Patterns of Change

by Terri DuLong

  She was right. “So are you saying I have a commitment phobia?”

  “Maybe. But not intentionally. I think it could have a lot to do with your college experience.”

  “I’ve worked through all of that, Grace. Once I opened up and shared it with you, I began to heal.”

  “Healing has a lot of different levels. It’s just something to think about, Chloe.”

  I changed the subject and we continued talking. But as usual, Grace had nudged me and given me something to consider.

  I easily found Chadwick’s house and pulled into the circular driveway. Well-maintained landscaping surrounded the one-story brick structure, with all of it enclosed by a black wrought-iron fence.

  As I walked up the three front steps, the large oak door was opened by Chadwick.

  “Hey,” he said. “Come on in. No trouble finding the house?”

  “No, none,” I told him, taking in the large foyer leading to an open family room overlooking a huge patio area and the river. “What a gorgeous spot.”

  “Thanks,” he said, leading the way into the room. “How about an iced tea before we set sail?”

  “Sounds good.”

  He walked toward a large kitchen to the right off the family room. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

  I gazed around the room with approval—beautifully furnished but not ostentatious. Two leather sofas, comfy chairs, and cherrywood tables with porcelain ginger jar lamps. I wandered over to a credenza lined with framed family photographs. One was of an older couple, who I assumed were Chadwick’s parents, bundled up in ski gear standing at the base of a mountain. One of Chadwick dressed in shorts and polo shirt, holding up a golf club on a fairway. And a third photo that caused a chill to go through my body. I picked up the frame to look closer and saw Chadwick with another fellow, arms around each other’s shoulders, huge grins on their handsome faces, and I froze. The other fellow was him. I hadn’t seen him in thirty-two years, but I knew it was him. I had also never even known his name, but I did now—Aaron Price. Chadwick’s brother. The man who had date-raped me after a frat party in college. I gripped the frame and felt lightheaded. How could this be possible? After all the years of keeping the secret, of living with the humiliation and anger, of never sharing any of it with anyone until I told my sister a few years before—how could it be possible that because of a flat tire in the rain I’d now come face to face with my attacker?

  “Here we go,” I heard Chadwick say as if from a distance.

  I turned and saw him walking toward me holding out a tall glass, and I panicked.

  “Oh . . . I’m so sorry . . . but I’m not going to be able to go,” I stammered. “I’ve changed my mind. I . . . all of a sudden, I don’t feel well.” I walked toward the door and my feet felt like lead.

  “Chloe, are you okay? Can I drive you home?”

  I heard the concern in Chadwick’s voice but I shook my head. “No, no thanks. I’ll be fine,” I said, yanking open the front door and racing to my car. With shaking hands I turned the key in the ignition and headed back down North Beach Street, grateful I only had a short drive home—to safety and privacy.

  But as I pulled into the driveway, I groaned at the sight of Yarrow coming down the front steps. I was in no mood to talk to anybody but it was too late to back up and escape. She had seen me and was waving. I let out a deep sigh and got out of the car.

  “Hey,” she called. “I was just dropping off some new bags of tea for you, but since you weren’t home I was planning to leave them on the table out here.”

  I walked up the steps, clutching my key in my hand, and nodded as I unlocked the door. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  Basil raced to greet me and I bent down to give him a pat as Yarrow followed me inside.

  “Hey, wait a sec. Why are you here? I thought you were out on a boat ride with Chadwick. Are you okay?”

  No, I thought. I’m not at all okay. “Sure. I’m fine,” I said, heading to the back of the house to let Basil outside.

  “Then what happened to the boat ride?” she asked. “You don’t look very well, Chloe. You’re really pale. Are you sure you’re not sick?”

  I blew a puff of air between my lips, grasped the edge of the counter, put my head down and shook it slowly from side to side. “No. I’m not sick,” I whispered. “At least not physically.”

  I felt Yarrow’s arms go around me as she led me to a chair at the table to sit.

