"We are the Moirai. We are the givers of fate." Fate. So they determined what happened to people in their lives.
"So... I'm supposed to be here then?" They stared at me for a long time, in an unnerving way that started to make me think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here. That made me more worried, if I wasn't supposed to be here that could set off a chain of events like a butterfly effect.
"We delve out the lots of life." One of them clarified for me, but it only made me more confused.
"So," I said slowly, "you... decide how long people's lives are going to be?" My heart knotted as I glanced down at Griffin's thread. "How do I tell how long this is?" I said to them, looking back up in an obvious desperation. The women didn't say anything else to me as they looked down at their work and carried on. In the background I heard another baby cry, its name given and one of the Moirai announced the full name to her sisters.
I swallowed hard and looked back at Griffin's thread. It wasn't that short... It just wasn't particularly long. I looked back up at them as they worked and decided, as I watched each thread be pulled and cut, that his was actually shorter no matter how much I wanted to try and sugarcoat it for myself.
Then that meant… how much time did he have left? How was I supposed to use this thread to figure that out? Was I supposed to save him? Maybe I should ask for my own thread.
I moved toward the women, clamping the small thread in the ball of my palm as I got closer, "what do I do with it?" I said more firmly, trying to command an answer from them. But they worked on diligently, ignoring my question and still shouting out names. I sighed, turning away and glancing around the room for what to do next when Aisa tapped my shoulder.
I turned toward her, hoping for an answer but she simply held out a small bag, "when you understand you will see." She said to me with an affirmative nod before turning back to her work: cutting and discarding, cutting and discarding. What happened to the threads once they were cut? Surely they didn't keep them in that massive pile for all of eternity, or however long someone's life was deemed to be...
I stared in frustration at the bag she gave me, wanting to look at it but getting the impression she didn't think I deserved to yet. I just had to get out of here and then I could look in the bag and maybe then I could figure out Griffin's thread. I unceremoniously stuffed the bag into my bra, the only other place I could keep it, before descending the platform and heading back for the wall I entered through. I was back in the hallway but it was dark again, I didn't bother to clap this time as I shouted for light and it appeared. I was exhausted; I just wanted to go back to the apartment if I wasn't ever going to get out of the Underworld.
I looked down at the thread still woven between my fingers like a tiny collection of rings and held it up into the light. It was nothing more than a simple thread someone might use to sew a shirt or linen with. I didn't understand how something so fragile and simple could be so powerful. I twisted my hand around to look at it again when a photo leapt out of the thread, displaying itself in midair. Before I could ever see what I was looking at it was gone again as my hand settled.
I frowned to myself, pulling my hand back closer to my body and unwound the thread from between my fingers. Pinching it between my thumb and forefinger in both hands I started twisting the thread in the same motion as my hand had done.
Just like that before my eyes images of Griffin's life began to flash out of the thread. He was born, his first word, his first steps, his father's alcohol problem and drunken abuse, his mother being beaten... The stories went on and on, every one worse than the last. It felt invasive to be watching his life as if through his eyes but it would give me an indication of how much time I had left. He hadn't been kidding when he told me he had softened the story for my own good. I felt sick to my stomach seeing some of the things he had endured in order to survive on his own. I couldn't take it anymore, turning my head away and slowing my fingers.
I knew I had to get through it to see what happened to him, to know how much time I had left but I couldn't. I could barely wrap my mind around what I had already witnessed. If he was here I would've hugged him, I wanted to tell him it would be okay and that he never had to go back to that life again.
It was futile, surely he knew that, but did he know that despite everything Hades had done I still cared about him? This wasn't his fault; none of this had been his fault. Just like what had happened to Savannah wasn't his fault. I couldn't blame him. His God on the other hand? Well, both his wife and myself had some things to say about his choice of actions.
I curled the thread around my forefinger so I didn't lose it and set off again down the hallway. I had to get out of here, or at least back to the apartment some how. I needed to find Hades and warn him that his host was in danger. That had to be important to him, without Griffin as his vessel even he couldn't have his wife no matter where he put us.
I hiked along, trying to blink back the images of Griffin's time on the streets, selling his body for drugs through sex. It bothered me, how could someone let himself fall that far? Why hadn't anyone cared to help him? Even his pimp had thrown him out eventually, not even bothering to give him advice for cleaning himself up. There was no way for me to go back and change his past, but anger at Hades aside, I could help make his future better. He wanted the other Gods to accept him, maybe not Hades but at least him, and I could do that. If I got to him in time.
But then I stopped walking as a new thought struck me: what if the real reason I had been let out of the apartment and gotten lost down here was because he was already dead? I felt myself grow cold at the thought of it. Surely, that made sense. Hades hadn’t been this forthcoming in the entire time I’d known him.
With no other ideas I started running through the hallway, hoping that this would at least take me back to the judges and from there I could find my way back to Cerberus. But the hallway spun and twisted and it didn't take long before I was thoroughly lost and completely turned around. Even if I wanted to get back to the Moirai or anywhere for that matter the Underworld seemed to have a mind of its own, it intended for me to only be where it wanted me to be.
