Brooke was on a different ward, which meant she was normally on a different schedule from me.
“Harper, could you come with me, please?” Nurse Melody asked. She said it so sweetly, as if I had a choice.
“Where are we going?” I asked. There were no clocks on the walls, so I had no idea what time it was, but it was easy to fall into a routine here. And easy to tell when something was off.
By my calculations, it was Friday around one in the afternoon, and I wasn’t scheduled for anything exciting today except a shower, which I’d already had.
My stomach knotted as I rose from the rec room couch. Several girls around me quieted, their lips falling open as they watched.
Nurse Melody didn’t answer me, which didn’t help the worried feeling in my gut.
I searched the rec room for Judith, but she wasn’t there. Crap. The little rat had told on me. I knew it in my bones. Normally she spent our rec room hours sitting by an old record player, listening to albums no one had cared about for sixty years.
But she wasn’t there now, and I couldn’t believe I’d missed that detail earlier. She must have gone to the nurses when I’d come out here.
I followed behind Nurse Melody as she led me down the familiar path to Dr. Evers’ office, my body tensing with each step. What would they do to me? And more importantly, how much did they know?
The nurse knocked on Dr. Evers’ door and waited, not looking at me. I wanted to run, but knew I wouldn’t get very far. Not in this place. I didn’t even know where the front door was in this maze of a building, not that it would be open for me to run right through anyway.
“Come in,” Dr. Evers said.
Nurse Melody opened the door and stood there, waiting for me to go inside. My feet didn’t want to move, but after a long moment, I forced them forward into the office.
“Harper, have a seat. Melody, you may wait outside.”
Dr. Evers stood by the window that faced out toward the courtyard. Usually when I came to her, she was sitting at her desk, but today she was in a different place. I didn’t think that was an accident. She wanted me to sit down so that she would have the upper hand, where usually she wanted me to feel that we were on equal footing. Friends. The psychology of her stance was not lost on me.
I had no choice but to sit in the hard leather chair across from her desk. I sat up straight, my legs crossed at the ankle and my hands in my lap, just like a lady. I had broken their rules, but I would not let them break me.
“One of your bedmates has told me something I find very disturbing,” she said. “Do you know what it is?”
I breathed in through my nose, letting the air into my lungs until they burned. I held it there, waiting for my heart to calm before I spoke.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Oh, I think you do.” She looked at me and pulled her glasses off. She rubbed her eyes as if she was tired of me already. “This will all go much smoother for you if you would simply tell me the truth.”
There was that word again. She taunted me with it, as if she had ever spoken any truth to me since I’d arrived here.
“I can’t imagine what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Harper, some of the girls who come here are deeply troubled when they arrive,” she said. “We do what we can to help them adjust to their new life here at Evers Institute. We try to rehabilitate and get to the root of the problem so that one day they might have hope of rejoining society. Some girls do very well, but others cause nothing but problems.”
She walked away from the window to stand beside her desk. She leaned against it, standing closer to me than she ever had before.
“You don’t want to be the kind of girl who causes problems, do you?” she asked.
I almost laughed. Whether the urge came from fear or irony, I wasn’t sure, but I pushed it deep down so that the good doctor wouldn’t see me smile. But she had to see the irony in her question. She was, after all, talking to someone who she claimed burned down her own house and killed her entire family. I was the poster child for the kind of girl who causes problems.
“Of course not,” I said.
“Good. So will you please tell me why you broke one of our most sacred rules and left your room without permission the other night?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t,” I said.
She slammed her hand down on the desk, making me jump. “I don’t tolerate lies in this office,” she said. “I want to know where you went. According to this young lady, you were gone for at least an hour in the middle of the night. We both know it doesn’t take an hour to find the bathroom and relieve yourself, now does it?”
“I can’t imagine it would,” I said.
“What, then, were you doing all that time?” she asked. “And if you tell me another lie, I can promise you that you will regret it.”
I held my tongue. I knew that denying it again would only make her angrier, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. Not without risking Brooke’s life in the process. There was nothing I could say to her that wouldn’t carry some level of danger, so I chose silence.
“I believed that your treatment was going well,” she said, moving back to the window. “But it’s not uncommon for a patient to regress, especially when she is dealing with depression and memory loss. Perhaps when you broke this rule, you were not in your right mind, which leads me to believe that our planned treatment has not been as effective as I’d hoped.”
I clasped my hands tighter, weaving my fingers together and holding onto myself. I did not like the way this conversation was going, and I had a feeling it was about to get a lot worse.
“Perhaps I will have to adjust this plan so that you can get the treatment you need,” she said. “Sometimes drastic cases call for drastic measures.”
She looked at me, a fire in her eyes telling me just how much she enjoyed this. She was glad I had broken a rule, because it gave her some excuse to torture me. And I knew it was going to be bad, just from the look on her face.
I held my head high, knowing I had no choice but to face whatever she was going to throw at me. I had no power over her. No power over my own fate or what they did to me. The only power I had was my own reaction to it.
