by WB McKay
"But that's just it," I said, my voice cracking, and heat rising to my cheeks. "I know you would never say that I was a burden to you, but I could see it. I could see it in the way you struggled to learn how to cook for me, the way you worked so hard to keep me ahead of other kids my age with school, how hard you worked to try and socialize me with people outside of Wailing Lakes when I was young. None of that was easy for you. You just did it because you felt responsible for me." Somewhere in the middle of talking I'd started spilling tears of my own. I dashed them away with the backs of my hands. "You never asked to be saddled with me, and I would never blame you for being upset about it. Owen feels the same way. He just feels bad because he pulled away when we were about to kiss. Now he wants to be friends to make up for that rejection. He feels responsible. And as much as I like hanging out with him, if I just let myself… I'll forget that he doesn't want to be there. I can feel it. I'll start depending on him and asking him to hang out and then he'll be saddled with me, stuck."
"That's not how people work, Sophie. If Owen was unhappy, he'd shake you loose. If I hadn't wanted to keep you, I'd have pushed you off on one of the others."
"But The Morrigan—"
"Yes, she clearly thought you were supposed to be mine. Every asshole is bound to be right at least once."
My smile was shaky.
Belinda shook her head sadly and traced her thumb over my cheek. "Sophie. I may have felt burdened by you for a few weeks when you showed up as a squalling infant, but after that, everything I did was out of love, not because I was responsible for you. I'd always wanted to learn how to cook something more complicated than ramen noodles, but when I lived alone I never made it a priority. You are the greatest joy I've found in my life. I call and check on you because I miss you, because I worry about you, not because I feel obligated—and I'm only stopping myself from begging you to move back home and live with me forever because I never want you to feel obligated in that way. You have to fly, baby crow." I rolled my eyes and she chuckled. "You are my daughter, Sophie. Everything I do is because I love you and care about you. Responsibility has nothing to do with it. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to give you a good life. It wasn't a burden. It was a treat every time I managed to put a smile on your serious little face."
My mind reeled. As far as I could remember, though banshees were one of the fae able to lie, Belinda never had. There was no reason to believe she'd start now. Memories flashed through my mind, each of them now with a new emotional slant. Me finding Belinda passed out, face stuck to a math book when I was fifteen. I could tell that she was having a hard time being my teacher by then, but every week she managed to stay a little ahead of me. She made sure that she not only learned the concepts, but she learned them well enough to explain them to me. I could tell it made her feel accomplished, so I told her I knew how hard she was studying to keep ahead. Thinking about it in the new light that she did it not because she felt she had to, but because she loved me and it brought her joy to do things for me made my chest tighten until I had to curl into a ball on the couch. Sobs shook my body, and then there was a comforting warmth at my back, and Belinda's hand rubbing the back of my neck. That only made me sob all that much harder because she knew what soothed me.
When I finally had the sobbing under control, I sat up. Belinda got me a glass of cold water, and I looked her in the eye. I'd always known she loved me, but it had felt like it came with an "in spite of everything" attached. Even in this touching moment, I felt my secret like a weight in my gut. If I wasn't going to tell her now, then when? I owed it to her. I owed it to myself.
"Do you remember when I killed Leandra?"
She didn't even look surprised by the change of subject. That was Belinda, rolling with it. "Yes, the girl who tried to kill you by suffocating you with her wind magic." She tried to look calm, but I noticed the little signs—a tightening of her fists, rigid posture—and I smiled half-heartedly at her protectiveness. How would she feel when she knew?
"I have magic you don't know about, and I killed her with it."
The surprise was brief before she schooled her features. I didn't pause long enough for her to say anything. It was now or never.
"I used it to kill Leandra, and I killed dozens of crazed worshipers of The Morrigan in Faerie with it. I thought it was something I got from The Morrigan, and I've been researching her, but those people—they said—well, they said that it wasn't 'of The Morrigan'. They said it like they knew for sure. I don't know what it is, I don't know what it means, and sometimes, like with Leandra, it pops up out of nowhere and I don't even feel like I control it." I grabbed Belinda's hand, wanting to make sure she understood. "I think I learned more about it when I was in Faerie. I mean, I didn't learn any facts, but I used it so much that I learned how to control it. But I haven't been tested yet. No one has come up and scared me like Leandra did. It could pop out when I don't mean to. I could kill someone on accident. I could kill a lot of someones."
"You poor child," she said when I paused. My head jerked back in surprise at her response. She nudged my hand with the glass of water, indicating I should drink more, so I did.
"No wonder you've always been so grave. These kind of things are too heavy to carry alone. You have to promise me that you and I will have no more secrets between us."
"Okay," I said, wary still. I couldn't believe this was the extent of the response I was getting for all my secret keeping, let alone the secret itself.
Belinda pulled me into a tight embrace and stroked my hair. "I don't think I've ever cried this much in my life," she said, letting me go so she could grab a tissue and blow her nose. "I kind of pride myself on being a tough bitch."
I let out a sigh that turned into a laugh. "Where do you think I get it from?"
That brought out her smile, and she hugged me even tighter. "Now, about this boy, Owen."
