by Cydney Rax
“What did you say to that?”
“What could I say, Dani? I haven’t forgotten how much of a tigress you were.”
“Were?” I smirk.
“Well, um, I wouldn’t know that these days.”
“Mmm hmmm.” I see. He may not have physically made love to me for the past few years, but Neil has definitely fornicated with me mentally. I know when he’s putting his penis inside Anya, he wishes it was me.
“But check this out,” Neil continues. “I decide I should pay the man a visit in person. Just to see how he’s holding up. And I go down to 701 Jail. I pay money to park. I stand in a couple lines. Wait a good half hour because there are a lot of people there. It’s a busy night, right?”
“Right.”
“Finally, they let a new group up to the second floor. I put my little piece of paper under the window and go take a seat. After five minutes of waiting, they call my name over the loudspeaker. Guess what they tell me?”
“What, Neil, just tell me.”
“They tell me Scottie can’t have any visitors.”
“Why?”
“Because inmates are allowed one visitor per day.”
“Of course,” I say, alarmed. “So who came and visited him?”
“LaNecia!”
I’ve gone to see Scottie a few times, but what about the days when I couldn’t make it? Has she been down there, in his face, still trying to convince him that there’s nothing wrong with them being a cousin couple and I don’t deserve him?
I think about the hell LaNecia’s put me through since the day we met.
“Neil, I gotta have some dick.”
He bolts to his feet; one hand grips his dick, the other hand folds me against his warm, strong chest. I close my eyes and press my breasts against him. Hot tears splatter against my cheeks.
“Oh, Dani,” he mumbles and kisses the top of my hair.
He releases his penis and places his fingers on my back. They are so warm, gentle, yet electrifying. He rubs my shoulders, caressing them like I’m a precious little baby. His lips move from my hair, to my cheeks, to my neck.
“I want you, baby, I do. Oh, God.” I wrap my arms around his waist. His dick pokes my clothing. Double-layered fabric doesn’t feel too thick when the lust of a man makes itself known.
He rotates his hips, humping against me.
“My pussy is so wet … because it’s crying.”
“Why is it crying?”
“Because it’s so happy.”
Neil moans and lifts me up in his arms. He carries me and looks like he’s about to go upstairs where my room is located.
“No,” I say, “guest room.”
With my head leaning against his neck, he carries me through the guest room doorway, drops me on the bed, and closes the door.
Oh nooo! What am I about to get myself into?
My va jay jay is throbbing like a time bomb is ticking inside of it.
Neil wrinkles his nose as he pulls open his shirt and slides in bed next to me.
Instantly I’m transported to our wicked past. The wrong things we do sometimes feel sooo good.
What if Scottie finds out? Or Anya? But Anya said a day never repeats itself.
I swallow hard and look at Neil lying partially naked in my guest bed.
She wasn’t lying.
I try to make my body act faster than my mind.
Neil whispers, “What are you doing?”
“Getting ready.”
I lie on my back and stare at Neil. He kisses me above my breast where lots of skin is exposed due to this little skimpy bathing suit cover-up outfit.
“I love your outfit.”
“Me, too. I feel naked in this. And since I feel naked, I may as well get naked. Help me?”
He unties the string and pulls off my cover-up. Now I’m only in my bikini. But it doesn’t take long for him to unstrap the bikini top. I don’t wait for him to remove the bottom. Soon we’re totally naked. I’ve never wanted a man so much in my life.
Neil presses his warm lips against mine. They’re so soft I want to chew ’em and suck ’em. And I do.
You stupid ass. Why can’t you wait three more weeks for Scottie? What kind of wife are you? You better hope he never finds out.
I shiver, then push Neil away from my face. I grab his hand and lead it to my vagina. He caresses me; his hand’s so wet it’s like he has lotion on the fingertips. He inserts his fingers and strokes me while I arch my back and moan. I pant and cry and grab the sheets with the back of my hands, pulling on them like they can stop my orgasm. But they can’t. I explode and scream so loud Neil covers my mouth with his hand.
And when my panting subsides, we lock eyes. He stares at me for the longest, like he knows what we did must remain a secret. He rolls out of bed, gets dressed, and all he says is “Technically, the hundred dollars is yours. You’ve won.” Then he leaves my home without even saying good-bye.
As I lie there in bed, thinking about what just happened, in more ways than one, I feel so utterly relieved.
— 26 —
ANYA
I Hear Love
Neil and I are in bed. He’s turned away from me, his eyes glued on the small LCD television that’s mounted on the wall above a chest of drawers. The tension in our bedroom is so thick it’s like a tall barrier separates us and the only way I can get through to Neil is by jumping over the wall.
“Neil, I’m sorry,” I apologize to his back.
“Anya, it’s okay, really.”
“Hmm, since when are you fine with us not having sex, unless you’re doing it with someone else?”
“Woman, please. Just because you’re struggling emotionally with postsurgery doesn’t mean I’m having an affair.”
“Who said anything about having an affair? Fucking some whore isn’t the same as being involved long-term.”
“Well, I haven’t done either. So please shut up so I can finish watching Family Guy.”
His tone sounds harsh.
