"In normal circumstances, yes, you're right. However, as my boss pointed out, these are not normal circumstances. You'll get a commendation and an official deputy badge when this is over. So will your...uh...horse."
Espinosa rolled over on the floor. He looked to Jack like he was going to cry. "I've never been on a horse."
"So what! You say giddy-up, and the horse does the rest. How hard can that be?" Jack demanded.
"Where do we get weapons?" Ted asked.
"Who said anything about weapons?" Jack replied. "I have one, and I'm the full deputy. You do not get a weapon. Harry, now, is different. Harry is his own weapon."
"Let me make sure I have this right," Ted said. "Number one, we're deputies who are going to ride horses. Number two, we will not have a weapon to fight whatever crime and Santa Claus we're assigned to fight because your asshole boss gave you the authority to deputize us. Number three, we have nothing at all to say about this. Is that what you're telling us? Oh, and one other thing. Number four, what about the elves? Do we get to fight the elves, too?"
"Yeah, that's what it means. But I'm just the messenger. I bet if you call Maggie, she'll order you to do what I say."
Espinosa got up and walked into the kitchen. They could hear him rummaging in the kitchen drawers. When he came back, he said, "Take your pick, Ted. It's either a corkscrew or an ice pick. Harry doesn't need anything. Good old Jack here doesn't need anything, because he has a gun. Personally, I think we should just shoot good old Jack right now."
His face absolutely inscrutable, Harry finally decided to speak. "All of this for some damn Christmas party at the White House that those morons refuse to cancel. Remember Kalorama and how we dumped those Secret Service agents in the Dumpster? I'm thinking we might not have much of a welcoming committee. When do our trusty steeds arrive, Jack? I guess this is part of the plan we don't have. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, I admit to being stupid. I thought we were here to help with the babies who are being transferred to Maggie's house. See, that was a plan, the plan, actually. So, if we're galloping off somewhere, assuming horses can gallop in snow, who is going to work or help out on the real plan?"
"I don't know, Harry. I guess we'll find out when the mounted patrol shows up at our door. The plan is illegal, first of all. There is no way in hell the DA could know, can ever know, I'm involved with the vigilantes. That's a whole other ball game. I have a job, a career, I get paid on a regular basis, and in order to keep getting paid, I have to do what my boss tells me to do. Obviously, we need to figure out some things. Ted, for starters, call Maggie, since she's the only one we can reach, and see what she has to say."
Harry sat down, assumed the lotus position, and stared off into space. Espinosa twirled the corkscrew round and round in his hands. Jack sighed and started to gather up the splintered wood, which he promptly threw into the fire.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
Later, when the kitchen was tidied up and the guys were dozing in front of the fire, Jack stirred and walked into the kitchen. He was too antsy to sleep. He popped a Bud, turned, and bumped into Ted, who was opening the refrigerator.
"It's still snowing," Jack growled.
"And this surprises you why? Cable went out. So, guess it's campfire stories from here on in," Ted said.
Jack moved his beer bottle from one hand to the other. "Uh, listen, Ted, about that plug business. Were you serious about that...plug business, or were you jerking my chain?"
Ted whirled on a dime. "Are you admitting that right now, right this minute, I know more about women than you do? Ah, there is a God!" he said dramatically.
"Cut the bullshit, Ted. This is when guys have to stick together. I solved your problem with the diamond earrings, didn't I? Well, turnabout would be nice here as a show of good faith."
Ted lounged back against the refrigerator and grinned. "I like it that you're so desperate. What did you have in mind?"
"Maybe a Kindle, an iPod, something along those lines. They don't have plugs. Maybe a charger or something. I hardly think a charger would count. Batteries?"
Ted was in his glory as he contemplated his answer. This was a moment in time when he had one-upped his buddy, and he wanted to savor every minute of Jack's discomfort. He shook his head vigorously. "Patsy of Dorchester Jewelers said she had a one-of-a-kind diamond tennis bracelet as an alternative to the diamond earrings. It comes in a white velvet box with a white satin lining, but it was out of my reach dollarwise. Gift wrapped, of course. Snowflake paper. The snowflakes are dusted with glitter, and she said she would use a fine-mesh silver bow. Aren't you damn lucky I remember all this?