"Persephone... What if they're both dead? What then?" We were in the perfect place to see them, that's for sure. Would we have to stay here because there was no one else to rule the Underworld? As infuriating as Hades was I'm sure she didn't want him dead as much as I didn't want Griffin dead.
"Stop being pessimistic." I told myself firmly, running my thumb over the looped, fragile thread around my pointer finger. "If he was dead they wouldn't have been able to give me the thread, it wouldn't exist anymore." I nodded to myself firmly; it was logical so it had to be true. Never mind the fact that nothing about this place was logical, even the hallways weren't linear so why would the thinking of it be?
I looked away from my finger and glanced down the hallway before looking down the other way. I could go either way and probably end up running in circles for hours without even knowing how long I had been in there. I didn't even know how long I had been trapped in the Underworld; it could've been days or even weeks when it felt like nothing more than a few hours.
I decided then that instead of playing by the rules I would create some of my own as I turned to the wall against my back and held out my hand. Much like I had done in the lair of the judges I pushed against the stone and willed a door to appear.
I cheered with pride when it worked and wasted no time going through as it brought me back out to the river.
"Cerberus?!" I shouted, my voice echoing and carrying along the stream. I glanced down at the spirits but this time there were no faces passing by, no one was screaming out for salvation. This time the water wasn't really water but flames that licked and danced along the ravine that led toward what I hoped would be the gates.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I weighed my options, I could wait for the boat but it might never come and if it did I didn't have the payment again so I might be stranded once
more. I could go back and remain lost in the maze like hallways of the Underworld, or I could jump.
If I jumped I could die, I could be burnt to death, or I might be able to swim... My choices were all bleak and none of them guaranteed anything. One thing I knew was that the judges said the four rivers connected and led to them, so this had to be one of them.
"What do you think Persephone?" It was stupid talking to her out loud, she couldn't answer me or do anything anymore we were one in the same. Whatever decision I made would be both of ours. So I took a deep breath, held it in my lungs and leapt.
I couldn't stand the plunge with my eyes wide open, watching the flames dance up toward me happily ready to accept me in their grasp. So I squeezed them shut and waited for the inevitable burn that should've come. It was the longest few seconds of my entire life, waiting for something scalding to hit my flesh and melt it away but it didn't come. Instead my body was submerged entirely in surprisingly frigid cold water that enveloped me before the undercurrent pulled me down. Like icy limbs reaching out from the depths of the water they grasped at my legs pulling me deeper and deeper under, while my lungs ached and burned for much needed air.
I waved my arms up and down trying to gather some momentum to fight and pull myself back up to the surface. I decided as I fought for my life, this had been a terrible idea. I kicked my legs, my muscles burning, as I battled my way to the surface and broke through with a huge gasp of air.
I sucked in too much greedily making my lungs hurt while I tread water, attempting to stay afloat. From this position there was no fire on the surface of the water. In fact there was no indication of there ever been fire on the water at all. I couldn't have been hallucinating; I had definitely seen the flames even right up until the moment when I had closed my eyes.
For now, it didn’t matter. I just needed to swim and that wasn't an easy concept to grasp while also worrying about flames. So I threw my arms forward and pushed off, tugging myself forward with each dig. The current did most of the work as it drifted my body forward, giving me a chance to look around for something to float on or even if the flames were going to come back. But I was utterly alone, no salvation in sight.
The river pulled me on and on and after a while I began to wonder how bad of an idea this had been. I didn't know for how long the river would go or if in that time I would find myself exhausted and drown. As if the river had known I was considering the dangers of it my body flipped into a rapid, pulling me faster through it and launching me over a series of heavy rocks that bounced my body off of them like I was nothing more than a rag doll. Pain shot through my body, my arms ached with the effort of keeping pace with the river while trying to keep myself away from a particularly rocky spot. Then, up ahead I saw it again - the flames.
For a moment I panicked, reaching out and trying to get a grip on something to stop myself but each rock I grabbed was slick and laughed at me as I was pulled away and tugged nearer to the flames. When I inevitably drew too close to it I didn't close my eyes this time, but turned and face the flames head on.
I steeled myself for the burn that would come, bracing myself before propelling faster into it. As my fingertips brushed the edge of the flames it crawled up my arm and encapsulated me in its warmth. I was pulled further into it where it was hotter and hotter, making my skin ache. I wanted to tear it off of my bones to save my muscles from the discomfort but that meant giving in to the current and I'd rather burn than drown.
So I pushed on, grabbing the water with my hands and hauling my body through its waves, each pull dragging me to the centre of the heat where I found myself screaming, choking on the water that jumped into my opened mouth. This was it; I was about to die.
Coughing and spluttering I tried to take one more deep breath before pushing myself under the water, looking for relief from the flames. The water bit at my ankles, trying to take hold again so it could have me for itself while the flames chased me underwater. They wouldn't stop either. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block both out as I kicked and pushed and fought to move forward, the only way out was forward. I just couldn't give up now.
