“Of course you will.”
Georgie shook her head, flushing with shame. She took a sip of tea, and it was difficult to swallow.
“If you think it will help to talk, I can listen. It may be all I can do, but . . .”
Georgie nodded and sniffled. “I think it might. Help, I mean.”
Faye reached for a blanket at the end of the bed and pulled it around Georgie’s shoulders. “Whenever you’re ready.”
She blew out a soft breath. “You know we met at school. Ian and I. One of his roommates wanted to ask my roommate out, so we doubled. It was like the stupid, sappy, love-at-first-sight scene in the movies. He was this gorgeous older RM who was doing his roommate a favor, and I was the young sophomore thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, I can’t believe Ian Hudson is asking me out.’ And then . . . he fell for me.” Georgie lowered her eyes. “I really believe he did. You know how powerful that is, to have someone like that fall hard for you? It was intoxicating.”
Faye nodded and rubbed Georgie’s arm.
“Everything and everyone disappeared when I was with him, and he spent any free time making sure we were together. It was flattering . . . something from a book. The first few months were a dream. He met my family over Thanksgiving. His manners were perfect. He impressed the heck out of my parents. We had fun. I was so gone for him it was ridiculous.”
“Mm, I remember your dad mentioning it on the phone.”
Georgie nodded. “After we were back at school, he began saying things. He told me I was laughing too hard at his roommate’s jokes, and when we’d walk on campus, he’d jerk my hand and ask me where I was looking. I didn’t know what he meant, but I realized that if we were passing other guys, he would watch me to see if I was, I don’t know, checking them out. I’d just be walking with him, enjoying the day and holding his hand, and then, bam, he’d jerk my hand and ask me where my eyes were. I laughed at first and told him that was ridiculous. That was a mistake. I started walking with my eyes down.”
Faye shook her head. “You’ve always been so precocious. So confident. Even when you were little, your eyes were up, looking around you.”
Georgie leaned her head to the side. She couldn’t disagree. She remembered that little girl and, once again, couldn’t connect the dots between that person and who she’d become with Ian. “I wasn’t one of those girls, Faye, in need of authority or desperate for love. I have a good relationship with my dad. The guys I grew up with were my friends. I just didn’t see it coming. I keep remembering my Mia Maid teacher drilling it into our heads to marry a returned missionary. To date a returned missionary. Why would I keep my guard up when his values and morals matched mine, right?” She shook her head. “I’d heard him teach, bear his testimony. It was beautiful.” She reached for a pillow and rested it on her lap, absently running her fingers over the ruffled edge. She frowned. “He began insisting on driving me everywhere I had to be. He became very critical of how I looked, accusing me of trying to impress others. But in front of people, he was attentive and happy.”
“Which was confusing to you, I bet.”
She nodded. “And did I stand up for myself? Did I tell him he was making me uncomfortable? That he was going too far? That his distrust was nonsense because I could still get lost in his eyes when he gave me that look? No. No, I just started simplifying my makeup and what I wore. I didn’t want him angry. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to impress other people. I was in love with him. Or maybe I wanted him in love with me.”
She took another swallow of her tea and shook her head. She couldn’t stop now. She’d never been able to talk like this. Guilt over Ian’s death had kept her quiet, but this part was real too. Overcoming this part had as much to do with healing as the accident did. He still had a hold on her. Why?
She brushed her hair behind her ear. “I became sensitive to Ian’s rules, the things that upset him, and I molded myself around them to keep us happy.” Georgie straightened up, her voice growing stronger. “And when he started talking about temples and kids and rings, something in me knew . . . I would hesitate.”
That was it. That was the turning point. “He began to lose his temper more often. He’d always follow it with an apology, gentle hands, declarations of his inability to live without me. And I’d be caught between not liking who I saw and knowing I could change him. I’d turned into one of those girls—the girl who stayed because she knew she could change him. He needed me.”
“It sounds to me like he needed to control something, and you were the one he chose.”
Georgie shrugged, looking down at the mug in her hands. “I made it easy.”
“Oh, Georgie, there are so many kinds of love. And facsimiles of it.”
She nodded. “I haven’t been able to remember the accident or what happened just before. But tonight . . . I remembered something.”
Faye was quiet but asked, “Do you want to tell me what it was?”
Georgie set down the mug on the side table and folded her hands in her lap. “I knew I broke off our engagement that night, but I couldn’t remember how it happened or how he reacted. He tried to hide it, or pretended to hide it, but he was angry. Really, really angry.”
Faye tried to mask her concern. “Oh?”
Georgie nodded. “I never understood how women could stay with guys who are jerks. But I see it now. The world I was in with Ian was very small, very confining—and he made it so wonderful in the beginning. I felt like an animal in a very beautiful cage. And the more I obeyed his rules in order to remain in the cage with him, the more I believed I could be who he needed.”
Faye shook her head. “What he needed was control. And the more you changed into a girl he could control, the more you were no longer that self-assured girl he was first attracted to. It’s like removing a fish’s fins and getting frustrated that it can’t swim, so you remove its tail too. Control is the thing. People like that don’t know love. Foolish boy.”