"Espinosa said Jill mentioned a diamond-studded cross on some kind of special chain, in case he didn't go with the earrings. So, you have two choices. Here is the way I see it. You could sell your car to pay for it. I don't think you have enough time to hold a garage sale, but it's a thought." Ted's expression turned solemn. "I worry about you sometimes, Jack."
"Eat me!" Jack snarled.
Ted let loose with a loud guffaw.
Back in the living room, Harry was still in the lotus position, staring at something no one else could see.
Jack bent over, snapped his fingers, and said, "Earth to Harry. Look alive here. We need to confer. Like now."
Harry unwound his legs, stretched, and in one fluid motion was on his feet. He stared at Jack and observed in a hushed voice, "My ancestors tell me they have grand plans for you, Mr. Emery. That's the only reason you're still standing."
"Yeah, well, tell them to hold off on whatever they're planning, because we need to plan. This time I'm turning the floor over to the three of you since you never like my plans. So, let's hear it, hotshot! You're up, Harry!" Jack said, waving his arms magnanimously.
Chapter 14
Murphy and Grady hippity-hopped through the snow as they did their best to lead Charles and Maggie down the street and around the corner.
Charles was fuming. "I was gone only ten minutes, and they plowed in my Hummer! Unbelievable!" he snorted.
"Save your breath, Charles. I know for a fact there's a shovel in the closet at the apartment for just this reason. I bought it myself when I was living there temporarily and my car got snowed in. They were selling shovels on every street corner at the time."
"That doesn't help us at the moment, but I've made a mental note to bring the shovel with us when we leave. Are we even close, Maggie?"
"Up ahead," Maggie gasped as she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other in the thigh-high drifts of snow. Not that she exercised, but if she did, she wouldn't have to do it for a week with the workout she was getting.
And then they were there. Murphy and Grady barked in relief as they raced toward the lobby door. Charles knew without a doubt that they were picking up their mistresses' scents inside the building. Inside the lobby, the shepherd and Lab did a crazy dance as they shook themselves to get rid of the snow. Charles thought it uncanny as they ran to the elevator and waited. Both were panting, anxious to get where they were going.
Maggie had the key to the apartment in her hand as they rode the elevator. The moment the elevator door slid open, the two animals raced down the hall and stopped in front of the Post's apartment door. Maggie inched past the jittery dogs and inserted the key in the lock. She shoved the door open as far as she could, and the dogs did the rest.
"Whoa!" Maggie shouted, her hands shooting high in the air as she came face-to-face with seven women, drawn guns, their hammers clicking back in sync.
"For God's sake, Myra, take your finger off the trigger, and put the safety on before you kill someone!" Charles bellowed, knowing Myra couldn't hit a bus at ten feet if it was at a dead stop right in front of her.
"Maggie! Charles!" the Sisters cried in unison.
"Ooooh, I love you, too," Kathryn blurted out, laughing aloud as she cuddled with the huge shepherd while Alexis rolled around on the floor with Grady.
"What? How
? What's going on?" The Sisters all started to babble at once as they helped Charles and Maggie with their outer gear. Yoko gathered up the pile of wet clothing and ran to the dryer as Nikki motioned everyone into the kitchen.
Myra ran to Charles and hugged him. "I knew, Charles. I knew you were trying to reach me. I just didn't think you'd come in person. It was like when Barbara comes to me," she whispered. "Oh, I feel so much better now that you're here."
Charles leaned over and kissed Myra's cheek. "Old girl," he said affectionately, "do you think for one minute I would let anything happen to you? I've been after you for thirty-five years, and you finally agreed to marry me. I'd go to the ends of the earth to find you." And that was as romantic as Charles Martin was going to get in front of an audience.
"That works for me, dear." Myra's eyes twinkled.
Kathryn cleared her throat and pointed to the trussed-up foursome, then looked at Murphy. "Guard, Murphy. If they move, if they sneeze, do what you have to do."
Alexis ordered Grady to do the same thing. Both dogs moved closer to their quarry, where they sniffed each of the four, walked around them, sniffed some more. Then both dogs sat back on their haunches, their teeth bared.