I heaved a sigh. "I guess we're really moving on from my deadly, scary magic if you're changing the topic to boys."
"You'll get the hang of the magic. I have complete faith in you."
It didn't need to be said that she did not have such faith that I'd handle the Owen thing on my own. She sat there waiting for me to respond, not saying anything to push me further on the subject, but clear that she wasn't going to just let it go, either. I couldn't look her in the face. "I told you, the only reason he's following me around is because he saw that it bothered me when he rejected me. He feels guilty."
Belinda nodded sagely, but somehow it didn't quite feel like agreement or understanding. "And he said this to you himself?"
"Well, no, not exactly. He just keeps pushing to be my friend. Like that's going to make me feeling like a total loser any better." I slumped back into the cushions of the couch and covered my face with a hand. "I shouldn't even be hanging around with dragons anyway, they're bad news."
"So, the nice dragon boy wants to spend time with you, despite the ways you've been pushing him away. That's just plain evil."
Her last words were dripping so heavy with sarcasm it made my eyes roll. "Fine, I'll let him hang out with me, if he ever wants to talk to me again after all the shit I've given him."
"And maybe try that kiss again," said Belinda, nudging me with an elbow. "I bet he'll do it this time, and I bet that hot cinnamon thing he has going on is good for kissing."
"It is," I said, before I could catch myself.
Belinda crossed her arms and scowled at me. "We just agreed that there wouldn't be any more secrets. Are you saying you lied to me about the whole kiss rejection thing?"
My cheeks burned so fiercely that I actually had to fan my face. "Um, no, that was true. When I kissed him, he didn't exactly know who I was." Her eyes went wide and she waved for me to continue. "It's kind of a long story. I'll tell you later, I promise."
"Why not now?" she asked enthusiastically.
I used to think her eagerness to hear about me and boys was something else she felt obligated to do for me. All my sist
ers found my romantic interests to be something like scientific theater. They couldn't understand it for themselves, and they wanted to see if they could make it work for me. It was only in this moment that it occurred to me she just wanted me to be happy.
And somewhere lost in my thoughts, it hit me that I viewed Owen as a romantic interest. Shit. Damn. Hell. That should have been obvious to me before. I wasn't pushing him away because I was worried he felt obligated to by my friend. I was pushing him away because I was worried he felt obligated to be my friend, and the more I got to know him, the more I wanted him to be something other than my friend. It seemed that though I'd decided he wasn't for me after his rejection, my heart had other ideas.
Important revelation, sure, but it was so not the time for this. I'd spent enough time gabbing on the sofa as it was.
I'd already put out the troll trap to draw Clarissa to me. That had been a good start. It was time to try something else to find Ava. I could put out calls through FAB to see if anyone else had found her yet, but inside, I knew they wouldn't find her. No one knew Clarissa, or Ava, as well as I did. No one else knew this case. Unless someone else out there stumbled into a pixie pocket—if that was even possible—and then knew to save Ava and how to do it, I was the best chance.
Actually, that wasn't entirely true.
I jumped straight up and went for the door. "I've just had an idea for a way I can find Ava!"
"Can I come?" asked Belinda, her expression guarded. She was prepared for me to say no, but she really wanted to go.
"Why the hell not?" I hopped off the couch and jogged to the door. I pulled her leather jacket from the hook next to the door and tossed it to her. "But if I decide things are getting too dangerous, you have to listen to me and stay behind."
She caught the jacket, slid it on, and was beside me at the door in a blink. She was damn fast when she wanted to be. I'd never really seen any of my sisters fight, but their speed on the basketball court was legendary. "You got it kiddo," she said, giving me a little salute. "This is your case. I'm just tagging along." She took one look at Ava's busted up Subaru, and headed straight for her own car. "But I'm driving. Where are we going?"
"Lost in the Mist."
CHAPTER TWELVE
"They've got to be here somewhere," I grumbled, rifling through what felt like my tenth drawer in Lost in the Mist. The hour drive back to Arcata and Ava's shop had felt ten hours long.
"What exactly is it we're looking for again?" asked Belinda, her gaze locked on the entrance to the shop.
"They look like really large pills," I said, standing up straight. "And they are most certainly not on the door."
"Sorry, I thought I heard someone coming." She turned around and pointed at the door to the back room. "What's back there?"
"I'm pretty sure it's where we need to go," I said, hefting the tire iron I'd borrowed from Belinda's trunk. "It's her private room. I was hoping we could avoid breaking more stuff, but she'll have to forgive us when we save her ass."
A few seconds later and I'd busted the lock into the back room. Weird fish and various other sea creatures swam idly in their tank. I saw no sign of Vincent, the mantis fish version of a centaur. I had a hunch he could turn invisible when he wanted to. Belinda stood transfixed for several seconds, staring at the massive tank and then set about rifling through drawers with me.
"Aha!" called Belinda, holding up what looked like a purple gel capsule the size of my thumb. "I think I've found one!"
"Only one way to find out," I said, reaching for the big pill.
"I raised you better than that," said Belinda, pulling it out of my reach. "You don't just hit yourself with random charms you find in someone else's stash. You have no idea what this could do to you!"
