by Clara Bayard
"I'll check."
I boxes a few slices up for him and sent him off. The rest of the afternoon and evening were uneventful, but busy. By the time I got home I was tired and ready to relax, but Dex's words echoed in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about Joe.
Maybe I did just need to see him once more. Say a real goodbye so we could both move on. So I took a quick shower and threw on some fresh clothes. And by threw on fresh clothes I mean I spent twenty minutes standing in front of my closet, cursing every piece of clothing inside it for grievous inadequacy. This skirt was too sexy. Those jeans were too old. The first shirt clung to my belly wrong and the second showed too much cleavage.
Finally settling on a casual maxi dress and a jacket, I shrugged at the unruly mop on my head, swiped on some lip gloss and left.
Chapter Four
I opened the door to the bar and was immediately confronted by a giant wall of a man. "Private party, Miss."
"I know. J-uh, Dex invited me."
He looked at me incredulously and it was all too familiar a scene. The first time I'd encountered a bouncer on my way to see Joe had gone much the same way.
"I should be on the list. My name is Liss."
He scanned down and nodded curtly, as if disappointed he wouldn't get to kick me out of there. "Go right in."
"Thanks."
I stepped inside and felt surprisingly calm. The small bar was full, but many of the faces were familiar. I made my way between two scantily glad girls dancing by themselves who both eyed me like I was a piece of gum on the bottom if their shoes.
"Some things never change," I muttered under my breath as I reached the bar. "Can I get a beer? Whatever's on tap."
"You got it," the bartender said. He poured my drink and handed it over.
"How much?"
"Open bar for the party," he replied. "Including gratuities. No cash allowed."
"Wow." I sipped the beer and looked around some more. The guys were definitely moving up in the world. Last year they'd never have gotten Ryan to spring for such an expensive night out.
My eyes scanned the room constantly and I pretended I was just curious about the crowd, but it wasn't true. My heart skipped a beat every time I saw a dark head that could be Joe. But after a few passes of the space I realized he wasn't there. It was a relief and a disappointment.
That disappointment deepened when the first person to walk over to me was Ryan, the band's manager and all around asshole supreme.
"Melissa," he said, sipping on something green and faintly glowing. "I wondered if we might see you here."
"Hi," was all I was willing to offer.
His beady eyes bored into me but I refused to flinch or look away. He'd completely humiliated me in public once, and hastened my departure, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction again.
"I suppose you're in search of Joseph. He was around somewhere but it can be difficult to keep track of him. As I'm sure you are aware."
"Actually I'm looking for Dex. He came by my work to invite me."
"Oh. Interesting." He said interesting but I could tell the fact that he wasn't upsetting me meant he was bored with our conversation already. Which was fine by me. The fewer word we exchanged the less likely I was to knee him in the balls and get arrested. My typical aversion to crowds was feeding my anger at Ryan and the more furious I got the calmer I seemed on the outside.
Finally he gave up and walked away without another word, slurping on whatever disgusting concoction he'd been drinking. He strode over to a group of girls and slithered between them. They looked about as grossed out as I'd expect, but allowed it because they knew who he was.
Proud of the way I'd handled that encounter I turned back to the bar and ordered myself a shot.
"Make it two. Or rather, four."
I looked to my left and there was Dex.
"Four?"
"Two for each of us, of course."
"Hey, go easy on me there. I've been living a civilian life for months, remember."
"No mercy, Liss. We've got a lot of catching up to do and I expect it will go much better if we're both sloshed for it."
"Well, when you put it that way." I grabbed two of the just-poured shots and handed one over. We clinked glasses and downed them. The liquor burned going down but warmed my insides, calming the last of my nerves.
"So, what do you think of this shindig?"
"Not bad," I admitted. "Ryan isn't really paying for all of this, is he?"
"Nah, it's a gift from our label. Recording here is way cheaper than in Chicago so this is a bonus for changing our mind."
"Nice bonus."
"Yup."
"So, I see most of the old gang, but where's Beth? She's someone else I owed a goodbye to."
Dex slammed back his other shot and gestured to the bartender for a refill. This time he left the bottle and wandered off to the other end of the bar.
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"Beth got fired."
"What? Why? She was awesome." And a good friend to me. I hoped that didn't lose her the job.
"Oh it was all very dramatic," Dex intoned. One day we got on the bus and found her and Ryan yelling at each other. He called her some rather inappropriate names and told her to get off."
"No shit?"
"I swear. And she called him a dickless control-freak and left."
I clapped my hands together with glee.
"That was pretty much our reaction too," Dex continued. Everyone followed her off the bus to find out what happened."
"And?"
"And what happened was she'd been having a secret relationship with Rick for months. No one knew, but when she broke it off he went crying to Ryan and got her sacked."
My gaze shifted to Rick, currently sitting at the end of the bar by himself like a human storm cloud, staring daggers at everyone. Which was pretty much his usual attitude. "Rick? Seriously? But he's so…and she's so…"
"Oh, I know," Dex drawled, swigging directly from the liquor bottle now. "I couldn't believe it either. I mean how does someone who's getting laid stay so fucking moody?"
