by Cydney Rax
One part of him feels glad that people are trying to get in touch with him. But none of these is who I want to hear from.
The Escalade glides along, going west. Scottie reaches the Beltway, turns right, and figures out what he ought to do.
She said she needs to think about it. If you love someone, there’s nothing to think about. Oh! Right! The woman doesn’t really love me. She’s been going through the motions. She’s been too polite to tell me she really ain’t feeling me like I’ve been feeling her.
Scottie continues to think about where he went wrong. He knows that he and Dani have been experiencing good times the past several weeks. Their daily routine has consisted of waking up in each other’s arms whenever he spent the night with her. But many times she’s told him to his face that he wakes up to go to work way too early for her tastes. Five-thirty sometimes. And she has to be at work at eight-thirty, sometimes nine.
“Honey, as much as I get a kick out of reaching out at night and feeling your hot body next to mine, I enjoy sleeping in. So you can’t spend the night all the time. Okay?” That’s the news she gave him not too long ago. He felt hurt, but he understood. He figured he needs to know as much info about her quirks and preferences as possible. Since he’s been planning on making Dani his wife, some things he just needs to know.
No matter how much she begs, try not to feed her anything that has more than ten grams of sugar in it. Her blood sugar will go up, and that’s no good for her health.
If he uses her toilet and lifts the seat up, remember to put it back down. And if he accidentally pees on the toilet, clean the shit up (her words, not his).
Please be a good guy and do things like taking out the trash from her apartment without her having to ask. That gesture means he cares about her and is willing to do those manly things that she’s always been forced to handle on her own.
If they get into a big argument, don’t even let his mind consider putting his hands on her. He told her, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I can never hit a woman.” She laughed and told him, “Yeah right. That’s what thousands of men have said. And the judge sentenced them to capital punishment, and now these men are sitting on death row thinking about their last meal.”
If you need to borrow money, skip over asking Dani. Dani told Scottie a man should never rely on a woman for money. He should be responsible enough, or have enough hustle to get money on his own without nickel-and-diming his girl. She told him, “If you can’t afford me, you shouldn’t be with me.” So he works as much OT as he can. And he’s picked up a few deejay jobs here and there just so he can make the kind of money it’s going to take to make Dani a keeper.
You are not Braxton’s father. You are not Braxton’s father. Dani has reminded Scottie of that fact a few times. He would try and discipline Brax, who sometimes insists on his way. When Dani would remind him, he’d insist, “I’m acting like his uncle, not his daddy.” Dani took one look at Scottie and said, “Hmm, I’ll be the one who decides that.”
Don’t even think about asking to move in. Dani told Scottie that she hates to bring up her past, but one time she met a man who she really started liking. Before she knew it, every time he came over to her place, he’d bring a shirt here, pants, razor kit, gym shoes, and some hand weights. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” she told the guy one day when she noticed he’d stolen the extra key to her apartment as if he had a right to it. “If I ever decide that you and I should live together, it’s going to be a mutual decision. Not because you’ll argue that all your shit is over at my place anyway.”
Women. “I am faithful to you.” That’s all she told him a month ago. She said what she had to say, then walked away. Scottie read between the lines. He knows Dani has nothing to go on except her trust in him when he swears he’s not fucking LaNecia. But Scottie also knows that although she may not say it out loud, maybe it’s not only LaNecia she’s referring to. LaNecia isn’t the only woman with a pretty face, hot body, and a willingness to have sex with Scottie.
Scottie travels along the highway and drives until he comes to the Katy Freeway. Then he starts traveling west on I-10. He drives until he finds himself sitting in his vehicle outside Dani’s apartment. He sits and he waits.
Heavy eyelids and a wave of sleepiness fall over him. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat, leaning his head against the coolness of the hard window, when he hears a knock. He jumps and peers out somberly.
Dani struggles to hold Brax in her arms. Scottie jumps out of the car, takes Brax from Dani, and together they enter her apartment. Scottie carries his nephew to his bedroom; removes his clothes, shoes, and socks; and dresses him in his PJs. He tucks the boy in bed, gives him a kiss on the forehead, and secures a stuffed animal between his little arms, then closes the door.
Dani is in the living room, perched in a far corner of her sofa, hugging an orange-and-brown-striped accent pillow. Scottie, with his hands lodged in his pants pockets, sits near her.
“What you thinking about?” he softly asks.
“Us.”
“And?”
“I think you took things the wrong way.”
“How else do you expect me to take them?”
“If you want us to be together, you’re going to have to be patient and understanding.”
“I’m listening.”
“Understanding means giving me time to explain myself. Maybe I—I didn’t say it very well over there, but you gotta trust that I mean well. I dunno, Scottie. You absolutely caught me off guard. The entire day actually. My family coming in like that. My sister pretending like she disliked you. Then an unexpected public proposal, mind you.” She laughs, then turns serious. “It felt like a fucking dream. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna wake up, and it would be the day after Thanksgiving, and I’d be waking you up in bed, trying to explain to you this crazy dream I had.”
“So you think all of this is a game?” He stands up. “A man needs to be told point-blank. Men can’t catch hints, so don’t throw them.”
