by Kailin Gow
Zachary turns me back to him just long enough to kiss me again, softly this time. Gently, his fingers brushing over my face while he does it. I kiss him back the same way, but even as I do it, I realize that I’ve forgotten to ask him what I was going to earlier, about Dr. Dex. I should be doing that, not kissing him.
He pulls back. “I know you’re set on continuing on with the Circus, but if it comes down to having to fight you, having to eliminate you so I move forward; I don’t think I could do it. Please Leela, we’re no longer training anymore. The competition begins in two days, and I don’t want to see you hurt or killed. I… I wouldn’t be able to keep going if that happened.”
“And my mother?” I ask. “What happens to her if I pull out? I’ve had this conversation with Thomas. Why does everyone want me to leave this competition so much?”
“Because we don’t want you to be hurt? I can make sure your mother gets the treatment she needs if I make it to the Center,” Zachary says. “Just pull out. I don’t want to have to compete against you like that.”
It’s sweet, and I don’t want to have to compete against him either, but if he’s that serious about it he can be the one to pull out, not me. I’m here to win. “I have to keep going, Zachary. The Center… it isn’t just about my mother now. It’s about answers. My brother has been away fighting the war. My dad is missing, maybe dead. There are too many things I need to know. Like how my mother could see Dr. Dex when he wasn’t there, and why she would suddenly get better after having seen him.”
Zachary looks surprised by that. “Your mother saw him? As if it were all in a dream?”
“Yes, then afterwards she was better than she has been in a long time.” I look at Zachary, trying to figure out what he knows. “Is that how you saw Dr. Dex before you met him?”
Zachary nods. “Kind of. But that’s because I can see things. It’s me doing it, I think. But if your mother saw him too, then maybe it isn’t just me. Maybe Dr. Dex has some kind of ability too.”
“Unless my mother has that ability,” I point out. I take a breath. “How did you really know about the mutants, Zachary? Did your grandfather really tell you, or did you see them?”
“I saw them,” Zachary admits. “I saw the Invaders in a vision, going into people, trying to join with their bodies. With some of them, they became the people completely. Those were the successful ones. They sounded the same, looked the same, but they just weren’t. The Invaders controlled them completely. With the ones like those Ellis saw, it wasn’t perfect. They’re a failure. A malfunction. Something the Invaders abandon to behave like animals.”
I shake my head, not wanting to think about those creatures. “And this has been going on as long as the war?”
Zachary looks at me. “Longer. Ever since the Invaders started reducing technology, breaking it back to levels that barely work. They’ve been doing this a long time, Leela.”
Technology. How far back have they taken us? No one knows for sure. Motor vehicles are rare. Computers almost unheard of. But what else was there, before the Invaders showed up?
“Where do you think Dr. Dex got those high-tech weapons of his from?” I ask. “How do you think he gets away with having so much technology in one place?”
Zachary looks uncomfortable at that, looking away out over the ocean. “I wish I could tell you that part, Leela, but just saying it would put you in danger.”
I spin him back to face me. He might think that because I let him kiss me that I’m somehow weak and in need of his protection, but he’s wrong. “You think I’m not in danger every minute I’m here?” I demand. “I’m part of this circus now, and if there’s something else going on here, Zachary, then I have a right to know that.” I’m almost angry now, despite how I feel about Zachary.
“Leela, where are you?” Thomas’ voice sounds closer now, and I look around at the sound of it. He’s walking down towards us along the beach. “Leela, there you are. I was looking everywhere for you.”
Zachary wraps his arms around my waist, stepping up behind me as I face Thomas. His arms are so strong. So powerful, yet I don’t stay there. I pull out of Zachary’s embrace almost straight away, feeling strangely guilty about being there while Thomas is there too. Why? Why should Thomas make a difference to it, even after he’s kissed me? He knows how I feel about Zachary. Yet something in Thomas’ eyes tells me that it does make a difference. Something in me too. Something I can’t quite understand.
