by Kailin Gow
“Relax. I need you to relax, Leela.”
“That’s easier said than done,” I say. I look at him intently. “Have you seen anything for tonight? What are they going to make us do? Who’s going to die this time?”
Zachary steps back, holding me at arm’s length. He looks so worried in that moment. “Leela, you’re too wound up. You have to relax or it could be the death of us.”
“What?” I ask, my tension spiking with that. “What did you see?”
Zachary looks grim. “We’re all going out of the circus today onto the beach. They have bleachers and stands set up on the cliffs so the circus goers can watch from there.”
“The beach?” This is the first time I’ve been involved in something outside the big top, but I can’t help thinking back to the task Dr. Dex set one of the groups that wasn’t doing so well.
“We’re going to be diving into the water and searching for something in the deep.” Zachary looks almost as worried as I am now. “It’s a dangerous spot. There are sharks.”
I swallow at that thought. I’ve dived for oysters in the waters around Sea Cliff plenty of times. I should feel confident, but I also know that there are spots where it’s better not to dive. In the deeper water, it isn’t safe. It isn’t even close to safe. Even by the standards of the previous performances, this is dangerous.
And I know why. “Today’s the last performance before they pick a champion in tomorrow’s performance,” I say. “There are five of us left. They plan on eliminating more than one today.”
Zachary holds me tightly again. “This is the real test. The stuff in the circus; that’s just us. We can control it. We can make sure we don’t hurt each other. Out there in the ocean, it’s up to chance. I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect you out there.”
He looks at me so intensely then, but I shake my head.
“I don’t need your protection. I’m just as capable as anyone. Maybe more than you for this. Remember, I dove every day before this.”
“I know,” Zachary says. He touches my chin gently, lifting it so that I’m looking into his eyes. “But I can’t help worrying about you, Leela. I tried to fight it at first, but you know I’ve fallen in love with you.” He kisses me then, tenderly. Almost sweetly. “If anything happens to you…”
“I know.” I reach up to touch his face too, kissing him back for a moment. “But both of us have to continue.”
“Maybe if I can convince the others to pull out, we don’t have to go through this,” Zachary suggests.
I shake my head, looking over to the entrance, where Banford, Ellis and Ginny are all stepping out into the open air. They’re wearing swimsuits. “I think it might be a little late for that.”
Dr. Dex follows them out, walking over to us. “There you are. I thought for a moment that you weren’t going to join in our newest performance. There are swimsuits waiting for you in the dressing rooms.”
That’s what he says aloud. In my mind, other words come through.
“You will be facing a dive today, and it will not just be sharks in the water, but mutants. The mutants will not harm you if you hold still. It is the fear and panic of their prey they crave.”
As we head inside to get changed, it occurs to me that Dr. Dex has never helped us like this before. He’s never warned us about what might be coming. That surely isn’t a good sign about how dangerous this is. I’m still thinking about that when I look up to see a couple of the figures from the Center sitting in the stands around the big top, just watching us.
More of Dr. Dex’s thoughts come into my mind. “They enjoy the dive the most, because there is the most potential for carnage and fear. Human pain and suffering is one thing that they can feel, and those only when other people around them are feeling them. I think they experience them as pleasure. It’s one reason why they insist on the Circus of Curiosities being what it is.”
I look over at them. There’s a man and a woman, presumably the same two who have been around us so much. It’s a good thing they can’t pick up anything other than those emotions, because otherwise they would feel how much I hate them in that moment.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Dex says in my mind. “This is necessary to free us. Now, you must get ready. Remember your knife. You’ll need it for the sharks.”
I go into the dressing room and change into the small swimsuit the circus has provided. It’s an ivory white bikini, trimmed with small shells. There’s a belt with a knife sheathed on it too. I strap it around my waist. I step out of the dressing room to see Zachary coming out too. He’s dressed in swimming shorts the same color as my costume. I think we both spend more than a few seconds staring at one another before looking away embarrassed and realizing that we have to go.