He turns toward me. “Anya, I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. I’ve had a hard day at work. Scottie’s bugging the hell outta me about making sure his debts get paid. ‘I’ll pay you back, I promise.’ That’s what he tells me. So, out of the goodness of my heart, I’m paying the mortgage.”
Anya sits up in bed. “What? Their mortgage is not our problem.”
“I’m going to help my brother.”
“You’re such a fool. Are you fucking Dani again? I don’t know why you gotta pay her ass child support plus the mortgage for two straight months. You must be out your mind. Plus you never even discussed this with me.”
“Anya, please. You don’t bring a single dollar into this household….”
“Shut up before I do something you regret.”
He jumps up and storms from our room, slamming the door so loud that the wall clock crashes to the floor.
I get out of the bed and open the door. “If you broke this clock, you’re paying for it.” I slam the door as hard as I can and jump back in bed. Here we go again. Every time Dani has a problem, we have problems. We’ve been snapping at each other for days.
Neil barely kisses me anymore and I guess it’s because of how he feels about me now that I’ve had a hysterectomy. Supposedly, he thought he’d be getting a brand-new woman, but the only thing brand-new about me is my attitude.
I hear a light knock on the door. “Is it okay to come in?”
“Come on, Vette.”
She sits on the side of the bed. “What’s with all the yelling? Neil burnt rubber trying to get out of the garage. Y’all too big to be acting like kids.”
“Leave it to you to make jokes at a time like this. I hate to go here, but I feel sometimes his family issues bring us down.”
“Like how?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I know Neil is responsible and caring, but that leaves us in a bind. We ain’t Oprah or P. Diddy. What if Neil loses his job? Who will y’all depend on then?”
/> “Look, Anya …”
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. He’s your brother, but he’s my husband, and when things aren’t going right in our house, I get all riled up.”
“I guess I understand. I’m just offended by the way you said things. People get in trouble and need help. Our mother taught us to be compassionate, no matter what.”
I decide to change the subject. “Well, we’re preparing for Scottie’s homecoming in a couple of weeks. Did you hear about how our relative girl went downtown to see Scottie and acted such a fool they escorted her out of the building and banned her from visiting him anymore?”
“No, I hadn’t. What happened?”
“LaNecia was talking very inappropriately, nasty talk, and begging him to leave Dani, as if that’s gonna happen,” I say, laughing. “Anyway, Scottie called Neil and made him promise not to allow her within one hundred fifty feet….”
“From the state of Texas, or your house?”
“Both,” I say, jokingly. “I’m glad he’s coming home, yet I can’t shake this bad feeling. Neil is hiding something from me. Have you noticed him acting weird?”
“No more than usual, Anya. Don’t worry. He probably has a lot on his mind. He asked Uncle James to chip in and throw down with some money for Scottie. I think Uncle James gave some cash, but not what he’d normally give. Remember the wedding expenses? Anyway, leave my brother alone for a change. He’s a good man.”
“Only a sister would say that, but if he were your husband, you’d be singing a different tune.”
There’s nothing worse than when a woman senses her man is hiding something, yet he won’t admit he’s hiding anything. And since Neil is tight-lipped, I decide to take a different route to find out what I need to know.
A couple of days after me and Neil’s screaming match, I call Dani and invite her over to the house.
“Hey, Dani. Neil and I want you to come by. I know you’ve probably been lonely in that big ole town house with your baby. We’re having grilled chicken breasts, pinto beans, cabbage, and long-grain rice, with German chocolate cake for dessert.”
“Neil’s favorite,” she says in a barely audible voice.
“Come on over. We’ll be waiting for you.”
I answer the door when they arrive.
“Neil will be back in a second. He made a run to the store for a case of beer and a newspaper.”
“Oh, okay, no problem. He’s not the reason why I’m here.” She laughs, then stops.
“My cooking is, right?”
“Exactly.”
She follows me into the kitchen holding Brax by the hand. I’m shocked when she presents me with a wicker basket stuffed with bubble bath, soap, scented candles, bath water crystals, and a big chunky soap bar.
“Hmm, milk and honey. That’s my favorite.”
“I know.”
“You know? Who told you? And why?”
“Well, um, Mother’s Day is coming up and I’ve been saving this for you. I may as well give it to you now.”
“Why? You’ve never given me anything like this before.”
“You’re so good to Brax, and it’s just something I want to do.” She sounds like she’s forcing me to take the damn gift or else.
“Let’s eat.”
She makes a plate for Brax and gets him situated. Then she sits in the chair right next to me and for the first time I notice how she’s dressed. Even though it’s ninety degrees outside, she’s wearing a long-sleeved blouse, baggy slacks, and some dingy-looking gym shoes with dried-up mud caked on them.
Twenty minutes pass. I throw all kinds of questions at her.
“How’ve you been holding up since Scottie’s been gone?”
“Fine.”
“Does it get lonely in the town house?”
“Huh?”
“You ever too afraid to be there by yourself with just you and Brax?”
“Sure.”
She gives me short answers and squirms in her seat, looking at the doorway every few minutes.
“Hey, Neil is taking so long. Why don’t I pour you a glass of wine we’ve had around the house forever. Zinfandel.”