Georgie considered her words. Faye might have just nailed it.
“But that’s not all, is it?” Faye asked.
Georgie looked at her, fighting the tears welling up again. She shook her head.
Faye took her hand. “You didn’t expect that foolish boy to die, did you?”
“No.” She shook her head, pressing her lips together as if that would contain the hurt. She placed her hand over her mouth, and Faye squeezed her other hand. No. She hadn’t expected Ian to die. She hadn’t expected her decision to end their relationship like that.
“Would you consider talking to Karen Gordon?” Faye rubbed Georgie’s arm. “She’s a counselor at the hospital. Maybe she could recommend someone to talk to. A therapist?”
Georgie rubbed her hands over her face. “Maybe,” she said.
She’d had a therapist during her initial recovery to help her sort out the physical and emotional results of her injuries. They’d worked on visualizing her memories as files on the shelves of her mind and putting things where they were supposed to go. The points of trauma, the things that were stuck, were in a large bin she’d labeled “Lost and Found.”
Faye leaned over and kissed Georgie’s temple. “Blaming yourself, blaming others . . . Sometimes I think we humans feel obligated to root out the source for every negative occurrence. Sometimes it’s just action and natural consequence.” She sighed. “I know that’s easy to say.” She smiled and lowered her voice. “But, Georgie, no matter what happened with Ian, you were meant for better things. No cages. If you believe that, there’s plenty of hope.” They were quiet for a moment, then Faye asked, “Now, what happened at work?”
Georgie’s stomach knotted again at the mention of work. She shook her head. “I have to think about that for a while.”
Faye put her arm around Georgie’s shoulders, and they sat that way for several minutes. “Thank you for talking to me. You couldn’t have paid me a higher compliment.” Faye stood and walked to the door. Before she closed it, she turned. “You’ll be all right, Georg
ie-girl. Give it time.”
The door closed quietly.
The sound of a motorcycle roared down the street as Georgie curled up on the bed.
* * *
“Hey, Mom, sorry it’s so late.”
“No problem. What’s up?”
Jace hesitated, hearing the fatigue in his mother’s voice. But this couldn’t wait. “I need to ask your advice. But first, Brenna and I broke up.”
“What? What happened?”
Jace leaned back on the couch, and Kit joined him, resting his head on Jace’s leg and blinking up at him. Jace rubbed the dog’s neck. “Long story short, she dumped me for someone else, and they’re getting married.”
It took a moment for his mom to respond. He should have called earlier.
“I’m sorry, Jace. How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine. I’m not. Mom, something happened, and I have no idea why or how or—” He blew out a breath of frustration.
“Start at the beginning, please.”
That was what he loved about his mom. She listened. His dad lectured and speculated and tried to finish Jace’s sentences before they were finished, but his mom listened. Jace filled her in on the last few weeks’ events. He got to the part where he was left stunned behind the restaurant.
“I rode around the island for a while, trying to figure things out. I really think she believed I was going to hurt her.” He ran his hand over his face. “I don’t know what to do.”
“And you’re sure you didn’t pull her in a way she’d think was threatening?”
“No. I barely grazed her arm with my fingers when she turned. I was apologizing.”
“What do you know about this girl?”
“I don’t know anything, really. She’s quiet. Kind of down.”
“Is she one of those emo kids?”
“No, Mom.” He had to smile. “She’s just a nice girl who’s scared of me. Actually, she’s staying with some people in my ward.”
“She’s a member of the Church?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own problems I didn’t even ask. But she seems normal. I mean, I guess if I had to describe her, I’d say she was . . . sad.” Jace closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his hand. He remembered her eyes, searching, as if she wanted to know something.
“And she just moved to the island?”
“I think so.”
“Well, maybe she’s been through something.”
“You think somehow I’m making it worse?”
“Could be.”
He leaned forward, suddenly on edge. The possibility that Georgie might be recovering from something difficult had never occurred to him.
“There’s a saying,” his mom continued. “You never know about people. It’s best to be kind because everyone is fighting some battle.”
“Well, what do I do now? What about work tomorrow?”
“I’d say give her some space.”
“It’s a small kitchen.”
“Well, don’t push anything. Be as invisible as possible. I don’t know; maybe you’ll know better how to act by how she’s acting.”
“Mom, I hate that she’s frightened of me. I’d never hurt a woman.”
“I know that. It sounds like this goes deeper than your actions in the restaurant the last couple weeks. Just try to be yourself.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You know, you could always come home. I could use a fancy chef in the kitchen.”
Jace rubbed his hand over his eyes. Leaving the family restaurant in Nevada had been a difficult decision, one Jace knew had hurt his father, though Liev Lowe would never admit it. “Mom, I’m here now. I need to be here.” It sounded weak, but even if everything else in his life was up in the air, that wasn’t. He hadn’t considered leaving for a second.
“I know, Jace.”
Whether she was being sincere or not, hearing her say it meant a lot.
“Your dad wants to talk to you. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
“Jace?”
“Hey, Dad.”
“You gonna come to your sister’s graduation?”
“Yeah, I’m trying to swing it.”
“What kind of answer is that?”