In the kitchen the Sisters, along with Charles and Maggie, brought each other up to date.
"Charles has a vehicle, but we need a shovel to dig it out. I saw the truck that Bert left for us. What's the plan?" Maggie asked.
Everyone started to jabber all at once.
Suddenly Nikki squealed, "Look, it's stopped snowing! That means we're going to be good to go by morning. Someone check the phones. How much snow do you think is out there, Charles?"
"More than a foot," Charles said as he squeezed Myra's arm.
"The way I see it, we have to make all that snow work for us," Kathryn announced. "Let's sit down and figure out how to do that."
"Cells are still out. Landline is up," Yoko said. "I'll try Maggie's house first, then Jack's. Just because ours is working doesn't mean theirs will be."
Five minutes later Yoko had her report. "Landlines still down in the District. I'm waiting for Lizzie to pick up now. Cosmo said she was showering." She held up her finger for silence when Lizzie started to talk. Yoko listened raptly, her tiny head bobbing up and down from time to time. She was smiling when she hung up.
"What? What?" the Sisters asked the minute Yoko hung up the kitchen phone.
"For starters, Nellie called Lizzie and told her how bad the weather was. She won't be heading to the mountain till next week, or whenever she gets plowed out from the farm. They are literally stranded, but she has a generator and plenty of food.
"Lizzie said she got through to Jack and Harry around eight o'clock our time. Ted and Espinosa had just gotten there. Harry said transportation was being provided for the four of them. By whom, she didn't say. She said she didn't know if the babies got to Maggie's house or not, but that they were traveling by ambulance. A whole fleet of them. They would get top priority on the roads and highways.
"The Christmas party is still on at the White House. Lizzie said the president called her at six o'clock, which would be nine o'clock our time. The party for the children will be in the Blue Room, whatever that is. The sleigh arrived this afternoon and is on the South Lawn, with a cover over it. She didn't know anything about the reindeer.
"She also said Cosmo cut down a giant tree, and they were getting ready to decorate it. She sounded incredibly happy, girls. Oh, she also said that just before she headed to the shower, she tried calling Maggie, but there was no answer. She knew about Bert sending the truck that's sitting outside. She said he is fine and will be at the White House tomorrow for the party. You all heard my end of the conversation as I told her about Bell and Newsom." Yoko laughed. "That's it."
"That means everyone is present and accounted for," Annie said. "I think we're all relieved, so it's time to crack those four nuts in the dining room. Let's rumble, girls!"
Myra raised her hand. "Since Charles has never been...privy to what we do, and since he looks dead on his feet, I suggest that we send him off to bed before we commence our activities. I want to tuck him in personally, so while I'm doing that, girls, you can...warm up our guests."
"That'll work, Myra. Tootle on and don't be too long," Annie said, an evil glint in her eye as she advanced toward their four guests.
Myra led Charles down the short hall to one of the bedrooms. "You look exhausted, dear. I'll turn on the bed warmer while you get ready. The medicine cabinet has everything you need. Everything is new, so don't be afraid to use it. Thank you for coming, Charles. I was so worried about you."
Charles was so weary, all he could do was nod as he trotted off to the bathroom. When he was snug under the covers, he said, "Don't let me sleep too long, Myra. Keep my phones with you just in case they start working. Updates will be coming in quick and fast. I want your promise, old girl."
Myra moved her hand out of sight and crossed her fingers. "Okay, my dear. Sleep tight."
"Myra, are you really going to...learn how to use that...pole?"
"Of course. Go to sleep now."
"Will you tell me when the recital is?"
Myra giggled. "Absolutely."
"What are you going to wear?"
Myra really hadn't gotten that far in her thinking. "Oh, a little of this and a little of that." She leaned over to kiss Charles good night, but he already appeared to be sound asleep. "I don't know what I'd do without you, my darling."
"I don't either, old girl."
Myra laughed out loud and closed the door softly behind her.
Back in the dining room, Myra stood to the side to watch the grilling of the foursome, which was already under way. Kathryn was in the lead at the moment and demanded that all four strip.
