"Thank you." All the tight places deep inside her seemed to loosen a bit more. Breathing came a bit easier. "What's her name?"
It took Jake a minute to realize she was talking about the cat. He sighed. "I have no earthly idea. I didn't even know it was a she. It came in last night and was intent on staying." No sense in telling her he'd thrown it out half a dozen times before giving up on the idea. "It's made no secret it prefers you to me." He held out his scratched up arms. "I try to do it a favor by bathing all the garbage off of it and it rips me apart."
"Oh!" She couldn't believe the spurt of laughter that broke through. And immediately teared up all over again.
"Don't do that Beth." Jake squatted down in front of her, his hands on her knees praying the cat wouldn't go after them. "Don't feel guilty for laughing." It had shocked him every bit as much as her but these tears he understood. Had been there and done the same. "Laughing is living. And you have to know your parents loved you more than anything and would want you to live. And to laugh."
She looked at him, heard her mother in his words. Took a shaky breath and tried for both of them. All of them. "Cats hate water." She lifted the cat's head up. "They clean themselves....eventually." She continued rubbing her hand over its silky fur. "It's not that old really. I'm surprised it's sitting still this long." At the sudden peel of the doorbell she looked up in a panic.
"It probably one of my cousins." Jake wasn't certain how best to handle this but decided in that moment it needed to be her choice. "I can tell them to come back later."
Sitting up straighter, Beth took a deep breath. "No. I'm tired of hiding."
Jake edged the glass closer to her again before heading to the front door. In less than a minute he was back. "Mary, this is…" he paused, and in Beth's face he saw the insecurity hand in hand with the pain...and the determination to move forward. "This is my daughter, Beth." He stepped to the side to bring Mary more in view. "This is my cousin, Mary Lane." He turned back to her, "She's brought brownies, lemonade, and a bag of everything you do and don't need."
Mary laughed even as her heart ached for both of them. "Go cut the brownies, Jake." She lifted the glass that was still half full. Gave her cousin an arched look. "Jacob."
"Mom always..."
Mary didn't let him finish. After dumping the remains of the glass down the sink she took Beth's hands in hers. "You've had a horrible time, there's no other way of putting it. My heart breaks for you." She sighed, took a tissue from her pocket and wiped away tears as she so often had for her own daughters. "People like to say time heals all wounds." She looked behind her to her cousin. Within months of each other they’d shared in the grief of losing their mothers. Each in their own way, they understood this terrible time. "But it really doesn't. It simply makes it easier to bear. Little by little." When the heart-wrenching sobs began, wracking the too slim body, she pulled her gently into her arms. "And surprisingly enough, a really good cry helps too." She reached one hand out to the man she knew felt the weight of his corner of the world on his shoulders. As they clasped hands she hoped he understood that he, that neither of them, would go through this alone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jake sat brooding with a large frosty beer sitting in front of him at the kitchen table. The same kitchen table he had sat only hours ago with his daughter.
The day had been quiet since the morning and Beth's unexpected arrival. After the storm of tears that seemed to drain her of any remaining strength, Mary had gone upstairs with her and quickly and efficiently tucked her into bed. After what seemed like forever but in truth had been less than thirty minutes his cousin came back down announcing Beth was out like a light and would likely stay that way for hours. Then she made no bones about her next edict...no more whiskey. Though in his mind it had played a good part of what helped her to sleep soundly for all these hours.
Mary also had brought down her car keys. From somewhere in her foggy state Beth had asked that the few things she brought with her be brought in and the car locked up. Jake had done one better. He'd driven it around to his pitiful garage. But any small amount of protection from the elements it provided was better than none.
She'd brought pitifully little with her which went to show how quickly she'd made the decision to come and how little preparation she'd taken once the decision was made. Mary had taken a quick but thorough glance at what Beth had brought and immediately announced that as soon as she was up to it they'd go shopping. Better her than he had been his only thought on that matter. He was lucky to make it through a grocery store trip and stay sane.
Mary dropped by again within the last hour with a huge casserole and salad. He had the hand written directions sitting in front of him. She'd left as quickly as she arrived. But before walking out the door she'd given him a hug that spoke volumes. Then told him in no uncertain terms to call his sister.
That conversation hadn't been nearly as short. Casey wanted to visit. And she wanted to visit soon. On top of that she reminded him of the gathering planned at the skating rink that weekend. As far as she was concerned it would be the perfect way for Beth to meet everyone. He didn't mention the woman looked like she'd blow away if a breeze hit her the wrong way. Let Mary fill her in on that.
She was thrilled for him that Beth had come. He was thrilled too. He also wished to God his mother were here. He'd seen victims of some of the worst damage that man could inflict on man. Some were catatonic. Others might as well be. His daughter didn't look a whole lot better. From what both he and Mary had gathered she'd been almost completely alone and on her own since Lizzie and Jett had been killed. That on its own could cripple a person. He didn't always want his family around. But he knew they were there, would be there in a heartbeat, if he needed them. Hell, he thought. They'd be there if they thought he needed them even if he didn't. And that he realized was what Beth had been without. Family. Any at all. God help her now. She was going to be surrounded by it whether she liked it or not. And not for the first time, he wondered if his young cousin wouldn't be the best thing for her. Mallie. Full of life and aspirations. Dreams that might never come true. But dreams that held her up and pushed her forward. So what if they didn't all come true. It certainly wouldn't be from lack of her trying. She could very well be the best thing in the world for Beth.
