by Abbi Glines
“Yes, I remember. I’ve spent as many summers in this lake as you have . . . ,” she said, trailing off as if to remind us both whose lake we were swimming in. I wanted her to be comfortable with me. If talking about Sawyer would help, then I’d talk about him. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to keep reminding myself who she belonged to.
“Point taken. Sorry, this new Ashton doesn’t resemble the Ash I once knew. I sometimes forget Sawyer’s perfect girlfriend is the same girl who used to start mud fights with me up there on the bank.”
Ashton’s easy smile quickly turned into a frustrated pout.
“I wish you’d stop acting like I’m a different person, Beau. I grew up, but I’m still the same girl. Besides, you changed too. The old Beau wouldn’t have completely ignored me because he was too busy making out with his girlfriend to acknowledge my existence.”
There were a lot of things I could say to that, but I knew I shouldn’t. Because of Sawyer. I had to keep this friendly.
“No, but the old Beau wasn’t horny,” I shot back with a wink, and splashed water in her face.
Her familiar laughter made my chest ache a little.
“Point taken. I guess having someone built like Nicole all over you is a little distracting. I can see where an old friend would rank under getting laid.”
If I’d known Ashton wanted my attention at any point, I would have pushed Nicole aside and given Ashton my undivided attention. But most of the time she was wrapped in Sawyer’s arms, and I needed the distraction Nicole provided—something else I couldn’t ever admit to Ashton.
“Nicole isn’t very modest,” I replied, trying to lay the blame on her.
The dimple I’d been fascinated with since the day I’d met Ashton appeared as she gave me a full smile.
“Nicole doesn’t even know the definition of the word modest. Now the word vulgar, I’m pretty sure she’s got a grasp on its definition.”
Was it my wishful thinking or did she sound jealous of Nicole? Damn, why did the idea of Ashton being jealous make me so freaking happy?
“Nicole’s not so bad. She just goes after what she wants,” I replied, wanting to test Ashton’s reaction.
An annoyed frown came over her face and she stiffened. I couldn’t keep the smile from forming on my lips. I liked the fact it bothered her when I defended Nicole. I liked the idea of her feeling anything more than friendship toward me, even if I’d never be good enough for her. I’d never be Sawyer, but knowing she cared just a little bit felt real good.
“You’ve got bad taste in women, Beau Vincent,” she replied. I watched her swim over to the pier and pull herself out to sit on the edge, giving me an extremely pleasant view of her barely covered ass. It took me a minute to remember what we’d been talking about. Ashton’s wet body on display was all my lust-addled brain seemed to be focused on. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and remembered her comment about my bad taste in women. If she only knew.
“I suppose Sawyer has better taste?” I asked, and swam over to join her. She frowned and bit her bottom lip. That hadn’t been the response I was expecting. I’d meant to make her smile.
“Maybe because I don’t rape him in public, but we both know he could do better.”
What the hell did that mean?
“You think so?” I managed to sound casual when all I wanted to do was demand to know who had made her feel as if she wasn’t good enough for Sawyer.
She glanced over at me with a sad little smile. The late afternoon sun was directly behind her, causing the long, blond curls framing her face to softly glow. The effect made her resemble the angel she appeared to be. Untouchable unless you were the perfect Sawyer Vincent.
“I’m not blind, Beau. I’m not saying I think I’m ugly. I know I’m passably cute. I’ve got good hair and my complexion isn’t bad. I don’t have big, blue eyes or long lashes, but my eyes aren’t bad. I’m not exactly exciting or striking. Sawyer is perfect. It’s hard to believe he wants me sometimes.”