I giggled, agreeing with him completely. Not that I had any insight into Rick's personality. He'd barely said ten words to me the whole time I was touring with the band, and not one of them had been pleasant. It was no wonder he could get Ryan to do his bidding. They probably had a miserable bastard club going.
"So, if Beth is gone, who's keeping the schedule?"
"No one. We're a bloody shambles. But he's interviewing replacements. I expect they'll be men. Smelly ugly men from now on."
"I bet." My limbs and tongue loosened from drinking, I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him close for a hug. "I missed you, Dex."
"Missed you too, love."
We shared a quiet moment and then he guffawed.
"What?"
"I was just thinking about the time the bus got pulled over and Beth convinced the cop we were all crazy on Ambien instead of drunk."
"Oh god, it was so hard not to laugh. Especially when you started staggering around like a zombie."
"Isn't that what happens?" He blinked innocently.
"I don't know. But I doubt it."
"Well, it worked."
"Yeah."
In all the drama and pain of leaving Joe I'd lost sight of how much fun being on the road was sometimes. It wasn't the solution to all my problems as I'd secretly hoped, but it was an experience I'd never forget or regret. I certainly never would have made friends with someone like Dex in any other circumstances.
"What are you smiling about?"
"Nothing. Just remembering good times," I said.
"Well, good. Because Joe's here."
My mouth went dry and my hands itched to adjust something on my clothes. I looked over towards the door and there he was. The man of my dreams and nightmares. Joe Hawk.
His gaze landed on me almost instantly and I could feel those impossibly bright blue eye
s like licks of cold fire on my skin. Dex slid away as Joe walked towards me, muttering "Talk to you later."
By the time Joe was standing in front of me everyone else in the bar and the whole world had disappeared. All I saw was him. In ratty cargo pants and a tight black t-shirt that highlighted his lean, muscular body and showed a tiny strip of his shoulder tattoo he was perfection. The short dark hair I loved mussing, his wide, soft lips, and the hands that had coaxed so much pleasure from my body.
"Hi," I croaked.
"Liss."
We stood awkwardly for a moment. So close together but still so far away.
In his eyes I saw the same roiling sea of emotions going through me and I did the only thing that made sense. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him so tight it hurt. He froze for a second and then returned the embrace, pressing the entire length of his beautiful body against me. With my head against his shoulder I inhaled, taking in his natural scent that I missed almost as much as his touch.
Tears dripped from my eyes and onto his shirt but I didn't care. I was in Joe's arms and like the very first time, it still felt like home. Whatever else had gone wrong, we fit together in a way that made no sense, but couldn't be denied.
There's no fairy tale about a chubby waitress and a sexy rock star because even children wouldn't believe a story like that. But I'd lived it for a while and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to go back in time. Run away to the past with him and hide forever from the real world.
Joe's fingers tangled in my hair and I sighed, knowing when the hug was over I had to let go of the fantasy. It had taken too long to start down the road to recovery, I wouldn't go back.
He finally released me, but held my arms and flashed his real smile, a crooked grin that most fans never saw, but I knew like the back of my own hand.
"It's good to see you, babe."
"You too, Joe."
He stared at me so hard it made me want to look away, but I didn't. I knew he was trying to see into my heart, get answers to all the questions he wouldn't or couldn't ask.
I glanced around the room and noticed everyone was pretending they weren't watching us. "Um." I cleared my throat. "Why don't we have a drink and sit down."
"Good idea." He waved the bartender over and ordered us two beers.
"So," I said once our drinks were delivered and we'd perched on stools next to each other, but carefully not touching. "How are you?"
"Fine. Good." His finger ran up and down the side of the beer, leaving a trail in the condensation on the outside of the bottle and I realized he was as nervous as me. It was somewhat comforting. "You? You're good?"
"Yeah, fine. I'm uh, auditing a journalism class at the U."
"No shit? Cool. Good for you. But you're still at the diner, right?"
"Oh yeah. Just off the night shift." The night shift that had brought us together in the first place. "Oh, I should thank you, by the way. The place has been packed all the time since you mentioned it in that interview. Darrell wanted to send you a gift or something but I told him it was weird. But we do appreciate it."
He shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal. The food was good. And the service, of course."
I reddened and looked down, letting my hair hide my face from him. I'd been a disaster of a waitress that night but he didn't care. We'd hit it off immediately and ended up making out on my bed as the sun came up.
"You are not actually blushing right now, Liss."
"Yes I am. So what?"
"So you're amazing. And weird and wonderful."
"No, Joe. Just embarrassed."
His hand, cold from holding the beer bottle, rubbed my arm. "You've never been able to see who you really are."
"I know. I'm working on it."
"Good. I…this is going to sound stupid."
"Go ahead."
"Okay." He took a drink and then turned to face me. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm proud of you, Liss. Sad that this journey you're on doesn't include me, but I'm really impressed that you're doing it. Figuring out what you want to do, who you want to be."
"Thanks," I whispered, pleased beyond belief.
"You kept me sane when we were together. And even just thinking about you helps me still. It kills me that I couldn't do the same for you but I'm happy you're getting there on your own."
