by Alicia White
“Now you know why I want to leave. I need to get out of this pack for a while. I want to have an adventure, a life. Maybe then I can come back here and my pack mates will see a woman. Right now, I’m still considered a victim. I try so hard to keep my head up, to not think about the past, but with everyone around me…it’s impossible. I still have nightmares. My wolf isn’t connected to me anymore. It’s a separate entity. Fuck…maybe I’m broken, and that’s why they don’t want me.”
“No…that’s not true. You aren’t broken. It’s obvious that you’re a survivor and you want to move forward with your mates. That tells me that you’re strong. As for the nightmares…I don’t know…I wish I had some advice for you. They will go away. Have you told anyone about not feeling connected to your wolf?” Emily couldn’t even begin to understand what Harper had been through. She’d never felt as if her bear wasn’t a part of her. It must be really scary for Harper to be experiencing all these emotions alone.
“I told my sister. If I told anyone else, I’m sure they would just feel sorry for me. I shift every night and run through the woods, but it’s like déjà vu, not like I’m actually inside the wolf, running.”
Emily passed the bottle back. This conversation was getting heavy. It may seem silly, but she really hadn’t expected the story that Harper had told them. She was positive there was a lot she left out. Maybe she was still dealing with the trauma and talking would help. She felt helpless.
“Braxton…it’s your turn.” Harper took a long pull from the bottle and passed it off to him.
“O–okay…” He took a deep breath and looked at them both, seeming really embarrassed and Emily prayed he didn’t have a similar story.
“It’s really hard to talk about.” He scanned the area and scented the air. Clearly he was afraid of being heard.
Taking a big gulp, he held the bottle by the neck and then closed his eyes. “I–I am…I like men.” He opened his eyes and stared at them both, obviously waiting for a negative reaction. When he didn’t receive one, he continued. “I know my mate has to be a man, I’m just afraid of how my family will react, especially my macho older brothers.”
“Do you think your family would really not accept it if your mate was a man?” Harper’s voice was sweet and full of acceptance. Emily smiled.
“I don’t know, but honestly, I really don’t think that they would.” He didn’t say any more and Emily wasn’t sure why his family wouldn’t accept it.
“Maybe they would. It’s not really your choice, it’s up to fate. I’m sure Prince Charming is out there looking for you right now.” Emily tried her best to be encouraging.
“Maybe you’re right,” he murmured, but didn’t sound convinced.
Emily felt bad for the guy. Here he was feeling disconnected from his pack, unable to tell his family that he preferred men over women. It must be hard to hold a secret like that inside and deal with it alone.
She thought about her own situation with Cole and Charlie. Her mates were here, they had accepted her, brought her to their home. What did it all mean? Her mind was a mess, and the alcohol was making her brain fuzzy as well as her speech.
“Here,” Braxton handed her the bottle. “Your turn.”
Emily accepted it, knowing it was a bad idea. She’d already had too much. She took a long pull. The alcohol was working its magic, making her body feel relaxed. She was glad Harper had given her food. Otherwise, she’d be passed out by now.
“I found out that Cole and Charlie were my mates when they came to our territory to retrieve a wolf named David.”
“Yeah…I heard about that. David wasn’t always a bad guy. He was really nice and completely dedicated to his mate. When she got killed, he snapped.” Harper’s eyes were sad now, her shoulders slumped.
Emily didn’t know the whole story, but she could imagine losing one’s mate would be horribly painful. Most shifters didn’t survive for long after their mate died. It was just the way things went. It was impossible to live without your heart and soul.
“That’s when I met them. It was weird because I was immediately attracted to them. I wanted to throw myself in their arms. The feelings inside me were that strong.” Emily nodded and took a drink, huffing out a breath before continuing. “I always had this plan. I would meet my mate or mates, they would be bears, and we would have a family with little cubs running around.” Those beautiful dreams filled her mind, and her eyes grew misty. She wasn’t a crier, not usually, but she was feeling mushy.
“You can still have that…don’t cry. Do Cole and Charlie mistreat you? Because, if they do, we’ll go over there right now and kick some ass.” Harper growled, coming to her defense, and Emily sniffled. It was nice to have some friends to talk to.