"This is Ava. She's..." I trailed off, thinking about how weird and creepy the tiny woman could be, even if she was my friend. I tried a different tack. "We don't have time to take this to someone for identification. We're just going to try it and hope for the best. Is there more than one?"
"Yes, there are two," she said, fishing a second purple capsule out of the drawer next to her.
"How do they work?"
I shrugged. "When Ava used one on me, she just tossed it at me."
Before I could stop her, Belinda smashed one of the purple pills against her chest and a cloud of white smoke filled the air, making me cough. The smell it left behind was like the city after a rain.
"You could have warned me, sheesh." I waved away the smoke. "Belinda?" She was gone. "Belinda!" I shouted, spinning in a circle. There was no answer. Panic clawed at my chest. What the hell was in that charm? I ran back into the main room and peeked out the window. Maybe it was a self-defense charm that transported the intruder out of the building.
Nothing. Despair was a dark chasm looming at the edge of my vision, waiting for me to fall in and forget the rest of the world. Ava was gone, Belinda was gone, and both were my fault.
Music blared from my pocket. My phone was going off. I almost ignored it, pondering the sweet oblivion that collapsing into a senseless heap would provide. Then I recognized the ringtone. It was Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncé. That was Belinda's ringtone. I scrambled to get my phone out and answer it. I almost ignored the call twice before I swiped the screen the right way to answer. "Yeah?"
"It's me, Sophie. Can't talk long. I don't want to pay the roaming fees for Japan. It took me forever to figure out how to dial the United States from here."
I scowled at the phone. "Did you say Japan?"
"Yes, it's going to take me a while to figure out how to get home from here. I'm glad I used that charm instead of you. I didn't even know teleportation charms existed. " Neither had I, and it was my job to know those kinds of things. Belinda was silent for a moment. "Make sure you're ready for anything when you try the next one."
"I will." I looked around the shop, both with relief and a new kind of stress creeping in.
"Enjoy your trip to Japan. I'll see you soon." I disconnected the call and let out a long sigh. I really needed to get this job over with. I couldn't handle being this on edge all the time.
I returned to the drawer Belinda found the capsules in. There was nothing there, but in the drawer next to it, I found what I was looking for. After only a moment's hesitation I put my hand on the hilt of Haiku and broke the charm on my leg. I knew it was the right one when the magic choked me as it had the first time Ava had used it on me.
"Well, it's about time," said a voice entirely too close for comfort. Haiku flashed out and cut through the dim figure standing beside me. "Rude," said Patricia without much heat.
Patricia was exactly what I'd been hoping for when I came to Ava's shop. A ghost, and one I knew, even. She wore a beaded dress that would have fit well in a club in the twenties, same as she'd been wearing when I'd first met her. "Hello, Patricia. I need your help."
"Of course you do," said Patricia with a cluck of her tongue. "You've already been mucking about here for entirely too long. You need to save Ava. This existence would be entirely too lonely without her to talk to."
"So you know where she is?" I asked hopefully, sliding Haiku back into her sheath.
Not only did she know where Clarissa was, she had friendly ghosts watching her every move. The witch had traps set up for me, of course, but now I knew something about them. Ten minutes later I was on the road, armed with knowledge and a pocket full of the third sight charms. Patricia stayed behind, claiming the idea of cars made her queasy.
My phone rang shortly after I pulled out of the parking lot. It wasn't a number I recognized. I stopped on the side of the road to answer it, hoping it was only someone wanting to kill me and not a telemarketer. I knew how to deal with the murderous types. No matter how rude I was to telemarketers, they took the fact that I'd answered my phone as a sign they should call me back. Frequently.
"Hey, you lying bitch," said Clarissa by way of greeting.
"Nothing I said in that post was a lie," I corrected h
er. I wasn't about to say that I wasn't able to lie, not even in a forum post. Who knew what she'd do with that information.
"I'm not weak, and you didn't kick my ass," she hissed.
"Those are both a matter of opinion," I said calmly, knowing it would only piss her off more. "But I believe we're getting off topic."
There was a long pause where I imagined her grinding her teeth in frustration. "Yes, we are. You've inspired me. I've called to challenge you to a duel. I aim to reveal to the world what I can do, and your death will be the perfect model."
Wow, who knew trolling could be used so effectively? "Sounds good. I'd love another chance to kick your ass. Where and when?" I already knew the where, thanks to Patricia.
"The marsh. One hour." The line clicked, and she was gone.
I tapped the button to turn off my screen. Lit it back up. Turned it back off. Turned it on and opened my contacts, only to shove it in my pocket. I pulled my hand away, done with it for good when Belinda's words about pushing people away came back to me. I grabbed for my phone again, scrolled down my contacts, and tapped Owen's name. He picked up in half a ring.
"Hello," he said, his voice neutral.
"Hello," I replied, at a loss for words. After a long, awkward pause, I managed to get out, "I know where Clarissa is, and I need your help."
"Where?" he growled.
"I need you to promise you won't just burn her to a crisp." There was an indistinct noise on the other end of the line, but I continued before he could interrupt. "I don't know what happens to Ava if Clarissa dies while she's still in the pixie pocket."