I ventured to look in the books but then backed out at the very last minute for fear of what I’d find written within them.
I figured Hades had controlled the books to frighten me, wanting to see what my reaction to death might be. But seeing the death dates of my siblings didn’t endear the King of the Underworld to me. It only confirmed my suspicions of his cruel streak. I used the last of the raspberries to scoop out the rest of the cream before setting the empty bowl on the arm of the couch. Cerberus had finished too by this point, rubbing his heads against my legs looking for affection.
Hades commented on Cerberus liking me better than him, it was probably because I actually cared for him instead of seeing him as a servant of my bidding.
The three-headed dog licked at my fingers; clearing off what juice I had missed when the door behind me opened. I didn’t turn but my posture grew stiffer as I waited, expecting Hades.
“Val?” His voice was different, tentative, unsure – afraid. My insides knotted tightly with the hope it was actually Griffin, that Persephone had gotten through to him and he had given the body back to its mortal host. Carefully I turned around, eying him suspiciously for any clue but like before he looked the same, he was the same and I didn’t know what differences I was supposed to look for.
“Yes. And who am I speaking to?” I untwisted myself and cast off Cerberus before standing, adjusting my party dress – the very same one he had brought me in as I still refused to change for his pleasure.
“Griffin,” he cleared his throat, “it’s me, Griffin.”
The words were on the tip of my tongue, asking him to prove it but they didn’t leave my lips. We just stared at each other in a stalemate of distrust, both pointed – seemingly – at Hades. He didn’t trust himself and I couldn’t trust him either. It was a trick, that’s what I heard in my head, Persephone finally had returned. But was it?
“He freed you then?” I asked, wanting to trust him even if every part of me said not to.
“Not so much freed as returned control to me.”
“Right, I’m the only one he holds hostage.” The bitterness was not lacking in my voice as Griffin looked over at me sadly.
“I’m sorry.”
“About what? That you couldn’t stop him? That he’s done this? That you can’t free me yourself?” I challenged, setting my hands on my hips as I stared hard at him. If it was really Griffin, if he had really given the control back to him surely he had enough use of his magic that he could free me. Griffin had told me himself he had learned how to use his powers with Atlas’ help. But being here also meant that he knew the way back to Olympus.
But he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t acknowledge that he could do it either; he just stared at me and finally spoke again, “I am sorry.”
“I know you are.” I said with a sigh, turning away to look at Cerberus. I bent down close to the dog, hugging my face into his fur. Persephone was right, I didn’t have any ability to fight with Hades. Not at the level she did; she was smarter, more eloquent.
“Why did you come then?” I asked into Cerberus’ chest, listening closely to the pounding of his heart. There was more than one flutter of beats; perhaps he had three hearts as well as thre
e heads... He could always lend one to Hades. Griffin’s movements distracted me again as I listened to him approach me slowly.
“I wanted to check up on you.”
“And not free me?” I asked again, although once more met with silence. He knew I knew so I turned around again, slowly raising myself up to my full height, which compared to Griffin wasn’t much. It wasn’t threatening at all.
“You don’t want to go back Valentina.”
“You don’t know that and even if you did, it’s not for you to decide.”
He laughed, making me suck in a sharp burst of air. I’d known it was Hades but I hated that he so willingly confirmed it.
“So you cling to this romantic belief that women deserve a freewill as well?”
“It’s not a romantic belief and it has nothing to do with my gender. It would be the same for a man in my position as much as any woman. People in relationships should be free to come and go as they want and not have their feelings dictated for them. You can keep me here forever and the only feelings toward you you’ll help manifest are ones of hatred and resentment.”
Hades laughed again and shook his head, “you’re naïve, you’ll learn child.” Persephone couldn’t stand the lack of control any longer, nor could she swallow his arrogance and blindness to the situation. I immediately felt my consciousness sucked backwards as she took control once more, stalking toward him and gathering herself to the full height of her power. She glared up at him, punching her fist into his chest making him laugh again.
“Oh Percy.”
His smirk was infuriating, his confidence that he was right and I was wrong was misguided. Worst of all he absolutely refused to listen to what we were saying because he was stubborn. But Persephone had one more thing to say to him, one more attempt to try and make him see her point, one last cry for freedom before she too was ready to give up and be left to rot in this place forever.
“I did love you Hades. With time I did come to love you and not because you held me captive in the Underworld for six months of the calendar. I loved you because during those six months I saw the man you tried to hide from the rest of the world. That was the man I fell in love with, not the selfish, self-obsessed King that stands before me. I fell for the man who got off his throne to comfort the child whose horrors came true when she realised she would never see her mother again, who united a man with his wife and was angry at him when his impatience cost them their reunion.
You have a heart inside of you and you’re capable of love you just refuse to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You told me once that you would've never chosen a partner who wasn't as strong as you because you covet strength over weakness but you're mistaken. Love - true love - is not a weakness. It's the strength that makes you fight when there isn't a hope left. But you've never understood that because you have constantly feared loneliness, believing that what you have is love when it is nothing more than pity. I pity you Hades."
He stared at us with a cold expression, yet another mask to protect his inner thoughts, "woman, you are nothing more than a broken record - loneliness, pity, love, true love... Bah! You don't understand-"
"NO! You don't understand husband, do you not hear what I am telling you? I love you, I have loved you but I will love you no more if you continue to try and possess me as something that belongs to you and no one else. I belong to no one, not even a husband."