“I wasn’t throwing any….”
“If you don’t want me, tell me. I think that’s the best way to handle things.”
“See, there you go. You’re getting upset for no reason.”
“I made a complete fool out of myself. Did you see how happy Neil looked when you were fucking around back there, not sure if you wanted to be with me or not? I swear he almost came on himself. Maybe you ain’t over my brother like I hoped you were.”
Dani stands and stares at him incredulously. “Okay, now you’re wrong. I–I don’t care about Neil like that anymore. Life has gone on. Don’t you know that?”
“Do you know that?”
“Well …” She bites her lip. “Maybe you shouldn’t propose to a woman who has a child with your brother.”
“So that’s what this is about? I knew it. You’re still fucking in love with Neil.”
“Scottie, don’t say that.”
“Why not? Because it’s the truth?”
“It–it’s complicated, Scottie. Yes. I’ll admit that much. But it’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it exactly? Explain!”
“Well, in the beginning, it was kind of confusing and somewhat freaky, actually. I’d never ever in my life dated two guys from the same family. It felt weird. Then it felt all right because I developed genuine feelings for you. You are kind, funny, different. We click in a way I wasn’t expecting. I let down my guard.”
“But I didn’t compare to him, huh?”
“Scottie,” she begs. “Please. But then I got scared and started worrying. I wondered what I would say if I ran into anyone I knew. What would I say if they asked ‘Who’s this guy? How’d you meet?’ Would they be disgusted when they found out we met at Neil’s family reunion? Would they think I’m so desperate for a man that I will do anything to have one? Scottie, I could hardly sleep at night sometimes, I’d be freaking out about things so much, I–,” she says in a quieter, calm tone, “I even ran to the drugst
ore and bought a bar of chocolate.”
“You what?”
“Yes.” She nods emphatically. “The stress got to me so much I thought the only thing that would soothe it would be either sex or chocolate. You were gone, so sex was out of the question.”
“Hmm, well, that’s good to hear. I’d rather you turn to a Snickers bar than another man.” He laughs bitterly. “Especially if that man turns out to be my brother.”
“See, that’s my point, Scottie. I am hoping you’ve thought everything out.”
“You think I don’t wonder if you and I will have a big-ass fight one night, and you go crawling back to him behind my back?”
She nods, her bottom lip trembling.
“I have thought and thought about all this. Wondering if I should give it up, wondering if I’m being too hard on myself, trying to make myself into a better man.” He pauses. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s easier just to go back to being a manwhore and screwing the whole thing.”
“Is that what you used to be? What you want to be?”
“I want to be your husband, Dani. That’s all I want.”
Scottie feels so stressed out that his shirt is sticking to his chest, making him feel uncomfortably hot. “May I get a cold drink, please?”
“You don’t have to ask. You know where the beer is.”
“Ha!” He laughs and walks to the kitchen. Dani follows him. “That’s what I’m talking about. I’m free to get a beer if I want, but I can’t do this or do that. You have a lot of rules, woman.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but I just think I’d feel better if I know what I’m getting myself into. I have to know and understand what makes me happy or comfortable.”
“And that’s the problem. Everything is about accommodating Dani Frazier.”
“W–what did you say?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I have been busting my ass to please you, Dani. I knew you were high-maintenance the first time I laid eyes on you. But a brother needs some sign of appreciation. Not that I’m bragging, but I didn’t get that engagement ring from no bubble gum machine.”
He opens the refrigerator, snatches a cold can of beer, pops the top, and takes a swig.
“You’re right about one thing. I do have rules. And my number one rule is for you to back off from LaNecia. You told me she’s the past. I want to believe you because of my insistence that Neil and I are over, too.”
“Mariah …”
She clears her throat.
“Excuse me. Dani, I promise you on my father’s grave, I am done, forever, with LaNecia. If I really loved her, why did I propose to you?”
Dani gives him a tiny dazed smile.
“Can I, um, you still have the ring?”
“C’mon, Danielle.” He takes her by the hand, and they return to her living room sofa. They sit down this time right next to each other. He reaches in his pocket, takes out the jewelry box, and retrieves the diamond and gold ring.
“Wow, it’s beautiful. Where’d you get it?”
“Not telling you.”
“How much it cost?”
“Ha!”
“May I put it on, please? I just want to see if it fits.”
“What?”
“Scottie, I’m Cinderella who’s looking for her glass slipper. You’re the prince and you have to slide that glass slipper on me to see if it perfectly fits.”
Scottie moans and stares deeply into Dani’s eyes.
“If the ring fits, sounds like I’m going to be your wife. Besides, I’ve always wanted to be a Mrs. Meadows.”
— PART 2 —
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
— 16 —
DANI
Why Are You Marrying My Brother?
My family’s visit lasted through the weekend, and it felt so good to spend time with them. But now the holiday is over. The marriage proposal is a done deal. I ask permission to get off work early on the Friday following Thanksgiving. I need to take care of some business with an issue that involves upgrading my high-speed Internet connection. I’m puttering around at home waiting for a service person to arrive from Comcast.