It’s still light when we make it down to the beach. That’s good, because I’d really hate to do this in the dark, though I guess that’s not why we’re starting so soon after getting there. Instead, it’s probably so that people can see. The people working at the circus have built stands down on the beach, near a spur of rock that leads out to a patch of deeper water. I’ve dived with Thomas in plenty of spots around the shore, but I’ve always avoided this one.
Thomas is up in the stands, along with his mother, Zachary’s parents… everyone who was in the basement the other night. Seeing them there, it’s easy to realize just how important it is that Zachary gets through to the Center. More important than me getting there, now that I know they won’t do anything to help my mom other than making her one of them. I’ll do everything I have to so that Zachary makes it there.
Dr. Dex leads us out onto the rocky spur. “Below you,” he says, “there lies danger, but also treasure, in the form of a key. You have to try to retrieve that key, one by one.”
The younger girl Banford had gotten to know, Ginny, dives in first, looking confident. She disappears below the surface, looking for the key. Seconds pass, then minutes. Finally, something bubbles up to the surface. Something red. Blood. There are cries of disappointment from the crowd. I’m busy thinking about all the things that must live down there. It isn’t so far to where I used to dive with Thomas. If one of them had swam over…
Ellis goes next. He dives perfectly, and surfaces less than a minute later, holding something shining in his hand. The key. The crowd bursts into applause as he sets out for the beach. Suddenly, he stops, his arms thrashing.
I know the rules. I have to stop and watch. I have to leave him. And even as I know that, I know I can’t. I can’t just leave someone to suffer like that. Without hesitating, I throw myself from the rocky spur, spreading my arms in a perfect swan dive.
“No, Leela!” Zachary cries. “What are you doing?”
But it’s too late. The water is cold as I hit it, but I ignore that, powering towards Ellis. I draw my knife.
“Hold on, don’t panic, I’ll free you.”
I dive beneath the surface, not knowing what to expect. Certainly not what I see. Ellis is being held by a creature that seems almost human from the waist up, but from the waist down, it has the body of a gigantic seahorse, and the teeth clamping down on Ellis’ leg have to be more than human sharp. Even that isn’t the worst of it though.
The worst part is Ginny’s face looking up from that creature’s body. I thought she’d died. I thought she’d drowned or been eaten, but she’s one of them. A mutant. One of the Invaders’ changed creatures.
I come up for air, pulling on Ellis, trying to wrench him away from her. That’s when I feel hands on me, pulling me back. I look down, and I see them. More mutants, the same as the girl I once thought was human.
“Swim, Ellis! We need to get away.”
I hack at the ones below me with my knife, panicking as they grab me, dragging me down. These ones don’t bite me. They just hold me, as though knowing that drowning is far more frightening to me than anything they could do with their teeth. I can feel myself starting to run out of air…
There’s a splash in the water and strong han
ds hold me, but they aren’t pulling me down. Instead, I find myself at the surface, gasping for air as Zachary holds me. Nearby, there’s Banford, trying to fight the mutants with his knife.
“Hold still until you get your strength back,” Zachary says. “Hold still, Leela.”
I force myself to be still, wrapped in his arms, not moving even when Banford starts dragging Ellis to the shore. Even when the mutants make another grab for us. They pull us under, and I want to fight. I want to lash out with my dagger, but Zachary holds me. He holds me, and he kisses me, breathing air into my mouth when mine escapes above me in panicked bubbles. He holds me still, and gradually, I don’t feel so frightened.
The mutants let go of us, swimming out to fight with sharks over scraps of meat. I try not to think about where that meat has come from. I’m just grateful for the chance it gives us. We make it back to the surface and swim for the shore. It isn’t far, but with every stroke, I expect to be dragged down again. Drowned. Devoured.