“We heard about the end of the training from Sandy,” Thomas says, “so we’re all having dinner down at Frank’s restaurant. He wants to treat you. It’s going to be you, me, Mason, your mom, my family… we all want to show you how proud we are that you’ve made it through the training.”
“That sounds great, Thomas,” I say, and I let him take my hand. Then a thought occurs to me. “Wait a minute, did you say that Mom’s well enough to go to the restaurant?”
“Yes,” Thomas says with a smile, pulling me towards the path back up the cliffs. “Hurry. Come see for yourself.”
He pulls me along, and I don’t have the time to ask Zachary what I really want to ask him in that moment, which is how Dr. Dex might have done something like that. If he knows, then maybe we might be able to work out how to help her without having to go all the way to the Center for it. Maybe I can make her well again here.
But I can’t ask him that yet, because Thomas has me walking quickly back into town. I turn my head around to look back at Zachary, and he’s still there, looking at me, anguish on his face.
“What’s the hurry?” I ask.
“We need to be at the restaurant,” he replies, but somehow it feels like that isn’t the whole answer. Does it have something to do with that moment on the beach where he saw me and Zachary together? I know he’s kissed me, but he hasn’t said anything about it since then, and I made it clear how I felt. It can’t be about that, can it? Maybe we do just need to get to the Cliff View Restaurant before Frank’s food goes cold.
“Leela.” I look around for Zachary, because it sounds like he’s standing right beside me, as close as he was when he had his arms around me before. There’s no sign of him, but it is definitely his voice that I hear.
“Leela, it’s me, Zachary.”
I look around again, and again there’s no sign of him. Is this meant to be some kind of joke? Some game? I shake my head, knowing that it isn’t, realizing what it might be instead. If Zachary can see things at a distance and read the thoughts at the top of people’s minds, then maybe…
“Is that really you?” I whisper it, so low that even Thomas doesn’t hear me, but somehow Zachary seems to, wherever he is.
“Yes, it’s me. If you can hear this, then I’m sorry I can’t tell you about Dr. Dex. I’m sorry I can’t tell you everything. I know that there are a lot of things going on around the Circus of Curiosities that you don’t understand yet, but whatever happens, I’m there. I promise you, Leela. If you can really hear this, then you can trust me with your life.”
Chapter 16
Zachary
I’ve done everything I can to warn Leela away from the circus. I’ve tried to show her how dangerous it really is. I’ve tried to stop myself from caring about her too. That hasn’t worked well either, if what I feel as she walks away with Thomas is any kind of clue. At that moment, I feel as though my heart has been torn out. There’s this deep ache in me when I think about her, and how close I want to get to her. How is he that close to her? How, after we’ve just spent so much time kissing, can she just walk away with him?
The only good part about her walking away is that she’s going to dinner with her mom. If Leela’s mom is well enough to go to a big dinner to celebrate Leela getting through the training, then maybe, just maybe, she won’t need to keep going in the circus. Maybe her mom will be better completely soon. Maybe if I go to the restaurant too, I can persuade her of that part. I have to try. Leela Sinclair has come to mean so much to me, all I think about is how I can protect h
er, keep her safe, and alive.
So I walk back up from the beach, but that takes me back through the circus, and Dr. Dex is there. It’s like he’s been waiting for me. I need to talk to Leela, but I know I can’t avoid the ringmaster. With the talents I have, you’d think there would be a way to get a message to someone…
Maybe it’s worth a try. If Dr. Dex can speak to Leela’s mother without being there, maybe I can do the same with her. Maybe. I think hard about Leela, trying to remember the kind of feeling that I get when I’m touching someone’s thoughts enough to hear them. I concentrate on what I want to say.
“Leela,” I say silently, framing the thought. “It’s Zachary. Can you hear me?”
Why am I asking that? I don’t know if Leela will be able to hear me or not.
“I don’t know if you can hear this,” I continue, “but if you can, you can trust me.”