"You can't make me do that," Baron Bell blustered. Across from him, Adel Newsom had her arms crossed across her breasts, while the two surrogates were wailing at the tops of their lungs.
"You need to stop that infernal wailing, or I'm going to take a bat to those pricey porcelain caps that decorate your mouths," Isabelle said menacingly. The two surrogates sniffed, choked, and went silent. "And as for you, Madam Lawyer, none of us here care whether you have boob implants or not, so do as Kathryn says, and do it quick."
Apparently outraged, Baron Bell literally screamed, "Implants! You have implants!"
"Oh, shut up, Baron."
"She's right. Everyone just shut up and do what I tell you. Now strip!" Kathryn ordered.
Only Newsom started to unbutton her shirt. The two surrogates started to plead and beg to know what was going to happen to them.
"Well, for starters, tell us everything we need to know about these two sleazebags," Nikki said. "Tell us how you were recruited, how much you were paid, whose idea it was to take back your babies. The whole ball of wax. Talk slowly and distinctly. Each pearl that drops from your lips will be recorded." Nikki pointed to the recording machine sitting on top of the dining-room table.
"This might also be a good time to tell you that we already have all of Ms. Newsom's records, but there are a few gaps we need to fill in. Mr. Bell here hasn't seen fit to turn over his records to us. Yet. But he will. Say your name, give today's date, and talk like your life depends on what you say. Which, by the way, it does." Nikki's voice sounded so cheerful that Bell cringed.
"My name is Joan Olsen. Today's date is...It was him," she said, pointing to Baron Bell. "He had regular seminars at Georgetown, and that's how he recruited us. He pretended to be interested in all us female law students. In the guise of helping us, promising us internships when we graduated, he'd take us out to dinner, for coffee, for drinks, that kind of thing. A few times that woman, Adel Newsom, was there. She was nice to us, too. They got us to confide in them. They were like a big brother and sister. At first.
"About three months after our first meeting, we were all having dinner at some fancy restaurant in town. The two of them had a flurry of calls. From time to time they would
get up from the table and go outside to talk. One would go, then come back, then the other got a call, and so on and so on. Then they started to talk about these adoptive parents and how badly they wanted a baby. One thing led to another, and Newsom pulled out this yellow sheet of paper with a list of names. There had to be at least fifty names on the list. Next to each name was a sum of money. It was a lot of money. She said that was how much a surrogate got if she would agree to have a baby for a particular set of parents. She kind of offhandedly asked if I was interested. At first I said no. Then I thought about how much easier my life would be with that money. I'd been working two jobs, trying to study, getting by on little or no sleep. The bills kept piling up. They let it drop right there, and they both acted like they were disappointed in me. Dinner was over, and we went our separate ways.
"A few days later, Newsom called and asked if I had thought about the offer and did I want to change my mind. I said that I did. Then things kicked into high gear, and we were off and running. I met the people who would adopt the baby. They were a nice young couple, and I actually felt good about what I had agreed to do. They paid for everything, made sure I got all the prenatal vitamins, saw an ob-gyn once a month. They even took me to the doctor. They gave me a food allowance to make sure I ate properly. They bought me maternity clothes. They gave me presents. When I had the baby, they filled my room with flowers. They kissed and hugged me. And then it was over. I went back to my life, a little sad, but I was happy I had done something nice for the Evanses. I thought that was the end of it, but it wasn't.
"I was leaving the law library one evening a few months later and waiting for me outside was Adel Newsom. She said she wanted me to sue the Evanses for the return of my child. I said no. She said yes. We argued right there on campus. I wanted to knock her silly, but I kept my temper. She gave me a card and said I was to go to that office the next day and that the lawyer there would represent me. She told me how much money I would get for filing the suit, and that then we would...privately place the baby for adoption with other, more suitable parents. That's what she said, 'More suitable parents.' The Evanses were more than suitable, and they had been very kind to me. She said they didn't have the money to fight a lawsuit, and the courts always gave the birth mother the baby. I held my ground for a few days, and she kept threatening me. She said she would post all kinds of garbage on the Internet and no one would hire me once I took the bar exam. I caved in and did it. I cried for days and days." She jerked her head in Donna Davis's direction and said that the same thing had happened to her the same way.
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