  “Okay, I’m not sure what’s going on. But whatever it is doesn’t call for tea.” She walked to the wine rack, grabbed a bottle of white, uncorked it, pulled two wineglasses from the cabinet, poured and placed one in front of me. “You don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to. But take a sip of wine and let yourself relax. You are obviously very upset.”

  I nodded and took a gulp of pinot grigio as the shock of what I’d discovered washed over me. What had just happened now seemed more like a dream, but it wasn’t. After all these years I had seen his face again. And in the most unlikely of places. That was when it hit me that he was gone. Aaron Price was dead. Chadwick had said his brother passed away about twenty-five years ago—and for that I was grateful. But even in his grave, I knew I had never forgiven him and never would.

  Chapter 24

  After a few minutes, Yarrow reached over and patted my hand. “Doing okay?”

  I nodded and sighed. “Yeah, better.” I took another sip of wine. “You must think I’m nuts.”

  Yarrow laughed. “Aren’t we all? Just a little?”

  That brought a smile to my face. “Maybe.”

  Yarrow sat there quietly, allowing me to attempt to sort things out in my head. But I knew this wasn’t good for me. I had attended enough support groups to know that sharing is what helps. Sharing is the first step toward healing.

  “I have a story,” I said softly and glanced up to see Yarrow nod as if to say again, don’t we all?

  I took a deep breath. “Something happened to me in college. I went to Savannah School of Design and there was a frat party at a house outside of town. A couple of my friends knew some guys there, so we went. It was your typical frat party—lots of beer, loud music, and plenty of flirting. By the time the night was over, my friends had hooked up with guys and left me stranded there. I remember a good-looking guy offering to give me a ride back to the dorm. I had had my share of booze and, being too stupid to know better, I allowed a stranger to take me home. Hell, I didn’t even know his name. I’m not sure exactly what the hell I was thinking, but I guess I figured he was also a student and I’d be okay. But I wasn’t. Just before we got to my campus, he pulled over and forced me out of the car into the grass . . . where he raped me.”

  “Oh, my God, Chloe. How awful. Was he arrested?”

  I shook my head. “No. Because I didn’t report it.”

  She didn’t seem shocked by my admission and I saw her eyebrows arch in understanding.

  “When I got back to the dorm, I didn’t tell anybody. I was too ashamed. I had been drinking a lot. I’d been stupid enough to allow a strange guy to give me a ride.” I could feel the tears sliding down my face. “And I was no longer a virgin.”

  Yarrow jumped up and pulled me into her arms, rocking me back and forth. “Oh, Chloe. I’m so very sorry.”

  She allowed me to cry. While I composed myself she went to the counter and brought back a box of tissues.

  Swiping at my eyes, I said, “Pretty stupid, huh?”

  “No, not stupid. Young and naïve.”

  We both remained silent for a few moments and then she said, “But what’s all of this got to do with Chadwick?”

  “Chadwick is his brother.”

  Her hand flew to her face. “Oh. My. God.”

  I explained how he had looked familiar to me ever since I’d met him, and about finding the photograph at his house.

  “No wonder you’re upset,” she said, reaching over to give my arm a pat. “Does Chadwick know?”

  I sh
ook my head. “No. I told him I was sick and couldn’t go on the boat. I’m sure he didn’t believe me.”

  “Wow. So now what? What are you going to do? Gosh, is there a chance you might run into his brother?”

  I let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Hardly. Aaron Price is dead.”

  “Wow,” she said again. I explained how Chadwick had told me about the death of his brother.

  “His brother was his idol, but he did admit that Aaron wasn’t always a nice person, that he had shared some things with him before he died, and Chadwick even said the major reason for his philanthropy is a form of giving back. To make up for the things his brother did.”

  Yarrow got up to get the bottle of wine and refilled our glasses.

  “So, geez,” she said, sitting back down. “Will it be tricky now going out with Chadwick? How will that work?”

  I almost choked on my wine. “Are you nuts? I can’t continue seeing him. I just can’t.”

