In fact, Nick was now realizing, he didn’t really know anything about Alexander, did he? He’d told Alexander about his job (such as it is), his family (or lack thereof), his hopes and dreams (limited though they may be), and Alexander hadn’t told him anything about himself in return. He could have a boyfriend. He could have a wife.
But Nick had spent his weekend in a post-coital haze, actually enjoying his life for the first time in a while, letting his mind wander between remembering his night with Alexander and imagining future ones. Then Monday had rolled around and his office’s ad-hoc open-air terrace had been sealed off and he’d had to return to the real world. He’d spent the week buried elbow-deep in extremely sloppy contracts, which had kept his mind occupied and away from Alexander Alexander I wonder what Alexander is doing I wonder where Alexander is I wonder if Alexander is thinking about me I’ll get to see Alexander on Friday.
And now it was Friday and Alexander wasn’t here. It was Friday, Nick had barely slept at all the previous night due to the combination of a promise to get someone a document on Thursday (which, as everyone knows, means “before the office opens on Friday”) and excitement about the prospect of seeing Alexander again, and Alexander wasn’t here. It was four in the afternoon and Alexander was clearly not going to show up.
And to make matters worse, the office was finally relatively quiet, which left Nick with barely anything to distract him from his exhaustion and his disappointment. Last night a number of the senior partners left for the Bay Area to work on the negotiations for a two-billion-dollar waterfront development deal that Furmalis Brown had been putting together for more than a year. Robert Furmalis, the chairman’s son, was in charge of the project, and it had already attracted plenty of media speculation and public controversy; the local government was doggedly supporting the project, citing increased revenue, but local residents worried about noise and declining property values, and national conservation groups were making dire predictions about the environmental impacts of the project if it were to proceed. Nick was sort of glad that he’d managed to avoid working on the whole thing, though it would have been a boon for his career.
So now, with the cats away, the mouse that was Nick was not playing but rather agonizing over why Alexander had vanished, wondering whether he’d ever see him again, and hating himself for developing such a ridiculous set of expectations after what amounted to a one-night stand. Sure, there had been a lengthy and bizarre courtship leading up to it, but when it came right down to it, Nick had slept with a guy he’d barely known and for some reason expected that it would turn out differently from all the previous times he had slept with guys he’d barely known — for some reason wanted it to turn out differently.
As Nick sat at his desk, glaring miserably at his keyboard and trying not to look up at his unobstructed view of the city, an instant message from Emma popped up on his screen.
Emma: Furmalis-free friday!! let’s go have coffee? late lunch?
Nick didn’t particularly want to socialize with anyone. Or leave his office. He mostly just wanted to sit there and wallow. But he was still rational enough to acknowledge that his wallowing was both unproductive and slightly pathetic.
Nick: add some whiskey to that coffee and you’re on.
Emma: uhoh, bad day?
Nick: something like that.
Emma: i’m on it. meet you in your office in 5min.
Nick would wallow for five more minutes. Then he would go out with Emma, and get a little tipsy, and let her boundless perkiness rub off on him a bit. And he wouldn’t think about Alexander. Because Alexander wasn’t there.
Chapter 7
Nick had managed to get six continuous hours of sleep in his own bed, so already this Friday was looking better than the last one. Then again, he thought as he stepped from the lobby into the crowded elevator, perhaps six hours wasn’t enough, because he seemed to be hallucinating. Specifically, his hallucination took the form of Alexander, clean-shaven and in a well-tailored suit, carrying a silver briefcase and staring up at the little news screen with the weather forecast.
Nick blinked slowly, looked away, and looked back. Nope, still there.
Then the Alexander hallucination’s eyes met his and did a double-take.
The Alexander of Nick’s subconscious wouldn’t be surprised to see him. The Alexander of Nick’s subconscious wouldn’t be wearing a suit — he probably wouldn’t be wearing anything at all, but certainly not a suit — and he definitely wouldn’t have such an alarmed expression on his face. Though it didn’t make any sense, all signs were pointing to this Alexander being flesh and blood rather than a hallucination.
Nick opened his mouth to say something, but Alexander quickly looked away and gave a tiny, barely perceptible shake of his head: No. Nick swallowed his words along with a knot of disappointment. He suddenly felt dizzy, like the ground had been kicked out from under him.