I turned away from her, afraid the incredulous expression on my face would tell her more than she needed to know. I wanted to tell her how her green eyes made guys want to defend her or the way her sweet, pink lips were mesmerizing or how that one single dimple caused my pulse rate to increase. I wanted to point out how those long, tanned legs caused guys to trip over themselves, and when she wore tight shirts, I fought the urge to go cover her up so every male who saw her wouldn’t go home and jack off with her image in their head. But I couldn’t say any of those things. Forcing my expression to remain casual, I glanced back at her. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Sawyer didn’t just choose you because of your looks.” That’s all I needed to say.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. I had to turn my head away from her again before my eyes could zero in on her tits. I didn’t need to study them to know they were perfectly round, soft, plump, and tempting as hell.
“I’m not always good. I try really hard to be good. I want to be worthy of Sawyer—I really do—but it’s like there is this other me inside who’s trying to get out. I fight it, but I’m not good at it all the time. Sawyer has to keep me in line.”
Keep her in line? Wait . . . what? Shaking my head to clear my thoughts from how sweet her nipples would taste, I forced myself to focus on what she was saying instead of how she would taste. She didn’t think she was good enough for Sawyer? Had Sawyer made her think something was wrong with her? Surely, he didn’t know she felt this way.
“Ash, you’ve been nothing but perfect since you decided to grow up. Sure, you used to help me put frogs in people’s mailboxes, but that girl’s gone. You wanted to be perfect, and you achieved it.”
She laughed and sat back up. I chanced a glance over at her. The dimple was there tucked into her cheek as she gazed down at the water.
“If you only knew” was all she said.
“Tell me.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Why?”
Because I want you. Just you. The girl I know is in there hiding from the world. I want my Ash back. I couldn’t say it like that. She’d see too much. I had to protect myself.
“Because I’d like to know you aren’t so perfect. I’d like to know the girl who I once knew was still in there somewhere.”
She laughed again and pulled her legs up to rest her chin on them.
“There’s no way I’m admitting all my faults to you. Considering most of them are just in my thoughts and I’ve never acted on them.”
What I would give to know what bad thoughts Ashton kept locked away. I doubted they were anything as bad as I wanted them to be. But hell, just a little bit of naughty would drive me crazy.
“I’m not asking for your deep dark secrets, Ash. I just want to know what you could possibly do wrong that makes you feel that Sawyer’s got to keep you in line.”
Her cheeks turned pink, but she kept her eyes straight ahead. She wasn’t going to tell me. I hadn’t really expected her to. Ashton had been hiding inside herself for years now. It still hurt so fucking bad when I thought of the girl I’d lost. The one she wouldn’t let me see anymore. After a few minutes of silence, I stood up and stretched. I couldn’t do this. I built a wall three years ago to keep from getting hurt. Only Ashton held the power to hurt me. I couldn’t let her do it again.
“That’s fine,” I said. “I don’t really need you to tell me how you don’t always remember to take the buggy back to the return place in the parking lot or you don’t make it to the nursing home every week.”
I started to walk away, angry at myself for sounding like a jerk but needing to get the hell away from her. This had been a mistake. A big-ass mistake that I was going to pay for.
“Those are things Sawyer has to help me remember. . . . But I wasn’t exactly referring to them.”
She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear her. I should keep walking. I needed to stop this. But I never did the right thing. I turned back around to look at her. Sh
e was peering up at me through her wet eyelashes.
“I’m just like any other teenage girl. I envy Nicole because she can be who she wants to be. I can’t. But it isn’t Sawyer’s fault. I’ve never been able to give in to those urges. My parents expect me to be good.”
What the hell?
“You want to be like Nicole?” I asked in horror.
She laughed and shook her head.
“Not exactly. I don’t desire to vomit on myself and be carried inside my house drunk . . . or be known as a slut. But just once I’d like to know what it feels like to do more than just kiss. To be touched.” She stopped and turned her gaze back toward the water. “Maybe to know what the thrill of sneaking out of my house feels like or how it feels to be wanted by someone so desperately they can’t help themselves when they kiss me. Maybe to just feel desirable.” She stopped again and covered her face with both her hands. “Please forget I said all that.”