  “Couldn’t you tell him about all of this? I’m sure he’d understand.”

  I shook my head emphatically. “No, I couldn’t. It would be too awkward. Besides, we’ve only been out together once. It’s not like we forged this great relationship.”

  “What about the fund-raiser at his house?” she asked.

  “No. Out of the question. I’m definitely not going. I’ll say I’m sick.”

  “Hmm. Looks like you’re going to be sick a lot. This really isn’t a very large town, Chloe. You can’t avoid him forever.”

  “I can try.”

  When Yarrow left a couple of hours later, amid hugs and promises to call if I needed anything, I fed Basil and heated up some casserole for myself. I had just sat down to eat when my cell phone rang. I checked the caller ID, saw it was Chadwick and hit ignore. I had a feeling I’d be doing this a lot until he caught on that I didn’t want to see him and he stopped calling.

  After I filled the dishwasher and cleaned up, I was going to settle down with my knitting, but I heard a knock on the back door. Oh, no, I thought. Not Chadwick. But I looked out to see Mavis standing there holding a covered bowl.

  “Hi. Come on in,” I told her.

  “I spoke to Yarrow and she said you weren’t feeling well and had to cancel the boat ride. That you might be coming down with a cold, so I brought you some of the chicken noodle soup David made earlier today.”

  Apparently Yarrow had kept the real reason to herself. “That’s so nice of you. Thanks. I’ve had supper but I’ll have it for lunch tomorrow. Be sure to thank David for me. Would you like a cup of tea?”

  “Oh, yes, I think I will,” she said, bending over to pat Basil before sitting at the table. “One of the deliveries of yarn arrived today from Cascade.”

  I put a pan of water on the stove to boil. “Oh, great. We’re really moving along, aren’t we? I can’t wait to start filling the shop with yarn and accessories.”

  Mavis Anne let out a loud sigh.

  I spun around from the stove. “Are you okay?”

  She waved a hand in the air. “Oh, yes. It’s just that my heart’s kinda weepy today. It’s forty-nine years since I lost my Jackson.”

  “Oh, Mavis, I’m sorry.” I walked over and gave her a hug. “It’s always difficult, isn’t it? The anniversary date of losing somebody we love.”

  She nodded and blotted her eyes with a tissue. “Yes, it is. It’s hard to believe that I’ve lived an entire lifetime since the day I got the news.”

  “Tell me about Jackson,” I said, knowing that talking about somebody no longer with us keeps their memory alive. “How did you two meet?”

  Mavis Anne let out a chuckle. “Oh, we were at the beach. I was twenty-one and thought the world was my oyster. I had returned home a few weeks before for my summer break from college. And there I was sitting on the blanket with a few of my girlfriends when these fellows walked by. There were four or five of them but one in particular was staring at me. He was quite handsome and he gave me a wink and a smile. I think it was in that very moment that I knew this fellow was the love of my life.”

  “Wow,” I said, getting up to prepare the tea. “So love at first sight is for real?”

  “Oh, I can vouch for that. I found out later that I affected Jackson the same way. In one instant, we both just knew.”

  I brought our tea to the table. “So what happened?”

  Mavis brought the teacup to her lips and blew on her tea. “Well, the other fellows spread out a blanket near us and sat down, but not Jackson. Nope. He came right over to me, knelt down beside me, smiled again and said, ‘Hi, I’m Jackson Lee Hawkins.’ I knew in that moment that we were destined to be together forever. By the time the afternoon was over, he had my phone number. He called me right away that evening. We were inseparable that entire summer. We both returned to college in the fall. I was at the University of Tampa and Jackson was doing his final year at Auburn.”

  “But you didn’t get married after you both graduated?”

  “No, and more’s the pity. But we didn’t see any need to rush. We had our whole life ahead of us—so we thought. The war in Vietnam was raging in 1965 and I think Jackson wanted to do his patriotic duty. Many were dodging the draft and going to Canada, but not my Jackson. No, he enlisted in the Air Force to be trained as an officer. He wanted to fly, and a year later his plane was shot down.”