After gaping at Alexander for a few more seconds, Nick turned his back, facing the front of the elevator. He looked at the bank of buttons, trying to tamp down the overwhelming combination of anger, confusion, and humiliation that he was feeling. He’d finally given up hope of ever seeing Alexander again, and now here he was, in a situation that made no sense. Nick felt like he was being mocked, though whether it was by Alexander or by some malicious god he couldn’t be sure.
As the elevator ascended, people gradually filtered out, until the only occupants left were Nick, Alexander, and some tall, blondish businessman Nick had never seen before, who was standing next to Alexander and also squinting at the little news screen. The buttons still illuminated were 20, Nick’s floor, and 30, the chairman’s suite.
Alexander was here, and he was wearing a suit, and he was heading up to the top floor, and he wanted to pretend that he didn’t know Nick. Well, Nick thought, I guess this counts as closure in some weird way. He leapt out of the elevator as soon as the doors slid open on the 20th floor. As he hurried to take refuge in his office, though, he glanced backward. He just barely caught the distressed look on Alexander’s face as the doors closed between them.
***
It was not Nick’s most productive morning. He spent the next few hours staring blankly at the Slate homepage, his feelings alternating between inexplicably furious at Alexander (it’s not that it didn’t make sense for him to be angry at Alexander, it’s just that now he wasn’t sure what exactly he should be angry about), maudlin with self-pity, and just plain confused.
He thought about taking a vacation. Maybe some time away from work and away from L.A. would be good for him. Take in some scenery, procure some good weed, read one or two of the books that had been sitting on his coffee table for years, perhaps pick up someone tall and skinny and well-groomed and not-British and have an exorcism fuck.
He’d gotten as far as typing “where to travel to get over a weird relationship with someone you thought was a window washer but may have a secret” into the Google search bar when the door to his office opened and Alexander, after checking both ways down the hallway, ducked in.
Before Nick had a chance to say and/or shout anything, Alexander was holding up his hands placatingly. “Nick, I am so, so sorry. Please give me a chance to explain.”
Nick crossed his arms and wiped his face of emotion. “A chance to explain why you didn’t contact me after we fucked, or a chance to explain why you were suddenly in the elevator today wearing a suit and heading to the top floor?”
Alexander winced. “Both, I hope. Nick, can I trust you?”
Can he trust me? What kind of question is that? He doesn’t know me. I don’t know him. Would I trust him? Nick let out a long breath. “Sure, why the hell not.”
“I am not, as you may have surmised, actually a window-washer.” Alexander leaned against the bookcase, giving Nick space.
“Yeah, got that, thanks. Though that raises the question of why you were washing my windows.”
“I was doing surveillance.”
“You were what
? You were spying on me? For the firm?” Nick sputtered.
“No, no,” Alexander interjected. “I was spying on George Furmalis. It had nothing to do with you. You were an unexpected perk of the job.”
“Well, that’s flattering. Makes me sound like an iPhone your boss gave you for Christmas.”
“Trust me, love, you’re much sexier than an iPhone. And much more fun to play with.”
Nick glared at him. Really? You’re going to flirt with me right now? Alexander looked chastened. “Wait, why were you spying on Furmalis? Is the FTC doing black ops now?”
“Well, sort of. It’s a secret branch of the government that investigates high-profile suspects. Heads of states and the like. It’s called the SAX. Have you ever heard of it?”
Nick barked out a single, sarcastic laugh. “Right. And I’m an alien lizard wearing human skin so that I can achieve world dominance. Through chemtrails.”
“I am being entirely serious, darling.”
Nick checked Alexander’s face, and sure enough, there was no sign of levity to be found. “You’re telling me that there is secret government branch that takes down high rollers.”
“Yes, it’s very real.”
“By watching their employees disguised as window washers.”
“Well, not always as window washers. But yes.” Alexander looked at his watch, a giant tacky gold thing. “I would be delighted to answer all of your disbelieving questions later, but could we table them for now? I’m in a bit of a hurry to get out of here. We just did an case on Furmalis.”
“Because of the waterfront deal?”
“Exactly. The window-washing gig was the perfect opportunity to observe Furmalis and the partners he works with most closely so that I could get more intel on who he was close to and interrogate them later. Granted, I did have to wash a lot of windows. But really, it was ideal, because nobody pays attention to the window-washer. Well,” Alexander cast Nick a meaningful look, “almost nobody.”
