by Kailin Gow
I look to see if he does the same with Leela, because maybe it’s just some kind of test or instruction for everyone, but there’s no sign of it. He just shakes her hand and moves on. I try to make sense of it. Has he recognized me the way I recognized him? What does this mean for me? For Leela?
Why am I thinking about Leela? The answers to that are obvious. She’s beautiful, smart, wonderful. She obviously would do a lot for those she care about…that’s why she’s here. All those things and more. I want to get to know her better. I want to keep her from getting hurt. I want to know how those amazing full lips of hers would taste against mine. How those green eyes of hers would look when they’re filled with desire… Yet this is the one place where feelings like that are going to be a liability. This is the Circus of Curiosities, and from now on we’re going to be in competition with one another, the same way that we’ll be in competition with everybody else here. I have to assume that Leela knows what she’s getting into.
Do any of us, though? Despite all the stories, do we really know what happens at the Circus of Curiosities? Maybe not, but I do know that I can’t afford to keep thinking about Leela, even though my body wants her. Even being this close to her is a distraction. I have a mission to perform, the most important mission of my life, and that has to come first.
Chapter 7
Leela
We still have to go to school, which is kind of surprising. I guess I was expecting that the circus people wouldn’t care about that kind of thing. They’d be too busy getting us ready for the performances. Yet one of the first things Dr. Dex said to us last night was that we had to keep going.
“Your education is important. The circus lasts only a little while. You will need to be ready for the rest of your lives. Anyway,” he added with a smile, “it isn’t like we’re starting straight away. Your performances won’t start for another two weeks.”
Two weeks. Now, in school, I find myself thinking about that. Mom is still sick. Sicker than ever, in fact. Doc Mitchell has come out to the house, but he hasn’t been able to do much for her. Like he says, “We don’t have the knowledge your Mom needs in Sea Cliff anymore, Leela.”
I know that. It’s why I need to get to the Center. The question is whether I can get there quickly enough. Two weeks, plus whatever time it takes to win through to the Center. That’s a long time to have to wait to help Mom.
“What are you thinking?” Thomas asks. We’re standing together in the hallway at school, waiting to go to our math class. He’s looking good today, in a plaid shirt and worn jeans. I guess he looks pretty good in most things, come to think of it.
“I’m just thinking about what it’s going to be like at the circus,” I say. “The training starts tonight.”
“I know,” Thomas says. He doesn’t look happy about it.
I reach out to take hold of his arm. “Please don’t make this difficult, Thomas. You know why I’m doing this.”
He sighs. “I know. Come on, we’re going to be late for class.”
We head for our math class, which means walking out through the open air to reach the classroom. There are people there, out enjoying the sunny day, either because they don’t have classes or they’re being slow about getting to them. Dr. Dex might be making all of us who have signed up for the circus stay in school, but there’s something about the presence of the Circus of Curiosities on the edge of town that makes Sea Cliff feel different, restless somehow.
I can see Zachary in the school yard. He’s standing with Ashley Wheaton, a pretty girl from his class who I think might be dating him. It’s hard to keep track when it comes to Zachary. There always seem to be so many girls around him, not that I can blame them. If I thought for one moment that he might look at me the way he looks at some of them…
Would I be able to do anything about it? Really? Every time I see him around, every time I’m close to him, it’s like I can’t think. I can feel myself starting to blush just looking at him now. Not that he’d ever look at me like that.
Except that he does. Right now, he’s talking to Ashley, but he’s looking straight at me, and that look is so intense. It’s the kind of look that I’ve dreamed of him directing my way. It’s the kind of look that seems to say he wants me, except that he can’t, can he? He’s with Ashley, and why would anyone want me when they could be with her?
Zachary says something to Ashley, and I see her glance at me with a look I can’t really read, but my attention isn’t on her. I’m watching Zachary, because he starts to walk towards us. He looks like he wants to talk to me and Thomas. Or maybe just me. What does he want? What is he going to say?
I don’t get the chance to find out, because right then a bunch of the school’s cheerleaders show up, surrounding Zach, forming a kind of wall around him. They start cheering, sounding like they’re in the middle of a big game.
“Who’s going to win at the circus? Z-A-C-H!”
They keep going, and some of the guys from the football team show up. I recognize Ellis from last night.
“You’re going to win the circus, man,” one of them says. Ellis doesn’t look very happy about that.
“You’re going to do this easily.”
“Think about it, a guy from our school, making it through to the circus’ national performance. You’re going to put Sea Cliff on the map.”
I see Zachary look around. He looks comfortable with the adulation, the way he does at a football game with everyone cheering him on. He looks like he was born for this, like he’s enjoying it. Looking at all this, it’s easy to guess why he signed up. Why wouldn’t he, when it could mean that he’ll get the kind of attention from the whole country that he gets from everyone at the school?
“There isn’t anyone who’s going to beat you, Zachary,” one of the cheerleaders calls out. I see Ellis turn around and walk off. I don’t feel much better. Everybody is so certain that Zachary Niles is going to be the one who does the best in the circus, meaning that he’s going to be the one who gets to go to the Center.