Chapter Nineteen
I gasped for air as soon as I resurfaced, my arms reaching out and pulling myself up onto the bank of the river, falling backwards and coughing for more air. I was afraid to look at myself, afraid to see what my arms and upper half might look at. If I was badly burned though, I reasoned, surely I wouldn't have been able to swim or to get myself to this point. My arms were shaking from the exertion as I lifted them up slowly, opening my eyes once more and taking in my appearance. I expected something grotesque and out of a horror film, but I was... fine. I twisted and turned my hand, looking for any sign of damage but I was perfectly healed.
Atlas hadn't been kidding about being able to heal quickly. I let out a small laugh of excitement, closed my eyes and laid back again on the edge, feeling the river lap against my legs where they were still submerged. Then after a moment or two I opened my eyes again, lifting my hand quickly and gasping in horror.
Griffin's thread was gone.
"No." I stood up as fast as my body would let me, frantically searching from side to side for the frail golden thread but it was long lost. "No." I stared at the ground in defeat, slowly lowering myself so I could sit. How could I have let it get lost?
After a moment of reflection and remorse I regained my composure and looked around the bank for sort of indication of where I was. I had given up long ago on any signs being plastered around to make it easier for me but I definitely found I wasn't at the gates where Cerberus had taken me.
Shaking my head I stood up, looking out over the river to see if it went any further but the water all led forward toward me, washing up against my toes and pulling itself back with each wave. It seemed that wherever I was supposed to go, I was at it. I turned back around to face more rocky walls as I reached up and twirled my hair around my fingers and squeezed out the water from it before I started walking.
The river had taken quite a bit of energy out of me. I was ready to call it quits and find somewhere with some semblance of comfort to try and sleep. I hadn't once seen anything that looked like it was there for the comforts of a human, not that this place dealt with the affairs of the living.
The more time I spent here the more I realised why Persephone had come to dislike it, it wasn't even that it was unwelcoming, it was just bleak and hopeless. You could get lost so easily here and there was no one around, literally no one, who could help. And those who you did find only wanted to judge and define you. I didn't mind being alone so much as I didn't enjoy the isolation. They were two very distinctly different things. I had never been this isolated in my entire life and the hopelessness of the situation was beginning to rub off on me.
I kept walking, nothing about where I was appealed to the idea of lying down and sleeping for a few hundred years. Soon the sounds of the water were left behind me as I ventured further and further back into the belly of the Underworld.
"You're going with your uncle." I stopped walking, twisting around to find the source of the voice. "But dad..." It was my own voice it was unmistakable. “Shh, it’s alright. You’re safe.” That particular voice sent shivers down my spine, making my body tense and freeze where I was. “That’s fine, we have all night later.”
I reached out, grabbing the wall to brace myself as I felt my legs go weak. I didn't want to hear this; I didn't want to relive it. “God punishes liars Valentina. He’ll split that wicked tongue of yours in Hell for lying.” "It's not a lie!" The words echoed around my head, drilling themselves into me like little knives. My fingers curled into a fist as I started to run, and I ran as fast as my muscles would let me, trying to escape the voices that followed.
"Come here Valentina, come back... It's alright." It's not alright. "Shhh, it's okay, we don't have to tell anyone." His voice felt like someone was dragging his fingers down my spine, making me shiver and convulse in disgust. I hated him; I hated what he'd d
one to me. Why was this place making me relive what I tried so hard to forget? "Don't lie, you like it." "I don't." "Yes you do, I can see it in your eyes. You're just a filthy little whore." I shut my eyes, however dangerous that was, and kept running as fast as I could. "GET ON YOUR KNEES. BEG FOR FORGIVENESS." He screamed and I jumped, tripping over a rock on the floor before landing sprawled there. I clasp my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut trying to shut out the noises, to block him and to get away from him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I could hear myself answering him, my own lips moving and whispering the words over and over again. But I wasn't apologising to him; I was apologising to myself for not being stronger, for not having had the will to fight back then.
I had thought through all of this that I was being strong and that I had changed from that naïve little farm girl that Atlas had rescued. But the Underworld just wanted to remind me that I couldn't change and I would always be that sad little girl. I wasn't a Goddess... I was pathetic. I deserved to be swallowed up by these walls and forgotten about by the people I knew, if they hadn't already forgotten me.
These thoughts swirled around my head, biting and tormenting me. After a while I started to believe them too, certain that this was Persephone speaking to me. She had witnessed it, she was appalled and I was disgusting.
"Get up Valentina." My voice was strong, commanding: "the hallway of echoes will devour you if you let it. Get up and keep moving, you must get out of this place before you fall victim to it like the others." I removed my hands from my ears and slowly looked around. That's when I saw it: all the other bodies strewn on the floor just like me with hands over their head trying to block out whatever horrors had once haunted them.
"What is this place?" I murmured to myself, a frown creasing my brow as I forced myself to my feet. The effort was substantial as my muscles shook, wanting to stay lying on the ground. I didn't want to know, all I needed to know was it was another level of my personal hell. Persephone was right. I had to keep going, I couldn't become a nondescript collection of bones underfoot of those who would succumb to the voices as well.
Gods Save the Princess (Grace of Gods Book 2) Page 17