"Am I interrupting?"
Jake stood, completely caught off guard by her sudden presence at the kitchen door. He couldn't remember when he'd been so taken by surprise like that. After any time spent in a war zone you learned to be on the alert. Always. "No. I was just thinking about my cousins."
"Are there a lot of them?"
"More than I can count on two hands almost twice over and that's just on my mother's side of the family." He almost laughed at her desperate look. "Don't worry, there's only a couple of them here in Burlington. And in some ways...the best of them." He pulled out the chair next to him and motioned for her to sit. "Ah, there's a little thing we need to talk about." When she just looked at him like a deer caught in the cross hairs he decided to just spill it out. "My sister may be stopping by at some point." He sighed, took a deep breath and jumped in. "There's a thing planned at the skating rink in town this weekend. My aunt, sister, and a couple of cousins planned it out as kind of a celebration. With any luck Casey will wait until then." He saw her confused expression. "Casey..my sister." He fiddled with his beer, got up and set the oven at the temperature for the casserole. "I kind of...well, sort of bought into the place with my aunt and her granddaughter. Mallie. She's the granddaughter."
"Sort of?" Beth saw the nerves. It helped her to know he was just as uncertain as she. But he was trying. And so could she.
He couldn't help the smile that broke through. "You'd have to know my cousin, Mallie. And you will soon. She's close to your age. She's my Aunt Charlie's oldest son Jack's daughter. Odds are he doesn't even know his daughter is part owner in a skating rink yet." He smiled as he sipped his beer. It would irk Jack to no en
d and if that didn't make some things in this world right he didn't know what would. "Fact is," he added thoughtfully, "he probably doesn't even know his own mother is part owner of the rink."
"He wouldn't like it?"
"He wouldn't understand it," Jack said carefully. Looked at her with a quick smile that wasn't all kind. "And no, he wouldn't like it either. Not his style."
"He'd prefer ice skating?"
He looked at her, trying to gauge her thoughts and saw right away her words didn't always equate with her thoughts. She understood completely. Her form of sarcasm ran different...just like her mother. "Maybe. More class."
"To some." But Beth understood. And it made her see him in a different light. One she hadn't expected. "So why did you sort of buy into the skating rink with them?"
"I was thinking of you." And that was the heart of it. Sure, he'd enjoy it too, but he'd been thinking of her. Something to dig into at least for a bit if she wanted. He couldn't think of anyone better than Mallie, and come to think of it his Aunt Charlie too, who could help ease her into this family. "There were several reasons but that was the gist of it."
"Do you skate?"
Jake looked at the young woman who he was still having a hard time getting a read on. "Not since I was..." since when, he wondered, and decided on easy, "a lot younger."
"I do." And at his surprised expression she understood just how little had been shared with him. "Ice skating and roller skating mostly. I never really got into the roller-blading thing." And decided this wasn't the time to mention the awards that covered almost every flat surface of her bedroom. The wonderfully decorated room her mother had made into a retreat for a princess that had been hers since childhood. The room she could now hardly bear to be in. For that matter the entire house had become her retreat and in some ways her punishment. Until...she looked out the window, the one she often saw Jake gazing out of and wondered what it was he saw...or was looking for.
"Would you want to be involved...part of the rink thing?" Jake knew he sounded cautious and tentative and didn't particularly care at the moment. He was wading through quicksand when it came to his daughter and cautious was about as good as it got.
"I wonder how your family would feel about it." She smiled at him, and for the first time didn't feel guilty about it. "And hearing you call it a rink thing."
"My Aunt Charlie goes with the flow better than anyone I know and Mallie, well our Mallie has dreams. This rink is her baby and I think anyone who could help her make a success out of it will be aces in her book." Jake thought about her expression when he'd shown her the partnership agreement. "I had one of my cousins set up a partnership and she just about flipped seeing her name on it. That and what I'd called it."
"The partnership?"
"Yeah. Three Generations. Mine, Aunt Charlie's, and Mallie's." He paused, looked at her steadily. "And yours." Not certain what her quiet and steady gaze meant he hurried past what couldn't be taken back. Didn't know that he would. "It's up to you. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, not with everything you've already had to contend with." He knew he was on the verge of rambling and forced himself to simply stop. Then almost felt his jaw at his knees at her next words.
"I'd like it." She spoke softly, her eyes somber but aware. "As long as it doesn't bother anyone else."
"Once you get to know my family better you'll get it when I say they really don't sweat the small stuff."
"My father said that a lot."
"He didn't just say it, he lived it." And maybe, he thought, this was what they really needed to talk about. "I meant it when I said he was one of the best men I've known." He was tempted to get out another beer and decided caffeine would be the safer brew. "Both of your parents were the best friends I ever had."
"They felt the same."