He glared at us, this time his face far more expressive than before, "you are mine."
"I am not."
"You are. Your father gave you to me."
"Because you tricked him, as you have always tricked everyone. You are the trickster God; the one who cloaks himself in darkness and calls it mystery. I know it is not real, I know you wear weariness atop your cloak longing for a time when someone might see under it. I have seen under it, but why should I help you when you refuse to help me? Your brother, my father, for all his passing whims understands love better than you. Even despite his tricks he knows that people cannot be tricked unless there is something already there planted underneath their surface that will allow the trick to grow to love. I would not have gone with you the first time, or Valentina this time, if there were not something there that allowed us to trust you. It is what you do with that trust that discerns you from the rest, you suffocate and you smother the light of those that blindly trust you. There is nothing here for me to win - your love, you say, but what is your love worth if my freedom is its cost?"
He stared down at us, long and hard, silence filling the space like thick smog that threatened to choke us with every breath. It was a different silence than the one Griffin and I had shared. It wasn't comfortable, it was frightening, like the calm before a storm. But this didn't stop Persephone, if anything it invigorated her as she took another long breath and continued.
"This time is different husband, it is not just me you must win over but this girl. I can assure you that so long as you smother the boy within you, and you destroy his soul with your need to be in complete control you will lose her. She doesn't care for you, she only worries for the boy you're hurting. I have no doubt either that even now, if you were to search yourself and listen to his voice you would find he worries not for himself but for her. That is love: putting someone else before your own desires. You need to let us all go in order to learn whether the die of love has been cast in your fortune.”
She stared at him, willing him to listen but as he didn’t say anything else she spoke again: “Think on it, but know that your time is limited. You cannot suppress Griffin’s soul as you have for this long and not lose him. King of the Underworld, you know souls best and you know when they've reached the point of hopelessness... Do not let that boy find himself lost and wandering."
Hades continued to stare and the longer he did the more I found myself worried that he hadn't listened to her, he had simply tuned her out and he was just biding his time until he could retort cleverly. But then, a miracle happened and he bowed his head. It was a small motion but it was enough, as he turned toward the door and walked to it slowly.
"It will do you some good Hades: focusing more inwardly than exhausting your efforts on making me, and the others, love you. Love only comes once you learn how to love yourself, for without that knowledge how can you expect someone to love you back in the right way?" I crossed my arms and waited as he left. I sensed the Persephone expected that in light of her victory the door would be left open for us to leave but as soon as he stepped out of the apartment we were trapped again.
"What?" I said in disbelief, closing the distance between the door and myself reaching out for the wall and touched it lightly. It was as solid as ever and we were as much trapped here now as we had ever been. "No."
Hopelessness crept up on us slowly, consuming us from the outside in. Sinking to my knees my hand gripped the wall for support as I sat there, head bowed trying to hold in the torrent of emotions coursing through me. After all that, after he had finally heard us and agreed he had still walked out and locked us in.
Even Persephone sensed this was it, she had nothing left to say. As it was she had said too much, it was not in her nature to allow such vehement emotions control her. She returned control to me but I didn't move. I stayed like that for some time before Cerberus sadly made his way over to me, bouncing my small body against his three heads and pulling me from my thoughts.
This was like being with my uncle all over again, I quickly decided. This was the same helpless and lost feeling that I had felt when I realised I wasn't going to be going home, only this time Atlas wasn't going to come to save me.
I was completely and utterly alone. Everyone I thought cared had forgotten me.
Chapter Sixteen
Panic began to seize me: “Griffin... Please Griffin... Don’t leave me here.” My eyes began to burn and I felt childish and angry with myself. I wiped the tears away desperately but it didn’t help. They simply came faster and with more of a vengeance.
Cerberus nudged me agai
n, unsure of what he could do to console me as I clung to his fur and pressed my face into the softness while I cried. As I sat there, holding onto the dog like he was my life support, memories resurfaced to haunt me and they drew a parallel to my past and my present.
Big as the apartment might be, it suddenly felt as small and claustrophobic as the closet in which my uncle had kept me. I could only imagine the terrible things Hades would do when he got bored of fighting and arguing with me, there was always a need for something more. He had tried to take it from Savannah; so I knew there was an insatiable hunger. I didn’t want to try and satisfy it, the idea frightened me.
Cerberus shifted, slipping his head under my arms and stomach to lift me up, carrying me on his back over to the couch. He carefully rolled me onto the cushions. Before long all three heads laid themselves on the edge of the couch, 6 pairs of eyes staring at me with blatant worry.
I vaguely wondered if he understood my pain had been caused by his master or if his intelligence was only limited to the present. It was clear though he grew more distressed the more inconsolable I was, not that I had the will to stop myself. It wasn't long before I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion, my body no longer able to function through the grief.
I naively hoped that when I woke up I would be back in my apartment, on my bed, surrounded in my blankets and someone would be standing there relieved to see I was alive. But what I found instead was Cerberus had slipped back down onto the floor, curled up in a ball and fell asleep too, waiting out the time it took for me to rouse myself again.
I sighed heavily, sniffling back the moisture that had carried itself through my sinuses before sitting up and trying to stretch out my aching muscles. Apparently crying for hours on end had done nothing to soften Hades' cold heart and I was exactly where he wanted me. Standing up carefully I moved around the apartment until my legs had fully regained their strength and then I stopped at the bookshelf, staring at the empty spines listed there.
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