Nick wasn’t sure if he’d ever been in such a state of bafflement before. “Wait — what? Secret interrogations?”
Alexander dismissed the questions with the wave of a hand and plowed on. “Marvin — he’s been leading the mission, he’s the squinty chap who was next to me in the elevator — is the one who so rudely interrupted us the other weekend. He told me I needed to head to Phoenix immediately to tail Furmalis’s wife before she left with her girlfriends for a trip to Thailand. And then I had to go straight from there to San Francisco to follow Furmalis’s son to the negotiations and consult with partners from the FBI.”
After checking to make sure Nick was still with him, Alexander continued. “By the time I got back to L.A., we were deep in the final planning stages and I couldn’t get away. But I had always been planning to come here and find you before I left town — I just didn’t expect to run into you in the elevator surrounded by witnesses before I’d had a chance to explain.”
This was a hell of a lot of information for Nick to take in at once, but one piece stood out in particular. “You’re leaving?”
“I am. It’s never a good idea to stick around after an investigation, so they send me abroad. I keep a low profile.”
“Where are you going?”
Alexander smiled slightly, and it was both rueful and hopeful. “That rather depends on you. Specifically, whether you’ll come with me, and where you’d like to go.”
“You — I — what?”
Alexander stepped away from the bookcase and toward Nick. “We need a new member for the team, and I know you’d be perfect for it. Research, coordination, salvaging disasters… keeping me in line.” At this, Alexander threw in a suggestive wink. “Occasional gunplay, but not too much, I promise. The pay is inconsistent but when it comes it’s very good. Not legal, strictly speaking, but you probably could have guessed that.”
“Hold on, so you are a secret agent.”
Alexander smiled. “More or less.”
Nick swirled the dregs of his last cup of coffee around in the mug and thought about what Alexander had just revealed to him. “You really think I would be good at it?”
“Nick, love, I am very good at reading people. You thrive under pressure, you can hold a hundred details in your mind at once, you like to see projects through to the end and then move on to completely new ones. You hate your job because it’s monotonous and unchallenging. I knew all that before I even talked to you. And then I learned about your military training in the background check I ran on you , and that you didn’t have anything or anyone tying you down here, and… well, I was going to ask you sooner, to give you a little more time to decide, but my emergency trip to Phoenix threw a spanner in that whole plan.”
A bizarre thought occurred to Nick. “Wait, did you stage the scaffold breaking so that you could talk to me?”
Alexander chuckled. “No, that was sheer luck, I’m afraid. I even called Marvin to help get me out and he refused, saying it would attract too much attention. Up until then I had been resigned to admiring you from afar, but thankfully I had a chance to discover that you were even more fun to admire from close up.” He grinned devilishly and leaned in with an exaggerated conspiratorial tone. “I guess you could say… that was only the start of my falling for you.”
“Oh my god, Alexander.” Nick swatted his shoulder. “That’s the worst pun anyone’s ever made in the history of language.”
“If you think that’s bad, love, just wait until you hear all of my X-rated pick-up lines. I’ve had years to amass them.” Alexander winked, but his expression suddenly sobered. “Come travel the world with me, Nick. You’ll see more cities than you even knew existed. I should very much like to shag you in each of them, but that’s optional.”
Nick stood up and stepped closer to Alexander. He felt as though he were standing on a precipice, trying to decide whether to jump. Behind him: the life he was familiar with, a life of business meetings and hastily-snatched sleep and coffee gone cold. Stretched out in front him: an unpredictable landscape of danger, intrigue, and instability, one he hadn’t even known existed until ten minutes ago.
Behind him was the certainty of a stable job, a steady income, waking up to the same sunrise every morning and working through the same sunset every evening.
Ahead of him, the only certainty would be uncertainty. And Alexander by his side.
Nick held his hand out to Alexander. Alexander took it. And together, they jumped.
Also by Marina Lander
Other Gay Romance by Marina Lander
Short Stories:
Hold Me Down
Caught On Camera
Finally Full of You
Soft Kiss
More Than A Taste
Quick and Dirty
Full-Length Works:
Pushing Boundaries
Coffeeshop Kisses
Finding Truth
Om Is Where The Heart Is
I Can See Clearly Now (Gay M/M Comedy Romance) Page 3