“No,” she paused, wondering if she should tell the whole story. After a moment of silence, she decided since they had both been so open and honest, she needed to as well. “I met this shifter once. He was a wolf. He and a few of his pack mates came to Alaska for a hunting trip. Anyway, I was young and naive. The crush was instant for us both, or so I had thought. He was so good looking, and he made me feel pretty and wanted. One night I snuck out to go be with him and I came upon him talking to his friends about me.” Emily swallowed the lump in her throat as the emotions of that night came flooding back.
“I was almost to the campsite. They were sitting around a fire, drinking beer. I stopped and smiled, checked my outfit, and took a step forward. The words I heard next…froze me. I stood where I was and listened to words my heart didn’t believe.” After a few nods of encouragement, she continued her story. “One of his friends asked him if he was going to fuck that fat bear chick again.” Harper and Braxton both gasped, and Emily’s eyes filled with tears. The story was painful, and admitting it was incredibly embarrassing.
“What a fucking jerk!” Harper yelled.
“He’s an idiot. You’re beautiful.” Braxton shook his head, his face full of sympathy.
“He told his friends he just wanted to try a bear out, that it was no big deal and I meant nothing to him. Like I was a piece of trash or something.” Emily wiped her eyes. “He said I smelled and that he had to take three showers to wash the stench away. I just stood there, unable to walk away, my heart exploding in my chest as they all laughed…at me. Since that moment, I’ve always been uncomfortable around a wolf who was interested in me. I’m a bear, and I should be with my own kind.” Emily shook her head.
“Emily, you had one bad experience with a wolf. That doesn’t mean Charlie and Cole are the same as that douche.” When she looked doubtful, Braxton spoke again. “It’s true and I can prove it.” She lifted a brow. “It’s obvious to anyone around. They both claimed and marked you.” He winked. “You aren’t just a bear, and they aren’t just wolves. You’re both human as well. I’m sure you can have children. What they shift into…I don’t know. Perhaps they won’t be able to shift at all or maybe they’ll be a hybrid, a mixture of bear and wolf.”
“Can you imagine that?” Emily crinkled her nose, not wanting to picture hybrid children. How would that even work?
“Yeah, I can.” Harper smiled at her, a real, honest-to-God, light-up-the-forest smile that totally transformed her face and made her completely beautiful. “Your children would be a force to be reckoned with. The best of both worlds. The wolf is loyal, intelligent, and friendly. The bear is fierce, smart, and cuddly. What happened in the past is just that, the past. Charlie and Cole aren’t like that. I’ve known them for a really long time. They’re good guys.”
Cuddly? Emily wanted to laugh, but didn’t. “I guess I’ve never thought of it that way. I don’t know anymore, maybe that whole child thing was just an excuse. I kept thinking that any offspring wouldn’t fit in and would always feel alone, like an outsider. Maybe it was me that thought I would feel that way.”
“I’m fully wolf, and I feel like an outsider. It’s not because my pack makes me feel that way. It’s in here.” Braxton touched his chest, right over his h
eart. “You should know that Gabe and Josh are great Alphas. They’re both mates to a human, Nicole, and would welcome any shifter that wanted to join our pack. I can also say, Charlie and Cole would do anything to make you and any children feel included.”
“Are there any other types of shifters here?” Emily asked. She’d just assumed the pack was only wolves.
“Actually, yes.” He grinned. “We just welcomed this really sweet bear shifter into our pack.”
“Hahaha…besides me.” Emily couldn’t stop the smile from forming. The truth was, she did feel welcome, besides of course, that silly incident in the grocery store.
“There are a few others. They join the pack for events here and there but mostly stay to themselves. Some tiger shifters came here a while back. I’m not sure what their story was, but I hear their species is on the verge of extinction and they just wanted a safe place. Our Alpha offered it to them, and the rest of the pack is quite welcoming.”