Dr. Dex is in front of me now. “Ah, Zachary. Just the person I wanted to see.”
He reaches out to put an arm around my shoulders. That’s enough to make me flinch, but I force myself to be friendly. The trouble is, I know too much about what the circus’ ringmaster is capable of. I know too much about the things he has done and the people his precious Circus of Curiosities has killed.
“Dr. Dex.”
He goes from light hearted to serious without a break. “What I’m about to say is of the utmost importance, Zachary,” he says, his grip on my shoulders tightening just slightly. “I know that you are capable of many things.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, trying to work out what I should say.
“Yes you do. You can read people’s thoughts, communicate through your own thoughts, and see things that haven’t happened. Those are just the start of this… talent, I think.”
I stay silent.
“Good,” Dr. Dex says. “You’re cautious about it. You should be. You need to use the abilities you have wisely, with discretion. There are too many in this world who would not like these gifts of yours. They would see them as a… threat.”
“What kind of people?” I ask.
Dr. Dex lets go of me, stepping away. “Not yet, Zachary. You’ll understand everything before the end. Everything you need to know. Right now though, it would just make things more difficult.”
I can’t question that, because there are too many things I want to ask about right then. I want to know how Dr. Dex knows about what I can do. I want to ask him what happened to Leela’s mother, and whether he really healed her. Before I can ask any of it though, the ringmaster steps away from me to look at me.
“Don’t fail us in the circus, Zachary,” he says, taking off the top hat that he wears for appearances. “We’re counting on you more than you know. You’ve read the instructions that I gave you, I know that. I need you to follow those instructions. Trust them. If you do that, you’ll reach the end. If you don’t…” he pauses, shaking his head.
“I know what will happen if I fail here,” I say.
“No, you don’t. You really don’t. Good night, Zachary.” Dr. Dex lifts his hat back onto his head again, tipping it just briefly before setting off the way I’ve come, down onto the beach.
Suddenly, I feel like I need to be home. Whatever is going on here, it’s so dangerous. I need to see my family. I need to be with them for a while. After all, there isn’t long before the performances start, and in the Circus of Curiosities, who knows what could happen?
*****
It’s finally the day of the first performance. Finally. We’ve been working so hard for this. Leela is there. She hasn’t given up. If anything, she looks more determined. She’s wearing the delicate yellow dress she was wearing that first night, when Dr. Dex announced all the people who had signed up.
Why am I staring at her? There are obvious reasons for that, she’s more than beautiful. She’s vibrant, close to perfect. But I’ve spent the past couple of days trying hard not to think about her, trying to push her out of my thoughts and my feelings for her, how good she feels in my arms and when we kissed, so that I can concentrate on what I have to do. On what Dr. Dex told me to do.
My mission. It’s so simple, but it means getting through this circus to do it. If I fail… Dr. Dex was wrong when he spoke to me out in the darkness. I know exactly what failing will mean. Not just my death, but so many more. Disaster, and not just for Sea Cliff. For the whole United. Maybe for the rest of the world. Assuming there is a rest of the world anymore. In Sea Cliff, it’s impossible to know. So whatever I feel, whatever I want, I have to focus.
It’s time to get ready for the performance, and I find myself still looking at Leela. She looks at me with those deep green eyes of hers, nods, and then looks away. There’s something wrong. Something that wasn’t there the last time I saw her. I can tell that. I want to ask her what’s wrong. No, I want to go over and kiss her to take the sadness off her face, but I can’t. She’s already hurrying off to get into costume for this first performance.
I thought that the big top was full the first time we showed up in it. Now though, there literally isn’t any room in it for more spectators. People from Sea Cliff are here. People from all the neighboring towns are here, having come in by horse and cart, or steam vehicle, or simply walked the long trip to be here. As I look around, so many of them look excited, like they know that this is a spectacle they’ll be telling people about for months, maybe years.