Somehow though, we make it out onto the sand. Ellis and Banford are there too, but they’re screaming in pain, almost passing out. Ellis’ left leg is… it’s gone, and there are bites out of him elsewhere too. Not just from the mutants. The sharks must have gotten him. Banford is clutching at the stump of an arm, looking at it like he can’t believe it. Half his arm is gone.
People come down from the stands. Ellis’ girlfriend passes me a sweater and I use it to tie off his bleeding leg, hoping that I’m doing the right thing. Mr. and Mrs. Niles crowd around him and Banford, apparently administering first aid until they can find enough people to carry them home. It’s horrible to watch.
And that’s the moment when Dr. Dex pulls me and Zachary to our feet, lifting our arms aloft.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winners! These two will go on to our final performance tomorrow. I know you won’t want to miss it!”
Chapter 23
Zachary walks me home, taking his time as we both make it back through the tents, then down the streets through Sea Cliff. Maybe the fact that he has his arm around me while we walk has something to do with that. Or maybe it’s just that we’ve come through the Circus of Curiosities’ performances so far. Tasks that have killed or maimed so many other kids from Sea Cliff and the villages nearby. Sandy, Ellis, Banford… all of them, so badly hurt just for the entertainment of the Invaders.
“I don’t want to go home right away,” I say, and Zachary looks over at me.
“Me neither.”
“Can we… I don’t know, just keep walking?”
Zachary nods, and we do keep walking, heading around Sea Cliff, our arms around one another. There’s a memorial near the edge of town to the people who have fallen so far in the war, and it has a bench in front of it. Somehow we end up there, sitting on that bench, and I stare into Zachary’s eyes.
What will happen tomorrow? Will they make me fight him? That would be the simplest way of ensuring that there’s only one winner, but it doesn’t sound enough like the way the Circus works. It’s more likely that there will simply be one more task that’s too dangerous to leave both of us alive. Which means we might both be killed. This might, literally, be our last night alive.
I kiss him. I kiss Zachary like I never want the kiss to end, my hands exploring his body through his clothes. His hands wrap around me, pulling me tight to him while we make out hungrily, passionately. In that moment, I find myself wondering what it would be like to go further with him, and I want to, but that’s the same instant when Zachary pulls back.
“I should get you home,” he says.
“We don’t have to.”
He nods. “We do. I… I love you, and I want you, but not like this. Not just because we’re both scared about what might happen tomorrow.”
I try to argue that it’s not the reason, but Zachary takes me home anyway. It’s late when I get in, but Mason is still up, and Thomas is there with him. I say hi to both of them, but it’s Mom I hurry to see first, even though she isn’t awake, and doesn’t look like she’ll respond no matter what I do.
Even if I try telepathically? I don’t know if I can do it, but it has to be worth trying. After all, I can hear Zachary, Dr. Dex and the others, so why can’t I send messages too. I try to focus my thoughts on Mom.
“I made it to the end, Mom,” I try to send her way. “The final is tomorrow. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m going to make it through to the Center.”
Does Mom hear me? She seems to twitch in her sleep, but she doesn’t wake up, and there’s no sign that she’s about to communicate with me.
“She hasn’t woken up since you left,” Mason says, standing at the door.
I go over to hug him. “I know. I’m so proud of you, doing so much to help Mom while I’m away at the circus. I know it’s a lot to ask. It seems like you’re growing up so fast now, Mason.”
Thomas is waiting for me outside the room. Just from the look on his face, I can guess what’s coming next.
“Please don’t try to talk me out of this,” I say.
Thomas takes me by the arms. “You almost died today, Leela, and tomorrow will be worse. Please.”
“No.”
“Why are you even still doing this? You know… you know that it won’t help your mother.”
I nod. “I know, but that doesn’t change anything. I still need to get to the Center. Things can’t stay the same, Thomas.”
He shakes his head, then pushes me back against the wall, kissing me unexpectedly, kissing me hard, like all the passion he’s been holding back is coming out at once. He pulls back after a few seconds when I don’t kiss him back.