Emily could only nod in understanding. It was strange to hear what Braxton was telling her. Most shifter species kept to themselves. It was a nice change. Putting the bottle on the ground, Emily rubbed her tired eyes and yawned. She was exhausted. After going days without sleep because of her intense heat, she was in need of some rest. Only one question remained…Was she staying?
“We’re not leaving are we?” Braxton exhaled loudly, and Emily cracked open her eyes, watching as he shook his shaggy brown hair.
“I don’t know. Should we run away from our problems or face them head-on? It would be easy to leave right now, but what would that really accomplish? Harper…you would be leaving Adrian and Evan when, in reality, you should step up and claim them like the strong woman you are. Braxton…I just bet the man of your dreams is closer than you think. As for me…I need to face my fears. My mates have already claimed me, and now…”
“You need to claim them.” Harper spoke up, cutting her off.
Braxton harrumphed. “Crap…I was really looking forward to an adventure.”
“I’m glad you followed me, Harper. You, too, Braxton. I really needed a friend and someone to talk to. I have to say, this conversation has been really enlightening.” Emily grabbed the bottle, took another sip, and handed it off.
She really needed to keep that bottle away from her. She was already three sheets to the wind. At this point, she doubted she could even shift. She would be stumbling around the woods on her way back home. Home. That’s where Charlie and Cole were and where she should be. In the silence, Emily listened to the fire crackle and pop. Wolves howled out, and she briefly wondered if they were shifters or the real deal.
“I hate to cut our bonding time off, but that was Adrian and Evan’s howls I heard mixed with a few others in our pack. I have been warned.” She hiccupped and burped at the same time. “I am not allowed to run out here alone. If they catch me, one or both have promised retribution.” She grinned. “At least I think it was a promise, but it could’ve been a threat. Hmmm…a spanking will be in my immediate future if caught. So we can either wait here or head back and try to ditch them.” Harper stood on shaky legs. Holding out her arms, she tried to steady herself. The woman was tiny, and with the amount of alcohol she’d had, she was no doubt trashed. Shit…they weren’t going to make it anywhere without some help.
Emily bit her lip. It would be hard to tiptoe out of the woods and make it back home without making a ton of noise. She could picture the three of them now, holding on to each other for support, stumbling through the night. If these two were as faded as she was, then this was going to be one hell of a journey. Heck, this was their little adventure.
“Will they really spank you?” Braxton asked, and although Emily thought he might be concerned, he sounded breathless. Maybe he secretly wanted to be spanked.
Just then a picture formed in her mind. She was bent over Charlie’s muscular thighs. He would pull her jeans and panties down before rubbing his calloused hand over her ass. She panted a bit and kept her moan inside. Both those men had a strong effect on her libido. Hell, every time she saw them, she wanted them. Two sets of hands, two tongues, and oh lord, two cocks. Spankings, fucking, and kissing…oh, my.
“Someone must be thinking about her mates.” Emily jerked back to reality at Braxton’s knowing words. Damn shifters. It was impossible to fantasize when everyone had the capability of smelling your arousal.
“Harper…it’s your choice, sweetie. We can try to return together or we can wait.” Emily shrugged. She really didn’t care at this point. What was the worst that could happen to her? Charlie might spank her. Darn…that would suck…not.
“I say we wait.” She grinned mischievously. “I want to see if Adrian and Evan will make good on the threat slash promise.” Harper dropped back to the ground. It was probably best to wait for the search party. Hell, the three of them wouldn’t make it back. It was the blind leading the blind.
“I wouldn’t mind being spanked. I can picture it now, a big, strong man.” Braxton growled, and Harper giggled.
Yep, these two were her new friends. Emily smiled. She had finally told someone of her shame, and instead of feeling utter despair, she actually felt better. That guy was wrong, plain and simple. She should’ve let go of that years ago, instead of holding on to his words and allowing them to fester. Slumping back, the three of them sat in silence as the howls moved closer. Excitement and anticipation filled the air. Hmmm…this may be a good night after all…
Chapter 11
Charlie and Cole sat at the house for far too long waiting on Emily. As the sky started turning darker, panic set in. Was she in danger? Did she get lost? Finally unable to wait any longer, Charlie jumped up. It was time to form a search party. He contacted a couple of the other sentries, Adrian and Evan, two of the best trackers he knew. He also contacted Thomas at his motel just to make sure that Emily hadn’t run to him. When Thomas learned the whole story, they all met at their small house.