Talk about an impossible request. I was having a hard enough time breathing. Ah, fuck it all to hell. I was screwed. I needed to remember Sawyer. I loved him. He was my family. He was an idiot for not kissing every damn spot on Ashton’s sexy little body and enjoying the gift he had. But he was still my family. I couldn’t do this.
She let her hands drop away from her face and turned her guilt-ridden expression back up toward me. The lost look in her eyes was killing me. I wanted to assure her nothing was wrong with her. I wanted to promise to show her exactly how insane she made me. I could show her in five minutes just how desirable she was.
She stood up.
“So now you know my secrets, Beau. Just like old times. I think that makes us friends again, huh?” The smile on her lips trembled.
Fuck me.
“Yeah, I’d say it does.” I replied as regret consumed me.
Chapter 3
ASHTON
I watched as my parents’ minivan backed out of the driveway before I picked up my phone and texted Beau.
Me: Would u like to come watch a movie at my house?
My heart started racing in my chest. What was I doing? I’d already blurred the lines today at the hole. I should have never talked with Beau about secret desires. But just thinking about the intense gleam in his eyes as I’d explained what I wanted to experience made my body flush with excitement.
Beau: Ur parents?
He knew my parents well enough to know they would never be okay with me spending time with him. I hated how everyone assumed the worst about Beau. Just because his momma was trash didn’t mean he was. He had the same blood in him that Sawyer did.
Me: Out of town 2night
My dad had planned a surprise weekend getaway for my parents’ anniversary. I’d known about it for a week, but he’d just told my mom this afternoon. They were both safely on the road to Birmingham now.
My phone rang, startling me so badly that I dropped it. Scrambling to pick it up, I worried it might be Sawyer. I’d never be able to keep the guilt out of my voice if I had to talk to him.
It was Beau.
“Hello?” I said.
“I’ll leave my truck at the park and walk to your house through the woods. Unlock the back door for me.”
He didn’t want anyone to see his truck here. I knew it was for my benefit, but it was probably best he didn’t park outside my house. He was just my friend, but . . . he was also a boy. A bad boy. Ashton Gray didn’t have bad boys over while her parents were away.
“Okay, if that’s what you want to do.”
“It is.” His deep voice made me feel tingly inside.
“I’ll see you in a little while then,” I replied.
“Yeah,” he said before he hung up. I stared down at the phone; I was torn between excitement and fear. I was going to get to spend more time alone with Beau. I’d missed him. Being able to be honest with someone was nice. I didn’t have to pretend. Then there was also the fact I liked the way his eyes sent shivers over my body as he stared at me. There was something wicked about Beau that drew me to him. What was wrong with me? Why did I want to sin so badly?
I dropped the phone on my bed and headed to the shower. I wouldn’t think about the rule I was breaking. This wasn’t anything bad. It was a small rule if you thought about rules in general. I mean there were bigger rules I could break. Besides I needed to break some rules before I went crazy.
* * *
A light knock on the back door sent the butterflies flapping around in my stomach into a frenzy. I heard the latch on the door as it opened and closed. I quickly slipped on a white eyelet sundress after trying on several other more casual outfits; I’d decided I wanted to look nicer. The sundress was short, with spaghetti straps, so it looked casual enough for a movie night. Maybe . . . sort of. I studied my feet. I’d just painted my toes cotton candy pink and decided to stay barefoot. Even more casual.
I headed down the hall to greet my guest. The air entering my lungs was stalled when I saw Beau standing in the kitchen. Black had always looked good on him, but having him stand in my kitchen in a tight black T-shirt and a pair of low-riding jeans made me a little dizzy. When my vision began to blur, I realized I was holding my breath.
“Hey,” I managed to say, mentally cringing at the breathless sound in my voice.
He nodded and gave me a small smile before walking over to the fridge and opening it.
“I’m thirsty. Can I have a Coke?” he asked without looking back at me.