“I’ve loved you forever, Leela,” he says. “I’ve loved you since we were both five, and I’ve never stopped loving you. You have to know that.”
I reach up to touch his face. “I do know that, Thomas. You told me, remember.”
“But I want to make sure you know. This isn’t just some passing thing. I love you. I’ve always loved you. If I didn’t tell you…” Thomas steps back, looking away. “I didn’t want to risk not being friends with you, because I didn’t want to live in a world where I couldn’t at least be close to you. But I still loved you, and now, I have to tell you before it’s too late. I have to make you see.”
“You’re not going to persuade me to pull out,” I say. “Thomas, I’m set on this. I’m so close now.”
“I know,” he says. “I know you won’t pull out. You’ve always been so determined.” He smiles. “So stubborn. It’s part of what makes you strong. You don’t back down. You keep going when other people give up. It’s part of what I love about you.”
He starts to move forward like he might kiss me, but I stop him gently, with a hand touched to his lips. “Don’t, Thomas. I… I’ve cared for you too, for a long time, but it’s not you I’m with right now. It wouldn’t be fair if I let you…”
“What about what’s fair to me?” he asks. “I’ve loved you more than anyone, Leela. I’ve loved you so completely, but now I can’t even kiss you, and I’m so scared for you. You might be hurt. You might be killed, and what then? We’ll never get to kiss again. Never get to do anything.”
It’s an echo of the way I felt around Zachary, except that it isn’t Zachary. And as much as I’ve always liked Thomas, I’m not doing that. Not here. Not like this.
“I’m going to be fine, Thomas. I promise. I’m going to get through this. I’m going to get to the Center for the truth. For my mother. For every human in the United who hasn’t been replaced. I’m going to go through with the circus so that there don’t have to be any more circuses. Ever.”
Thomas nods then. “I understand, Leela. I know I can’t stop you. I… I’ll keep on taking care of things here. I’ll make sure Mason and your mom are fine. Because I love you. I’ve always loved you and I always will. I’ll still love you when Zachary is just a memory, and I’ll take care of them because they’re the closest people to you right now.”
“Tha
nk you, Thomas,” I say. “That means a lot to me.”
I don’t sleep so well that night, and it isn’t just thoughts of the performance to come. It’s thoughts of Thomas. Thomas and Zachary. Zachary and Thomas, spinning round and round in my head, interchangeably. Beautifully. I’m still thinking about them for most of the next day, drifting through the hours like they don’t matter, barely even thinking about the circus.
Those thoughts only come when it’s time to go there. I go in what I’m wearing, because I know they’ll have a costume for me. One last piece of show before the violence of it. I don’t mind, then. I’ll deal with it, whatever it is. I make it to the tent, and Carlita Montalban is there to help me into a costume a lot like hers, black and tight, made from toughened, padded cloth. I guess that there’s a practical side to it after all.
In the background, I can hear Dr. Dex making an announcement. Telling the audience that this is the final challenge and how proud they should all be.
“It looks like you’re on,” Carlita says, and I guess that’s another reason she’s there. To stop me running. The show must go on, after all. She hands me a pair of swords, more long knives, really, made from what seems to be a kind of strong acrylic plastic. “Time to go.”
I walk down into the ring, and Dr. Dex is there. “Here she is, the first of our finalists. Everyone give her a big hand.”
The roar of the crowd is deafening, and as it comes, Dr. Dex retreats behind the barriers around the ring to join the crowd. That’s when my heart starts to beat faster. By the time some of the circus hands wheel in a large box of a similar substance to my weapons, it’s racing.
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, watch our would be champion as she faces… the hydra!”
The front of the box falls away, revealing darkness within. Darkness in which more than a dozen eyes shine. I stand there for a moment, transfixed by them, and then they’re rushing forward at me. I throw myself aside as a head like a snake’s slams into the spot where I was just standing.