His heart pounded frantically, pumping him up and making him anxious. With all the recent activity lately, he was becoming more worried with each passing minute. He paced in front of their home, and when everyone finally arrived, Charlie didn’t wait for them to shift. He stripped. The five of them shifted and took off, moving into the forest, through the dense trees.
The five of them fanned out, staying about thirty yards from each other to cover more ground. He inhaled deeply, letting the different scents from the forest wash through him. The only scent that didn’t belong was a fire. It wasn’t big or spreading, so he didn’t need to call for help. It was probably just a little campfire. Since it wasn’t too far away, he headed in that direction, knowing that the others would follow his lead.
They moved silently, five giant predators. If Emily was in danger, they wouldn’t have any problem handling the issue. Hell, if someone had his mate, they’d be dead. Emily was a claimed and marked female. His mark of ownership was all over her delectable little body, and he felt an immense sense of pride. He and Cole were blessed with such a beautiful little bear. He hoped like hell that she would come to them sooner rather than later. He didn’t know how long he would be able to wait, but he would. For her…he would do anything.
Charlie slowed his pace, watching each step he made. He didn’t want to alert anyone to his presence. Moving closer toward the small amount of light seeping through the trees, he inhaled. The familiar smell of Harper…Braxton…and his little bear filled his lungs. A huge feeling of relief rushed through his system, and Charlie shifted, taking the last couple of steps toward the clearing on human legs.
He crouched down and stared at Emily. Her skin was glowing, her long, blonde hair flowing freely. The fire created a halo around her, and Charlie felt as if he couldn’t catch his breath. She was glorious, and she was still here in their territory. She hadn’t left them. Instead, Emily was sitting around a fire with Harper and Braxton. The three of them seemed to have bonded over…he inhaled…alcohol. Chuckling silently, he waited for the others t
o catch up.
Once he was surrounded by the other men, he waited for them to shift. It wasn’t a big deal that none of them had clothes. That was the norm. They stood there for a few minutes listening to the conversation play out between Emily, Harper, and Braxton. At one point, Evan and Adrian tried to push past him, but he grabbed their arms and gave a firm shake of his head. They wanted to charge in and grab Harper. He knew what their intentions were, but it wasn’t quite time. The three of them were being quite vocal, sharing personal information. Right now, this was the perfect opportunity to learn more about Emily.
Listening closely, he heard Emily’s sweet voice as she talked about her past. There was a wolf that she had cared for, and he broke her heart. Charlie’s brows furrowed as she relived the pain, her voice cracking multiple times. He wanted to rush in, to pull her into his arms and hold her, but he refrained. She obviously needed to talk about this, and maybe once she confronted the past, she would be able to move forward and accept her future.
Charlie tightened his fists, shoving his sharp nails into the palms of his hands. He needed to hear this, even if he’d rather plug his ears. He needed to understand her better. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Cole’s face. Jaw tight, eyes squinting, muscles firm. He looked exactly how Charlie felt. Shaking his head, Charlie stared back at Emily and could see tears spilling down her cheeks. His aching heart broke in that moment.
How could some stupid fucking wolf destroy her self-esteem? Doesn’t she know how beautiful she is? Doesn’t she realize how much she means to me, to us? Fuck…if I ever find that guy, I’m going to pound his face into the ground. This was her issue? Could this truly be her fear? Does she really think that my mouth doesn’t salivate every time I smell her?
Harper and Braxton’s immediate reactions made him proud. He nodded his head in agreement and was glad that she wasn’t alone. The conversation finally moved on, and Emily giggled, bringing a smile to his face. Maybe she would heal. When Braxton mentioned leaving, he felt his muscles bunch. Would she really leave us? Her response helped him to calm down and bit, clearing his fuzzy vision. Finally able to breathe once more, Charlie took a deep breath, ready to break up the party.