"That means a lot to me, Joe. It really does." He was so good with words, in songs or conversations, and it made my heart swell. I'd been falling deeply in love with Joe when I left him and nothing in the months since had lessened that, even if I'd accepted we couldn't be together.
I was opening my mouth to say something when Matthew, the last member of the band joined us.
"Hey," he said to me, nodding. "Just saw you and wanted to say that." He clapped Joe on the shoulder and wandered off again, a little unsteady on his feet.
Joe and I burst out laughing. "Oh my god. Weeks on a bus with him and he never approached me once. What the hell?"
"I guess I'm not the only one who missed you, Liss."
And just like that the tension and intensity were broken and everything was kind of okay. We drank and laughed, Joe telling stories of their adventures and me catching him up on home town news. Dex and his practically naked date for the night joined us and we all did round after round of shots.
Hours passed in a haze and I realized I was having a wonderful time. Drama and feelings and fears were off the menu and it was just fun. The party raged around us and I barely noticed or cared about the crowd. The east rapport that Joe and I had shared from the first day was still there and I relished it.
Finally, after Dex had dragged his girl away I noticed most of the room was empty.
"Everyone's gone," I said.
Joe looked around. "Look at that. Guess we should go too."
"Probably."
"Wanna share a cab?"
I wondered what exactly he was asking, but said "Sure," anyway.
We stumbled outside and held each other up in the freezing air while trying to flag down a ride.
"Shouldn't you be traveling by limo, big shot? Town car at least?"
"Gross," he said with serious conviction.
That sent me into paroxysms of laughter.
"What?"
"You are weird, Joe Hawk. So weird. Do your fans know what a weirdo you are?"
"They have no idea."
"That's probably for the best."
"Yup. If they knew, they—Hey! Hey!" He flailed his arms and almost fell over as a taxi finally pulled up in front of us. Joe opened the door for me and climbed in behind me, scooting very close.
"Where to," the driver asked.
"Just drive around for a minute while I have a discussion with my girl here," Joe answered.
"Whatever." He shrugged and went back to talking quietly on his cell phone.
I looked over at Joe, confused. "What's going on?"
"I don't want this to be how the night ends, Liss. Both of us sloppy drunk in a cab. Have coffee with me so we can talk."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea. It's very late."
"Please."
There was so much raw honesty in that one word I couldn't refuse. "Okay."
He directed the driver to his hotel and off we went. I started to feel nervous again with Joe so close to me and it sobered me up quickly.
Chapter Five
When we got to the hotel I was expecting to head to the bar, but Joe led me to the bank of elevators instead.
"Where are we going?"
"To my room."
"For coffee?"
"Yes. I'll call room service."
I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"Why?" He leaned in close and tugged on a lock of my hair. "What's the matter? Don't think you can control yourself alone with me?"
"Of course I can. But you do get grabby when you're drunk."
The elevator doors opened and he stepped aside for me to enter.
"Don't worry, ma'am. Your virtue is safe around me."
I snorted. "Yeah right."
"I am a gentleman. Though, your ass does look great in that dress. And I have been wondering what you have on under it."
"Joe, stop."
He swiped his card and punched the button for a floor before turning to give me his full attention.
"I can't help it, Liss. I think about you all the time. Remember your gorgeous body. How it feels under me."
The temperature in the elevator rose by fifty degrees in a second and I slumped against the wall. "Don't."
"Don't what? Don't want you? Don't miss you? Don't wish I was touching you, kissing you? Don't wonder if you'll feel the same? Don't think about the sweet noises you make when you come? Don't remember how perfect you feel when I'm buried deep inside you?"
All the air left my lungs and I nearly panted. "Yes. Don't…all of that."
"Can't help it. You're like oxygen to me and I'm breathing for the first time in months. I won't push but I also won't pretend."
I hated him in that moment. For his honesty and for saying exactly the thing I couldn't resist. If he'd come at me drunk and fumbling I could have been mad and walked away. But his words reignited the fire in me and I was across the elevator kissing him before my logical brain had time to try and stop me.
And Joe was right. Kissing him felt like breathing clear air for the first time in forever. His tongue drove between my lips almost immediately, dancing nimbly around the inside of my mouth. His body pressed against me and I could feel his arousal, hot and heavy between us.
Our tongues tangled and swept against each other as the doors opened and we spilled out, still wrapped in a tight embrace. The short walk to his room was fraught with danger as we bumped against walls and a small table, unwilling to separate for even a second. Only through use of peripheral vision and luck did our lunching end up at the right place, and with both of us vertical.
Joe's hands were too busy sliding up my back to open the door so I fumbled with the card and shoved at the handle. We shuffled inside and he pushed me back against the door as soon as it shut completely.
He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me deeply, reclaiming me. My heart pounded and all I could hear was the sounds of our ragged breath and the wet slide of tongue over lips. And damn, had I missed those lips. Soft and pink, almost feminine, but the way he used them were all man. Forceful and hungry, he plundered my mouth completely, using everything – teeth and lips and tongue – to drive me wild.