Jace rubbed his eyes. “It’s the answer I have right now.”
“It means a lot to your sister.”
“I know it does. I’ve talked to her. She knows I’ll do my best.”
He grunted. “Can I ask you a question?”
He sighed. “Shoot.”
“Is it raining?”
Here we go. Jace pressed his lips into a thin line. “Yup.”
“Thought so. Totally clear here. You should see the stars. You do remember what stars are, right?”
Jace forced a good-natured sigh. “Yeah, Dad, I remember stars. As a matter of fact, I saw an amazing sunset tonight. You know, Camano gets less rainfall than the surrounding areas.” A fact the islanders were quite proud of.
“So if Seattle gets about three feet of rain every year, Camano gets what?”
Three feet of rain? Was it really that much? Jace blew out a breath. “Somewhat less than that.”
His dad chuckled. “I’m just giving you a hard time.”
“Yeah, I know.” Giving Jace a hard time was a hobby of his dad’s that had intensified since Jace had decided to serve a mission for the Church. His dad wasn’t a member, and though he’d tried to be supportive of his only son giving up two years of college and time at the restaurant, he’d looked forward to Jace’s coming home . . . and staying home. And that hadn’t happened.
“How’s it going at that four-star restaurant of yours?”
There it was. His dad liked to make it clear that he knew Peter & Andrew’s was above the family diner and yet not quite the top. You left for something better than what I had to offer, but it’s not quite there, is it? The diner had been given 3.75 stars. Not enough spread to make it worth leaving in his dad’s eyes. Not enough spread to keep him away.
“It’s great. I love it. I miss all of you.” Jace had learned early how to diffuse his dad’s attempts to get him fired up. He didn’t always remember to apply it, but today he had other things on his mind, and even his dad couldn’t trump them.
“Will we see you at the graduation?”
Jace closed his eyes. “I’ll see you soon, Dad. Bye.” He hung up the phone and fell back against the couch. He groaned and pushed away the mixture of guilt and insecurity that always gathered in a cloud above his head when he talked to his dad. He closed his eyes and refocused.
The talk with his mom had helped. Still, he kept replaying the scene behind the restaurant over and over, trying to figure out what he could have done or said differently. He pictured the time they’d spent closing up. Georgie had seemed to relax a bit as they’d worked, had even waited for him at the door.
It had to have been the apology. She didn’t believe it. And then he’d reached for her arm.
He winced and let out more frustration, knowing sleep was not going to come easily tonight.
Chapter 5
The next morning, Jace and Kit walked along the beach. The mist that would later burn away, if the weatherman was right, hung heavy and still in the air. Kit didn’t have to run too far ahead before Jace lost sight of him. He could hear the dog, though, barking at a gull, scampering over rocks. He appeared again, panting, tail wagging. Jace tossed him a Nilla wafer, and the dog caught it and paused to crunch it thoroughly.
“Good morning.”
Jace looked toward the water. A tall gentleman with a gray moustache approached him from a pile of crabbing baskets. He extended his hand, and Jace recognized him.
“Hey. Brother Silva.” He shook the hand offered him.
“Just Dar. Jace, right?”
He nodded. “Right.” He gestured to the dog busily sniffing the crab baskets. “This mongrel is Kit. Kit, get away from there.”
“Oh, he can’t do any harm.
I’m just pullin’ ’em in to put away. Had a nice catch this morning.” He looked around. “So, you said you were on Camano Drive?” He patted Kit and gathered the ropes to the baskets.
“Yeah, just up there.”
Dar turned and looked toward the mist-covered hill Jace pointed to. “Ah. Well, nice to have you in the neighborhood.” Dar motioned Jace to walk with him. “And what do you do with your days?”
Jace smiled and shook his head. “Actually, I was just considering looking for something to fill my mornings. I’m a chef over at Peter & Andrew’s. It’s a lot of work, but my days are pretty empty now that I’m here on the island and not commuting.”
Dar stopped and was now looking at him with interest. “No kidding. Well, I should have you cook up the crab. And I believe you know my niece.”
Jace felt the blood drain away from his face. Dar didn’t seem to notice.
“Georgiana has been working at Peter & Andrew’s for a few weeks now.”
Jace nodded, unsure of what to say. “Georgie is your niece?”
“Yup.” Dar considered him for a moment while Jace shifted nervously and directed his attention to a piece of driftwood Kit was carrying in his mouth. “How long have you been at the restaurant?”
“A little over a year.” Jace wrestled the stick from the dog and tossed it away.
“Can I ask you something, Jace?”
Jace turned his attention back to Dar. The man had set the baskets down and was rubbing the back of his neck, looking out over the water. Jace answered in spite of his desire to turn and walk away. “Sure.”
“How well do you know my niece?”
“Not well at all.”
“Hmm. And the staff? How is the work environment?”
“It’s great. Pleasant. Occasional stress can”—Jace took a deep breath—“make things hard, but the staff is great.” He knew he could say more. He should say more. “Georgie had a rough first week, but she’s doing great.”
Dar raised an eyebrow in Jace’s direction.
Kisses in the Rain Page 6