“Um, yeah, sure. I ordered pizza too. It should be here in a few minutes. If you’re hungry.”
He closed the fridge door, opened the can of Coke in his hand, and then took a swig.
“I’m always hungry,” he replied.
“Okay, good.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d invited Beau to my house to watch a movie. Now he was here, filling up my house with his sexiness, and I didn’t know what to say. He walked toward me, grinning.
“Relax, Ash. It’s just me.” He nodded his head toward the living room. “Let’s go see what kind of movie selection you’ve got these days.”
Swallowing nervously, I turned and headed to the living room. This was a bad idea. I was acting like an idiot. This wasn’t the way friends acted. If I wanted him to be my friend, I needed to start acting like one and not a love-struck moron.
“I rented two movies from the Redbox. If you don’t like either, you can pick from the ones I have in my room, but I’m warning you now that they are mostly romantic comedies. The ones I rented are probably more your speed.”
I kept my back to him because my cheeks were getting warm and I hated the idea of him seeing me blush. I was being so silly. I reached for the two action movies I’d rented and started to turn around to show him when he moved in behind me. I froze. My body went on high alert, and I took several gulps of air.
“Let me see.” His mouth was surprisingly close to my ear. Then his arm reached around me and he snatched the movies from my grasp. When our hands brushed, I sucked in a quick breath. For a second he paused then moved away quickly. My crazy behavior had to be making him uncomfortable.
“Good choice. I’ve been wanting to see both of these, but Nicole and I don’t usually watch movies.”
Nicole’s name was like a bucket of cold water. He was subtly reminding me he wasn’t here for anything more than a movie with a friend—which was true. I just needed to stop lusting after him and everything would be fine.
I pivoted around on the balls of my feet. “Okay, good. Well, pick one and put it in. I’m going to go get my money before the pizza gets here.”
But first I am going to splash cold water on my face and calm down, I thought. I didn’t wait for his response before I fled the room.
The doorbell rang while I was shuffling through my purse for money. The delivery guy would probably be someone from school. Beau answering the door didn’t seem like the best idea. I rushed out of my bedroom door and came face-to-face with Beau. Or, more accurate, face to chest. A very yummy-smelling chest. I closed my eye
s tightly and took a deep breath.
“I’ll wait here while you pay,” he said in a low whisper. I nodded and stepped around him.
The moment I opened the door, I was instantly relieved Beau was hiding. It was a starting lineman on the football team named Jimmy Noles.
“How’s it going, Ashton?” Jimmy asked, smiling.
“Um, good, thanks.”
“I guess you’re missing Sawyer.”
I nodded. “Yes, I am.” I handed him the money, “Keep the change, and thanks.”
His grin got bigger. “Cool, thanks, Ashton. See ya around.”
I returned his smile and closed the door.
Beau stepped out of the hallway. “That smells good.”
It did smell good, but I doubted I could actually eat. Beau took the box out of my hand and walked over to the couch and set it down in front of him on the coffee table.
“I’ll get some paper plates,” I said wishing I didn’t sound so nervous.
He started opening the box. “Don’t get one for me, but a paper towel would be good.”
“Okay,” I replied on my way to the kitchen without looking back at him.
* * *
Once I got back to the living room, Beau was already on his second slice of pizza. I’m glad he didn’t feel awkward by my crazy behavior.
“I went ahead and put the movie in,” he said nodding his head toward the television.
“Okay, that’s fine,” I replied as I reached for a piece of pizza.
Beau’s attention was on the movie, so eating should have been easy, but it wasn’t. I gave up trying to finish my first piece. My nerves wouldn’t allow me to eat very much. Beau finally leaned forward and grabbed a paper towel. He wiped his hands then leaned back on the sofa with his eyes still on the movie. I put my plate down on a stack of Garden & Gun magazines my dad kept on the coffee table.
“I left you two more pieces. You can’t be full.”
I glanced over at him. “You mean you didn’t stop eating because you were full?”