I begged Neil to pick up Brax early from day care for me and drop him off at my place since I am basically captive in the apartment from noon to five until the cable guy shows up. Earlier, when I first asked, Neil hesitated, then agreed, and now he’s here. It’s been months since he’s been with us in my spot. I feel a little nervous having him here, especially since my engagement, but I decide to play things off.
We’ve congregated in the living room. Brax is sandwiched between us on the couch. He’s giggling and yelping as he tinkers with his daddy’s Amazon Kindle. Brax gives Neil a sheepish look. He then lifts up the Kindle and sets it against Neil’s jaw, and tries to roll it up and down his cheeks.
“Ha-ha, he’s trying to say you need to shave, Neil. My baby’s going to be a fashion stylist.”
“The heck he is. Braxton’s going to do something good with his life. He’ll either be an architect, an engineer …”
“Or a mack daddy….”
“Dani, stop acting silly. Take it back. Don’t put that mess in my son’s head.”
“He’s my son, too.”
“Only fifty percent.”
I smirk and roll my eyes. “Then fifty percent of him might be an architect…. The other fifty of him just might be a clothes designer, or an electrician. You know he’s fascinated with turning lights on and off.”
“Yeah, he’s probably putting on the lights to see if you’ve made it home at night and are in your bed like you’re supposed to be.”
“If I wasn’t sure if you still cared about me, now I know. Dammit, Neil, when will you accept the fact that I am not your freaking daughter? I had your child, but I’m not one of your kids, and you need to stop trying to run my life.”
“You hate that I do that, huh?”
“Very much. About as much as I hate brussels sprouts.”
“I’ll make sure and fix brussels sprouts for dinner next time you invite yourself over to our house to eat.”
“Ha! I don’t need to roll up in your crib to eat. I can cook.”
“Heating up a frozen microwave dinner isn’t cooking, Dani.”
“Fuck you, Neil. I’m sick of you dissing me every time I turn around.” Hot water springs in my eyes but I quickly wipe my tears. Thank God he’s busy kissing Brax on the top of his head. I wouldn’t want Neil to see me cry. In the past, I could get away with coming to him and discussing certain problems that bothered me. But now? My problems won’t be Neil’s problem anymore.
“I’m just saying … it’s time you learned to do certain things you’ve gotten away with in the past.” He pauses. “Y’all set a date yet?”
“What? Absolutely not. I’m still getting used to the fact that I won’t be single for much longer.”
“It’s never too late to change your mind, ya know.”
“Of course you’d say that, Neil.” He can’t look me in my eyes. I can tell he’s thinking, maybe even harboring regrets. And this is the part I hate the most. I am trying my damnedest to move on. Gosh I am. But Neil makes it hard for me whenever he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Sure he may act gruff and unconcerned, but I know this man so well. No new guy can erase that. Especially since I was so deeply in love with Neil that it hurt me to pieces. I used to sniff my sheets and pillowcases every time he left my bed. I wanted to savor his scent, just inhale his presence; it was my way of filling the void he left every time he went back to his wife. I know it’s wrong. But it’s part of my history, and the pleasures I shared with Neil aren’t anything I’m soon to forget, even though I doubt I can ever admit these feelings to my soon-to-be hubby.
“He can barely take care of himself. Have you seen him wash a load of clothes?”
“I know. He mixes whites with dark colors. Crazy. But I handle his laundry now.”
“That’s a shame. A real man should at least know how to read labels on his clothes befor
e he decides to pop the question.”
“I doubt that being an expert at washing clothes makes anyone ready for marriage. You know that, Neil. You’re being silly.”
“I don’t care what you say. My brother has no business getting married.”
“Were you one hundred percent ready when you wed what’s-her-face?” I smile.
“That’s cold, Dani. But I’ll be honest. No one is ever really ready to get married.”
“Thanks for admitting that, Neil.”
“You just gotta go for it. That’s especially true for a man. He can date a dozen women who he really cares for, but he won’t commit. Then one will come along at the right time, and he’ll jump up and marry her. No reasonable explanation whatsoever. And his exes will be pissed wondering why he didn’t shape up and ask her when he had the chance.”
“Men are weird.”
“Then why are you marrying my brother?”
“Scottie’s been good to me.”
“I was, too.”
“It’s funny how men have selective retention when it comes to certain topics. You thought you were good to me, but you really weren’t one hundred percent good.”
“No, but I was close.”
“Not close enough, obviously. What time is it? I’m getting a headache talking about this. Bottom line, it doesn’t matter how much you pout, like it or not, Mr. Meadows, one day I’ll be your sister-in-law.” I throw back my head and laugh. Brax looks shocked, then he joins me and starts giggling. I place my fingers under his arms and tickle him. He fights me and rolls back on his daddy’s lap, kicking and screaming.
“Does he deserve you, Dani? Did you know one of his favorite computer passwords is ‘yssup’? Pussy spelled backward.”
“How did you know his password?”
“Because Scottie was stupid enough to go around and brag about something like that. Does that tell you anything? He’s good for what he’s good for. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Well, thank you for giving me your blessing in your own strange and totally selfish way, Neil. I’ll take what I can get at this point.”