  “How very sad,” I said. “Like so many casualties of that war, he was so young.”

  Mavis nodded. “Just twenty-five. And here we are forty-nine years later, yet I remember it like it was yesterday. I had been at the beach all day with my girlfriends, laughing and carefree, but the moment I walked in that front door . . .” She nodded toward the front of the house. “I knew. I knew something bad had happened. My father was there in the foyer and forced me to sit down. He explained that Jackson’s father had just left, and the news he’d received about Jackson wasn’t good.”

  I saw the tears slide down Mavis’s face and I reached over to pat her hand.

  “My father told me that Jackson’s family had been notified that morning. He had been killed. His body was flown home. We had a funeral but I barely remember any of the following months. It was a very dark time for me. Then Emmalyn announced her pregnancy but adamantly refused to name the father. Rumor had it that the man she was seeing was married, so my father and I drew our own conclusions. Rather than pressure her, we helped her. Six months later Yarrow was born, and only then did I begin to heal.”

  “I’m so very sorry,” was all I could say.

  She nodded. “Yes, all of it was very sad but over the years I’ve come to see how fortunate I was. To have that one great love come into my life. Even though it was never meant to last forever, I treasure the time that we did have.” She sipped the last of her tea. “And I’m sorry for burdening you with all of this.”

  “Don’t be silly. I only wish it could have all ended differently for you.”

  Mavis Anne stood up. “Yes, but that’s life, isn’t it? We just never know where our paths will take us. Thank you for listening to me ramble. Now I’ll leave you to rest.” She walked toward the back door. “You feel better tomorrow, hear?”

  When I got into bed later that evening, thoughts of Mavis Anne and Jackson filled my mind. She had been right when she spoke about that one great love. Not everybody is so fortunate to have it. I certainly wasn’t. I couldn’t help but wonder if that night over thirty years ago, along the side of a road, had shattered all my illusions about ever having that kind of deep and special love in my own life.

  Chapter 25

  The following day Mavis, Yarrow, and I headed to Lowe’s to choose a wallpaper border for the shop. After much deliberation we agreed on a print with butterflies. It was colorful with blues and greens and uplifting splashes of yellow.

  “Okay,” Mavis said as we headed to the car. “Time for lunch. How’s The Gourmet Kitchen sound?”

  “Great,” Yarrow said, sliding into the driver’s seat.

  “Fine wi
th me. I’ve never been there.”

  “Nothing fancy but excellent food,” Mavis told me.

  Yarrow headed west on Granada and a few minutes later we were pulling into a strip mall with nail salon, yogurt shop, and various other businesses. She parked the car right in front of the restaurant in a handicap spot.

  “Yarrow Lyn, what do you think you’re doing?” Mavis protested.

  I saw a smile cross Yarrow’s face. “Well, you are handicapped, with that cane of yours, aren’t you?”

  I heard Mavis snort. “I am no such thing. Now move this car right now to a proper space.”

  Yarrow shrugged as she put the car into reverse and I let out a chuckle. Yarrow always seemed to know how to get a humorous rise out of her aunt.

  The restaurant had a cute and cozy feel to it and the waitresses added to that feeling. We sat in a booth and I watched them joking and conversing with the customers.

  One walked over, saw Mavis, and smiled. “Well, Miss Mavis. Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s that leg of yours doing?”

  “Just fine. I should be getting rid of this cane soon.”

  “Maybe,” I heard Yarrow whisper under her breath.

  “Hey, I heard you’re going to be opening a yarn shop in town.”

  “We are.” She pointed across the table. “I’d like you to meet Chloe Radcliffe. She’s my partner and we should be opening by early September.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Sally and I look forward to getting my yarn there for crocheting. Now, Miss Mavis, I hate to disappoint you, but we just sold the last of the pheasant under glass.”

  Mavis laughed and waved her hand in the air. “Stop being such a naughty girl and give us a menu.”