A few people in the crowd don’t look quite so excited. Parents with children performing. Brothers and sisters. I look around and find my parents. They look scared, with Mom clinging onto my father’s hand. Scared, but somehow proud too, the way all the parents look. Thomas and Mason look the same way when I manage to pick them out of the crowd, looking down at Leela with that curious blend of emotions that says they don’t want her there, but now that she is, they’re determined to be happy for her. There’s no sign of Leela’s mom. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by that, but somehow, I am. I guess I thought that if she could make it to the restaurant, she’d be able to make it out to see her daughter perform.
Whimsical circus music plays, pulsing, recorded beats put through speakers, the technology seeming almost magical to half the crowd there. The damage the Invaders have done has been so extensive that even such a simple thing seems impossible now. Clowns come out to the music, looking so different now that I’ve seen most of them around the circus without their make-up on. They perform their flips and turns, running along the edge of the hard plastic walls around the ring for the performance, seeming almost to run sideways along it sometimes before flipping off. They’re just a warm up though.
Dr. Dex strides out into the ring in his iridescent clothes and long coat. It’s like there’s a transformation when he walks in there. He’s confident enough outside it, but in there, it’s like no one can take their eyes off him.
“You should be proud!” Those are his first words, and he gets a cheer just with them. “You should be proud to have produced such a strong group of performers for us. Fine young men and women. Would you like to see what they can do?”
Another roar.
“Then let the show begin!”
The first act is the knife throwing that we practiced just a few days ago, but I realize as we do it that the ones of us who stayed will have an advantage. Sandy, Leela, the thin guy Sandy fought with, Banford, me. We all had a session practicing just this act, throwing knives to pluck fruit from each other’s heads, or hitting targets thrown into the air. The others have to keep up the best way they can, relying on the sessions they did at the start. Yet somehow they manage it, and there are so many knives flying about, crisscrossing in the air, that it seems almost like it’s raining them.
We get cheers for that, and I stand there, feeling the exhilaration of it while the crowd screams our names. We aren’t done though. Cecil the fire eating coach comes out with flaming torches, passing them to each of us. We know what we have to do by now, passing them back and forth so that the torches leave
trails of sparks in the air and burn after images into the audience’s eyes as they travel.
I hear the screams before I see what happens. I have the sense to catch my next torch, but then I look around. The guy Sandy fought with is on the ground, and he’s screaming. He’s screaming because he’s on fire. His hair. His clothes. Everything.
For a second, I don’t know what to do, but then I realize I should be trying to douse the flames. I even take a step forward, but then I see Dr. Dex. He isn’t staring at the stricken boy. He’s staring at me. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, he shakes his head. I don’t know what to do then. I want to help, but I know that I can’t. I can remember his instructions too well for that.
I think that I’m going to have to stand there and watch him die, but Ellis and Banford have other ideas. Ellis moves first, and Banford follows him automatically, the way he does on the football field. They run to find water, and come back with buckets of it, throwing it on the burning boy. The flames go out.
I sigh with relief, but then I see how bad the boy is burned and I think again. He’s alive thanks to Banford and Ellis. He might even stay that way if he’s very lucky and the town’s doctors can do anything for him, but he’s still burned. So badly burned that I know he’ll be scarred for the rest of his life. Just the thought of that makes me feel sick.
I search out Leela with my eyes, and she’s looking straight at me. There’s a kind of clarity to the way she’s looking at me, like she can’t quite believe what has just happened. I hope she does believe it though, because the Circus of Curiosities is going to get a lot more dangerous than this before it’s done.
Chapter 17
Leela
After what happens with the flaming torches, the only thing I want is to go to Zachary. To feel his arms around me as he tells me that it’s all right and that won’t happen to either of us. The thought of ending up burned like that, or worse, is a terrifying one. I want to spend my time with Zachary, just being close to him until everything I feel about the performance goes away. Yet I can’t. I know I can’t. We’re competing now, and if I don’t compete as hard as I can… it’s hard to keep images of burned flesh out of my mind, no matter how much I try to stop them.