“That’s my favorite. Oops, one of them.”
I forcefully smile at Dani, fill up her glass, and hand it to her like a good hostess should. Even though I gave her a present to warm her up, I still feel heated inside. My instincts suggest she’s been up to no good. And I’m not very good at camouflaging my true feelings. So it takes everything within me not to splash the wine in her face, but I can’t waste it for trivial reasons.
She sips. I talk. She sips more. I talk more about Obama, the last movie she’s seen, and how Brax is faring without Scottie around.
When Dani hiccups and giggles, I lean in. “When’s the last time my husband has been at the town house?”
“Oh, a few days ago? Or was it last week? Whoops, excuse me. I dunno really. Not too long.”
“What did he do when he was there?”
“He did good. Real good. Mmm hmmm. He’s so kind and wonderful. Anya, you’re lucky to have Neil, I swear I envy you.”
“What did he do good?”
She gives me a blank stare, and I hear “Uh-oh” slip between her teeth.
“What were we talking about?”
“We’re talking about why my husband was recently at your place without Scottie around!”
“Brax! Anya, you know he comes and picks up the baby. What, is that a crime these days? You want Neil to go to jail, too? You’re insane.” She belches.
Ten minutes later Dani gulps the rest of her wine, wipes her mouth with her sleeve, stumbles into the den, and passes out on the couch. My strategy to get this woman drunk so the wine will loosen her tongue doesn’t go quite the way I hoped.
The girl is too wasted to realize I made up the part about Neil going to the liquor store. He doesn’t know this, and he won’t know. As long as he keeps info from me, I’ll pay him the exact favor.
But because my inner suspicions refuse to leave me alone, I’ll have to execute my second plan.
Every Thursday morning I try to listen to 104.1 FM, KRBE, which is mostly a pop radio station. The Roula & Ryan show is hosted by Roula, a Greek woman born and raised in H-town. Ryan is her sidekick and seems to be one of the rare males who can provide truthful and sensitive commentary on male-female relationships. But what really lures me to this show each week is when they air “Roula & Ryan’s Roses.” I sent them an e-mail because I wanted to be on the show just so I can take a chance and find out if Neil will send a dozen roses to me or to another woman.
So when I get the call from Roula, I am shocked that I get selected. Then when I realize I’m talking to her, I feel nervously excited and try my best to act normal. Roula explains that she and Ryan will be calling Neil, pretending they are representing a national florist company that’s doing a promotion involving free roses.
“If it’s free, he’ll be game,” I tell her. “I need to know if he’s being unfaithful.”
“Who is the woman?”
“I hate to say it, but she’s someone he’s cheated with before.” I start to admit they had a child together, but I already look like a fool as it is, so I keep my mouth shut.
I stand by in nervous anticipation, and when I hear Neil’s voice as he’s talking to Roula, I know the moment of truth is here.
“Hi, I’m with National Flower World and we’re doing a little promotion where we’ll send a dozen free roses anywhere you want just to introduce our company. You’re under no obligation. No credit card is needed or anything.”
“You say it’s free?”
“Absolutely free, sir.”
“And you won’t need a credit card?”
“Not at all. We’re hoping you’ll use our services in the future if you take a chance on us today.”
“Good. My credit card is really charged up.” Neil chuckles.
My hands are sweating like crazy as I grip the phone and hold my breath.
“To my wife, Anya. Love you.”
“Ah, okay, well, Neil, we need you to know you’re actually on the radio right now. The reason we’re calling is because your wife, Anya, wasn’t sure if you’d send the flowers to her.”
“What? Anya, why are you doing this on the radio?”
“Neil,” I cut in. “I’m sorry, but it seemed you were becoming distant. I had a bad feeling, and I needed to know if anything was going on.”
“Anya, you should have come to me.”
“I did, but you blew me off.”
“I answered your questions, but I guess if it’s not what you want to hear, you think I’m hiding something. I haven’t done anything with anybody. I am done with this conversation. Just know I love you, no matter how you feel inside.”
Neil disconnects the call. I want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head.
Is he telling the truth? Can Neil truly care about me when I feel so much of who I used to be is no longer there?
Days later, I take a seat in the waiting room of my physician’s office. I am facing a plain white wall that is adorned with photos of Tiger Woods swinging a golf club.
A few outdated magazines lie on a small table next to me. I pick up one and begin thumbing through its pages. Moments later I hear a man and a woman’s voice; they’re holding a conversation as they enter the waiting room. Their feet slowly shuffle across the floor. They ring a bell to let the receptionist know they’ve arrived. The chair right behind me makes a whishing sound, and I know they’ve taken a seat.
“Dodie, don’t worry. You will be okay once you see the doctor,” I hear a man say who’s seated behind me. He sounds like he’s eighty years old. His voice is soft and soothing.
“I know, Paul. I can’t wait to get out of here, though. I have a taste for a cup of cocoa.”
“I’ll make you some as soon as we get home, okay, Do-si-do?”
“Thank you, Paul.” She starts laughing, and he joins in. Their laugh sounds like a full orchestra.
While listening to them, I want to turn around and look at them. But all I can do is listen and smile.