"Did you know we met a couple of years ago?" At her expression and the quick shake of her head he continued. "Part of it was a matter of being in the same place at the same time." He flipped the button to start the coffee brewing. "And part of it was they wanted to talk." He looked over his shoulder. "About you."
Beth wasn't surprised. She would have known all about him and his part in her life by then, had been told once she could understand and later...when she was older...once she really understood she had followed his career. Read every single one of his books, wondered about him. Until the day he was all she had left.
"They wanted me to know they'd made me the executor of their will and your guardian should something happen before you were eighteen." He shook his head, remembering his shock at the news. "Seems they'd written it up that way when you were born." He looked at her, his surprise not hidden from her. "Your mother took a while to stop laughing at my reaction. Apparently she got a huge kick out of it. Your Dad, being a man like myself, understood it better and while I think he was amused he was able to contain himself." He sat down with his fresh cup of coffee. "Unlike Lizzie," he muttered under his breath without meaning to.
"Mom sometimes had an odd sense of humor." Sighing, Beth rose to find a cup and get her own coffee.
"Tell me about it."
"Umm, she could also be serious, which wasn't as easy to deal with." Beth fingered the envelope in her pocket. She had kept it close to her since receiving it from the lawyer, a final piece of her mother she simply couldn't bear to be without. Her other, and much more intense final memory, was one she constantly struggled to keep at a distance. For now.
"That's because it was so rare." Jake almost choked on the coffee he was in the midst of swallowing when he realized what he'd said and to who. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said..."
"Don't," Beth said softly and firmly, her single word all the more resolute because it was said so quietly. She continued, her desire unfaltering as was her voice. "Please don't measure every word. My mother was rarely serious. She loved life, laughed more than any of my friends, more than anyone period. That's how she was and I loved her for it. She wasn't careless. She cared more than anyone could imagine. But she believed in living life happy. Yes, she could be serious and since for her it wasn't the norm it stood out when she was. Please don't apologize for speaking the truth."
"Beth," Jake had no clue what to say to that heartfelt declaration.
She touched the paper in her pocket again, made her decision, one she'd worried over and probably unnecessarily. "I'd like to show you something." She pulled the worn paper out, well read and fragile because of it. "I got this last week from the lawyer. He was asked by my mother not to give it to me until some time had passed in the event something happened to her." She slid the envelope across the table.
Jake recognized the writing immediately. Lizzie took copious notes when on assignment. It didn't matter whether she had all the time in the world or was running as she wrote, it always looked the same. A flowery scrawl that was surprisingly legible despite of it. With a deep breath he had a feeling he was going to need, he took the letter from the envelope, noting both were almost fraying at the folds. Glancing at his daughter, he began to read.
My Dearest Beth,
If you are reading this it is because I'm not there to talk with you myself. I've always planned to. I could say the time was never right and in many ways that is the truth. But it is also true that a part of me wanted to keep things the way they have always been. I have loved you from the moment I knew you existed. Long before you were born. Remember that always in your life. And know that from some place that I believe exists beyond our own I will be with you, always with you. And always loving you.
Life is not always easy. And as such neither is love. But if we are lucky and wise it is strong. From the moment I knew I'd been blessed with a child I knew who your father was. Many would say I had sinned. And I had. But when death seems imminent our judgment is not what it is under all other circumstances. I am not excusing my actions only giving you enough to understand that it involved far more than basic lust. Lust is easy. This was not. And in the end I believe it was your father,
your father by blood, who paid the highest cost.
I told Jett immediately. Not just of my pregnancy but who the father was. He would have figured it out but I wanted no lies between us. I will not lie to you and say things resolved themselves easily. But our love was strong. Has always been strong. Our marriage may have had bumps to get past but our love made that possible.
From the moment you moved within me Jett was as hopelessly in love with you as I. He watched your birth with every bit of pride as if he were the father of your blood. But he was and has always been the father of your heart. He has loved you as the child he chose. And who can be more blessed than those who are chosen.
I said before that Jake paid the highest price of all. He knew of you, grieved that things were as they were. But how much courage, indeed how much love must he have felt for you to have chosen to let you live as normal a life as possible. A life that did not include him. We never asked it of him. But each of us knew because of our places in life, our places in the spotlight, and this was before he became a world renown author, that you would be folderol for the tabloid throughout your life had we done things differently. The way of things at the time of your birth were not as they are now. And Jake, because of the man he is, a man your father has always called friend, thought of you, put you and your happiness ahead of his own. And while you have many of your Dad's mannerisms as well as his quiet yet intense joy of life there is also so much of Jake I can see in you. Your smile, that quiet and calm way you have of watching and listening. You bring peace into the room with your presence. That is all from your father. I have often thought, with some petty jealousy, that you're much more like him than me. So much more like this man you've never met but are connected to in ways that are difficult to understand. My dearest child, you have been blessed with the unconditional and resolute love of two wonderful men from almost the moment of your conception. Hold that near in your darkest moments and cherish it. As I have cherished you. Forever and ever will I be in your heart. As you have been in mine.
Retreat to Woodhaven (The Hills of Burlington Book 2) Page 23