And that means that whatever I feel every time I look at him, whatever else happens, if I want to get to the Center to help Mom, I need to win. I need to beat Zachary. Just the thought of that makes me want to bow out right then. Even if I can bring myself to do that, how can I out compete the school’s star athlete?
Thomas seems to guess that something is wrong, because he takes hold of my shoulders, turning me to look at him.
“What’s wrong, Leela?” he asks.
“I guess I’m just feeling a little nervous about the whole circus thing,” I say. “Maybe it’s just that I’m tired after yesterday.”
Thomas shakes his head. “Leela, I know that you want to do this. I know what you said to me last night, but please, let me take your place. Mason and your mom need you too much.”
I smile at him. He’s such a good friend, better than anyone could ask for. Who else would offer to do something like this for me? Thomas smiles back, brushing back my hair. It’s such a simple, intimate movement.
“Will you let me do it?” he asks.
I hug him tightly, enjoying the feeling of being pressed close to him. I can’t tell him that I want to do this. That I need to do this, so I have to think of something else.
“Thomas,” I say eventually, “I don’t even think that they would let you do it. They’ve made their choices about who is going to take part, and they turned people down. It isn’t just a case of deciding that you’re going to do it. You can’t just step in.”
“You think they wouldn’t choose me if I asked?” Thomas asks.
I step back, shaking my head. “You mean the world to me, and I appreciate the offer, I really do, but even if they were to let you do it, I couldn’t let you. Your father’s gone, the same way mine is. The war’s taken both of them. You have to look out for your mother.”
“My mother isn’t sick,” Thomas argues. “She can look after herself easily. Besides, with how dangerous I’ve heard the Circus of Curiosities i
s…”
“It didn’t look very dangerous last night,” I point out. “Impressive, even difficult, but not too dangerous. I can do this, Thomas. You do believe that, don’t you?”
He looks at me seriously. “If anybody can, you can. But if you’re going to do this, then I want to tell you…”
He stops, because Zachary chooses that moment to walk over to us. He stands right beside Thomas, but it’s me he’s looking at.
“It’s Leela, right?” he says. “I saw you at the circus last night.”
I nod. “That’s right.”
“You’re competing.” He looks like he might say something else, but he looks around at Thomas instead, looking him over like Thomas is his potential rival, not me. I don’t get it, but Thomas seems to, because he looks back at Zachary with obvious dislike. Zachary shrugs. “I guess I’ll see you at the first training session tonight then, Leela.”
I nod, feeling a thrill run through me as he smiles at me before walking away. I try to remind myself that Zachary is one of my opponents, but that’s hard to do right then, watching him go. I find myself thinking about him practically the whole rest of the day. Thomas is quiet for most of it, barely speaking whenever we meet. Is he still upset because I won’t let him take my place?
I run home, stopping to shower and change into practical workout clothes. The dress I wore the other night looked great, but I guess that sweatpants and a t-shirt are going to be a lot more practical for circus training. I wonder what they’ll have us doing.
For a moment or two, I don’t feel so confident. I can remember everything that they were doing last night. The flips, the acrobatics, the way the woman climbed to the very top of the tent’s structure before falling precisely onto the top of the human pyramid there to catch her. I think about the fire eaters shooting jets of flame out over the audience, and the woman controlling the giant sloth, making it dance when it could so easily have ripped her to pieces.
I can’t do any of that. I can’t juggle, or do acrobatics, or anything like that. The closest I come to it is throwing myself off the cliffs into the water, and that isn’t the same at all. That’s easy. I’ve been doing it for half my life. I don’t think that it’s the kind of thing audiences are going to want to pay to watch.
I force back those feelings. Presumably, the reason why we’re training for two weeks before the performances start is so that we can learn the skills we need. They’ll assess us and find out what we’re good at. They won’t simply expect us to be good from the start. Besides, I’m as fit and athletic as anyone in school. It isn’t like all the other kids are supreme gymnasts or anything like that, is it?
That convinces me, though the thought of seeing Zachary again helps. I can imagine him, doing all the things that they did in the circus last night. I can imagine him doing anything. I say goodbye to Mason and Mom, then head out, hurrying over to the spot just outside town where the circus sits waiting.
I stand outside the big top there for almost a minute, just staring at it. I’m early, so I have the time. I look at the splendor of it, trying to think of what it must be like to perform there every night. What it must be like to have people applauding, and shouting your name. Then I smile, because it occurs to me that pretty soon, if everything goes according to plan, I’ll know.
Chapter 8
Dr. Dex is waiting for me in the tent, with the other kids he picked out of the crowd already there. Zachary is there, and Banford, and the rest. Dr. Dex smiles as I come in.
“Right on time. Now, tonight is going to be your first training session, but it’s important that you all work hard. There’s a lot for you to learn. First, I should introduce your trainers for the next couple of weeks.”
They walk out in their performance costumes, shining outfits with sequins and layers of iridescent cloth, but they aren’t here to perform tonight. They walk out one by one as Dr. Dex introduces them.
“First, we have our trapeze and high wire artists, Mr. and Mrs. Svenko.” A man and woman in identical silvery costumes step forward. Both of them are lithe and muscular, every movement they make in perfect balance.