And I wasn’t going to let her know she scared me.
“I will give you one last chance to tell me what you were doing during that hour you were out of your room,” she said. “I want to know where you went and exactly what you saw.”
Her words brought my eyes to her face. What I saw?
Now why would she be so concerned with information like that? Unless there was something going on here she most definitely did not want me to see.
My skin broke out in goosebumps.
“I went to the bathroom,” I said. “I knew it was wrong to leave the room, but I had to go. My stomach was upset from dinner.”
“The bathrooms are only a few steps away from your room, Harper. You want me to believe that you were gone for an hour to use the restroom?”
“I was ill,” I said. “I looked for a nurse, but no one was at the desk at the time. I went to the bathroom and sat there for a long time, hoping I would feel better. When I did, I went back to the room. I’m not sure how long I was gone, but I didn’t go anywhere, and I didn’t see anything.”
“I want to believe you, Harper, but I have been a doctor at this institute for a good many years, and I have learned when a patient is lying and when a patient is telling the truth,” she said. “And you are lying to me.”
I shook my head, but before I could protest, she came around her desk, barreling toward me like a bull. She grabbed my arm and yanked me up, her fingernails digging into me like daggers.
“You obviously don’t care how much work and effort we have put into your rehabilitation,” she said. “You deny me the respect I deserve, and I will not stand for it.”
I tried to pull away, but she had a deathgrip on my arm. She pulled me toward the door, my feet sliding against the rug. She was
so much stronger than I expected her to be, and no matter how hard I pulled against her, she held tight.
“You’re hurting me,” I shouted.
She stopped and looked into my eyes, an evil smile playing on her lips. “I haven’t even begun to hurt you,” she said. “Yet.”
The way she spoke took my breath away. She wanted to hurt me. It burned inside her like a flame.
She opened the door, and Nurse Melody ran toward us.
“What’s happening?” she asked, taking my other arm in her hands and pulling me farther down the hallway.
“This patient is suffering from delusions and severe depression,” Dr. Evers said. “She needs immediate treatment, and I’d like to see to it myself that she gets the full dosage.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Nurse Melody said, but her lip trembled.
Both women held onto me as I dug my heels in and tried to pull against them. The slick tile floor wasn’t helping, and I slid across it with almost no resistance. I had no idea what treatment they had in mind for me, but I didn’t want to go through it.
I dropped my weight, going limp and heavy in their grasp. The nurse faltered for a moment, but Dr. Evers didn’t flinch. She continued to drag me down the hallway with only one hand clasped around my arm, as if I weighed nothing.
They led me to a hallway I’d never seen, through silver double doors that led to a set of stairs leading down to the basement.
Neither of them spoke as they rushed me down these stairs. I continued to fight against them, but I couldn’t break free. And even if I did, I wasn’t sure where I would go. I was a prisoner here, not a patient. They could do whatever they wanted to me and no one would have anything to say about it.
Dr. Evers kicked open a door in the basement and dragged me inside, only letting go of my arm when the heavy door closed behind us. Nurse Melody locked it with a key and tucked the keyring back into her pocket. Her eyes were wide and nervous as she looked at me, which only made me more afraid.
If the nurse was scared of what was about to happen to me, it had to be bad.
I moved into the corner, taking the arrangement of the room into view. It looked like some kind of operating room, with surgical equipment and machines lined up on one side and a narrow hospital bed in the center of the room.
A single light hung from the ceiling directly over the bed, and unlike the pristine white of the sheets and rooms on my wing of the institute, there were bloodstains on the floor in this room. The sheets were dingy and leather straps on the rail of the bed were worn and dirty, spots of red staining them in several places.
I shook my head as the doctor wheeled a machine toward the bed.
“Get her into the straps,” she said.
“No,” I protested. “I didn’t see anything, I swear. I’ll never leave my room again. Please, don’t hurt me.”
Nurse Melody looked to me and then back at Dr. Evers. “Are you sure you—”
“Don’t question me unless you want to be strapped in next,” Dr. Evers said, her normally sweet voice now bitter and poisonous.
Nurse Melody walked over to me, reaching her hand out as if she actually expected me to take it and walk peacefully to my own torture. I squeezed into the corner of the room, but with the door locked, there was no hope of escape.
“You’re only going to make it worse for yourself,” the nurse whispered. “Come on. It will all be over soon.”
“What is she going to do to me?” I asked, looking at the machine and the various instruments Dr. Evers was preparing next to the bed.
“It’s better if you don’t speak,” she said. “Come on, Harper. The more you resist, the worse it will be. Please.”
There was fear and disgust in the nurse’s eyes. She didn’t like this at all, and yet I saw that she was powerless to stop it.
And so was I.
Nurse Melody reached for my arm, and I let her lead me. Tears sprang to my eyes as she gently pushed me down onto the bed. She worked to secure the leather straps to my ankles and wrists, adding another around my neck. It was so tight, I had to struggle for each breath.
With my movement limited, I couldn’t see everything the two women were doing, but I did see when Nurse Melody held up a long needle and began to fill it from a small glass bottle. But Dr. Evers shook her head.