“Our animal trainer, Senorita Carlita Montalban.” The pretty young woman who made the sloth dance, walks out, clad in her dark costume and carrying the whip she used to make it work. She looks dangerous, but she smiles as she steps out onto the sand.
Next comes Madame Berry, whom Dr. Dex says is their resident illusionist. Perhaps that explains why she’s standing in the middle of our crowd when she’s announced, making it look like she has appeared from nowhere. She’s a blonde woman in her late twenties, dressed in a suit of different materials that seem to shift and change as the light catches them. She produces a cloth from a pocket and waves it in a couple of passes. On the third one, she’s suddenly holding an elaborate fan.
She tosses it into the air, and it comes tumbling back to earth with a knife embedded in it. She lifts her hands in the air and smiles across the ring at the muscular man in his thirties standing there. The man is broad-shouldered, has a ruggedly handsome face with short blonde hair. He’s dressed in black from head to toe and has knives strapped to every surface of his body.
“Our knife thrower, Michael Nelson,” Dr. Dex explains.
The next one out is a slender, wiry looking man with brown hair with a square face which looks like it’s had been broken a few times. His costume consists of a white jumpsuit with bright blue stars, made of a stretchy iridescent material.
“Our stunt performer, T. Bone Rhodes.” Dr. Dex spins in a circle, gesturing to the entrance. “And finally, we have Cecil Starr, our lead fire eater.”
He’s a man in his late twenties, wearing all red, with shocking red hair that almost matches it.
“Now,” Dr. Dex says, “you’ll probably have noticed that there are ten of you, but only seven of them. Six, since the Svenkos will be teaching together. That means that some of you will have to share trainers. You’ll be working with multiple trainers tonight, so don’t worry. You’ll soon get a taste for everything. When I call your name and assign you to a trainer, please go with them. It’s important that we get as much done as possible.”
He sounds a lot more serious, and a lot less showy, than he did in the circus last night. I quickly find myself assigned to Cecil Starr, along with a tall, athletic looking girl named Sandy, who has hair as red as Cecil’s. I vaguely recognize her from school, but I don’t know her well, even though she seems very nice. It’s enough to make me wonder why I didn’t get to know her better. I see that Zachary has been paired with Senorita Montalban for training in what Dr. Dex calls animal “whispering”. The trainer takes a look at Zachary and smiles in a way that makes a quick twinge of jealousy shoot through me, even though I don’t know why.
I don’t have much time to think about that though, because my lesson in fire eating immediately starts. Cecil Starr turns out to be a good teacher.
“You can’t be afraid of the flame,” he says. “It can burn you, but if you understand it, you can easily control it.”
He demonstrates, spraying out a stream of propellant that makes a gout of flame. He has us do the same. It’s easier than I think it will be, though swallowing the fire at the end is the hard part. Cecil demonstrates it, not keeping the torch in his mouth for long and being careful not to touch the sides of his mouth. He builds up to that with us slowly, working us through drills where we spin and twirl the flaming batons first. Eventually though, I manage it, and the feeling as that torch goes out is amazing. I did it. Sandy manages it too. She’s so excited that she actually hugs me.
After a while, it’s time to switch trainers. Again, I find myself with a partner, and this time I’m paired with Banford the football player while we train with T. Bone Rhodes. Banford is polite, but there’s something else underneath that as T. Bone has us practice rolling and falling, making leaps and landings safely. Banford is competitive about everything. He wants to fall from higher than I do, to push harder. And he wants all
of T. Bone’s attention, seeming to have questions for him every time the stunt performer tries to work on something with me. I get the feeling that, for all his studied politeness, Banford won’t hesitate to tear apart anyone who gets in his way. I’m kind of glad when Dr. Dex announces that it’s time to change again.
This time I’m working with the Svenkos on the trapeze. It isn’t just me, because Zachary is my partner for this one. Mrs. Svenko takes me up high, to where the trapeze waits with a net below. She smiles when she sees that I’m not frightened by the height of it.
“Good,” she says. “Some of the others… they weren’t so good. Now, we’ll start with something simple. My husband Albere will teach the boy how to hold onto the trapeze, and you will hold onto his hand while you swing. Then you will let go and land in the net. Easy, yes?”
“I guess so,” I say. Suddenly, being up high is a little more intimidating. I have to rely on Zachary for this, rather than on myself. Still, I manage to hold on while he takes my hand, hanging upside down by his legs. He smiles, and something passes between us, a feeling of understanding, a camaraderie, like we’re in this together.
“It’s going to be fine, Leela,” he promises. Then we swing out over the net. It’s scary for that first instant or two. Then I realize just how strong Zachary is. He could hold onto me all day easily if he wanted to. That brings thoughts to me of just what that would be like. Having Zachary hold onto me all day. I don’t think I’ve been this close to him before, having to rely on him like this. It’s about absolute trust, and amazingly, I find that I do trust Zachary. I trust him a lot, and I like looking up at his muscular body straining to hold me on the trapeze even more. When I dismount, dropping into the nets, I stare up at him a moment or two longer, thinking about how amazing he looks there…and how amazing he feels holding onto me.