“No sedation,” she said. “She’s going to feel this.”
“But Doctor, you can’t—”
“I can and I will,” she said. “Don’t forget your place here, Melody. Or where you could end up if I feel you are not performing your duties as requested.”
Nurse Melody shuddered and dropped the needle and medicine to the metal tray with a clang. “Yes, Doctor. I’m sorry.”
“Open her mouth,” Dr. Evers said.
On instinct, I clenched my teeth together, my jaw locking down tight. I could hardly move my head, but I cut my eyes to the side, trying to see what Dr. Evers was doing.
Nurse Melody leaned over me, placing her hands on either side of my face. “Just relax,” she said. “It will all be over soon.”
A tear slid down my face, and I tried to shake my head. What were they going to do to me?
I refused to open my mouth, but Nurse Melody pushed on a place high up on my cheeks and forced my jaw open. Before I could clamp it shut again, Dr. Evers shoved a piece of cloth with something hard wrapped inside between my teeth. I screamed, my mouth watering around the cloth and nearly choking me as I tried to swallow and catch my breath at the same time.
I swore I wouldn’t let them break me, but I had no idea what they were capable of until that moment.
If this was what they did to someone on a first offense, how much worse would it be if I messed up again?
Dr. Evers moved behind me and placed something against my temples. I couldn’t see what it was, but anything that close to my head was not a good sign. She twisted a knob and it made a clicking sound.
I struggled against my restraints, but it was no use. I was going to have to endure whatever she had planned for me, and I was helpless to stop her.
The nurse backed away and suddenly pain exploded through me. Every muscle tensed and seized, my body jerking violently. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t move my jaw. I couldn’t control anything or think beyond the brilliant light that kept erupting behind my eyelids.
It seemed to go on forever, and just when I thought my heart might stop beating, it finally ceased.
I shuddered against the table, trembling uncontrollably as tears leaked from my eyes.
I heard the clicking of the knob again and Nurse Melody drew in a sharp breath and looked away.
No. I wanted to beg and plead for her not to do it again, but I had no voice.
I tried to brace myself against it, but the pain came again, electricity blasting through my brain and taking control of me. I couldn’t breathe as my body seized again, every single muscle tense to the point of excruciating agony.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the smiling face of Dr. Evers as she leaned over me and whispered, “I only wish my mother could have been here to see this.”
This Is Old School
I woke up in a sweat and ran to the desk in the corner of the room. I opened my drawing pad to the first empty page and began to draw as fast as my hand would move.
I had felt her pain in my dream, and it ripped through me like a blade.
I sketched furiously with my pencil, breaking the point several times before the image showed itself. Tears stung my eyes, and I pulled at my hair, crying out as I stared down at the drawing.
Harper was strapped to some kind of metal table, her arms and legs bound with leather. A woman hovered over her, some device pressed to Harper’s temples.
What were they doing to her?
Where was she?
I wiped the tears from my eyes and studied the drawing, trying to make sense of it. It looked like some kind of medical procedure, but nothing like I’d ever seen in any hospital. I ripped the page fr
om the book and flew down the hallway toward Mary Anne’s door.
She was human, and even though she was younger than I was by many years, she might recognize it.
I pounded on her door until a sleepy Essex opened it, his eyes darkened with worry.
“What is it that has happened?” he asked.
Mary Anne came up behind him, rubbing her eyes. “Jackson, it’s late,” she said. “What’s going on?”
I pushed through the door and entered the room, turning on the lights and slapping the drawing down on a table in the center of the outer room.
“I dreamed of her,” I said. I paced the floor, running a hand through my hair. “I felt her, Mary Anne. She’s in pain. They’re torturing her.”
“Harper?” she asked. She walked over to the drawing and picked it up, her eyes widening. “Oh my God.”
“What is it?” I asked. “Have you ever seen anything like it before?”
“Only in movies,” she said. “It looks like shock treatments, but not the kind they do now. This is old school.”
“Shock treatments?” I asked, shaking my head. Dammit, this was all my fault. I couldn’t stand this anymore. I had to find her or I would lose my mind.
“It’s something they used to do in mental asylums,” she said. “I think it was used to treat depression.”
“Depression?” I asked, pacing faster. “This isn’t treatment—it’s a horror show. They were hurting her.”
She sat down at the table, studying the image I’d drawn. “What’s this in the corner?” she asked. “Is that a nurse?”
I leaned over her, trying to decipher the scribblings of my hand. “It could be,” I said. “Sometimes I can’t see the entire picture, only pieces of it.”
“Jackson, this looks like a nurse’s hat to me,” she said. “What if they’ve got her locked away in a hospital somewhere? We could start searching the mental institutions. Questioning nurses when they change shifts. Maybe someone will recognize her.”
“Even if they did, do you really think they’d talk to us?”
I walked over to the archway that led to the balcony and slammed my hand against the stone, pieces of it breaking off and falling to the floor.
Forgotten Darkness Page 16